I woke up cold and reached out to the other side of the bed, knowing that Parker wouldn't be there. She has a tendency to wrap up in the blankets pulling them off me, but I'm usually warm enough as long as she actually stays in the bed so I assume she's gone off somewhere. For a second I think about going to see if she is in the other room, but I know she won't be. I don't hear the clink of a bowl that always sounds when she gets a midnight snack and she was distracted when she came back from visiting Sophie earlier so I'm not surprised that she's off doing whatever it is she does when she needs to think or escape.
I glance at the clock and see that it's early but nearing dawn so I expect she'll sneak back into bed soon like she never left. I don't know if it's that she doesn't want me to worry about what she's up to in the middle of the night or if it's just that she wants to take another nap that gets her back into the bed most nights, I've never asked. I always knew she didn't sleep much so I don't want her to feel like she needs to stay in bed all night and I don't know how to ask her about her late night trips without possibly making her feel like she should stop them. I'm happy she shares the bed with me and is getting as much sleep as she is and I don't want to jeopardize it. Plus, she just looks so much more rested than I can remember her being before.
As I'm laying in bed, thinking about these things, I feel a breeze and smile knowing that she's just come in through the window. Almost immediately I hear a zipper and her hoodie dropping to the floor. I open my eyes, looking for her in the dim light. I'm confused for a second when I see her start to lift off her shirt. Parker usually changes for bed in the bathroom out of courtesy, not modesty and I realize that she must think I'm still asleep.
"P..Parker wait, I'm awake." I manage to get out before she can give me an unexpected show. I see her hands freeze and then she looks at me as I sit up in the bed.
"Why are you awake? You're usually asleep for several more hours." Parker states letting go of her shirt.
"Someone took all the blankets again and then left the bed. Girl I was freezing" I answer.
Parker looks at me and I mean really looks at me with that singular focus she usually reserves for money and safes as she walks towards the bed. She stands at the foot of the bed looking at me and i wait for her to say something though I'm starting to get freaked out by her intense stare.
"Are you going to go back to sleep?" She queries breaking the silence suddenly, "because if you're not then I'm not either.
"Is there something you want to talk about? Something from seeing Sophie?" I brush off her question, not quite ready to give up on the possibility of a little more sleep yet.
"No, it was good to see her. And Eliot sent me a text last week telling me that we should stay out of trouble because he would be out of contact for a couple days. The only reason I haven't talked to or seen Nate is because he's out on his boat. Even Archie has been contacting me once a month since that last job. He...he called me his daughter to his real daughter when I went to get him. We really aren't just a team anymore" Parker pauses looking bewildered.
"Parker, they're your family. Maybe we're a different kind of family, but we're still family. Even when we're not working together, you can still count on everyone to be there for you." I tell climbs on the bed finally, kneeling next to me.
"I know. It's different, but I think I like it. I never had anyone before. Even this traveling with you is different than I thought it would be. It was fun, having someone to do things with me. I always liked being alone, doing whatever I wanted to do. I wasn't sure that this would be okay." Parker says.
"But you're still okay with it, right? I mean I thought we were having a good time. I liked seeing the world with you Parker." I tell her, not sure where this conversation is going. This is probably the most Parker has ever said to anyone about how she feels about something. I guess I should have known that it would take Parker much longer than everyone else to accept that we were a family. Even Nate accepts it now, if he didn't, I really think he would have shot them on that Dam. I'm happy for Parker that Archie finally acknowledged her to his other family. She deserved that.
"Yeah, I...doing things with you was fun Hardison, but we have to go back soon and it won't be like this anymore, but it won't be like before either" she says sounding sad.
"Parker, you know that we'll still be us when we go back right? We'll still be dating and doing things together even when everyone else is around. We're not just done because the team gets back together again and has to work" I say finally figuring out what's bothering her. She's worried about what happens when we're back with everyone else. I get that. What we've been doing isn't like our real life even though our "real" life isn't like anyone else's normal life, it's still normal for us and she doesn't really know what happens when we go back to it.
"I know. It just won't be like this. You'll have your place and I'll have mine - wherever we're going. And we'll sleep alone again and everyone else will be around and we won't do stuff together like we have been because we'll be busy with cons and everyone else." Parker says looking away from me for the first time - which is impressive to me, that she's been able to have this entire conversation while looking at me and without running away in the middle of it. She really is so much better at talking about things than she was 4 years ago.
"It will just be like any other couple Parker. We'll have to work at making time for each other and for going out on dates and doing things together" I reach out touching her face and tugging her back to look at me. "You don't have to get your own place you know. We could get a new place together. Nate told me to set us up in Portland so we could find a place together when we go there after this stop. Just because we're going back to the team doesn't mean things have to be the same as they were before. You just have to tell me what you want and I'll make it happen. You should know that by now, Mama. Whatever you want, I'm up for it."
"We could live together? You would want that?"
"Of course, Parker. I like having you around. Plus who else is going to have long conversations with me in the middle of the night" I say grinning at her. "I'm sure we can find a place where you can have your own space, but still be with me. I'm surprised that Parker isn't ready to go back to being on her own, but I'm happy that she would rather be with me. I wasn't sure there would ever be a time when she would rather be with me than on her own or at least that she would be able to acknowledge that ever.
"And we could still sleep together at night? Even if I have my own room?"
"Parker, I'm not kicking you out of my bed. I don't think any man in their right mind would kick you out of their bed, but you know, we can pick out a bed together and then it would be our bed." I tell her even though I'm pretty certain that taking Parker bed shopping might be an experience I could do without.
All of the sudden, Parker is straddling me and grinning that gorgeous smile of hers with her arms around my neck. My arms go to her waist. I'll never get tired of this, of holding Parker and making her happy and I hear her saying, "Sophie told me we should talk or I should take some action. That I shouldn't expect you to keep sleeping with me without sex." And I don't know what to say to that. I just figured that I would rather have her in my bed however I could and anything else would work itself out eventually. I want Parker to be comfortable with everything we're doing. "Parker, it's fine. I'm fine. I don't want to push you to do anything you're not ready for. We can wait as long as you need."
"Alec, you just invited me to move in with you. I'm not, not ready. I just needed to know…." Parker says trailing off.
"that we're family too. I got you girl. No matter what" And then I can't talk anymore because Parker's kissing me like she's never kissed me before and I don't think about talking anymore for a long time after that.