Hello, loves!

Sorry, yet again, for the hiatus. I've been dealing with some medical issues I hadn't expected, then sudden depression made me lose interest in writing for a long time, but I think I've got a handle on things again. I can't promise things will come quickly, but I can promise they will come at a faster pace than they have for the last few chapters. I'm not sure how much is left exactly of this fic, but I don't think too many chapters are left before it'll come to an end.

Thank you all for sticking with me, I know how frustrating it can be to find a story you like with an author you feel is unreliable, and I can't apologize enough for that.I'm going to stop making excuses for it and just keep writing to try and make it up to you guys, and hopefully I can earn forgiveness that way!

As always, please leave me some love!

Kisses,

MD

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any part of the franchise. I gain nothing from writing this other than creative satisfaction.

Despite how exhausted she'd been upon lying down on her mattress, Adelaide didn't stay asleep for very long. Tossing and turning for the whole time she was dreaming left her neck sore when she came to, and she spent a moment staring at the gray of the metal ceiling as her latest torment flashed through her mind before she groaned and threw a pillow over her face. She screamed into it in frustration before letting herself go completely limp. With a deep sigh, she threw the pillow off and sat up, stretching her muscles and popping her back as she stood. A quick question to the computer, and she found she'd only been asleep an hour, meaning she had one more before even the most insomniac of any of the admirals were awake.

After replicating herself a large mug of coffee, Addy sat at her desk and hesitantly brought out a work PADD, flicking through requisitions and forms that needed her approval, fighting back a smile at the notes attached to them from her Yeomen that grew steadily more and more desperate. Taking a large chug of her jet fuel in a cup, she sighed and powered through all the work she'd been avoiding in a good 45 minutes and three cups of coffee (something Bones would put her through the ringer for if he ever found about). All in all, she felt accomplished, and certainly felt better having kept her excuse for slinking away to her private quarters once more, but she still felt a little lost when it came to her immediate problem on how to deal with Kodos.

Adelaide sat in her chair, looking out at space as she chewed her lip in thought, her eyebrows pulled together in a frown. She needed to ask someone what to do, because she obviously had no idea, but who could she turn to without getting herself demoted pending a psychological evaluation back on Earth? She had an idea, but it was so early and she didn't want to be a burden, but… what other choice did she have?

Feeling a bit like a tool, she sifted through the mountains and great walls around the Tarsus Nine list until she found the name she was looking for. Hesitating only a moment, she tapped on the name and quickly found the number she was needed and closed the file. Before she could change her mind, Addy instructed the computer to make the call and waited anxiously as the screen in front of her was black while the connection was made. It was less than a minute before that changed and a bleary-eyed looking man blinked at her, his confusion and anger melting away for surprise and then joy in seconds. Addy fought the blush as her nerves settled and she bit back a grin when the man beamed out at her.

"Addy?" the man asked, incredulous. She giggled.

"Hey, Reid, long time no see."

"I'll say! What's it been, 11 years?" Addy ignored his pointed look with a shrug and dismissive wave of her hand.

"You didn't need me anymore, you needed to move on with your life. We all did. How would you do that with me constantly pestering you?" Reid's face pulled down in unhappiness and he looked at her sternly while Addy studiously examined her nails.

"It breaks my heart to hear you say you think you could ever be a pest to me, Adelaide. Didn't we tell you that you'd always have a home with us?" Her throat tightened as she smiled weakly at the memory. It had been one of her only good memories on that planet. Her eyes suddenly filled with tears that spilled over her cheeks and she hiccupped as the stress of this mission and this call took its daily toll on her.

"Guess I can't do anything right… sorry…"

"Hey, hey, I didn't… I wasn't… Jesus, Addy, what happened to you?" She took a deep breath to try and steady herself enough to give him the full explanation, but she kept hiccupping and crying and it took her a couple minutes before her nerves settled. When she could talk without bursting into tears, she calmly spilled everything. From the moment she'd been given the mission to the fight with Bones to every nightmare and panic attack she'd had in secret. The rage attack that destroyed her room and her horrifying idea of somehow using herself as bait to get him out of hiding before he left the planet. The suspicion that her First Officer had connected the dots without her best friend going behind her back like he'd threatened, and that at any moment her ship would be taken from her, but more importantly, the control she was fighting so damn hard to keep would be stripped from her as well. It took her nearly two hours to say everything she wanted, and she had to admit, she felt a hell of a lot better for it after. Reid had been there for everything, literally. He'd been captured with her on Tarsus when things had gone South right before Starfleet had flown in to claim the glory as saviours, and he'd gone through the torture. He'd never opened up about it to her, and likewise, she'd never told him what they'd done, but there was an understanding between them for it that she appreciated and had missed.

Reid sat in silence for a long time, his face pensive and wrinkled with thought. He sighed and ran a hand over his face while Addy excused herself to go make a cup of coffee. When she got back, he had a bottle of what looked to be scotch in front of him. She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing under the circumstances.

"Well…" he finally sighed, "shit." Addy couldn't help barking out a laugh, nearly spitting her sip of joe over her desk in the process. She wiped the precious bit that had escaped her mouth away with her sleeve and nodded.

"Pretty much exactly my thoughts when I found out Kodos was alive, yeah."

"How the hell are you getting out of bed?" She shrugged.

"Because if I don't, I'll lose this hot bod?" Reid snorted and shook his head, taking a swig from his bottle and wincing as the amber liquid slid down his throat. Addy bit her lip, her hand reaching up and worrying at her earlobe as she tended to do when she was nervous or confused. She really did feel better having talked to someone without fearing what they would think of her or if it would mean any repercussions for her later, but she hated being a burden to people, and especially to anyone from Tarsus. Reid had grown to be one of her closest confidants on that planet, and she couldn't help the feeling that she was taking advantage of old relationships that had no business in current events.

"Reid-"

"Stuff it." She blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"I can see it all over your face, Addy. You're talking yourself into a downward spiral of doom and depression and guilt because you think telling me Kodos is alive is going to fray my nerves just as much as it does yours, and you're still trying to protect me, right?" She blushed in embarrassment at being caught so easily but said nothing. Reid smiled sardonically.

"Yeah, I thought so. Well, stop doing that, you don't need to add any more stress to your life, especially not right now. I'll be fine. I'll need to drink a few tonight and I'll probably feel like shit for work tomorrow for it, but after that I'll be okay. We are kids anymore, Addy, we aren't stranded in the woods, fighting for every scrap of food, and you don't have to keep protecting me."

She knew he meant it to be a comfort to her, a way for her to let go of her feelings of obligation to cater to him first, but hearing him say that somehow only made her feel sad. She couldn't really explain why, because of course she didn't. Still, didn't want him suspecting anything, so she plastered on a sheepish smiled and nodded and watched as he knocked back another big gulp of whatever it was he had.

"Now about using yourself as bait..?" Addy dropped her eyes, suddenly finding her fingernails inexplicably interesting.

"Do you have any idea what I want to say to that?"

"I would just like to say before you do that it was just a last-ditch idea in case nothing else worked. Also, I am a young lady, and any foul language will offend my delicate sensibilities."

"HA! That's hilarious coming from you, considering how often I know you swear in all kinds of company." Addy glared up at him, but it had no real heat behind it because he was right and he knew it. She'd always had a foul mouth on her. When it counted, she could keep it in check, like when the up and ups wanted a little chit chat, but when she just around her crew and friends she sometimes made them blush with how creative she got. She'd been petrified they'd find her unprofessional if she so much as said the word crap when she first became captain of the Enterprise, but when she got into a heated fight with Bones in the medbay over the results of a checkup and hypos, she'd lost it and called him a 'cock sucking thunderdouche' and her pristine reputation had soon vanished. Contrary to her belief, people, usually men, came up to her asking for pointers on how to win a fight with words alone.

"Well," Addy sniffed in mock offence, "I don't really see how that has anything to do with this at all. We're getting off track." Reid lifted a corner of his mouth in a half smile and chuckled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I don't know how much help I can be. As much as I hate saying this, you're probably the one that knows him better than anybody in the whole universe, Addy, but… in terms of how you're looking… if I had a set up like his, I wouldn't be on the fringes on the fair like where you were searching. I'd be where all the traffic is, to increase my chances of profit. So he's probably a lot closer to the middle than you think." Addy agreed now that she heard it and cursed herself for not thinking of it sooner. It went to show just how off her game she really was that an outside source had to point out such a simple thing to her. But none of her people had brought it up either, so at least that was something, she supposed.

"Getting him out from the middle of a fair that large will be such a bitch, Reid, I don't think you understand the enormity of this thing. I don't know if I understand the enormity of this thing. Damn. I should've asked Chekov to tell me how big it was before I left…" Addy puffed in annoyance and took the last sip of her now cold coffee wishing she had a nice sweet piece of crumb cake top it off. Maybe Chef was feeling nice today.

"Well don't think you can just slip away again after this. This call goes two ways, ya know, and I've got your number too. I only left you alone because I thought…" Addy looked up from her empty cup to her friend's sober expression and waited. Reid always said exactly what needed to be said when it needed to be said, as long as he was given the space to put his thoughts all in order.

"Truth be told, I didn't know what to think. You all but treated us like you'd birthed us yourself on Tarsus and then the moment we were separated you gave us all the cold shoulder. I mean… I dunno what kind of rehabilitation they put you through, but I figured at some point you'd be allowed to call us. If it comes down to it, I guess I felt you blamed us for getting you caught and tortured."

Addy blinked. She had no idea what to say to that, but hearing him say that was hard and made her feel like a piece of shit friend. She'd thought she'd been doing a good thing cutting herself out of their lives and allowing them to bury Tarsus in the past, but perhaps she'd been wrong? She'd always assumed that she'd needed those children more than they'd needed her… had she misjudged their attachment to her yet again?

"Sorry doesn't seem to really do the job after hearing that, Reid. I mean… I thought… I thought once you guys got back to lives that weren't ruled by blood and base survival instinct that I'd only be a reminder of this dark stain you'd all want to forget and that me bringing up those memories would keep any of you from moving on with your lives. I didn't… Shit, Reid, I still love you all just as much as when I was 13. Maybe more, even. You were the first real friends I'd ever had in my entire life."

Reid looked at her a moment, his face unreadable before he took a long pull from his bottle and waved her concerns away.

"Don't worry yourself about it. I was angry for awhile, but therapy helped me with that, and then I realized you were probably doing some self-sacrificing hero thing to save us all again and would make contact when you were ready." He paused and thought over their conversation up until that point. "Or something. In any case, you're forgiven."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence at that point, and for the first time in nearly four days Addy didn't feel the pressures of finding Kodos or pretending she was okay in front of her crew. She just sat with a good friend and did nothing for a solid twenty minutes before she blew her bangs out of her face and decided she'd avoided her life long enough.

"I can't begin to thank you enough for this, Reid, you have been such a big help listening to everything. I feel better than I have since I first found out this shithead was still alive. I am sorry I woke you up, though, I still feel bad about that." He shrugged.

"Ah, don't worry yourself over it. I would rather have heard from you, even if it was to talk about Kodos. And I hope you realize that I expect regular updates now, on regular topics. Ones where I don't have to talk you down from a panic attack and we can laugh over the stupid stuff that happens to you as a Captain. I'll be very upset with you if this doesn't happen." Addy giggled at the cross expression and the joking twinkle in his eyes, even though she knew he was completely serious and nodded. They said their goodbyes and she ended the call and stretched her sore muscles, popping her back with a relieved sigh. She'd talked to her friend for nearly three hours. Which was perfect.

The admirals on earth she be up by now, and had been for long enough that she could have had a brief Q&A with one about Kodos and ended it right about now without raising any suspicion. She hadn't been planning on calling any admirals, to be honest. Reid had been the admiral. She knew everything she needed to know about Kodos already, what she'd really needed was someone to listen to her spill her guts without any kind of judgement, and that was exactly what Reid had given to her. He'd even given her an idea she hadn't thought of yet, so that was a brownie point there. She smiled at thoughts of her friend as she stood and walked to her bathroom to relieve herself and take a quick shower.

In 20 minutes Addy found herself dressed and her hair in a fishtail braid between her shoulders as she walked toward the bridge. Her shift wasn't over for another two hours. She made a pit stop on the way, dropping off the horse plushie just inside Bones' door as she passed it, then slipped through the doors of the lift right before they closed. She pressed the button for the bridge and chatted with the red shirts that had called it in the first place, and when they told a joke, she genuinely found it funny. She didn't have any illusions, she knew how quickly this was going to disappear because the therapy had done exactly shit for her and she'd never been able to deal, so as soon as she saw his face again this good mood was going to evaporate, but she was just glad for the moment of rest from all the hand wringing and puking. It was exhausting.

When the lift doors opened up to the bridge and the noise boomed into the small space, Addy winced, and thought that maybe her good mood would disappear just a bit sooner than she'd expected.

Something was wrong. Addy knew that from the moment she stepped out of the treeline and heard her children all talking in the cave. She was angry. She knew they knew better than that. They knew exactly what was at stake if they made the smallest mistake here. So following that reasoning…

Something was wrong.

She did not rush right into the caves like she wanted to. Addy waited. She fell back into the trees and ducked down and pulled out her now rusty knife ignoring the piles of snow numbing her feet. She had to wait and see if there were any adults that came out and looked for her, she had to be patient and realize just exactly what the issue was. If there was an ambush waiting for her, she would be ready for it. She didn't suspect any adults, though, because the younger children weren't crying. Still, she held her vigilance for fifteen minutes before she cautiously put her knife in her back pocket and stood on her feet.

So… that meant something else was wrong. Could be any number of things. Sickness. Food. The list grew in her mind but there was no way to know for sure unless Addy went inside the cave, and she still wasn't convinced that there wasn't an ambush waiting for her.

Slowly she crept her way closer to the mouth and peered around inside to get a look inside before rolling her eyes and standing up straight. She adjusted the backpack heavy with cans over her shoulder and loudly made an entrance, drawing the attention of every one of her children huddled around the heater. They all knew by now the scolding they would get if they called out her name or made too much noise when she came back, but Adelaide could see the relief in every pair of eyes. Even the older ones. Out of habit, she did a head count and stopped mid-step when she came up one short.

She dropped the bag where she stood, the younger ones flinching at the sound, and Addy counted and counted a third time, but always she came up one short. A quick look told her exactly who. Cold fury made her hands shake and she didn't know who was to blame, but she felt like somehow it was her fault for not being here. Nevermind how necessary these supplies had been she should have been here.

Wordlessly she picked the worn backpack up and took it to the back where they kept their meagre food storage, ruffling Kevin's hair on the way. Justin followed her.

Addy barely kept herself from swearing loudly and profusely, and instead grabbed one of the cans so hard her knuckles turned white. Slowly she set it down and pried her hand away from the cold metal before reaching for the next can.

"Why?"

"He said you were taking too long, that something had gone wrong. He went toward town to look for you and see if you needed any help. I think he said something to the younger ones to rile them up as a distraction. Took one of the phasers, too." Thomas had always been impulsive and cocky. Addy had tried to curb it where she could but hadn't given him the proper attention needed to do so, apparently, because he had deluded himself with thoughts of heroism and went parading off through the forest - toward town no less - on the off chance that Addy might need help. On the outside it was a thoughtful gesture. If you squinted with one eye and closed the other completely and tilted your head a bit when you looked at it, that is.

Growling, Addy threw the backpack against the wall, making everyone in the cave jump. Angry didn't begin to cover how she felt at this moment, but a large part of her was consumed with her concern for his well-being.

"How long ago did he leave?" she snarled.

"Uh… m-maybe… half an hour ago?" With one last kick at the innocent backpack, Addy whirled around, snagging Justin's arm and dragging him with her towards the group of older children.

"Reid, Auriel, Justin, Abraham, you're coming with me. Agnes, Willow, Skylar, Oscar, watch the others. And if I find out any more of them ran off while I was gone, I will hold you four personally responsible, do I make myself clear?" Everyone gulped, but the four nannies paled and murmured their understanding. With a harsh nod Addy stomped off to the edge of the cave, habitually doing a sweep of the area to make sure no one was watching before slipping out and making a break for the trees. She didn't need to look back to know that her four companions were hot on her heels.

The whole time she was jogging through the forest she was trying to force away pictures of Thomas lying out in the street of the settlement, his intestines splayed out in a gruesome rendition of Kodos while the settlers walked through his pool of blood and over his rotting corpse without even batting an eyelash. She felt her stomach roll and knew that of course that was ridiculous and extreme, but she couldn't keep the panic and separation anxiety in check. Normally she could control it because she knew exactly where every single one of her children were at any given moment, but this… this was new. Addy didn't like new. Not in this place. Not in this life. New usually meant suffering in the end she'd learned.

Addy was pulled from her thoughts when quite suddenly Thomas stumbled through the trees in front of her and fell to his knees. Everyone stopped, surprised and relieved and not quite sure what to do. Adelaide herself wasn't sure what she wanted to. Part of her wanted to rend the stupid boy limb from limb so he could never leave her again. Another part of her wanted to pepper his whole face with kisses and cry while she hugged him. But the largest part wanted to punch him in the face and yell.

So that's what she went with.

Addy marched right up to him and drew her hand back just as he looked up and knocked him flat on his back with all her strength.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW GRANDLY STUPID YOU ARE, THOMAS!?" she screamed, making everyone jump and Auriel gasp. She stood there for a moment in her rage, shaking and felt it building and knew she didn't want to beat the boy no matter how stupid he'd been; she loved him, and despite how much she was willing to dirty herself to keep them alive, never ever would she turn that impurity against her children. So to channel to anger Addy walked to the closest tree and punched it as hard as she could. Pain shot up her arm white and hot and fire and she groaned as her knuckles split, warm blood dripping down her hand, but her fury instantly evaporated.

Addy took in a shaky breath and wiped a hand over her face, leaning her head against the tree as a steady pounding grew in her skull.

"Uhm… Addy…" Justin's tentative voice wavered behind her. She ignored him. She needed this. Just a few moments to herself where she didn't have to lead anybody and care for 18 other lives. Was that really so much?

"A-Addy…" Auriel chimed in, sounding like she was fighting back tears, "you really need to turn around."

Concerned and on the alert at the flip of a switch, she whirled around and froze at the wrong end of a phaser pointed right between her eyes. The dark, ugly thing in her mind howled in indignation at such a cowardly method of fighting, and became even more incensed when she noticed there were at least eight other men, all pointing phasers at her children. She was confused at first, but then it clicked into place when she noticed the tear stains on Thomas' face.

So he'd been found and coerced into giving up his family in exchange for something, probably his life, which she doubted Kodos would hold to, but she couldn't fault the terrified boy for caving. At least she'd caught him before they gotten to the cave. She shuddered at the thought of these men touching Kevin, violent images of her hacking off those hands springing to mind.

'Well,' she supposed, examining the grave man in front of her, 'I suppose I won't need to give Thomas any lessons in curbing his impulsiveness now.'

Reviews! Reviews keep me going! So please leave me some?

Peace.