"So, do you have any brothers or sisters," Dipper asked, rubbing his arm awkwardly.
"Hell yeah, I got three brothers," answered Baby from the hood of her father's truck where she was perched.
"Oh," said Dipper, in surprise. He wasn't used to hearing other kids swear.
"Here, let me show ya something," said Baby, then she hopped off the hood and landed in front of Dipper. She reached into her pink tank top and pulled out a long necklace made of teeth.
"My brother, Otis, made this for me for my twelfth birthday," she said. "He got them from all the animals he hunts."
Dipper took the necklace in his hand and examined it.
"These don't look like animal teeth," he said, skeptically. One of them had a filling in it.
Baby laughed her high pitched, mocking laugh again and backed away suddenly, pulling the necklace out of Dipper's hand.
Wanna hear a song?" she asked.
"Um... sure," said Dipper.
She started to sing.
"Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these." She held up her fists. Dipper winced thinking she was going to punch him, but instead she dropped her hands to her side and laughed maniacally. Then she suddenly slapped him across the face and ran behind the truck.
Dipper rubbed his cheek and watched her go, not knowing what to think. This girl was crazier than his sister, Mabel, could ever be.
Meanwhile, inside the trailer, Stan Pines and Captain Spaulding sat on Reggie Coyote's couch, which was upholstered with rough cowhide.
"Gentlemen, feast your eyes," Reggie called, stepping out from behind a curtain, carrying something under a cloth. He pulled the cloth off to reveal a large jar which he set down on his coffee table with a thunk.
Stan and Spaulding both leaned forward to look at the jar. Inside, floating in murky formaldehyde, was a huge, hairy, green paw. Like that of a gorilla, but exceptionally larger and dyed green.
"Well, shit. If that don't beat all," said Captain Spaulding.
"It's okay," said Stan.
"Well, if your not impressed, then I guess the paw is mine," said Spaulding, matter-of-factly.
"It's nice and all, but it ain't worth more than... I don't know, twenty buck?" Stan said to Reggie.
"Hell, I'd pay thirty for a genuine Skunk Ape paw," Spaulding said, quickly, before Reggie could respond.
"If that's what it actually is," said Stan, crossing his arms.
"Oh, I can assure you gentlemen," Reggie said, as he took a seat in a chair across from the men. "The fella I got it from gave me his word of authenticity. A young hillbilly by the name of Gumbo Galahad it was. On one of my trips up to the Ozarks. The young man said he trapped the beast himself, but unfortunately it was able to gnaw it's way free, leaving behind only this paw." He made a grand gesture at the jar as if he was presenting The Shroud of Turin.
"Forty bucks," said Stan.
"Fifty," said Spaulding.
"Fifty-one," said Stan.
"Whoa, now, whoa. I'm not feeling all this competition jazz," said Reggie. "That's, like, bad karma, dudes."
"Look, I'll give you sixty dollars and a free coupon for a picture with Sascrotch next time you come to Gravity Falls," said Stan. "That's my final offer."
"I'll give ya seventy-five and a free bucket of my famous fried chicken from right out of my very own truck," said Spaulding.
"First of all, I'm vegan, second of all, I have no intention of ever visiting Oregon, and third of all... I don't like the bad blood this paw is creating in you strangers. I think it best if I just hold onto it for now and wait for the next interested buyer," Reggie said, standing up and grabbing the jar from the table.
"Now wait just a minute," said Spaulding, standing up as well and advancing on Reggie. "I came for that paw and I ain't leaving without it!"
"Nah, the spirit guides are tellin' me there's bad mojo in the air," said Reggie.
Spaulding suddenly grabbed the old hippie's arm, roughly.
"Am I going to have to get the police involved in this matter?" Reggie asked Angrily.
Spaulding looked over at Stan, who looked like he was watching a reality TV show, and then back at Reggie. Suddenly his demeanor changed.
"Fine," he said, calmly, letting the man loose. "It's your paw, you do what you want with it. Stick it up your ass for all I care," he said and then he headed for the door.
"Sorry we couldn't come to an arrangement," Stan said to Reggie, standing up and adjusting his eyepatch. "Good day to you." And he followed Spaulding out of the trailer as Reggie clutched the jar and nodded solemnly.
"Baby, we're leaving," Spaulding called, as he exited the trailer. Baby was chasing Dipper around the El Diablo now and had just caught him by the hair when she heard her father call. She gave it a good tug and then let go and ran to the truck.
"See ya later, Little Dipper," she said, and waved goodbye.
Dipper growled and made to go after her, but Stan caught him by the collar and dragged him to the car. Once inside, Dipper calmed down and noticed his uncle was empty handed.
"Too much money?" he asked.
"To much peyote," Stan deadpanned. "That guy's not playing with a full teepee. He wouldn't sell it to either of us."
Just then, the truck peeled out next to them and Dipper looked to see Baby hanging out of the passenger side window sticking her tongue out at him.
"Well, at least we're done here. I didn't want to spend one more minute with that girl," he said, grumpily.
"Oh, we're not done here," said Stan. "We're just going to go have dinner, wait for the sun to go down, and then come back... under cover of darkness."
Dipper sighed.
"You're going to steal the paw, aren't you?" he asked.
"Stealing sounds so offensive," said Stan.
"It is an offense," said Dipper.
"This'll be more like rescuing it from a guy who doesn't appreciate it's worth," Stan went on, ignoring him. Then he started the car and pulled back out onto the road.
"Just leave everything to your old Grunkle Stan," he said, and drove on down the road.
To Be Continued