Kyo stared at the door with disbelief that led to Tohru's room. He stared at his hands, his blood-stained hands, his dirty hands tainted with the death of Tohru's mother and now stained with the very identity of whom he loved.
Unforgivable.
He recalled the blood that bled out from Tohru's head injury after the fall. He remembered holding on to her head, speechless and scared; his trembling hands, that couldn't hold itself together anymore and the words that Tohru had repeated to him over and over again., her soft voice echoing in his head that said,
"It's okay. I'm okay. I forgive you. It's okay." Her voice was shaking as she said those words, but the tone held strength in them.
Kyo ran his fingers through his hair. He regretted it. Regretted everything. Everything.
Yuki leaned his back against the wall, tired, after telling Kyo of his recent discovery. He himself wanted to grab Kyo by the collar and yell at him, scream at him, punch him and perhaps, at the brink of anger and frustration, kill him.
But something or maybe someone held him back. He turned his head to look at the door again. Yeah, it was the memory of Tohru that held him back. Thinking of what she might say or her reaction if she saw him doing that was perhaps the one thing holding him back.
"Yuki!" Ayame was running dramatically towards Yuki. He was just about to wrap his arms around him when Yuki stepped aside and Ayame fell flat on his face. Yuki folded his arms and stared at his annoying brother.
"What are you doing here?" Yuki wanted to know.
Ayame stood up, rubbing his nose. "I was worried about Tohru of course! Hatori-san told me what happened. It's such a tragedy! Poor Tohru, losing her memories like that. Even worse! We can't tell her about the curse anymore because well, it's slowly being broken."
Yuki's eyes widened as comprehension dawned on him.
"I think Akito is slowly letting go," Ayame said. He collected himself and scratched his silver head. "It's a wondrous miracle. But I've heard whispers from the Sohma house that Honda-san might have something to do with it."
Yuki's eyes widened. "What do you mean?" He said in disbelief. "You mean she helped break the curse?"
Ayame nodded his head thoughfully. "Most probably. But even if it is true, she would never really know would she and we would never hear it from her now."
Yuki was speechless, frozen in thought, and there was a sea of emotions that threatened to burst in him. Tohru saved them all and she'd never hear of it. She found them, accepted the Sohmas for all that they were worth, embraced their oddity, loved them all and saved them.
And she had forgotten it all.
Kyo looked at his feet, ashamed and angry with himself. If he had never rejected her, she would have never run away in the rain, just to fall
Yuki left Kyo standing outside Tohru's room without another word, with Ayame trailing behind him, yapping about how he was going to be a good brother to him.
Kyo turned and went off in the opposite direction. He wasn't sure where to go, but he just knew that he needed to get away.
Tohru Honda sat on the hospital bed, gazing out the window, admiring the lovely bright sun streaming light into her ward. The gentle warmth kept her company as she sighed for the millionth time that day. She had the great chance of having the school popular Sohma Yuki visit her. But after he left, it was his expression of shock and disbelief that etched in her mind, as his eyes widened in disbelief when she answered that they were only classmates after being thrown an odd question.
"Who am I?" he had asked.
He was shocked and Tohru was confused as to why he would ever be shocked that they were classmates.
Somehow after seeing his stunned expression, guilt was what she felt after he left and Tohru didn't really understand why. She shook her head, trying to rid of the negative thoughts.
She suddenly heard a knock on the door. Tohru looked up to see her two good friends Uo-chan and Hana-chan peek in the room.
"Please come in!" Tohru immediately cheered up. Uotani and Hanajima entered the room bearing gifts, with Sohma Rin following behind.
Tohru stared at Rin in surprise, momentarily confused. Staring isn't polite! Tohru reminded herself.
Tohru gave a polite smile. "Hello," Tohru greeted. "Are you a friend of Uo-chan and Hana-chan?"
Uo-chan froze after she placed a vase of flowers on the bedside table. Orchids, Tohru loves orchids.
Uo-chan stole a quick glance at Hana-chan. Hanajima looked at Tohru solemnly, lips pursed, her eyes darkened before she met Uo-chan's eyes.
Uo-chan didn't understand the look on Hanajima's eyes. "Wha-?" Hanajima shook her head and Uotani shut up.
Rin stayed silent. Rin knew of Tohru's memory loss. The whole Sohma household was abuzz with this newfound discovery, but Rin came today to see for herself if it were true. She wanted to hope that it wasn't, desperate that there was an inch of possibility that such loss was only temporary and perhaps she wanted Tohru to remember the moment she saw Rin's face. Her biggest mistake was that she had hoped for too much. It was too much that God must have thought her greedy, to want Haru, to want the curse to be broken, to want to be loved and to want Tohru's memories back so she could bring her happiness again. Greedy, that was all she was. Useless, was all she felt.
"I should go," Rin said gruffly, and turned to leave.
Hanajima stopped her midway. "Stay," Hanajima ordered.
Rin's eyes flashed in anger and impatience. "I will leave," Rin said through gritted teeth, humiliated that her prayers were unfulfilled.
"Tohru-chan, this is Rin," Hana-chan said before Rin could stop her. Rin quickly looked at Tohru, afraid of her reaction.
Tohru's face broke into a gentle smile. "Hello, Rin. It's nice to meet you!"
Rin remembered the first time she met Tohru. She was frustrated with her naivety, yet her stubbornness melted with Tohru's kindness, an unfathomable encounter. She could feel her anger melting away, as quick as it came, as she took in Tohru's smile.
Rin blushed and smiled. "Hi, Tohru," she muttered, glancing up to look at Tohru again.
Tohru gestured for Rin to come closer.
Uotani stayed by Tohru's side speechless, confused. Hanajima's voice broke the silence.
"Uo-chan and I are going to get some drinks, Tohru-chan. Why don't you and Rin chat?"
Without another word, Hanajima grabbed Uo-chan's arm and dragged her out of the room. Hanajima didn't let go until of them were at the hospital courtyard, confident that they were away from any possibility of Tohru eavesdropping on their conversation.
"Oi! Hana-chan! Hanajima!" Uotani cried.
Hanajima let go of Uo-chan's arms and turned her back towards Uotani.
"What is going on?" Uotani cried. "Why didn't Tohru recognize Rin just now?"
Hanajima saw a bird flying across the courtyard, finally resting on a tree branch, its beady eyes met hers. The bird didn't break eye contact with her, as if seeing her dark soul for what it was. Hanajima narrowed her eyes and tore her gaze from it.
"I think I'm cruel," Hanajima finally spoke. Hanajima looked up to the setting sun with her hands behind her back. "I think I'm cruel," Hanajima repeated, louder now.
Uotani could never think in long depth of the meaning behind the puzzling words. Uotani scratched her head. She was starting to get impatient.
"Do you know why?" Hanajima turned around and her dark purplish eyes met Uotani's confused ones. Uotani opened her mouth to say something, but Hanajima cut her off.
"She still remembers us and I was relieved that she did," Hanajima said softly, afraid that such a fact would break. "She has forgotten the Sohma family, Kyo, Yuki, Rin, Shigure, but she still remembers us, Uo-chan, and I am so selfish to be content with just that."
Finally, comprehension dawn on Uotani. "She what?!"
"There is something different with her waves, as normal as it seems, there is something missing and off about it. She lost her memories."
Hanajima tilted her head, her eyes saddening. "I could never sympathize with the Sohma family if Tohru doesn't remember them, as long as my position in her heart is safe."
Uotani scratched her head, turned around to look at the third floor which held Tohru's ward. "She lost her memories," she said slowly, trying to digest it. "But she remembers us."
"You must think me cruel," Hanajima whispered to the still breeze.
Uotani didn't reply because the feeling of relief that she felt was also mutual, and she couldn't rid the feeling of guilt that came along with it.
"How did become friends with her? We're both cruel," Uotani tried to joke.
Hanajima then knew that Uotani must have felt the same. In mutual silence, both of them felt the warmth of the afternoon dusk, watched the sun settle to a night's rest, bidding them a temporary farewell, and basked in their guilt. Just the two of them, content with their position in Tohru's heart.