Chapter 2 – Mass Effect 2
The Greatest Challenge
"Commander."
"What is it, Joker?"
"We're in orbit above the colony." Shepard bit her lip as they stepped apart. Couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 centimetres left to close. Shepard sent orders to Garrus to report to the shuttle bay with her omni-tool.
"Get us into position to drop. T-minus ten."
"Commander, the probe's telemetry…we're too late. It's been destroyed." Shepard shook her head and exhaled.
"Understood, Joker. Drop in T-minus 20. Shepard out." She opened a ship-wide broadcast channel.
"Survey team alpha and security detail make ready to deploy." Shepard closed the channel and headed for the elevator with Kaidan in tow. As the doors closed behind them, Kaidan spoke.
"All this time you think you have…and you can't seem to find it when you actually need it." Shepard smiled and sighed.
"We had a lot less time than we think. Only now, it's not enough."
"It's a tight ship. We won't find the time laying around somewhere." Kaidan observed. Shepard smiled.
"I turned in a shore leave schedule yesterday. One week. Just waiting on approval. But…after the Citadel, half the fleet's ahead of us." The best news he'd heard since leaving the dock.
"I'm a patient man, Shepard." Shepard laughed, feeling grateful.
"I'm not. But I'll bear with it as long as it takes." Shepard looked forward and Kaidan kept his gaze on her, brow furrowed. The elevator doors opened and they stepped out into the shuttle bay. The feeling went straight through the sternum, the centre of the chest, and took root. It was love before. Now it was permanent and unconditional.
v
Tool tray in hand, Garrus stopped, eyes wide in surprise.
"I wondered what was so interesting about that junction box."
Shepard and Kaidan pulled apart slightly. Shepard wore sheer disbelief for an expression as she slowly turned to look at Garrus, the muscles in her neck strung tight. Kaidan gave in to a short laugh, staying close and keeping eyes on Shepard.
"I…jus…wha…fer…" Shepard stuttered and exhaled, shaking her head and letting it fall to rest on Kaidan's shoulder. She put one arm up, hand open, as if asking silently, 'what gives'?
"You're speechless. That's…unusual." Kaidan quipped. Shepard gave him a teasing poke in the ribs.
"Fuck." Shepard said, meeting his gaze, the corners of her terse lips not sure if they wanted to angle themselves up or down.
"Does that have an opposite in your language?" Garrus asked. Kaidan exhaled, eyes going wide at the question, which proved to be a surprisingly well-aimed joke. He started laughing, shaking his head.
"No."
"Well, maybe…it should." Shepard bit her lower lip, smiling, laughing and nodding.
"I hate to do this, but that is the tool locker. And I'd really like to get this job done. Sorry." Garrus said, pointing to a panel on the back wall of the nook. They were blocking access to it.
"Can we make it to the cabin?" Shepard asked. Kaidan gave his shoulders a slight lift.
"I think we better try." Garrus laughed as the two stepped past him.
v
Stepping out of the lift onto the crew deck the two turned directly toward the Captain's cabin. Rounding the bend they ran square into Dr. Chakwas.
"Commander. I've been looking for you. The salvage team found something you should see." Kaidan stepped past the two.
"If you need me, Commander, you know where to find me," he stated evenly, heading for the communications relay.
v
Shepard looked up from the datapad she was handed. Kaidan was passing as she did. Shepard wore a brief look of surprise and they exchanged subdued smiles as they stepped past each other. No more than two steps on…
"Commander? Priority transmission from Admiral Hackett," said Joker. The two stopped dead.
"On my way, Joker." Kaidan looked back over his shoulder.
"Unbelievable." Shepard let out a short chuckle, hands on her hips, shaking her head.
"You wearing a proximity detector?" she asked. Kaidan laughed.
"No. You?"
"Definitely not."
"I don't want to walk away, Shepard," he said. Shepard met his eyes over her shoulder.
"Neither do I," she said and continued walking toward the elevator. Kaidan took in and let out a leveling breath before stepping into the med bay.
v
Kaidan locked eyes with Shepard as she approached from the far side of the crew deck. The mess was empty, the battery doors closed and the doctor was thoroughly engrossed in something on her terminal. He turned away from the communications panel and moved for the Captain's cabin. Shepard jogged up behind him.
"Commander, there's an incoming transmission from the Embassy," Joker informed her. The two stopped cold in their tracks. Kaidan turned to meet Shepard's gaze, muscles in his jaw taught.
"Tell them I've gone ashore."
"Commander?...uh…I already told them you were aboard. The Ambassador has requested Lieutenant Alenko as well." Shepard's eyebrows went up - their luck could be that bad.
"Did he say why?"
"Legal council for the biotics you and the Lieutenant assisted on board the MSV Ontario have asked for an auxiliary debrief."
Shepard and Kaidan looked to each other. Shepard nodded, defeat taking her shoulders down some. The two headed for the elevator.
"They haven't requested Garrus? He was with us."
"No, Commander. Something about a C-Sec officer gone rogue looking bad."
"Assholes." Shepard looked at Kaidan in surprise. "What? We're all thinking the same thing." Shepard and Joker laughed.
"Looks like an eye-catching commendation for our turian brother is in order. We're on the way. Shepard out." Shepard mused, stepping into the lift.
"He's going to appreciate that." The lift doors closed.
"Least I can do." Kaidan exhaled heavily.
"Shepard, don't tell me it's never crossed your mind that all this isn't some kind of…sign." Shepard laughed, putting her hands in her pockets.
"Sure it did. Once. Then I hog-tied the thought, tossed it into an iron cage and sunk it into the deepest pit my psyche has to offer."
"Huh. Really. And?"
"I have no idea. Haven't seen or heard from it since." She replied, meeting his gaze and smiling. The smile was contagious. He reached for her hand. She gave it gladly, her eyes holding on to his.
An unsteadying jolt moved the elevator and a deep, rumbling sound echoed inside. Their expressions went cold. The next hit rocked the elevator, throwing the two to the ground.
"Shepard! You alright?" Kaidan said, giving his head a shake and wiping blood from his forehead. He took hold of the rail to keep himself steady as he moved over to her. Her cheek had hit the side of the elevator but no broken skin. No serious damage anywhere else either.
"Yeah." She grabbed the rail and started to pull herself up before Kaidan helped her along. Another hit had them hanging on to the rails like they were dearer than life. The doors opened onto the CIC.
"Get to the hangar. Suit up. Joker! Report!" Kaidan grit his teeth. Shepard dove out of the elevator getting hold of one the CIC's support struts and looking back.
"Not without you!" Kaidan shouted. Shepard smiled despite the control she kept.
"I'm right behind you," she said, running for the next strut.
"Contact! Enemy unknown!" Joker reported.
Kaidan braced himself against the next explosion as he hit the option for the engineering deck with a closed fist.
v
Horizon
"Colony defenses established. Heading to extraction point."
"Rendevous ETA 12 minutes," reported Joker.
Jacob and Garrus reloaded and stepped out to clear the hall while Shepard secured her helmet. Shepard jogged out into the hallway as a static-ridden transmission came in over the communications console.
"...lpha tea...ta...sitions above the landing z..." Shepard heard the last of the transmission and stopped almost instantly. Turning she ran back to the console, heart pounding, waiting for another clear word to come across the channel. Garrus and Jacob had fallen back with her when they realized she had turned around. There was only static.
"The hell are you doing, Shepard?" Jacob demanded.
"The Alliance is waiting for us at the rendevous point." Shepard replied, as she settled herself with the idea of what she planned to do next.
"We'll get to the roof. Joker can pick us up there," stated Jacob. Shepard hesitated.
"I'm going to the landing zone."
"I'm coming with you," said Garrus. Shepard nodded. Picking up her rifle and reloading, she headed out into the hall heading directly to the landing zone.
"Stop!" Shepard didn't falter in the slightest and shouted back, "To stop me you'll have to kill me." Jacob uttered a curse, lowered his gun and ran after Commander Shepard and Garrus.
v
They emerged from the building out onto a deck with waist high concrete rails, one floor up from the landing zone. Taking cover behind the rails, Shepard wasn't sure what to do. A voice sounded over a loud speaker.
"Under Systems Alliance authority you are ordered to surrender your selves."
"Whatever brilliant plan you came up with, you better get on it, Shepard," spat Jacob.
"No plan, just a goal."
"You can't be serious." Shepard cleared her rifle and put each end of it between her thumb and forefingers, raising it over her head. She stood.
"You're insane!" Jacob shouted angrily.
"Mmmn hmmn." Shepard replied, not so far out of agreement as she would've liked to be.
Shepard moved out from behind the rail moving down the stairs as quickly as her legs would carry her. She hit the landing pad and threw the rifle aside, releasing the clasps that made her helmet airtight.
v
"What is he doing, sir?"
"No idea, Chief," the unit Commander replied, not taking his eye away from his sniper scope.
v
The helmet was slower to come off than Shepard would have liked. She leaned forward pulling it off as hard as she could, having to adjust to the brightness of the sun as she stood straight again and looked up.
"Kaidan!" She looked from position to position desperately, hoping to be seen before she was shot.
v
Commander Alenko put up his visor and took a clear look through his scope again. It wasn't possible.
"Who is that, sir?"
"A ghost."
"Sir?"
"Hold fire." Alenko ordered, descending the nearest set of stairs as quickly as his feet would get him down. Holstering the rifle as he crossed the landing pad, he drew his pistol.
"Who the hell are you?" he shouted.
"Kaidan, cool down. It's me."
"I saw Jenna Shepard suffocate and die. Who are you? Answer, or your Cerberus friends will have to scrape your brain off concrete." Shepard took a calming breath. He was taking this pretty well, considering. Jacob and Garrus were coming down the stairs behind her. Seeing Garrus beside a man in a Cerberus uniform put Kaidan slightly off balance.
"Kaidan, forget who I'm with. The uniforms we're wearing...don't matter. You and I...we are important right now. I remember us." Kaidan's eyes went wide. He'd said almost exactly the same thing when...he let go of his pistol, dropped his helmet and moved to embrace her. It was her face, her voice, and, misgivings be damned, it was her kiss as well.
"Shepard...how...?"
"Two years and 4 billion credits. They say I'm still every bit who I used to be, but…who really knows?" Kaidan drew away from her a bit more at every word she said.
"Two years. And you act like nothing's changed. I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I loved you…"
"'Loved'…?" There was a flush on his cheeks and anger in his voice. She could feel her temper rising.
"Yes. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Try to let me know you were alive?"
"I'm sorry, Kaidan. I was dead. I've been looking everywhere I could for a way to find you. But…I…couldn't. Until now. Kaidan, nothing has changed. I just thought maybe too much time had passed. Especially if you had moved on."
"I did move on. At least, I thought I did. But now we're getting reports about you, and Cerberus."
"Reports? So much for security." Jacob chimed in.
"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing colonies. I got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stoned-walled me. But, there were rumors that you weren't dead…and you were working for the enemy."
"So you came to Horizon. Kaidan, the Alliance isn't doing enough to stop the Collectors. With Cerberus I have the ability to act. If I can save enough lives, it's worth a deal with the devil."
"You can't really believe that! We both know what Cerberus is like! What they're capable of. I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive but I never expected anything like this! You've turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."
"I haven't! Kaidan, you know me. I would only do this for the right reasons! You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies and they're working with the Reapers. If you want proof I'm still with the Alliance, ask Anderson if the intel I forwarded on Cerberus at Lorek has yielded anything!"
"I want to believe you Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? And they're working with the Collectors?"
"Typical Alliance attitude. You're so focused on Cerberus you're missing the real threat." Jacob admonished.
"You're angry, Kaidan. You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts." Shepard said.
"Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."
"Wait."
"What, Shepard?" Shepard stepped in close keeping her voice low and controlled.
"Do you really think you're the only one hurt at being forced apart? I was dead. I didn't go back in knowing I was going to die. Why would I do anything but get you out first?"
"You could have."
"No."
"Why?"
"You know."
"Shepard…"
"I'm not saying you don't have every reason to be angry. You can take all the time and space you need. All of it. Just, come with me. Back to the Normandy. It'll be like old times."
"No. It won't. I'll never work for Cerberus."
"You won't be working for Cerberus. You'll be working with me."
"You don't want to believe you're working for Cerberus. There's a difference between belief and truth, Shepard. You left me behind and now you want me to follow you? Not this time."
"This is different. I was gone, Kaidan. You're alive and you're making a choice. You turning your back on me is the last thing I expected if I managed to find you. You might as well take my heart out."
"You don't know how that feels."
"Not yet. But I'm going to, aren't I?"
"I'm not sorry for it."
She couldn't let what she wanted to say next past hers lips. Every fibre of her body was screaming it, but she refused to say it. Kaidan continued walking away.
"Joker. Send the shuttle. Get me the hell off this rock."
v
Nothing else could be said. Shepard realized that some time later. Another sentence and things might have been broken beyond repair. Whether he'd realized that or not…time was the only thing able to tell her that now.
The shuttle was approaching from the south-east.
"You gave the data from Lorek to the Alliance." Jacob said. Shepard turned to him, her gaze intent.
"Yes. Like Kaidan said, I know what Cerberus is capable of. I'm not his. Your 'Illusive Man' knows it. What was it you said the first time we spoke? My boat. My rules."
"All right, Shepard. I hear you. But, Miranda won't be so easy to convince."
"That's my concern. In the meantime you won't say a word about what happened here."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Love and hate are not emotions on the opposite ends of a spectrum. As your capacity to love increases, so does your capacity to hate."
- Unknown
v
Post-Horizon
Staring herself down in the mirror she knew going into combat in this state was unwise. She made her way down to the cargo hold where personal belongings were tucked away in four foot by two by two foot crates.
Shepard stepped out of the elevator and on to the combat deck. Without so much as a glance at any of her officers she made for the docking hatch.
"Commander! You're just...in...time..." Joker began to say, at a loss for words after the last one passed his lips. Dumbstruck, he watched as the Commander turned sharply toward the hatch.
"I'll be back in a few hours. Keep her hot, Joker."
"Aye, ma'am." Joker sat back in his seat unsure of being able to believe what he'd seen.
"EDI, did I hit my head coming out of that crawlspace?"
"No, Mr. Moreau. Why?"
"I hope the fire suppression system at Chora's is working."
v
Too many lights, too much noise - a voice in the back of her mind - to the point of numbing the senses. That was the idea. Shepard set herself down on a stool, signaling the bartender. Tapping her finger along the bar three times, she watched as the bartender raised an eyebrow, set out three shot glasses, upended each and filled it with a straight shot of vodka. Snapping his fingers in perfectly even timing over each they caught fire almost instantly. Neatly knocking back each shot she raised a few eyebrows. For a specialty drink to tide her over until the next round she entered her order on a nearby console. The bartender nodded and set to work preparing the drink. As the minutes ticked by she could feel the warmth of the drinks begin to touch her cheeks.
She was peripherally aware of a group of turians and batarians down the bar eyeing her with unmistakable animosity. Good. She was suddenly aware of where their gazes were focused. Not on her, behind her. Not unexpectedly, a turian and batarian approached, greeting her with a shove. Luckily she'd put down her drink a moment earlier. She looked at the bartender. He was slowly edging away. Perfect.
"Can't a girl drink in peace anymore?" she said, turning on her stool to face them. One of them stepped in and growled out,
"Look around, human. You're not welcome here." It was true - there were one, maybe two humans in the place.
"Don't suppose there's anything I can do to convince you my money's good here."
"I don't like your stink putting off my friends. Go stink up some other..."
"Shit hole?" Shepard offered. That got his back up. This was going to be too easy.
"Get out, Allliance scum..." One of Chora's bouncers stepped up and gave the talkative turian a shove back.
"Step back, Saris." The bouncer took a step forward. The turian put up his hands, stepped back and turned around holding Shepard with a pointed look.
"Thanks. The clientele in this place has gone to shit since Fist got the boot." The bouncer shook his head. Not only was chivalry dead, seems it wasn't needed. Shepard was up off her chair before the turian came charging back at her. Luckily the bastard wasn't wearing armour. Didn't really matter if you went straight for the face. Apparently those mandibles of theirs were quite sensitive, hit right. Her first blow put the turian on the ground. She took the batarian's legs out from under him. He hit the ground and rolled away from her. Before he could get up off his knees she brought a barstool down on his head. Next thing, a blow came from behind and sent her flying forward over the pile of turian and batarian. She took the chair out from under another customer before she came to a stop. On her feet like a cat dropped with its back to the ground, she redirected the fist coming for her face and, using his own forward momentum, she put his head directly into the edge of the counter. Two down for the count. Maybe three - the turian wasn't back in yet.
One of the group came at her with a knife out. Shepard was wearing a torn and tied t-shirt with her midriff bare and a leather jacket, not armour. Grabbing his wrist, she smashed a liquor bottle from the bar open. She buried the jagged end in the underside of his arm. Two savage kicks to the gut and he went down. She quickly appropriated the knife. This was getting bad. Somebody was going to be killed. Two more came at her and she jumped aside to get some open space to her back. One charged her. Shepard sidestepped out of his line of motion and he carried on past her, tripping over the barstool behind her. His leg hit hers on the way down. In the moment she looked away she took a blow to the jaw. The edge of a chair squarely made contact with her forehead as she went down. So much for Cerberus' beauty treatments, she mused.
She'd barely been on the floor an instant when she got hold of the knife again. The turian who'd tripped was up again but not for long. He was in the process of stepping over her when she severed the tendon that ran down the backs of their legs. The knife stuck in bone. She was barely on her feet when she thought she saw a biotic blue fizzle on the edge of her vision. The next instant a gunshot went off behind her. It had gone wild and hit the last batarian standing. Shepard went cold. She went for the turian with the gun, breaking his hand and arm, knocking him onto his back and smashing his face with a nearby bar stool. Blood was running down into her eye now. Someone ran up and grabbed her arm. She grabbed the hand and pulled it forward meaning to use her elbow for a blow to the face.
Jack. It was Jack.
"Let's go!" Jack shouted. Shepard nodded and ran for the door, ignoring the pain in her leg. They collided with C-Sec officers that stepped in when the doors opened. Jack was already radiating a kick.
"NO!" Shepard shouted, holding Jack's arm down. The C-Sec officer grabbed the arm she'd put in front of Jack and yanked it around behind her, securing both wrists in binders. Shepard winced. Jack looked like she was still going to take off but Shepard shook her head. This was the cleanest way out - and the only way to keep Jack close enough at hand that she could keep an eye on her. Didn't need Cerberus trying to get their hands on Subject Zero again.
Jack and Shepard were roughly led away by the C-Sec officers.
v
Before they were even in holding they were being drilled with questions by C-Sec investigators.
"There's an ID tag in my right arm." was the only answer Shepard gave. The investigators gave up and gave them over for processing through into holding. The officer overseeing the induction scanned Shepard for identification and looked up from his terminal like he'd been electrocuted. Shepard smiled. The officer spent a few moments conversing with a superior on the other end of a comm link. He looked to the nearest guard and nodded. The guard put Jack and Shepard into holding cells across the hall from each other. The block was clear of guards before they spoke to each other.
"Guess being a Spectre isn't worth as much as it used to be."
"Can't imagine many Spectres wind up needing to be sprung from a drunk tank."
"Well, I hope you blew off enough steam." Shepard laughed, a sharp pain suddenly flaring up on her right ribs. She pulled aside her jacket. The bullet had nicked her. Fucking hell, that was close.
"Got you, did he?"
"Yeah." Shepard wiped some dried blood clear of her eye.
"Something happen on Horizon, Shepard?" Shepard scoffed in reply.
"That personal, huh? Well, next time you wanna get shit-faced and rowdy bring a wingman."
"Thanks, Jack."
"You owe me for it - a peek at the Captain's stash when we get back on board."
"Done."
v
Not long afterward a pair of officers showed up and let them out of their cells. Shepard called it lucky you didn't have to leave C-Sec to make it to the docks. It had been 5 hours and Normandy was ready to depart when she arrived. She walked aboard, solid as stone. Most people stepped out of her way as if they were avoiding a rabid badger. Joker kept eyes on the Commander as she entered and headed for the elevator.
"Hey EDI, can I ask you for a favor?"
"If it is within my capabilities and does not jeopardize our mission I cannot refuse a request."
Joker laughed. An air of mischief was obvious.
"Awesome."
v
Shepard exited the elevator and made a sharp turn toward the medical bay. Jack stepped out behind her, keeping her distance. Crewmembers in the mess fell silent at the sight of their Commander. Her normally clean-tied hair was hanging wild. With a cut on the chin and forehead that looked likely to leave scars, she looked pretty rough. A bullet hole moved with the folds in her jacket. The eye she could see clearly with was disturbingly focused. The makeup she'd used was dark and bold. Her dark red lip colour was smeared. She'd worn a loose v-neck t-shirt whose arms she rolled up high. She'd ripped it up the midriff and tied it below her chest. The loose jeans she wore had the cuffs turned up and were held in place by a wide belt. There was a rip in the back of the left leg in the midst of a patch of blood.
The med bay doors hissed open and Shepard stepped evenly inside. She leaned heavily against a nearby cot. Dr. Chakwas knew her footstep well enough she didn't have to turn around to know it was her.
"What can I do for you, Commander?" She asked turning away from her terminal. Her eyes went wide when she saw Shepard and Jack. Shepard began to answer but the room took a sudden jerk to the left and faded to black before she hit the floor.
v
Shepard woke, keenly aware of the injuries she'd managed earlier. She sat up and found her eyelids wanting to stay closed again. She rested her head in hand. She was without a shirt and pants and the med bay windows were fogged out. She had a patch on her back and shoulder. Her ribs were tied up and so was her left leg.
"I hear you had fun while I wasn't looking," said Dr. Chakwas. Shepard winced when she laughed. Pain tempered her sense of humour.
"I hope the other guy looks worse." Shepard laughed again, a genuine grimace contorting her face this time.
"Seriously, Doctor, don't make me laugh," Shepard said and sighed. "I don't know how they're doing. One of them took a bullet. He didn't look too lively." Dr. Chakwas gave in to the impulse to give her commanding officer a severe look.
"I wasn't carrying. It was friendly fire. Contact the Med Ward to find out what's happened." Dr. Chakwas nodded, glad the Commander hadn't gone that far over the edge.
"How many were there?" the Doctor asked, ready to don the clan mother cap.
"Uh...I don't...remember most of it. Five?...I think." Dr. Chakwas shook her head. There were more comfortable ways to kill yourself.
"What brought this on, Shepard?" Shepard shook her head and looked away. The mark had been hit - a broken heart. Shepard winced as the Doctor retied the last lengths of the bandage around the bullet graze on her ribcage. The silence in the air was heavy.
"Planning on visiting me regularly, Commander?"
"No. This was a hard lesson was learned the easy way."
"That will need time to heal. Can you allow yourself to be compromised?"
"Not really. Thanks, Doctor."
"Get some rest, Commander. Or I'll make it an order." Shepard nodded, putting her shirt and pants back on carefully. Without adrenaline the wounds hurt like hell. She left and made directly for the Captain's cabin. She opened a small storage compartment in the wall, taking out the bottle of Peruvian whisky inside. She poured two glasses, laughing bitterly when she realized she had. She put one on the table and leaned back on the edge of her desk, watching the liquid in the glass vibrate from the hum of the engine.
A mess of emotions was untangling itself in her heart and she saw something different in her mind's eye every time one pulled itself free of the knot.
This is what matters right now, Shepard. Us...
I'm here for you...
All right. I still don't like that you had to tell me that...
Ice melts in it pretty nicely, too...
I loved you...!
She stood and hurled the glass in her hand against the far wall with a savage expression on her face. Turning, she smashed a nearby mirror with her bare hand. Her hand came away bloodied and her wrist had taken worse than the mirror. Growling out an oath she leaned heavily against her desk, anger, sadness, resignation and pain all showing in turn on her face. She slowed her breathing and reached for the com button on the display.
"Dr. Chakwas, report to the Captain's cabin."
The doctor must have dropped what she was doing. She arrived unsettlingly quickly or time was passing differently. She stepped into the cabin, seeing Shepard first and the broken glass and mirror next.
"What is it, Commander?"
"It's my...", Shepard began, letting out a despairing laugh when she realized what her next words were going to be, "...my right hand." Shepard seated herself, leaned forward, closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the ridge of her palm. She took in a breath, gently exhaling. Something seemed to have lifted. For a moment her expression seemed to say tears were coming then it subsided into a gentle smile, with affection in her eyes. Dr. Chakwas was carefully picking glass shards out of her hand.
"Wherever you are, Commander, stay there. This is going to hurt a bit longer." Shepard nodded.
"Pass me the drink on the table." Dr. Chakwas smiled and handed her the glass.
"Thank you."
Shepard downed the glass and closed her eyes. Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, there was still warmth here inside her and it was enough.
"To ask why I love you is to ask my advice on the rules of madness." - Unknown
v
Colonization…or War?
"What do you think we should do, Shepard?"
"I think you should try to find a new home world to settle, and ask the council first this time."
"That's...how can you say that, Shepard? You have no idea what it's like to have your planet taken away from you."
"No. I don't. You asked my opinion, Tali. My gut tells me to choose the course that results in the least loss of life, whether we're facing a bigger threat or not. I'm warning you, you're not going to like what I'm about to say but here it is: Attacking the geth would repeat a mistake. There is no guarantee it will succeed. And the Fleet's ability to survive...another war with the geth could wipe you out forever. I don't want the galaxy to lose the single quarian standing in front of me, never mind your entire race. If giving up your homeworld is the price you have to pay to give your next generation a shot at not having to ask these questions for themselves, isn't that a price worth paying? Trying to wipe out a brand new form of life was a mistake. I can't blame - for lack of a better way to say it - fate, for dealing the quarians this hand. I also don't envy you the choice you have to make. A devastating war or the single greatest act of selflessness a collective people may ever undertake. Anyway, for what it's worth, that's what I think."
"Put it like that and it seems like there's only one choice."
"Tali, whatever you decide, I'll understand. I might not agree but I will understand and I'll support you. For now, we have the Collectors to worry about."
"Alright, Shepard."