Hello, everybody.

So. Saw Into Darkness last night. JFIODSHAFUOENUIFANUDIPSAHFDAS. Pretty much the most AMAZING MOVIE EVER. Oh man. There was not a single thing wrong with that movie.

Also, it was brought to my attention that there was something confusing in my prologue. Adelaide is my name for the female James Kirk. I didn't want her to be a woman and named James in my story, though I've seen that plenty of times in other stories, so, Adelaide is the name I chose.

I wrote this half asleep and haven't proofread it. I get that the pace of things gets a little confusing towards the end, but bear with me.

As always, thank you for reading! Please review and help a sistah out, yeah?

MD

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any part of the franchise. I gain nothing from writing this other than creative satisfaction.

Life had not been exactly friendly to Adelaide in the time she'd been alive to experience it. Her mother had been a kind and loving soul, if always a little sad, and her older brother was polite if nothing else. She didn't really fit in to her family, but she loved them anyway. She was just too smart for them. Not to boast, but to be honest, they couldn't compare to her brains. By the time she was four, she was steadily reading through her father's personal library that her mother hadn't had the heart to sell, and was on her way to more advanced mathematics and sciences, had mastered Standard, and was learning Klingon. However, her favorite thing to read about was tactical strategy. Sure, she liked the bedtime stories and fairytales filled with happiness and joy, but the women in those stories were frivolous and stupid, too dependent on men to live, and stupid enough that saving them wasn't worth the effort.

Let's just say that Addy didn't really fit in well with people her own age.

Still, she was content with her life. Her mother never let a day pass without a reminder that Addy was loved and cherished. Her brother, though obviously jealous of the brains she'd inherited from their father, never faulted her for it. He just ignored her. He couldn't relate to her. Already, at younger than half of his age, she was caught up to him mentally, and was already on the way to surpassing him in school. It was an awkward thing that Addy never quite called family, but they were both dear to her, and she was happy to have them in her life.

Iowa, though, she could've done without. Riverside was just so god damn boring. Everyone was so stupid, and there was nothing to do except farm. She complained about the lack of stimulation frequently to Winona over the years, as she started public school and got lumped with material she'd taught herself eons ago, just based on age. After one particularly colorful session of whining, Winona had gotten this look over her face, this lost, contemplative, despairing look, before softly calling out to her daughter,

"Follow me."

Curious, Addy followed her mother out of their rustic farmhouse and walked around to the back, and past the garage to the decrepit shack in the outfield. She'd been forbidden from stepping inside on the grounds that the building was unstable and could collapse on her without provocation if she even opened the door. However, as Winona gently touched the rotting wood with her fingertips before shakily gripping the door handle and shoving, Addy knew that this place had belonged to her father. The pair coughed, waving dust and mildew out of their faces as the air settled, and what Adelaide saw made her gasp.

The rusty skeleton of an antique '64 Corvette convertible sat in the middle of the shadows, looking like a dying, sick animal. Adelaide's eight year old heart nearly beat itself out of her chest as she gingerly stepped past her mother and in towards the old car. The thing should be in a museum it was so old. From ages ago, decades before the third world war, and the Eugenics war, even. How it had survived the Post-Atomic Horror escaped Addy, but somehow it had, and it had come in to her father's possession.

"How..?" she breathed. Winona stood in the doorway, blocking the fading sunlight, her arms wrapped firmly around her stomach, her lips pinched at the corners.

"I don't know. He never told me. He had plans, though, to fix it up, and make it shine like new and sell it for a small fortune for college funds for you and Sam." Addy's head whipped around at that to gape at her mother. Her little heart stopped beating and then promptly broke in anger. This man… this selfless, kind, loving man had had plans for her future before she was barely more than a fertilized egg in her mother's womb, and now…

Addy turned away and discreetly wiped away the wetness in her eyes.

"I think he would want you to have it, Ladie. This way, you aren't so bored, and when it's done, I'll take you and Sam for a drive somewhere. We'll have a picnic. How does that sound?" Addy's brow twitched at the use of her mother's preferred shortening of her nickname. She was the only one allowed such a privilege. Mutely, she nodded and ran back towards her mother, tackling her with a hug and hiding her face in the soft skin of Winona's waist. Her mother stroked her hair silently for a while before drawing away and back towards the house. They locked up the shack and twined their fingers and headed back to share a bowl of ice cream.

The despair didn't leave her mother's face for the next five days.

With a new project, Addy spent time on her mother's PADD looking up schematics for the old car, the preferred engine specs, how to build it, how to tinker to make it better, what would make it faster, what would make it growl more, what would make it purr like a kitten. She was only eight, and lots of the things she needed she didn't have, but maybe Sam… no, probably not.

Hmm.

She could always go to Mr. Hoffman's shipyard and find scraps. It wouldn't be the prettiest, but it would run, if she could find pieces that would even work for such an old engine type, and weren't rusted useless.

She fell asleep with numbers and prices and a projected timeline swirling around in her head, and a smile on her face. It took her longer than she expected, but on the cusp of her twelfth birthday, she turned the key in the ignition, and for once, nothing sparked or smoked. It just roared to life, and then calmed down to a rolling snarl. Addy loved the car, instantly. Even Sam smiled at her and pat her on the back when she showed it to him. He helped her pain it hot rod red (no sports stripes, thank you, she's not a pussy) and they both surprised Winona with the finished product.

She cried.

Of course, Addy had tried to stay as true to the time as she could, but there were regulations and laws for the road now that centered around technology that hadn't even been a dream at the time. There was a computer with GPS installed in the engine of the car and integrated in to a single touchscreen tablet embedded in the dashboard. One could take calls, order food, find a restaurant (or anything, really), and do most of the duties of a PADD from the car. It was always voice activated, for a safe, hands-free experience.

True to her word, Winona has packed up a basket with cold cut meats and cheeses, and they'd all piled in to the black leather and drove. It was the best day of Adelaide's life, to date.

Of course, that just had to be the day her mother met Frank.

Frank was kind enough at first. A handsome face, with salt and pepper hair that was not all that unattractive on him, and eyes that sparkled with intelligence. He delighted in Sam's easygoing personality, and Addy's brain, debating the finer points of the mechanics of the machine she had finished in honor of her father George. But Winona he paid the most attention to. He got her laughing in a way Addy couldn't honestly remember hearing from her mother. They exchanged contact information when it was time for the picnic to be over and the Kirk family to head home.

They were married in seven months. Kirk's life was over in nine.

She heard the whispers. It was the Captain's business to hear all the whispers. It was her duty to know the concerns of her crew, especially those they were too frightened to bring her (though Adelaide desperately hoped she was never that type of Captain). Sometimes, though… sometimes, she just wanted to stay oblivious.

There was a video from one of the training centers available for her and her crew to stay fit. It might not be the most honest way to learn what people talked about, but it sure was effective. They'd been in space so long now, that the cameras were all but forgotten. People didn't bother to censor themselves anymore. Addy wished they would. Desperately. More so when it involved her and her past.

"Did you see the Captain's face when she was announcing our new orders?"

"I thought she was going to hurl right on the bridge!"

"Poor Spock, his shoes would have been a lost cause. No salvaging from that mess."

"But does that mean that the Captain knows this Kodos man?"

"I don't know, do you think it's possible?"

So she listened. And she heard. And she dreamt. The pointy goatee, the sharp mustache, the tears, the hunger, all those kids crying, and those eyes. The eyes, asking, always asking her why.

Adelaide didn't take to these new rumors kindly.

At first she was able to work the stress out by going to the training rooms herself and running until she almost passed out (for which she received quite the earful from Bones), but then one day it didn't work. She still slept, though calling it restful was out of the question. Her subconscious relieved torment after torment until she woke up screaming and clawing at the phantoms holding her down, and…

Well… suffice to say, it didn't take Spock longer than two days to notice the heavy bags under her eyes.

"Captain."

"Yes, Commander?"

"I have noticed a discoloration and swelling under your eyes that suggest a continued and recurring lack of sleep."

"…Have you?"

"Indeed."

"That's nice, Spock."

"…Captain?"

"What is it, Commander?"

"If you are having a difficult time sleeping, I believe it would be advantageous to acquire to a professional opinion from Doctor McCoy on the best course of action to aid you."

"Noted, Commander." And the whole time, her hands had been clenched until the nail dug dangerously deep in to her palms. If she didn't bleed, she was going to have some interesting bruises Bones wouldn't simply let go without an explanation, overprotective teddy bear that he was. Her hand and neck had gotten clammy, and it had taken every ounce of willpower to control her face and remain calm in the face of such a dangerous topic. Spock, for all his sharp and ruthless intelligence, was not one for tact, and this was not a topic that she wanted to stumble on with Spock on the bridge while on duty. Or really stumble on ever, actually.

There were some things that were just better left unsaid.

But it was getting worse, the closer they got to Planet Q. Her anxiety was starting to peak, and her crew was taking note. She grew snappish and short with people, especially the junior crew that were too green to be perfect by Star Fleet standards, and her Captaincy was bordering on a dictatorship. Then Addy heard the footage from the training room, and it all flashed in her mind, and the next thing she remembered, she was throwing up in her joint bathroom she shared with Spock. Thankfully, he was either asleep or out, because there was no curious knock on the door, and she was left to herself to pull her emotions back in, shove them down, and collect herself.

She tried to tell herself the disappointment she felt was only because she'd lost her grip on herself.

The nightmares were worse that night, and she woke up sobbing in to her pillow, crying out for a comforting and safe place to call home. For the first time since she'd stepped on the ship, Adelaide felt trapped and panicked by the cold metal surroundings.

"Computer, what's the time?" she asked groggily.

"Current time – 0330 – four hours thirty minutes until Alpha shift."

"Bugger all," she muttered, knowing she would not go back to sleep after such a terrifying dream.

Pulling herself out of bed, she quickly used the shower and dressed in some comfortable underclothes, settling down at her desk to work on paperwork she'd been avoiding since forever. Three hours to go until she was on duty, and she had messages to take a look at, forms to sign, a whole manner of things she'd been avoiding. Rubbing the last of the sleep from her eyes, Addy sighed and hunched over one of her work PADDs, determined to have the stack of paperwork done by the start of her next shift.