He led me outside to the street, and sat on the curb next to me. At first, he didn't ask me what was wrong, or why I'd done it like everybody else would have… He just sat there next to me, waiting for me to say something. Guess I figured he would wait forever, too... looked down at my hands blankly, wishing I knew where to start. I wished I could talk about it… because I got the feeling he would listen to me. I suddenly had to say something. I had to tell him… but how?

He sighed heavily, and lay back in the grass with his hands behind his head. He didn't stay anything for a long moment, only stared up at the night sky.

"Do you want to tell me about it…?" he asked after a while, not looking away from the stars. I furrowed my brow and sighed.

"I wish I knew how…" I admitted after a long pause. He sat up abruptly, and put his hand on my knee.

"Just start from the beginning… Tell me what happened. Please?" he smiled softly and then looked away, cleared his throat and took his hand away. I looked down at my hands too, and sighed.

"I'll try…" I whispered, and took a deep breath. I had to do this without thinking… I closed my eyes, and began to speak.

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0

I looked into the mirror, gazing at the cold-eyed stranger that was my reflection. There was no feeling in those strange, blue-ish teal eyes. No kindness, love, happiness or even hate… Nothing. I put my hand on my chest, feeling my heartbeat. It was faster than it should be, I knew. I felt strange, like a buzzing feeling in my head that won't go away... But those eyes were still empty…

I hated those eyes. They lied to me. What I saw in those eyes wasn't what I knew I should see… None of the feeling I had because you… well, I don't know what you did… But there was only darkness in those eyes. It scared me… that person I saw in the mirror… it wasn't me. I don't know who it was…. But I didn't know what to do. I thought about it hard, staring into those black-hole eyes that weren't really mine, and I hated them…

The darkness in those eyes isn't mine. I don't know why it's there… I resent it. It's so ugly, so foreign… it makes me hurt inside to look at. I really didn't mean to break her mirror… I swear I didn't … I didn't even realize it had happened… Next thing I knew, my hands were balled into fists, and the mirror was shattered on the floor… That's when you came in, I think… I wanted to cry so badly, because of that horrible painful nothingness in those eyes… /my/ eyes… That ugly black hate burned its way into me again, and I wanted to get rid of it. I wanted to let go of the painful feeling that I can still taste because of those ugly, blank eyes… I don't know how to make the eyes in the mirror match up to how I really feel… I don't even know how long I've been pretending like this. It just makes me want to cry so bad, but I don't even know how… I wouldn't know where to start…

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0

I stared down at my hands and wished again that I knew how… I wondered if crying would help like I thought it would… I hoped it would. I didn't know where else to turn. Suddenly, I felt Shikamaru's hand on my shoulder. I looked up into his face, and he pulled me in for a hug. I stood stock-still tensely and let him hold me, not knowing how to react but not wanting to push him away.

"Just relax…" He murmured, moving his hand over my back in small circles, "you worry too much, Gaara… Nobody's going to get mad at you for just reaching for what you want," He said, and I could almost hear him smiling. I took a deep breath and let it go slowly, relaxing my body till I was limp in his arms. I curled my fingers into his hair and heaved a shuddering breath.

"I don't know how…." I choked out thickly, my throat and eyes burning. He squeezed me tighter and sighed.

"Close your eyes, Gaara… Relax and let go. I'm right here for you," He promised. I could feel his breath hot over my neck, and with my head pressed against his chest I could hear his heart beating faster. "Trust me…" he whispered, barely audible above the heavy silence that pressed in around us.

It might have been the liquor speaking, or the fact that I was curled up in his arms… but I did trust him. I closed my eyes and blocked out the world around me, everything but the heartbeat in my ears and the warmth I felt in his arms. Suddenly, tears were spilling down my face. I sobbed without abandon, curling my fingers tightly through his hair and pressing my face into his shirt. I felt like a huge weight was crushing the life out of me, or trying to, and I could barely breathe. My chest heaved as I gasped for air, sobbing into his chest painfully. All that time he just sat there holding me and letting me cry into his shirt, whispering to me that it would all be okay, that he would make sure of it… Eventually the tears stopped, and I sniffled.

"I got your shirt all wet…" I mumbled apologetically, looking up at him. He just smiled and shook his head.

"Guess I'll have to get another one…" he sighed, but didn't really look disappointed. "You feel better, don't you?" he asked gently. I nodded slowly, and smiled a small smile at him. He smiled widely back, and I shifted so I was more comfortable. I snuggled into the nape of his neck and closed my eyes again. He let me stay there for a moment, then laid back again on the grass. I shifted again, and after a while I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

"Thank you…" I whispered softly, just before I fell into sleep.