Avengers: Las Vegas

In which a bashful Thor finally reappears...

Sorry for the delay in updating, but my boss has sold the business, and I've been busy inventing new menus, cooking, cleaning, and drinking heavily. Many thanks to anyone reading this, and reviews are always appreciated :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I merely muse.

Chapter Seven

Walk you home to see where you're living around, and I know this place

Kings of Leon

"What's the last thing you remember?" Steve asked Tony, as though to a very small, very stupid child.

They were walking down the streets that had been shown on the news, trying to find something that looked like a clue. Tony was hugging the suitcase suit to his chest like a teddy bear.

"All of the night's a bit hazy, actually," said Tony. "I remember snippets, but it all seems like a very bad dream."

"I just wonder how you got away," said Steve.

"What?" Tony demanded.

"Well, if Black Widow wanted to kidnap you all, it seems strange that only you were able to evade her. I mean, I've seen you vomit three times already this morning. You aren't exactly in prime condition."

"Excuse me!" said Tony, very indignantly. "Only twice. The third was just pleghm build-up."

"Of course," said Steve, looking disgusted and disturbed.

"Maybe she doesn't need me," suggested Tony, after a pause. "Maybe I threw up on her shoes. I don't know!"

"I just can't believe that you got away, completely unscathed."

"Maybe I hid behind something," said Tony, with a shrug. "I'm not always heroically brave."

-~(*)~-

Natalia stared at Clint and Bruce through the glass. Her eyes were cold and calculating, sizing up the two men.

Clint had read Black Widow's file as part of his SHIELD training, and remembered that she had a particularly good talent in psychological manipulation. He just hoped that he and Bruce could manage to endure this.

"So, I hope you're settling into your new home well," she said, in that low, sensual voice. "How does it feel to be in a cage, Dr Banner?"

"The scenery isn't the best," replied Bruce, dryly.

"At least the right person made it into the cage, this time," she said.

"You're working for Loki," Clint stated.

Natalia merely stared at him.

"He's crazy," said Clint.

"I'll do almost anything, if the price is right," she said, smoothly.

"So what's he offering you?"

Natalia stared at him for a long moment, before walking away.

-~(*)~-

"I'm not the only one who's been kidnapped before!" Tony said, hotly.

Steve tried very hard not to flick him. "But out of all of us, you would probably be the most profitable one to kidnap."

"I can't help being kidnap-able. I'm just very attractive to kidnappers. It happens, Cap."

They continued to walk the streets of Vegas, aimlessly looking for clues.

"What's that?" Steve asked, staring at the sky. He raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun.

"It's too bright to look up," Tony argued, head down in his sunglasses.

"Tony, I think that's -"

Then the god of thunder crashed to the ground in front of them.

"Comrades, I return!" Thor declared, sounding delighted with himself.

"How did you escape?" Steve asked him, eagerly. "Where's Black Widow's hide-out?"

"I'm sorry, I do not follow you," said Thor, his beaming smile fading somewhat.

"What happened last night?" Tony asked Thor.

"Twas a fair tale, was it not?" Thor mused, cuffing Tony on the arm hard enough for him to stumble a few paces.

"It might be, I just don't remember it," said Tony, pointedly. "Do you?"

"There are some blank moments in my memory, tis true," said Thor, thoughtfully.

"Is that common?" Steve asked.

"Strange things can happen when one drinks Asgardian mead," admitted Thor.

"Like what? Massive blank spots in my brain, two missing Avengers, and a waitress who apparently doubles as a notorious, lethal, badass assassin?" Tony started pacing up and down.

"Usually just a light haze over the happenings of the previous night, to make it appear like a dream," said Thor, "Clinton and the good doctor are missing?"

"Yup. Anything you can tell us that might help?" Steve asked, eagerly getting his notepad out again.

"So where have you been?" Tony asked Thor.

"I drank much last eve," said Thor, regally. "I was sleeping."

"Where did you pass out?" asked Tony.

"A strange place, not too far away," mused Thor.

"How come it's taken you so long to come back?" Tony demanded. "We were worried about you!"

"There was a... navigational issue," said Thor, quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"The City of Las Vegas is a large place," said Thor, defensively. "Twas a little difficult for me to return to you."

"You got lost," said Tony. "The god of thunder got lost in Vegas. Now I've heard it all."

"And how good would your navigational skills be without JARVIS to help you?" asked Steve, quiet and sly.

Tony shook his suit suitcase at Steve. "Remains to be seen."

"So what's the last thing you remember?" Steve asked Thor.

Thor's mighty brow furrowed. "Agent Barton was highly intoxicated, and wished to fly. In order to oblige him, I took him with me on a short flight. He vomited thrice."

"Excellent," said Steve, pinching the bridge of his nose after precisely writing 'Thor and Clint take flight. Clint vomits x3' in his notebook.

"We landed in the desert, and he wished to build himself a nest in a cactus. I refrained him from doing so, but he then went in search of another tree."

'Clint had nesting instinct.'

"And then I do confess that I lost him," said Thor, shamefully.

"You lost the archer? How do you lose the archer?" Tony demanded.

"He is cunning," said Thor. "He taught me the game 'escape and evade', and proved excellent at evasion. I found only his clothing during my five hour search."

There was a pause as Tony and Steve took in this information.

"You played drunken hide-and-seek with a master assassin, in the Mojave desert, for five hours?" Tony summarised.

Thor bowed his head.

Steve let out a low groan, and put his notebook away.

"So, what do we do now?"

-~(*)~-

"Clint, I'm not sure that you can flirt yourself out of this particular situation," said Bruce.

Clint pouted -yes, pouted- and shuffled around in his chair. "You want to get me out of this chair?"

"I can try," said Bruce, walking around Clint to closely examine the knots tying him to the chair. "You've got welts and scratches all over your back."

"Things got a bit heated," said Clint.

Bruce made a humming noise, and began to loosen the complicated knots. "You also have tree debris in your hair."

"Ah, fuck."

"How did that happen?"

"I may have slept in a tree," admitted Clint.

Bruce's hands stilled. "Why?"

"I honestly have no idea, but I'm blaming Stark. He's normally the one responsible for shit like this."

Gradually, the ropes fell away, and Clint rubbed at the marks on his wrists and ankles to recover his circulation.

Bruce peered at him, looking faintly displeased. "You know, I was expecting a much more impressive rescue."

"I hope we still get a decent rescue," mused Clint.

"I mean, you're still pissed, you're sweating buckets, you smell revolting, and you're... well..."

"Naked," said Clint, helpfully. "Any chance I could borrow your pants?"

Bruce grimaced.

-~(*)~-

See you next chapter, where Tony, Thor and Steve go on an ill-fated desert roadtrip to try to find the misplaced archer and doctor... :)