Mass Effect - Kaidan Alenko - An EXTENDED Cut & Epilogue

by ShameTheRedRose

A romance extension and epilogue for (F)Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. If you've driven yourself to the ragged edge gearing up for the best ending you could have, this will be right up your alley. This is something I will update as it changes or grows. Please critique! Enjoy. Look for WalkingDotStudio on Deviant Art if you would like a .pdf file to download and take with you offline.

6. Mass Effect 3 Extras - Part 1

Mass Effect 3

Mars

"Shepard, I need a straight answer."

"If you want an answer you need to ask a question."

"Get serious. This is business. Do you know why Cerberus is here?"

"Why would I know anything about why they're here?"

"You worked for them, for god's sake. Why would I not think that?"

"I worked with them to take down the Collectors then got the hell out, bringing the Normandy with me."

"There's more to it than that. They rebuilt you from the ground up. They gave you a ship. Resources...!" Kaidan said, stepping in close, staring her down. Looking for something that could serve as proof of truth.

"Let me be clear, if I ever see the Illusive Man I'm going to kill him. He gave the Alliance intel that brought you to Horizon. It was his aim to see anything between us finished, regardless of the risk you'd be 'collected'. Cooperation was a thin veneer. It's been non-existant since. I've had no contact with Cerberus since disabling the Collector base and I have no clue why they're here."

"Commander Shepard's been under constant surveillance since returning to Earth. There's no way they've been in contact."

"Sorry, Shepard, it's just that..." The bay pressurized, drowning out what he was trying to say. Shepard walked away toward the centre of the lift, looking for a moment to cool her head.

"You'll understand if I'm terse about this. Thinking I'm losing you is wearing thin." Shepard said shortly. The elevator carried them up into the rover bay.

v

"Kaidan, trust me...please."

"I do. I'm sorry. Trying to figure out who I'm talking to is driving me a little crazy..."

v

"Get back to the shuttle. If Cerberus beats us to the Archives, I need you to keep them on the planet."

v

Kaidan pulled the face plate on the helmet free of its bracket. His breath caught in his throat. He stepped back, slightly unsettled.

"My god...he looks like a husk. What the hell happened?" he asked. Shepard leaned in for a close look.

"Yeah. Not quite, but they've definitely done something to him."

"By they you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy? Is this what they did to you?"

"How the hell can you say that?"

"Shepard, I don't know what you are - or who. Not since Cerberus rebuilt you. For all I know you could be their puppet, controlled by the Illusive Man himself."

"Really? Kaidan, I'm not...!" Shepard turned away, momentarily holding out her arms in exasperation. She holstered her gun, unsnapped her gauntlet plates and pulled one glove off.

"You gonna hit me with it?" Shepard scoffed. Sometimes...

"No. Look, as far as I know..."

"Don't…try to explain it. I don't think I'd understand anyway." Kaidan said, rubbing his temple with the heel of his hand. If anything could cause a headache, it was this.

"Look, all I want to know, is the woman I followed to hell and back, the woman I loved...are you still in there...somewhere?"

Shepard stepped in close taking him by the shoulder and reaching for his face. She gently rested her palm over his eye, running her thumb across his eyebrow and slowly pulling her hand away from his face as she smoothed back a wayward tuft of hair. He knew the gesture.

"Kaidan, you need answers I don't have. I want them, but I'm doing everything I can without. If I knew I was dangerous, you don't think I'd do whatever I had to...to protect you?" Kaidan had his jaw set square, wrestling with doubt.

"Memories just…aren't enough, are they?" Kaidan shook his head, looking toward the transports below.

"Probably not." They're all I have, Shepard thought. Moments on, she began smiling, remembering fondly.

"Stubborn as ever."

"Me?" Shepard let herself have a good laugh.

"Exactly...if we keep after Cerberus maybe we'll both get the answers we need." Kaidan shook his head. If nothing else, he was willing to risk a little faith.

"Alright, Shepard. Alright..."

"Alright. Here goes...This is Delta team. Is anyone there?...Come in."

v

Mars Extraction

When the second shot went off Shepard made a dash around the rear of the shuttle, drawing her pistol. The synthetic ripped the gun out of Kaidan's hand as it took hold of him by the helmet, hoisting him into the air.

"Put him down!" Shepard shouted, looking for any clear shot. Kaidan took hold of the synthetic's arm, lifting himself up into position to breath. He had one leg planted on her hip, bringing the other up to help free himself. Shepard let off a well-aimed shot at one of her legs.

"Kill them." The order came in over the synthetic's comlink. The machine didn't hesitate. She turned and slammed him against the shuttle hull with bone-shattering force. He let go like a puppet with cut strings. Shepard let off two more shots aimed at the synthetic's back while it was angled away from its captive. The synthetic pulled him forward and after a quick pair of blows, threw him aside.

"Kaidan!" The synthetic turned on Shepard and Vega. Gone cold, Shepard took aim at her centre of mass and opened fire, not intending to stop until the clip was empty. Just out of arms's reach, the synthetic stumbled and dropped, unmoving. Breathing again, Shepard ran for Kaidan.

"Grab that thing. Get it on board!" Shepard ordered. She went to one knee beside Kaidan. Leaning over him, she could see his eyes wide open but blank through the helmet's cracked glass. Shepard attached a dose of medi-gel to an emergency injection port, releasing it into his system. Joker came in over the comlink as the Normandy moved into position.

"Commander! We have Reaper signatures in orbit!" Shit, she thought. Shepard took hold of his near arm, sat him up and slung the arm over her shoulder. Standing him up, before the leg she'd stood him on could change position and give out, she put a shoulder under his hip and slung him over her shoulders. She ran for the Normandy as fast as she could with a 200 plus-pound soldier on her back. She was the last to board. Shepard knelt to keep from rolling out of the cargo bay as the hatch came up.

"Joker! Go!" she shouted, breathing labored, heart pounding. If she didn't know her heart could withstand worse she would have been afraid it might give out. The hatch sealed shut and Joker took off. James had tossed off the synthetic and gone for the stretcher hanging on the nearest wall. It would be just over a minute until they were clear of the atmosphere and into FTL. Every second mattered. James put the board beside her. Shepard let go of his wrist and carefully brought Kaidan off her shoulders.

"Security detail to the shuttle bay." James ordered on ship-wide broadcast.

"Grab him," she said. James took hold of Kaidan's opposite arm and guided him down. She and James set to getting him strapped down and immobile.

"Liara, keep his head still." She held his head in position, lifted slightly up off the stretcher. With only the torso straps left Shepard moved on to getting his neck supported. Pulling the cap plates free of their brackets she interfaced her omni-tool to the suit's system, activating and pressurizing the gel cushions in the armour plating around the neck. Liara let go as they held him in place. Shepard slid the head brace down and latched it into place under his helmet. The support went rigid when she did.

The Normandy went steady as they left the atmosphere and artificial gravity kicked in. James grabbed the head of the stretcher and Shepard went for the feet.

"Medbay. Let's go."

The security detail filed out of the elevator.

"Secure that synthetic. Bring it up to the medbay." Shepard ordered. They moved Alenko into the elevator.

"Shepard, he needs a doctor." Liara said, as she folded the supports back under the stretcher. Shepard nodded and opened a channel to Joker.

"Joker."

"Commander?"

"Get us to the Citadel like your life depends on it. Someone's does." Her voice cracked.

"Yes, ma'am."

v

Shepard and James set themselves in position beside the nearest bed. James switched around his grip.

"2…1…now," he said. Shepard moved with him and let go of the stretcher when it was centred on the bed. She shucked her helmet and gauntlets in moments.

"Medi-gel in the cabinet to your left." Shepard said to James. He nodded and went for it. He gave the first and began to keep time until the next. Shepard set about removing Kaidan's damaged face plate and breather.

"Shit," she whispered, as it came free. "He's bruising that badly that fast." There was thinned blood coming from his nose. Shepard held the LED under her wrist over his eyes. No movement. No pupil response. There was blood in the white of one eye. She grabbed an empty petri dish nearby and held it over his face. Almost nothing condensed. She put the faceplate back on. The seal was good. She grabbed the oxygen hose at the head of the bed and turned on the flow. She latched it on to an undamaged emergency induction port on the chest plate.

The security detail came in with the synthetic. Shepard looked to Liara.

"See what you and James can learn from that thing." Liara nodded. James moved and flipped the thing over, looking for data ports. Shepard pulled up her omni-tool's display. Oxygen levels inside the suit were going up and blood oxygen levels were slowly going up. James looked her way.

"Time," he said. Shepard nodded and moved to the other side of the bed, picking up a dose of medi-gel. She tried to line it up with the injection port but failed. Joker contacted her over the Normandy's comm system.

"Priority transmission from Admiral Hackett, Commander." Shepard didn't answer. She tried to hook up the dose again. Failure.

"Shepard." Liara said, walking up behind her and putting one hand on her arm, holding out a hand. Shepard handed her the dose and stepped back, giving her shaking hands a shake and clench. Liara administered the dose with a steady hand.

"On my way, Joker." Shepard answered, jogging out of the med-bay heading to the QEC.

v

The connection to Admiral Hackett closed and Shepard made directly for her cabin. She secured her armour in the locker and went to the bathroom to wash her hands and face before going back down to the medbay. Her hands were trembling under the warm water. The lack of a look to his eyes flashed before hers at the smell of blood coming off her hands. It took on the smell that had come out of the suit when she removed his faceplate and her stomach took her by surprise. Holding tight to the side of the sink she kept the bile down as long as she could. In the end an involuntary contraction of her abdomen won.

v

Shepard stepped into the medbay, eyes red, and cheeks still flushed. Liara looked up from her omni-tool.

"Still with us?" Shepard asked. She nodded.

"Joker, how long until we reach the Citadel?" Shepard asked over the comm.

"7 minutes."

"Make sure Alliance control has a medical team is waiting to board when we get there."

"Aye, Commander."

"Is the report ready?" Liara nodded, holding up the datapad on the cabinet beside her and sliding it under Kaidan's leg. Liara stepped around the bed to stand beside Shepard, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Shepard, he's going to make it." Shepard looked on Kaidan and frowned, eyes narrow. His chances were slim when it happened. Every moment that passed they got worse.

v

Stabilized – Huerta Memorial

"Kaidan…maybe you can't hear me, but since you can't tell me to get the hell out, either, you'll just have to listen. I was upset, on Mars, and I'm sorry. You had…have every reason to be cautious of me. I mean, the questions you asked were just the easy ones. Imagine waking up every day, looking at your own face in the mirror and wondering if it's real. Wondering if you're actually in charge of every thought you have, and every decision you make - or not. It changes you, and not for the better. You were right. I'm not the person you fell in love with. Not entirely, anyway. I'm really hoping what you'll recognize is enough, and that you might still be willing to take a chance on what's changed.

You know, it took me a while, and the mornings where I wake up and I'm not sure still aren't gone…All I can tell you, is…holding on to what I feel for you helps me know I'm still human. Don't go anywhere without me. If you do, you'll be taking that with you. And I won't stay sane without it."

Her right leg was shaking like it wanted to run away on its own. Taking time to ease down she brought the twitch under control. The Council might be waiting by the time she reached Udina's office. She stood leaning over Kaidan and lightly touched cheeks.

"Fight for your life. That's an order," she said, putting all the care and force of will she could into her tone.

One of the doctors walked in, standing silently to the side. Shepard stood and walked toward the door.

"You'll let me know if there's anything I can do." The doctor nodded.

"Of course, Commander."

"When you can feel, then you're alive. When you don't feel, you're not." - Nelson, Life on Mars

v

Reunion – Huerta Memorial

Kaidan,

I don't hold anything said at Horizon against you. I won't insult you, by trying to convince you I can empathize with what you've been through. I think I might understand it, though. Someone once told me that love and hate are not emotions on opposite ends of a spectrum. As your capacity to love someone increases so does your capacity to hate.

In the time since I woke up in the middle of a firefight on an operating table at a Cerberus facility, I realized I've spent this time trying to navigate dark water, with nothing to get my bearings from. Your letter...

You gave me the bearing of my home harbor again. Thank you. It reminded me that this isn't the Normandy, it's just a port of call.

I'm glad you stayed with the Alliance, at Horizon. I need someone there. Someone I can trust beyond any measure of doubt, who can stay out of Cerberus' reach. I don't know what kind of person stopping the Collectors is going to make me into...if even I can't remember the person I used to be, I want someone to.

I can't believe I'm writing this on paper. I refuse to put it anywhere Cerberus can find it.

In any case, I'll be careful, I promise. My thoughts - and my heart - are with you, even if I can't be.

Kaidan, I can't wait for the day you get to read this.

Love,

Jenna

v

Shepard walked into the med bay, a box wrapped in blue paper in hand. A nurse stopped her asking her to identify herself.

"Commander Shepard. I'm here to see Major Alenko."

"He's still asleep..."

"I won't wake him. I'd just like to leave something for him."

"Certainly. He's right through there." The nurse replied, pointing to the doors at the end of the hall. Shepard nodded gratefully and smiled. Shepard went into the room, its glass wall darkened to keep out the glare of city lights - bright as day even at night. Shepard went over to the bedside table and silently set the package down. She watched the heart rate monitor spike and fall with almost perfectly regularity. Taking a deep breath she stood still and closed her eyes listening to the rythymic sound of the monitor beep. Better be careful, she thought, or I'll fall asleep standing here. Taking another deep breath to bring herself back up, Shepard smiled on Kaidan affectionately and stepped out of the room. She thought for a moment she heard him say her name, but she kept walking, sure she'd imagined it. Or not. She heard her name again. She stopped in place for a moment, eyes wide, then turned back.

She opened the door enough to look through.

"Kaidan?"

"Shepard." Shepard smiled and stepped into the room. She wheeled the bedside chair closer to the bed and seated herself.

"Did you leave this?"

"Yeah."

"Can I open it?"

"Sure. Why not?" Shepard picked up the present and handed it to him.

"You've spent months working with Cerberus. I turned my back on you at Horizon. Should I be worried?"

"It's not going to detonate. Open it." Jenna smiled and leaned back, putting an ankle to rest up on her knee. Kaidan opened the box and lifted out a decorative bottle branded from a vintner in the Okanagan Valley, British Columbia.

"Ice wine. Wow, Shepard, I don't know what to say."

"My favourite. Thought you should know."

"I'll remember that. We can crack it open to celebrate getting out of here." Kaidan fingered the card and looked at Shepard as she took the bottle and box and set them on the bedside table again.

"I wrote that the day I received your letter apologizing for Horizon. I wanted to wait until we'd really patched things up, but, hell, there are too many reasons that may never happen. So..." Shepard put a hand out as if to say 'go for it' and looked away. Kaidan frowned and open the envelope. His expression softened as his eyes moved down the page.

"Jenna...you never...I mean, Garrus...I know you two are close..."

"Sure, Garrus. He's half the reason I'm still here. Kaidan, if you were my right hand, Garrus was the left. But, the way it was is the way it stayed." Jenna explained, leaning forward, resting her elbows on the edge of the cot. Kaidan let out a breath and let his head fall back onto his pillow. He reached out a hand, looking for hers. Jenna took it. She put a kiss on the back of his hand.

"Kaidan, whatever you think about this...tell me. I don't want it to go unsaid."

"You know, you've never told me you love me. There are things you say, and I know it's what you mean, but those three words...haven't heard those."

"I don't want to say when it could be just an obligatory response. I want it to just...happen. It may mean that, one of these days, you're going to have to give me the chance to say it first."

"Shepard...you are...!" Kaidan started to say, incredulous. Jenna's eyes went wide and she sat back slightly, keeping a hold on his hand.

"Out with it." Jenna challenged him. Kaidan let out an exasperated breath and shook his head.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't have words adequate to say it." Shepard rolled her chair up closer to the head of the bed.

"Kaidan, I'm in. No way out." He turned to look at her.

"'No way out', eh?" Jenna shook her head, smiling, and answered.

"None." Kaidan rolled his head to the side, facing her. He reached for her cheek and gently nudged her closer. Shepard took the hint a bridged the rest of the gap. Before she knew what was happening again she needed air. She backed away from him, taking a deep, content breath. As she did the lights from inside the clinic went dim. The nursing staff had made the windows a one-way mirror looking out.

"Looks like that's my cue. I'd better go." Shepard stood, rolling the chair back to where it had been. She relaxed her grip on his hand but he didn't let go. She stood still, waiting for Kaidan to say whatever he was wrestling with.

"Jenna..." Shepard stepped back to the bedside, holding his hand as securely as he was hers.

"...don't leave."

Jenna's eyes went wider in surprise. She quickly glanced around the room and out toward the nursing station.

"I should..."

"Hold on. You can steal the Alliance flagship, not batting an eye, but when I ask you to break hospital visitation protocol..." Jenna put a finger to his lips.

"I should find a pillow."

"Oh." Jenna let go of Kaidan's hand. In the second cupboard she opened she found a pillow. She settled herself into the doctor's chair again, taking her jacket off and putting it over her shoulders like a blanket. She put the pillow on Kaidan's lower midsection, meaning to rest her head just above his hip. She pressed down on the pillow gently.

"That hurt?" Kaidan shook his head. She seated herself facing the head of the bed. Putting her hand underneath his she let him take hold of it and rest it wherever he was comfortable. She hiked her jacket up over her neck and laid her head down.

"Promise me you won't leave."

"Wild varen, Kaidan. Wild varen." Kaidan laughed and moaned when he tensed the wrong muscles. Before long the heart rate monitors had Kaidan in a deep sleep. Shepard brought herself out of the nap she was in. She tried to slide her hand out of his and when she moved him in the slightest, the heart rate monitor would start to read erratically. She sighed, resigned. It was only a few more tries before she gave in.

"All right, Endymion. As you wish," she whispered, snuggling into the pillow and letting herself plummet headfirst into her night's rest.

"...She was amazed to discover that when he was saying, 'as you wish', what he really meant was, 'I love you'." - The Princess Bride

v

Shepard woke up quite suddenly, sitting straight up. The sun was bright in the window, but low on the horizon. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and had to wipe saliva away from the corner of her mouth with the heel of her hand.

"Euch. Gross," she said, standing and stepping on her jacket with her first step. Oh. So that's where it went. Jenna shook her head to clear away the last of the sleep clinging to her and yawned. She walked over to the sink and rinsed the cotton balls out of her mouth. She washed her hands and rinsed her entire face, leaving a thin coat of cold water on it to soak in. She returned to Kaidan's bedside to find him just opening his eyes. Picking her jacket up off the floor she put it on, grateful for the extra bit of warmth.

"Morning," said Shepard, smiling and stretching her arms out as she sat down again. The chair had quite the impression in it.

"Morning." Shepard fixed Kaidan with a loving gaze and stayed silent.

"What are you thinking?" Kaidan asked. Jenna smiled and giggled.

"I'm thinking I haven't slept that well since...Ilos. I'm also feeling a little silly about the fact that even being a galactic hero isn't enough to keep you from drooling on a pillow when you sleep on it face down." Kaidan laughed with her hard enough that he was in tears more because of pain than humor. Kaidan let a particularly pronounced wince show on his face and Shepard looked toward the nursing station. She saw a doctor coming toward the door.

"Good morning, Commander. Major."

"Good morning, Doctor," Shepard answered. She looked at Kaidan with concern. The doctor walked over to the bedside and, after a brief look at the chart hanging by the head of the bed, entered a dosage for the medication Kaidan was on and dispensed the dose into his drip.

"No. No more medication." Kaidan said. Jenna stepped back and let go of his hand.

"This is a small dose. The most it can do is mellow you out. It won't put you to sleep. You're making good progress, Major. We'll start to step you down off your dosage of painkillers tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, but, what time is it?" Jenna asked.

"It's 5:13."

"Shoot. I have to go, Kaidan. Udina is expecting me at the embassy at zero six."

"Don't be a stranger, Commander." Kaidan said, turning to face her with a contented smile on.

"Get yourself fixed up quick. I need you."

"Can do." Jenna smiled and nodded. She looked to the doctor and departed with a respectful nod in his direction.

For the beloved, there is no gentler call to waking than the dawn. - R.A. Crandall

v

The Evacuation

Garrus watched as the surveillance monitors cycled through the section cameras looking for the evacuating council members.

"Commander. Udina and the council members are heading for the landing pad. Major Alenko is with them."

Jenna stood unmoving as understanding rolled her over like a thresher maw coming up under her feet.

"I'm going to skin him alive."

"Commander?"

"Who better to promote as the second human Spectre than the perfect human shield?" Garrus looked back to the monitor. This could go very badly, very quickly.

Jenna reloaded her rifle and took off sprinting down the hall with Kasumi and Garrus close behind her.

"Garrus! You're my long arm." Shepard shouted as they approached the doors to the landing pad.

"Understood." Garrus put away his pistol and readied his sniper rifle. The landing pad doors hissed and snapped opened. Shepard's team moved out into the light.

Kaidan moved himself between Udina and Shepard. All right, thought Shepard, two can play at this.

"Shepard, the hell is going on?...Put the gun down."

"Kaidan...It's Udina I'm here for." Jenna took a deep breath, and lowered her gun. She slowly moved away from Garrus, forcing Kaidan to point his gun at either or. Kaidan kept his weapon trained on her.

"...Come on, Kaidan. Step back for a second. Who better to have at his beck and call than the one person in the galaxy I WON'T SHOOT?!" Kaidan opened both eyes wide. He lowered his gun slightly. Shepard sprinted toward Kaidan putting her shield up. She locked herself into Kaidan's arms, firmly holding his gaze as two shots rang out. Kaidan may have kept himself between her and Udina but Garrus made the shot. Udina was hit and fell limply to the ground. Shepard blinked as her vision started to lose focus. She let go with one arm and wrapped it around Kaidan's neck as firmly as she could. Kaidan dropped his gun, using both arms to hold her up.

"No." he breathed. No, no, no, he thought. He laid her down, almost dropping her and ripped open the concealed compartment in her armour where a medi-gel and stimulant cocktail could be found. Her breathing was going quiet. He twisted the cap off, extended the needle and attached it to an emergency injection port on her upper thigh. When the needle from the injection went through her skin, Shepard let out an enraged howl of pain, momentarily alert. Shepard caught her breath and looked to Garrus.

"Take Udina into custody!" she shouted at him. Garrus moved past them and sprinted down the gangway to arrest Udina. Shepard leaned forward into Kaidan's arms and coughed, blood spattering her helmet and the deck.

"Normandy? Come in." Shepard forced out weakly.

"Normandy." Joker replied.

"Med evac. Platform Delta 2-1. Now." She coughed again.

"Coming, Commander. ETA four minutes."

"Four minutes...out." Shepard said. She felt her body relax. Kaidan lifted her over his shoulder and ran for the landing platform. All sound went quiet and her sight dimmed to black.

v

Shepard opened her eyes and shut them again, cringing from the bright light overhead. There were tears in her eyes.

"Kaidan."

"You're on the Normandy, Commander. Major Alenko isn't here." Dr. Chakwas told her.

"Where is he?" she asked, desperately afraid he'd been left behind.

"The CIC." Shepard couldn't keep her eyelids open. All went dim again.

v

"Commander, we have a request to board."

"Who?"

"Major Alenko." Jenna set down what she was doing and jogged to the docking hatch. She opened the hatch and stepped out into the decon bay, closing the door behind her. She fixed him with the same fierce gaze she'd worn at the landing pad. After some moments she turned her back on him, standing herself at attention.

"Shepard...?"

"Fall in, Major." It took him a moment, but he worked it out. He lined himself up to her heels and perfectly faced about, stepping backward to position himself heel to heel closely as he could.

"Permission to come aboard, Commander."

"Granted, with one condition." Kaidan looked back over his shoulder at the Commander.

"I am never to find myself staring down the barrel of a gun in your hands again. Understood?"

"Understood, Commander. I have your back." He felt her lean back against him gently.

"And I've got yours." Jenna stepped out of form and reached for the entry console. The hatch opened wide. Shepard nodded respectfully and with a permissive gesture said,

"Welcome aboard."

v

Udina's End

"Commander, I haven't seen Ambassador Udina since we came on board."

"He's in holding in preparation for interrogation."

"You mean torture."

"I mean interrogation. What he gives us without duress is up to him."

"Commander, I must object to your methods of..."

"Object?" Shepard cut in. "This isn't the citadel tower, councilor. This is my vessel. If you take issue with this, I'll gladly show you out the airlock."

"I see." Joker's voice came in over the intercom as the councilors turned to go.

"They're ready in the cargo hold, Commander."

"On my way." Shepard exited the briefing room followed closely by Major Alenko. One of the councilors sought his attention but he clearly ignored him.

v

"Have everything you need, Zaeed?"

"On your order, Commander."

"I demand a trial. You can't do this and get away with it, Shepard!"

"This has nothing to do with justice, Udina. You are going to tell us everything you know about Cerberus, the Collectors and the Reapers, willingly or not, then you're going to die."

"Shepard, you don't need to do this." Kaidan said. Zaeed stood back a half step, regarding Alenko with one eybrow quizzically raised. Shepard put herself toe to toe with Kaidan.

"Here's the other option. I spend the next day enjoying flaying him alive. To hell with anything useful he might say. He sold out humanity for a seat of power that won't exist long enough to get warm, now that the Reapers are here. He put you in my crosshair. This man's last moments are mine." Kaidan was taken aback. Shepard turned to Zaeed.

"I want everything he knows. I don't care how it's done." Zaeed nodded.

"Aye, Commander." Shepard nodded and left the cargo hold. Alenko was close behind her.

"Commander." Shepard took a deep breath and stopped, not turning around. Kaidan frowned. He suddenly felt, for the first time since he'd known her, that there was nothing he could say. The silence in the air was leaden.

"You're the one whose life was put in jeopardy. His ultimate fate is up to you." Shepard turned to face him. They heard Ambassador Udina scream. She saw Kaidan flinch. He watched, deeply unsettled, as she remained unmoved. Shepard turned and headed for the elevator, riding it up to the CIC alone.

v

Zaeed had forwarded verified and relevant information before the first hours were up. The Alliance had regrouped and was planning its next action. Some time later, Shepard retreated to her quarters to review the places it was thought allies had gone to ground to see which were worth pursuit. Her cabin door opened letting in footsteps she knew.

"Is this a good time, Commander?" Shepard put a hand over her eyes and gave her head a slight shake.

"We've gone back to you asking for my time. That's bad." she said, turning around wearing a somewhat saddened expression. Kaidan managed a half-smile, but it was genuine.

"I'm glad you feel that way. I was concerned." Shepard turned the other seat at the desk around and pushed it in his direction. Kaidan took the seat.

"It took you a while to come back up top." Kaidan nodded.

"I…didn't want to leave. Maybe not in large part but a significant part of why that's happening to him has to do with me. I couldn't walk away until I felt I understood why. I think I understand why you're angry enough want this." Jenna shook her head.

"I'm not angry at him, Kaidan. That's like getting mad at a snake for jumping out of the grass and biting you - something it was designed to do naturally. He is who he is, always has been. He deserves what he's getting…Still, I am furious with myself. If I'm doing this to get to anyone, it's me. I should have seen how this would happen sooner. I failed to, and you ended up in my sight because I failed. Organic life in the galaxy could have taken one step closer to extinction because of his politics, and I'm partly to blame." Kaidan's expression softened. He took hold of Jenna's hand.

"Anderson, you, me, we all thought this promotion was an ace in the sleeve. There was no way to see this coming. In the end, Shepard, I'm the one who swallowed the bait." Jenna couldn't help herself, wondering, how do I deserve to find someone like him? She nodded, in no way at odds with anything said.

"Whatever the reason I'm doing this, we need everything he knows. Zaeed will get it from him." Jenna leaned back in her chair, setting her elbow on the armrest and covering her eyes with her free hand.

"I know." Kaidan put a hand on her cheek, trying to let her know she could come out of hiding. She put her hand down and he guided her into looking directly at him.

"I also know there's a woman in there who still believes mercy is necessary even if it isn't deserved." He let go of her and leaned back in his chair. Jenna took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, batting her eyelids as if she could suddenly see clearly after coming out of the fog.

"Mercy..." She hesitated a moment then stood, putting her hand on the inside of Kaidan's leg by his knee and giving him a gentle stroke before letting her fingers trail away as she walked past him. He smiled and stood, following her out of the cabin into the elevator.

v

"Ah, Commander. Your timing is perfect. Udina just passed out. Noisy piece of shit." Zaeed said. Shepard walked over to the chair Udina was strapped to, unaffected by the altered state of the man restrained there. The smell in the room was unique. A corpse in battle had a smell. This was different. Worse. Kaidan had come in behind her. Zaeed fixed his stare on Kaidan.

"Have you...changed your mind, ma'am?" Shepard stepped back to where the security monitor sat and put a small syringe and a case with four others in it, down on the table.

"Four for pain and a kill shot. Courtesy of Dr. Chakwas. Give him as much clarity and comfort as you can before he dies." Zaeed raised an eyebrow and regarded Commander Shepard uncertainly.

"When you beleive you're done, not before." Shepard said. Zaeed nodded, surprised, not only by her decision but by how well he agreed with it. Zaeed turned away from them wiping blood from his hands before seating himself on the table and taking a stiff drink and bite to eat from the rations he had sitting out. Shepard left the hold with Kaidan close behind. She heard his footsteps slow behind her.

"Shepard." She slowly came to a stop. Kaidan stepped up behind her. He gently put a hand on her arm. She didn't want him to see the expression she was wearing. He gripped her arm with a little more pull. She turned part way and he stepped around beside her. The next breath she took in wavered. Kaidan put a tentative kiss on the corner of her lips and put his arms around her. The walls came down. Jenna held to him tight, the two leaning back against the bulkhead with no space whatsoever between them. Every breath she took said something painful had a hold on her heart. Kaidan put a hand up on her neck and held her close to him. Each nuzzled into the crook of the other's neck and before long, time fell away, leaving the two as they were. Neither knew how long they stayed that way.

v

"Glad you could join the waking again, Udina."

"There's nothing else. I swear to you…"

"I know."

"Then why…?"

"Are you awake? Because this is the fun part." Zaeed sneered. If Udina hadn't emptied his bladder long ago he would have. He cringed, childlike.

"God, no. Please…" Zaeed circled the chair, enjoying the instinctive cower Udina adopted when he walked out of his sight.

"In a few minutes, Udina, you can ask him for mercy in person."

"You can let me go…" Zaeed laughed. He punched the man square across the jaw, spattering blood on the far wall, bloody pieces of skin clinging to the armour on his hand.

"Disgusting coward. You're a lucky man." Zaeed said with terrifying menace. "Millions across the galaxy will suffer in ways you still can't imagine, but the mercy you keep asking for has found you."

"Lucky…how?" Udina managed to say, blood gurgling in his throat. Zaeed circled to the back of the chair. From behind, with snakelike speed, Zaeed reached around the head of the chair, roughly taking hold of Udina's jaw. The man whimpered.

"Because if it were up to me, I would keep you alive as long as humanly possible and take you apart piece by piece. When death couldn't be avoided, I would pump acid into your flesh, melt it off your bones and relish every last one of your dying shrieks. I've seen it done to a man, Udina. The sound isn't human, and it still haunts me." Udina shuddered uncontrollably. Zaeed stepped back and took a deep breath. He wheeled a small medical cart in front of the chair, where Udina could see it.

"You're lucky…because a woman I respect, disagrees with me." On the table sat an open box that once contained four syringes. It now had only three. Another sat alone beside it.

"Some minutes without pain, time to reflect, and a quiet death. Because of her, this is what death looks like for you. Face it with the dignity you don't deserve."

v

Commander Shepard and Major Alenko stood beside the chair. Zaeed had made the room clean with startling ease and speed. Udina had been covered with a soft cotton sheet and given relief from any pain. The door to the cargo hold opened. Commander Shepard turned expectantly. Miranda approached her and handed her a small device. She nodded gratefully.

"Thank you, Miranda. Your timing is perfect."

"You're welcome, Commander." Miranda replied.

"Leave us for a minute." Shepard said. She fixed Kaidan with a solemn gaze and nodded. He stepped out into the hall behind the others. Shepard stood herself in front of Udina. She looked him in the eyes as well as she could. There wasn't much left of one, but after the choices she had made she had no right no look away from what she was responsible for.

"Would you like to say anything before we proceed?" she asked. Udina opened his good eye.

"Looking for profound remorse, Commander?"

"No. If there's anything you need to say, say it."

"Why?"

"Because last words are a human right. You're fortunate someone's around to hear yours. They can be said in absolute confidence if you wish." she said, holding the device in her hand where Udina could see it. He fixed his gaze on the device and nodded.

"How can I trust that no one will know what I say?"

"Have I ever been untrue to a word I've said to you?" Udina looked away and considered his answer.

"No." Shepard nodded and activated the device.

v

With Miranda and Kaidan at her side again, Shepard directed a slight nod toward Zaeed. He picked the last syringe up off the cart and extended the needle. He had set up an IV going into an arterial vein he had carefully left in tact. Udina was dead before he took the needle out of the line. Commander Shepard nodded.

"Job well done," Shepard said. Miranda nodded in agreement.

"Thoroughly impressive work, Massani. You managed to bypass any conditioning indoctrination had ingrained. I'm glad it was well documented. It will provide invaluable insight into how to work with other indoctrinated subjects."

"I say it was soft of you, Commander…still, I'm glad to have been of service." Kaidan stepped forward and pulled the sheet up over the ambassador's face.

"We should announce this," he said, not as dispassionate to the situation as he would have liked to be. Shepard nodded.

"I will." Shepard turned to go then stopped, turning back to Zaeed.

"Get yourself cleaned up. Report for duty after you're rested. I'll have him squared away for disposal."

"Aye, ma'am."

v

"Attention, guests and crew of the SSV Normandy. At 02:18 hours, Donnel Udina, former human ambassador under the Systems Alliance, died by lethal injection following 36 hours and 22 minutes of interrogation. All documentation of intelligence and evidence regarding criminal offenses committed by the Ambassador has been forwarded to Alliance command. Having been denied an open trial, a review of the actions of the sanctioning officers – Shepard, Jenna A., Commander, Commanding Officer, SSV Normandy and Alenko, Kaidan R., Major, Second in Command, SSV Normandy has been submitted to Systems Alliance command. Review of the case has been suspended under an emergency stay of prosecution. Cremation and burial are to take place at 09:00 hours. All councilors and senior officers will be in attendance."

v

"You did it. Put us up for a court marshal…Not the reason I imagined we'd be facing one for."

"You agreed."

"I do."

"I can't pretend what I did was right. I refuse to be seen as a saint or a paragon, whether we live or die. Besides, you don't really think surviving this is going to be as simple as remaining a moral paragon, or a ruthless operative, do you?"

"Wouldn't be much of a Spectre if I did."

"Do I need to ask you to forgive me?" Kaidan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He leaned in close to Jenna. Resting with foreheads touching, Kaidan tried to discern where he was standing.

"Something dangerous has always lived behind those blue eyes of yours. It makes you dangerous…thrilling. And it keeps you alive. Jenna, if that's what keeps bringing you back to me, never give it up."

v

The Mess Hall – Later On

"Good to have you back, Major."

"Thanks, Joker," Kaidan replied.

"The commander's going to be a lot less fun, but still..." Joker said as he started packing up his plate. Commander Shepard looked up, eyes wide in surprise. She had no idea what he meant.

"All right, Joker. I'll bite. Why is that?" Kaidan asked. Joker smiled.

"Commander took a walk on the wild side after Horizon." Kaidan raised an eyebrow, looking to Shepard.

"Really? How so?" She'd failed to mention anything changing after Horizon. No one had said anything about her stepping out with anyone else.

"You know, Commander, I've been dying to ask you what happened that day." There had only been one, thankfully.

"I hate to disappoint you Joker, but I don't remember a lot of it."

"What happened, Commander?" Kaidan said, a tone of mischief to his voice. Shepard sighed.

"Horizon…hit the mark. I spent a few days not thinking straight. Decided to go out and find trouble. It didn't take long." Joker laughed.

"That's all you're gonna say? I have never seen you go grunge like that before. I thought it was Jack walking out the hatch for a second." Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" said Kaidan, intrigued. "Wish I'd been a fly on the wall to see that."

"Major, do you know how many flies there are on the walls between here and Chora's Den?" Joker answered. Shepard sat back in her chair and let go of a resigned breath.

"For crying out loud..."

"Come on, Commander, you disappeared for five hours, and you turn up looking like you've been hit by transport vehicle."

"What?" demanded Kaidan. Shepard shook her head.

"Well, I didn't have a few of these scars when Cerberus put me back together again." Kaidan smiled and laughed.

"What is it, Joker? You're dying to show off something."

"Thought you'd never ask."

Joker's fingers danced across a small computer panel, one centred on each side of the table. A small holo of EDI popped up.

"EDI, you remember the day Commander Shepard was arrested?" Kaidan couldn't help but laugh. 'Was arrested'?

"I have the video files you requested I retrieve from Citadel Security logs."

"We have to work on your colloquial language algorithms, EDI. Pull them up will you?"

"Of course, Joker." Shepard laughed.

"At least she's dropped 'Mr. Moreau'."

"She's a work in progress."

A 2D video hologram popped up in the middle of the mess table. When the hell did they install this? wondered Shepard. The image of her leaving the Normandy was surprisingly clear. Kaidan had a restrained but shocked look on his face.

"Wow. Even I'd stay out of my way, looking like that." They watched as she found her way to Chora's and sat down. Down went three flaming shots.

"Move it forward about...25 minutes, EDI," said Joker. EDI did so. Shepard could see the group she'd noticed first and now she knew where the others walking up behind her had come from. The security guard stepped in. You could hear what was being said surprisingly well.

"Sounds like you enhanced the aud..." Shepard started to say when the fight broke out. A few more crewmembers had walked up to the table. Kaidan sat back, one eyebrow up and a smile on his face.

"Whoa, shit," he said, when the turian had the tendon at the back of his leg cut. With Garrus watching she felt guilty about that. Jack was watching as well. Murmurs of approval then cries of surprise sounded when the turian with the gun was taken out.

"You see your life flash before your eyes, Jack?" one of the crew asked.

"You'd have to do better than that." she replied. Garrus had seated himself opposite Shepard and was the first to speak when the video cut out.

"I would think you'd be proud of how you acquitted yourself, Shepard." Shepard sighed. Her feelings about it were one hell of a mixed bag. She wasn't sure how to take the way Kaidan was looking at her.

"It was a moment of weakness, Garrus. I almost got myself killed. Likely I would have been, if Jack hadn't thought to keep an eye on me." Garrus laughed and shook his head.

"If that's what humans call weakness, any sentient species in their right mind should be terrified of going toe to toe with you." Shepard managed a slight laugh and hesitant smile.

"Thanks." The onlookers slowly dispersed, a few good-natured pats on the shoulder being given to Shepard as they moved away. Joker finished packing up his plate and left with a smile at Shepard and Kaidan.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Kaidan said. Easier said than done. Kaidan put his left hand over Jenna's.

"See that scar?" There was a y-shaped scar on the back of his hand across the first and second knuckles.

"Yeah. It's new," she replied. There were a few more, too.

"Doctors had to replace those four bones with synthetic ones, joints and all. The merc that took the shot had the side of his face caved in." Jenna fixed Kaidan with a loving look.

"We make quite a pair." Kaidan smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. We do."

v

News From Home

"All seems so calm from here. There are people going through hell in a million different ways...out there. I want to be fighting alongside them, but, I want to be here. You know?"

"Sometimes it's hard to accept that this is what our part looks like...Is there someone specific on your mind?"

"I heard from my mom, Shepard. My dad is, uh...he's MIA. He's presumed..."

"They got out of Vancouver. What happened?"

"He left mom at the orchard and reported for active duty. It's all we know, but, ah, it's enough."

"There's nothing anyone can say that will make this...easier. But, whatever you need...I'm here. And I know what it's like."

"My mom...she's alone, Shepard. In this, in all this."

"Yeah...You know, I'm guessing you and your father have a few things in common when it comes to your taste in women. She's strong, Kaidan. Resilient. Like every woman who's sent a husband, or son, to war, she's in this with you, no matter how far apart you are...She's not alone, either. Wherever she is a part of you goes with her...and so do I."

"Thanks, Shepard. You're right...I don't know how you do it. Keeping it all together like you do. Earth is always in the back of my mind, haunting me."

"I'm not always together. You're one of few who've seen me when I'm not. Knowing there's something I can do...that it can make a difference, keeps me together when I need to be...Did it make a difference?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it did."

"Did you ever manage to find any of your students?"

"No. Wherever they are...I know they're kicking ass, on Earth, or somewhere...Man, I just...when this war is over, there's gonna be one hell of a reunion party."

"Hell, yes...count me in."

"Dancing in the streets, huggin' and cryin'...my mom's always wanted to travel off planet. I think I'll take her..." Shepard watched as that hopeful line of thought came to an abrupt halt. This wasn't a time to make promises you don't know you can keep. She stepped in close, reaching for his hands. Hold that thought, Kaidan. Hold on to it. Don't ever let go, thought Shepard.

"I'm glad you told me...and I'm glad you're here." Shepard stepped away, before she could do anything unwise.

"Thanks...for taking the time." Shepard nodded and turned to go.

"Always."

v

A Solid Reason

Sitting at the small desk in the cabin in silence, Kaidan let go of a breath and put the data pads aside. Shepard looked up, one corner of her mouth turned up. That sound usually meant a question was coming.

"Shepard, I need to ask you something." She nodded, shutting down the display on her personal terminal.

"About what?"

"It's about…what happened with Udina."

"His interrogation? I don't...uh...I don't know where to start." She thought this had smoothed itself out a while ago.

"No, it has nothing to do with that. What happened during the coup on the Citadel." Shepard's eyes went wide.

"Alright. Talk to me." Kaidan walked up the stairs, leaning himself back against the aquarium glass, arms crossed. Shepard frowned.

"Udina showed me evidence that you had been making purchases with a set of accounts that channeled funds from illegal Cerberus activities."

Shepard sat back, exhaling and meeting Kaidan's gaze with a look that unsettled him.

"Not here."

Shepard looked to her wrist activating a secondary omni-tool - green. After sending a message she turned it off and looked back to Kaidan.

"Shepard, you are scarin' the shit out of me."

"Not here. We'll deploy to Dekuuna then head straight for the Citadel. Whatever you want to know I'll be ready to answer there." Kaidan stood straight letting his arms fall to his sides. Taken badly aback, he wanted little else more than answers.

"Shit. Why in hell not, Shepard?" he demanded, angry. Shepard's gaze softened.

"Because it's not secure." Kaidan exhaled, shaking his head. With eyes wide and brows furrowed, he looked to Shepard. This was infuriating. He couldn't stay here.

"You'll understand if I sleep in the crew bunks." Shepard nodded, her expression saddened. An ache started, centred in her chest.

"Yeah. I do."

v

The elevator opened onto the CIC. Shepard and Kaidan stepped out. Shepard spotted Engineer Adams and moved toward him.

"Adams."

"Commander?"

"Take us down to a skeleton complement. We're ashore 16 hours. Enjoy yourself."

"Aye, Commander."

Both in leather jackets, shirt and jeans, Shepard and Kaidan went ashore.

v

Shepard approached a conspicuously unmarked vehicle parked outside the docking bay. There was a driver inside.

"Where are we going, Shepard?"

"Transportation complements of the Shadow Broker. Are you coming or not?"

Kaidan got in. They were taken to one of the lower wards. If Zakera wards were rough, this place was a slum. Dropped at an LZ, they were feet on the ground for just under three minutes until they were aboard another ship and preparing to take off. Shepard jumped into the pilot's seat, looking back over her shoulder as Kaidan stood unmoving inside the open hatch.

"Last chance. Either you trust me or you don't."

"God save me if I'm wrong. Let's go," he replied sliding into the co-pilot's chair. Shepard saw the pistol tucked in his waistband.

"You don't believe in God."

"It's never too late to start."

v

Shepard powered the engines down to drift.

"What did Udina show you?"

"Shepard...what did I see?!"

"I think some of the accounts you saw were mine. Four of them. They receive funds from a large number of investments and loans made through and paid out by the Shadow Broker. Ownership of the accounts is untraceable. I never thought to disguise the amounts because I thought they were safe. What made you so sure they were mine?" she explained. Kaidan's expression was inscrutable.

"Udina said the client IDs were all the same and the number had been specifically requested when the accounts were opened at the institution. They wanted to know if the number meant anything to me. They suggested it could be a date. Divide it up in order of year, day and month and its nothing. Year, month and day, still nothing. Month, day and year, also…nothing. Day, month and year...the day before Ilos."

Shepard smiled. The truth was a heavy burden. She was glad to soon be sharing it.

"We were more of a survey and mining outfit than Cerberus errand runners. Ninety percent of what was actually recovered was diverted to the Shadow Broker for safe-keeping. There was a war coming. What suddenly becomes much more valuable when demand is that high?"

"Resources."

"Resources and capital. There's a healthy helping of cutthroat loan brokering in there, too."

"How did you keep all of it out of Cerberus' hands?"

"You don't spend that much time working around someone like the Illusive Man without picking up a few ideas. Miranda Lawson spent most of her time falsifying reports on our activities."

"How did you convince her to do that?"

"Fair compensation…and a good look at the airlock." Kaidan's expression turned into appalled shock.

"You'd do that over something like money?"

"Kaidan, I've kicked a man out a 50th story window for being an idiot. Yes. I would have. She was the least trustworthy member of the crew - most dependant on her ties to the Illusive Man. Loyal to Cerberus. I'd have lost no sleep with her off the ship. She's luckier to be alive than she knows…I've also found very good reasons to see her differently since then. I'm glad it didn't come to that."

Shepard reached into the briefcase she had carried aboard from the air car. She produced a data pad. Activating the same green omni-tool, she booted the data pad. The data transfer took minutes. It had been a blank slate before the upload began.

"I'm going to destroy this before going back to the Citadel. Unless we talk like this again you won't get another chance to see this. It's all there. Nothing redacted or omitted. Partner profiles, portfolios, inventory manifests, invoices, asset records, everything. It's a business."

"You said four accounts. How many accounts are there?"

"Twenty three. The money in those four accounts is pocket change."

"What?! This is a bloody fortune!" he said, surprised and angry. Shepard inhaled and let it out. She looked him squarely in the eyes.

"For now, the sole purpose of those funds is to ensure the Normandy is fully equipped, outfitted and in good repair. Able to operate without support from the Council or Alliance, if needs be. Beyond that..."

Shepard trailed off. Kaidan was twitching with anger, keeping himself strapped down.

"Were you never going to tell me about this? I almost had myself convinced it was all just fabricated...Shepard, what am I supposed to do with this? I mean, does your future not include me?" he asked, the last question hurting badly enough he didn't expect it.

"Actually, the only person not included in plans for this money is me. Either when I die or ten years after losing contact with me, the money would be released. Twenty percent paid out as a broker's fee. One very well earned. The rest is yours. If you're gone or out of contact for the same ten years, the money will be left in the Broker's hands to be used for, what has been loosely defined, as good and responsible purposes. Other than that, I don't have the right to make decisions about how the money is used. Well, to make decisions alone. Not legally, just...morally." Kaidan looked away, out the cockpit windows. There were so many conflicting emotions flying around his heart the most prominent thing he felt was confusion.

"This is a mess. Shepard, why didn't you say something about this? Sooner."

"Because this is moral quicksand…And I had no idea where the leaked information was. Those assets have been moved and insulated - my OPs changed. I was doing this in secret long before we repaired things. I thought the high volume of requisitions I was making would raise red flags for you and I would just be able to honestly answer a benign question, one of these days. It's actually kind of...nice...to know that there was a solid reason you didn't trust me." Shepard said, eyes on him, hoping he'd look her way. Eventually, he did.

"Trust...bloody hell. Shepard…do you not trust me?"

"Ask me - absolutely anything. If there's something you saw that you want know about…if I don't remember it, I can find it. It's in your hands and it's all there." Kaidan's expression became angry again.

"Shepard, I can't ask questions if I have no way to know they exist."

"If you don't ask…it's massive. There's no place to begin."

"I just...my head hurts. So does the heart, for cryin' out loud. I don't know where to start." Shepard sat back, eyes closed. They snapped open the moment the thought crossed her mind.

"With what you know. Do you trust me?" Kaidan exhaled, hanging his head slightly.

"Yes. I just wish it didn't make me feel foolish." He sounded pained, and it tore at her heart.

"It's not foolish."

"Shepard...don't patronize."

"It's not foolish because it's not misplaced and it hasn't been betrayed. Kaidan, I regret this. Not telling you sooner was a mistake. And I'll be carrying and learning from that regret for a very long time…This isn't just my future. It's yours - that's the reason for it...if that's still something you want."

"And I decide now or that's it?" he demanded, defensive. Shepard's eyes went wide. She emphatically shook her head.

"No. You have until the day you die, if you need it." Kaidan felt relief coming on.

"Are there more skeletons from your Cerberus days that'll come rattling out the next time I open a closet?"

"The intel from Lorek. That's still a black box, even for me."

"Not a problem." Shepard nodded.

"Medical records to do with Cerberus' reconstruction, implants and other enhancements."

"Wouldn't mind a look at those. And some long talks with Dr. Chakwas." Shepard nodded.

"With or without me?"

"With." Shepard smiled and took a deep breath. Filling the lungs with fear to exhale.

"Alright. That's it then."

Kaidan let out a sigh and put his thumbs to his temples.

"That bottom panel is a bunk."

"That's not going to fix this," he mused darkly, laughing incredulously. Shepard shook her head.

"I'm betting you didn't sleep much the last few nights, if at all. Get your sleep. I'll wake you before we dock with the Citadel."

Kaidan relaxed into the seat, making up his mind. He got up and crawled past her, shucking off his boots. He pulled out the cot, climbed under the cover and closed his eyes.

v

A couple hours had passed. He opened his eyes and looked toward Shepard. She seemed to be asleep in the pilot's chair. He quietly slipped out of the sheets and put a hand on her shoulder as he came up behind her. She started in the chair. When she looked back there was a tear going down one cheek. She quickly turned away and wiped it off, looking back.

"What is it?" she asked. The look in his eyes was affectionate and one corner of his lips turned up by a half smile. He nodded toward the bunk.

"Are you sure?"

"I couldn't stay in the cabin with that sitting between us. Feeling like that all night would have driven me insane. Now I can't sleep because you're ten feet away."

Shepard smiled, the expression somewhat bitter and engaged the autopilot. She climbed out of her chair as Kaidan knelt at the head of the bunk, taking off his shirt and belt. Standing behind him, she did the same. When he saw her shirt and bra hit the deck he stood and put his arms around her.

"Kaidan...that's probably not..."

"You want to be forgiven, putting up with a hug is the price you pay."

Shepard laughed bitterly, holding herself tight to him. Pained sadness showed on her face and tears were kept at bay. She held on a little more snugly as the thought crossed her mind.

This would never happen again.

The guilt went away.

v

Apollo's

"Surprised this place can still get supplies for a menu like this."

"Maybe it's better if we don't ask how…or where." Shepard said as she seated herself.

"I'm glad we're taking the time to do this. I could use a sanity check."

"Things have been pretty insane." Shepard could feel herself winding down some already.

"You know, my life flashed in front my eyes on Mars, and there weren't enough moments like this – with people I care about."

"I wouldn't miss this one for anything…With things the way they are…how are you feeling?"

"Feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at us. And…grateful I could convince you to sit down for half a second and relax."

"Call me crazy, but this feels like a good time to have a heart-to-heart. What're you drinking?"

"Huh. If you're trying to butter me up, it might take a nice steak sandwich, too."

"Given the pile of missteps I'm on the hook for, I'll do what it takes to sweeten the deal. So…?"

"Shot of whisky and a good ol' Canadian Lager. You think they have it?"

"Can't hurt to ask, but it's more likely they have Batarian Shard Wine."

"At my parent's place in Vancouver, drank more than a few beers on their balcony…looking out over English Bay. Smell of salmon on the grill…the ocean, the pine forest around the house. Shepard, that was one hell of a beautiful view. You know something, though? I feel good about our chances."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Lets me sleep better at night."

"You not sleeping?"

"Maybe a little restless. You?"

"Sleep and I haven't been getting along. You first."

"Alright. The Reapers aren't the only thing keeping me up at night…I wonder about us."

"Us?"

"I love you, Shepard. Feels like I always have. I want to understand what this is, between us, and make it real…well, that's what I want…Say something." She suddenly wasn't sure this was reality.

"Making this real…Kaidan…I say it's about time."

"That…makes me so happy. And there are benefits to that happiness. But…more on that later."

"Later? Let's get back to the Normandy…ASAP."

"Ah, sorry. Too late. Drinks are here…and I'm going to take my time."

"You…are making me crazy…At least I know I have sanity left to lose. To taking the time. Cheers." Shepard said lightheartedly.

"Cheers…Lack of sleep got you less than sane?" Shepard eyed him cautiously, looking away. This wasn't really the time to discuss what was keeping her awake.

"What is it, Jenna?" Shepard averted her eyes for moment, but she smiled.

"Maybe this isn't…the best time to…" Shepard said, battening down the hatches against how deeply the memory disturbed her.

"With something like this, it's never a good time. But it is right." Kaidan replied. Shepard pursed her lips and nodded.

"I'm sleeping better now than when you were in the hospital…I'm seeing what happened on Mars, when the doctor was throwing you against the shuttle like a ragdoll…the way you just stopped fighting, going limp like that…when I ran up, your eyes were wide open, but…blank. Until we got your helmet off I thought I was carrying a corpse." Shepard seemed unsettlingly lost in the memory when she spoke. Kaidan wasn't sure what to say. If something happening to him cut clean through her like this…

"Have you told anyone? Garrus? Or Liara?" Kaidan interrupted. Shepard shook her head.

"No. They have enough to worry about. Don't need them thinking they have to keep an eye on me, too."

"Shepard, I know how you're going look at me, but…we have to talk – it's even more important if you're not talking to anyone else. Jenna…I get it. I've spent my fair share of nights waking up thinking I was floating out into space choking to death." Kaidan insisted. Shepard smiled, nodding.

"There you go, saving my sanity…again."

"Again?"

"Yeah."

"Don't remember the first time."

"Just know you did. For now, let's enjoy this…what'd you call it? Sanity check?"

"Mmm hmm. Sanity check." Shepard set down her glass and reached for him, putting a hand to his cheek.

v

Kaidan and Shepard stepped into the airlock, hand in hand, letting go as the interior door opened.

"Welcome back, Commander. Major."

"Thanks, Joker." Shepard answered, in command again. Engineer Adams approached looking like he was angling for one of them.

"Major, have a moment?" Adams asked. Shepard looked to Kaidan and nodded. She headed directly to the elevator.

Stepping into the cabin, she kicked off her shoes, wondering if she should change into something relaxed. She seated herself at her desk, picking up the top data pad from a new set Lieutenant Traynor had left there…

Shepard stood when she heard the cabin door open.

"Hey. I was ready to send out a sea…" Her eyes went wide at how Kaidan took hold of her and kissed her. Her eyelids fell closed. They shed clothing and found the bed with reckless abandon. Keeping her waiting seemed to have been a double-edged tactic.

v

Udina's Last Words

Shepard stood and turned to greet the person entering her quarters. Kaidan.

"Jenna, I want to talk to you about something."

"You've never walked through my door with nothing to say." She sat herself down at her desk, rolling a chair toward Kaidan with one foot. Kaidan eyed her cautiously as he sat down.

"You tired?" Shepard leaned back, closed her eyes and nodded. She opened her eyes suddenly as if something had occurred to her.

"If that sounded dismissive…or rude…I'm sorry," she said, concern furrowing her brow. Kaidan smiled and laughed.

"It's not untrue," he said, raising an eyebrow. "And you said it as patiently as anyone on this ship could right now. What's keeping you up?"

"I'm trying to track down the mysterious recipient of Udina's last words. It's been interesting."

"How so?"

"I found mention of her in Cerberus' records. Not long after that Miranda contacted me. She wanted to know why I was looking. I asked her if she was sure she has a PhD in psychology." Kaidan and Shepard shared a short laugh. "In any case, she told me the woman had been a well-respected Cerberus operative. It's been seven years since she disappeared without a trace. And now I'm looking for her."

Kaidan frowned.

"She didn't know anything else?" Jenna opened her eyes wide as she shook her head.

"She wouldn't say. Or she didn't know. She did say that she knows she's dangerous. And that she took her place when she joined Cerberus." Kaidan was looking at her with unsettling intensity. A shiver actually ran down Shepard's spine.

"What?" she asked, nervously.

"Udina's message has been bothering me." Shepard nodded.

"I thought it was a little…odd…but, I figure it was something special between him and this person – a daughter, lover…maybe. I mean, if I ever had to leave something like this for you I hope I'd have something to say no one else would understand." Kaidan's expression went from controlled to affectionate between groggy blinks. He took hold of the arm of her chair and pulled their chairs as close together - knee to knee - as he could. He guided her head to rest on his shoulder. Concern had him holding her tight. She was so tired her body moved back and forth in waves involuntarily.

"I don't get it," he whispered. Jenna smiled faintly.

"What?"

"How you can order something like that to be done to him, but you…forgive him. You so naturally see the good in his last intentions. You want to believe that he could care for someone more than his politics and ambitions. It's so starkly black and white, I don't understand how it all lives in the same place." Jenna pulled back slightly as he spoke. There was controlled fear in her eyes as they darted about, trying to keep the thoughts in her head corralled.

"What did I miss?" she breathed. Kaidan relaxed his hold on her. She brought herself face to face with him.

"I couldn't get past the fact that it was so simple. It could be something no one else would understand. An obscure quote or a…code…using that word got me. I don't like what he said. 'Fear not the darkness as I lay thee down to sleep. When the silent one cries no children weep.' No train of logic follows through the two statements. If it's a quote, I can't find it. It's simple enough to be a psychological trigger. Few words you could mistake for any others…" Jenna sighed and held Kaidan's gaze. Son of a bitch, Shepard thought. Angry as she was another expression was obvious on her face. Pain. Kaidan saw it and backed away.

"I'm sorry, Shepard. You're exhausted. This could have waited until after you'd had some sleep…" Jenna took hold of him, not letting him get any further away.

"No." Jenna actually smiled. "It's Udina, not you. You're right." She wrapped her forearms gently over his.

v

The two lay warm in bed, on the edge of sleep. A thought crossed his mind and Kaidan found his eyes open because of it.

"It hurt you, that he could choose to act that way." Jenna nodded, bringing herself a few steps back from sleep. Jenna inhaled deeply and exhaled.

"No matter who it is, it seems I always believe there is decency in there, somewhere. It takes all the faith I have to act on that belief. It's always mystified me how so many people can send their faith off into oblivion to a being or beings that may or may not exist, when so many people, right in front of them, desperately need it." For her to hold on to such unwavering faith in people, only to suffer another mallet blow to the stakes every time someone betrayed it…Kaidan found himself taken hold of by a drive so strong he was reeling. Jenna felt him tense and noticed his breathing change. He laid himself on his back as Jenna set herself up on her elbow facing him.

"Kaidan…?"

"Jenna…I…" Looking on him for just seconds, she moved again, hushing him with a kiss. As her skin slid smoothly across his, any separation between them melted away.

v

Texan Pass-time

"The whole time I worked at C-Sec, I'd stare up at the top of the Presidium and say to myself, 'I want to go up there.' But I never did. There were 137 regulations telling me I couldn't."

"So you got them all changed?"

"No. Now I just don't give a damn."

"Some things never change. They never should, either."

v

ZEEYUUM.

v

"Figure it's time to do something stupid just for the hell of it…It's a little…busier than I imagined." Garrus said as he stepped out of the car.

Shepard stepped up to the edge and took a look over.

"How about a dive in the pool?" Garrus stepped up beside her.

"Nah. You obviously haven't seen turians swim. A lot of flailing and splashing interrupted by occasional bouts of drowning."

"Well then, never mind. I'm guessing needing your ass saved wasn't on that list of things you want to do."

"It would make up for all those times I've pulled your ass out of the fire. Noveria…Feros, Ilos…we've had a hell of a ride, haven't we, Shepard?"

"Yeah. Let's you know who your good friends are. They're not the ones running around looking for an escape route. They stay by your side through the craziest shit you'll ever see, and refuse to give up on you. I'm lucky I know someone like that."

"So am I…You're not going to propose marriage now, are you?"

"Nah. I know a man who'd shoot me if I did."

"Then I'd shoot him."

"And we'd wind up together anyway." Garrus laughed.

"Well, before we crack open the cooler, there is one thing I want to settle once and for all."

"Yeah?" Garrus tossed her the Mantis propped up against the cooler.

"Not saying you don't know how to handle a gun, but some of us know how to make it dance...so, let's find out who's the better shot," said Garrus, dancing a bottle in one hand.

"There are a few people in the galaxy who've seen me in action. They seemed impressed."

"Maybe. But I've seen you in action on the dancefloor. No comment." Shepard switched off the safety and loaded the rifle.

"That was a comment. Alright, Vakarian. You're goin' down." Garrus lined up for a straight throw.

"Don't worry. I loaded it with practice slugs...for when you miss." The bottle went sailing out over the edge. Shepard zeroed in, lead the target and shattered it with ease as it fell into place. She gave him a look that said, 'Really'?

"That was an easy one, let you build up your confidence. Long range, I wrote the book. Nobody alive can do this. Not even the legendary Commander Shepard." Shepard heaved the bottle into the air. Garrus lead the target and seconds ticked by. Just as Shepard began wondering if he'd missed his window of opportunity...

BAM!

"Ha! I said a tough one."

"Step aside." Shepard said, determined not to let this one slide. She frowned for a moment. Well, her pride wasn't that fragile…

"Do it." Garrus gave the bottle his best send off. Not good enough to best her. He didn't need to know that.

BAM! Garrus looked at her, eyes wide. Shepard shrugged a little.

"What? It was windy."

"I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is now my favourite spot on the Citadel!...I think I'm going to erect a monument right here...bronze this gun so the whole galaxy knows." Shepard was smiling. Yeah…missing the shot was worth it.

"With you around, bottles will certainly think twice before revolting." Garrus laughed, opening the crate the guns were sitting on and tossed Shepard a beer, seating himself on the crate with a bottle of turian liquor in hand.

"Careful, Shepard. Your soft spot's showing."

"Figured it out, eh?"

"You think I wouldn't? I've seen you nail better shots with a brute charging your flank."

"Heh heh. Yeah. Good times." Shepard said. Garrus reached over for a toast. Hearing the clink of the glass, Shepard thought, that…is a sweet sound.

"Only when you live to tell about it." Shepard and Garrus laughed as the hum of a passing vehicle drowned out the sound. Round Two would much more fun drunk.

v

The sirens sounded over the noise and bustle of the passing air cars. Shepard momentarily looked to Garrus then over her shoulder.

"Shit. Boot, scoot n' boogie." Shepard said, tossing her unfinished beer back into the cooler.

"What?"

"C-Sec. Go!" Shepard shouted. Without another word to each other they unceremoniously tossed their gear into the boot behind the seats, buckled in and took off, before the doors had even closed. Garrus had the engines at full throttle as they raced away from their pursuers. Garrus glanced at Shepard.

"Don't look so worried. I know their pursuit protocols inside out…remember?" Garrus said, smiling as he deftly maneuvered around oncoming traffic. Shepard smiled and let the tension out of her shoulders, settling in for the ride.

v

They landed in an abandoned lot in the lower wards. Shepard handed the man who approached from inside the building a cash card. Fee paid up front, no words said. The car would be returned to wherever it needed to be.

v

The cab picked them up blocks away on a busy city street. It wasn't long before they arrived at the D-24 lot. As they entered the docking chute two C-Sec officers said their last words to Kaidan and Tali before turning to leave. The officers approached, blocking Shepard and Garrus' path.

"Commander. We need to ask you some questions."

"Go ahead…Lieutenant." Shepard said. The turian cleared his throat.

"Where were you around…14:30 hours this afternoon?"

"Zakera Wards. Spectre business."

"You understand we will have to verify that."

"If you could verify that, I wouldn't be doing my job." The turian raised an eyebrow.

"Footage of suspects pursued in the Presidium earlier today, appeared to show you as one of the culprits."

"A Cerberus clone recently…escaped…from the Normandy over the Financial District. It was never found. I don't care who you think you've identified. It wasn't me."

"Well, one of the two suspects was human. The other was turian. No positive ID."

"It wasn't this turian. He was with me."

"Doing what, exactly?"

"It was Spectre business, Officer." The turian was terse. His human partner looked uneasy.

"Yes. Well, I'm sure we'll find whomever was in that car…eventually," the Officer said. Shepard nodded.

"Best of luck."

The officers looked at each other and moved around Garrus and Shepard to exit the chute. She and Garrus walked on toward their companions waiting at the end of the chute. The doors closed behind the officers as they left. Kaidan stood with arms crossed, his weight on one leg, beside Tali. Shepard met his gaze and bit her lips as a smile started to form on her lips. Despite her best effort it wouldn't stop trying to present itself. She began to flush deep red. Suppressed laughter wasn't far behind. Garrus looked her way.

"Shepard…" he admonished, shaking his head in mock shame. Shoulders shaking, Shepard smiled and shook her head.

"It's…I'm sorry. I can't. In sight of those eyes I cannot lie." she said, shaking her head. Kaidan raised an eyebrow and feigned exasperation. Tali was shaking her head. Garrus started laughing. Shepard and Garrus made it to where Kaidan and Tali stood, bent with laughter. Kaidan shook his head and walked to the hatch.

They stood inside the decon bay waiting for the process to complete.

"Rin to sai sein quaelah cibat…Keelah…" said Tali. Garrus put an arm around her and laughed. Shepard looked over.

"I'll make it up to you. Promise," he said.

"What was that?" Shepard asked.

"None of your business, Shepard." Tali replied. Shepard laughed. She eyed Kaidan. He stood silent - unreadable.

"Angry? Irritated? Indifferent?" she asked. Kaidan met her gaze and let a smile show. He put an arm around her.

"Wondering how I'm feeling...? Left out," he answered, tightening his hold and giving the head a shake. Shepard smiled, saying,

"Garrus, how the hell did we get so lucky?" The four laughed.

"I don't know, Shepard. I don't know."

v

Shepard in Jeopardy – The Citadel

"Shepard. You look like you're having a bad day."

"It's starting to look up."

"Heh. The landing pad's over there, but it's behind locked gates."

"Let's find the control panel." Kaidan let his eyes be drawn to her clinging wet dress that left nothing to imagination.

"Nice…dress...control panel. Right." Shepard put one eyebrow up and turned toward the sales office.

"So...what happened? 'Cause Joker said you fell through a fish tank."

"That's right."

"Not sure I believe that." Shepard twitched as something started wriggling somewhere nothing should have been. Taking cover she dug into her dress underneath a breast. She produced a small panicking fish, holding it up between them. She dropped it on the floor, with an exasperated look at Kaidan.

"Nope. Still don't believe it."

"'Cause I always keep a minnow down there for just such an occasion."

v

Shepard reached out to open the door to the car lot's sales office. The entry panel turned locked. Frustrated, she pounded angrily on the hologram.

"Oh ho, I'm not gonna be the only one having a bad day. Stand back." Shepard said darkly, taking aim at the window.

"Hold on, just a second..." Kaidan knocked on the window.

"Can you open the gates?" They turned as the car lot gates slid open.

"Thanks."

"Please leave." Kaidan gave Shepard a sly and confident look.

"I'm going to remember that look." she quipped. Kaidan laughed.

v

Settling In

"Jenna."

"Hey."

"You were off somewhere."

"Yeah. Sorry. What's goin' on?"

"Don't be. Where was it?" Kaidan asked, seating himself on the couch beside her.

"Horizon."

Kaidan stayed silent a few moments.

"Jenna, I regret that. Maybe more than anything that's happened between us."

"That's not it. I don't hold anything said or done there against you…Horizon, and the time before it, showed me something. Something I still haven't figured out how to…get comfortable with."

"What do you mean?"

"I was looking everywhere. Everywhere I went I was looking for some trace of you. I even considered shooting Anderson, when he wouldn't tell me where you were."

"That's…that's crazy, Shepard."

"I know. I didn't shoot him because I was sure I'd kill him before he told me. There was no point…" Jenna paused and took in a new breath.

"…When the Illusive Man told me you were on Horizon, I didn't blink. I don't even remember the rest of the conversation. I walked out of the briefing room and ordered Joker to Horizon. I've never gone through an enemy force like that. Not before or since. I didn't miss a shot the entire mission. Looking into every pod I laid eyes on…"

"You said I knew why you got me off the Normandy. I didn't, Jenna. Not at the time. I wanted to believe you felt…the way I did…but I didn't know."

Jenna frowned. The old adage went through her mind. If knew then what I know now…

"I wanted you to come with me, because I wanted someone on board I could trust. Without hesitation or question. I wanted someone on board I didn't have to doubt - who wouldn't doubt me. Even Garrus and Tali came on board with suspiscions…" Shepard trailed off. There was more to say but she didn't want to let the words out. Kaidan tried to help her face him. She gently took his hand away from her cheek and held it in her lap instead.

"I've never been unsteady without someone around. Sure, I've befriended people, trusted them, relied on them and valued them. But what was missing after you walked away…that was something…else." Shepard was holding his hand tighter than she realized. She took in a breath and relaxed her hold, meeting his eyes.

"I grew up alone and lived for twenty years needing no one. Now I do." She looked away, closing her eyes and letting her head fall to rest, propped up by lips on a closed fist.

"I want to be your strength, Shepard - your soft place to land." Shepard smiled and looked his way. She leaned close against him, resting her cheek on his chest, under the collarbone. He put arms around her, holding on tight. The thought that crossed her mind had her laughing.

"Soft, but not too soft. Landing a ship on ground that's too soft never goes well."

Kaidan laughed.

"I'll be here, Jenna - right here beside you. Always."

v

The Casino – Spectre Status Celebration (Alternative to a Charity Function)

"You're looking radiant tonight, Commander."

"You're quite dapper yourself, Major."

v

"Just curious, were there any other adjectives you were considering?"

"'Dashing', came to mind, but the logic between that and 'looking to make a dash for the nearest exit' was too obvious." Shepard answered, scanning the crowd and the layout of the casino.

"Even if I tried to make a break for it, they have a guard at every exit. As much to keep us in as to keep party crashers out, I'll bet."

"See the bar?"

"I do."

"Let's get there."

"You can run into a hail of bullets and not blink, but a bunch of satin dresses, expensive tuxedos, and glittering jewelry makes you nervous?" Kaidan asked, amused.

"At a society function you to be...social. Am I personable? Sure. Social? No." The bartender turned his attention to the new arrivals.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Shepard was all too happy to answer.

"Absolutely. Two whisky doubles, please."

"We have to be coherent - at least until after they put us up on stage."

"Just looking to trim my fraying nerves. Cheers."

"Cheers." Shepard downed her glass, frowning.

"I'm realizing, I never really said anything about your promotion."

"Yes you did. I very clearly remember that conversation in the hospital."

"That was kind of...stiff. Kaidan, you've accomplished something... extraordinary. It's a genuinely deserved honour. I'm not just happy to find myself in your company as a Spectre, I'm truly proud to be. Congratulations."

"Thank you, Shepard. I'll drink to that." Kaidan snatched two drinks off of a passing wait tray. Bottoms up.

"Let's figure out how to enjoy this party." Shepard mused, a little daunted.

"Care to join me on the dance floor?" Kaidan said, extending a hand. Shepard gave him a wary look.

"That's not helping my nerves."

"Trust me, and try to relax." Shepard took a deep, calming breath and exhaled.

"Here goes."

v

"I'm wondering why we haven't danced before."

"My two left feet."

"That doesn't matter in a personal cabin...or a living room."

"Then...just maybe, I can learn to like it."

v

"May I cut in, Major?"

"Admiral Hackett. Of course, sir."

"Who knew you shined up this nicely, Shepard?"

"Thank you, sir."

"Can't help but notice - the two of you have had enough to drink to flush your cheeks."

"Not really, sir. Give it a minute. The colour will die down."

"Ah. If you say so."

"Incidentally, it seems the Alliance spared no expense, providing whisky that smooth in the midst of a Reaper invasion."

"Bread and circuses, Commander."

"You'll forgive me, sir, but this seems less like a distraction, and more like a battlefield. I almost gave in to the urge to show up in full Kestrel armour." Admiral Hackett laughed.

"What makes you say that?"

"When anyone says more than a few words to you at a function like this, there are usually political machinations at work. After Udina, this looks like a minefield, not a cocktail party. And I'm not wearing any armour."

"Not to change the topic, Commander, but have either you, or Major Alenko, given any thought to what you might do after this war?"

"Not really, sir. Why?"

"Because two people with your brand of integrity, and dislike of political machinations, would be welcome at Alliance HQ."

"Thank you for saying so, sir. But I prefer being able to bring heavy firepower to bear against my enemy. Being armed with only words and dangerous ideas...that's not my kind of fight." Admiral Hackett laughed whole-heartedly.

"Well, I'm not looking for your answer now, Commander. It wouldn't be so much a step up, as a step to the side. You'd remain Spectres, but it would make time between missions much more, ah...stable."

"Sir, I..."

"Young lady, you have a lot of life ahead of you. Take it from an old man. A future you don't plan for will never happen."

"Yes...sir..."

"Good evening, Commander. Let yourselves enjoy the party. That's an order." Shepard nodded and looked behind her, finding Kaidan standing there. She took the drink he offered her.

"Congratulations, Major," said Hackett, initiating a handshake.

"Thank you, sir. Very much." Admiral Hackett nodded courteously and turned to leave.

"Good evening, sir." Shepard said.

"What did he have to say?"

"Something...fatherly."

"Like?"

"Ask me after we get outta here." Kaidan nodded. Setting the drinks down they stepped out onto the dance floor again. It was a wonderfully effective way to avoid society conversation…

v

"You look fantastically smart, tonight, Kaidan. Very nearly had me speechless when I first saw you."

"Careful, Shepard. I'm not immune to letting all these complements go to my head."

"I'll make sure we can fit it through the door on the way out, if I have to."

"Then you'll have to stop looking at me like that."

"Why?"

"Because you already have me wondering which is closer - the apartment or the docking bay." Shepard smiled and laughed.

"Sorry. I'll keep it in check."

"Com...Commander! God, you are hard to find." Shepard let out a defeated breath, leaning her cheek against his.

"I will pay you one month's salary to find her a stiff dose of valium," she whispered. Kaidan laughed and gave in to putting a kiss on her cheek.

"No magic pockets in this get up, Shepard. In fact, no pockets at all. Sorry."

"Damn...I suppose it's time to mingle."

"Yeah. Watch your caboose, Commander."

"Keep your eyes open, Major." The two stepped apart. Shepard engaged Brooks as she approached and Kaidan blended into the first conversation he encountered.

v

"You've already managed one great victory against the Reapers."

"Permission to speak freely, Councillor?"

"Why not, Shepard?"

"That wasn't a victory. The council races were caught with their pants around their ankles. And they were just lucky enough to escape being fucked. The Reapers are here, and I'm tired of speaking to deaf ears." Shepard wasn't sure what turians looked like when they were speechlessly angry, but she wouldn't be surprised if they looked like the turian councilor did now. She saw Kaidan coming up behind the Councilor.

"If you'll excuse me, Councilor, I'll be going."

"That looked...loaded."

"I remember why I hate these things. I'm too honest to make it out unscathed."

"I heard the last bit of what you said. Once he's done being angry I hope he'll see you're right. It's not just the Alliance looking at the council harshly. Delegates from the turian, asari and salarian fleets have been asking hard questions all night, from what I've seen."

"You didn't hear the first part. Not sure he'll get over it. Sounds like Brooks is ready. Let's get the real party going."

They headed for cover from prying eyes. Kaidan produced the two pistols holstered under his jacket. He deactivated the field concealing them from sight and scanners. Flipping the grip toward Shepard he handed one over.

"Your kind of party...comin' right up."

"Now we're talking."

"Hey! Why don't I get a weapon?" Brooks whined.

"Because you have us. And because concealing a third weapon would have been...uh, difficult..."

"And uncomfortable as hell." Kaidan chimed in.

"How are we getting into his office?"

"Commander, I have returned to the party as myself."

"Good. Keep eyes on the crowd, EDI. If you see someone getting curious, warn us."

"Yes, Commander."

"Take these, Commander. They'll help you see the lines we need to hack to compromise security and gain control of the elevator." Shepard put the contacts in and blinked uncomfortably as they settled into place and the displays booted. Things looked a lot different when they did.

"That's...funky." Shepard looked at Kaidan and stepped back, startled.

"What, Shepard?"

"This is neat." He lit up like a nav chart, with the brightest centres of activity around the brain, heart, lower abdomen and...groin.

"Right! I have to calibrate them first, otherwise you'll wind up chasing power lines...among other things." Shepard gave Brooks a sharp look and turned back to Kaidan.

"Feeling kind of...naked, here. Not liking it."

"Sorry. I can see every biotic in here. Wow."

"There you go."

"That's better. They should use these to study biotics."

"They do. That's what they were first used for. Then some less...ethical...people came up with other uses for them."

"When the hell ar...How many times does that have to happen before we learn?"

"We'll learn when there are no new questions to ask." Shepard answered. Kaidan was surprised by the quick and natural tone of the answer.

Shaking his head, he observed, "Probably not far from the truth."

"That should be it. Can you see the communication lines?"

"If you have them calibrated correctly, yes."

"Good, now just follow the blue lines to the panel they're attached to. And try not to look like you're following a dotted line."

"Good advice." Kaidan said, deadpan. Shepard looked at Brooks as if she'd just been told how to lace up her boots.

"Actual psychological phenomenon, Commander. Give us a line to follow and we stick to it." Brooks explained. Kaidan raised an eyebrow, exasperated.

"I suddenly feel much less evolved," he said wryly.

"Yeah. Me too."

v

Dinner at Home

"Hey, Shepard. I'm starving. What do you got?" Shepard stopped, surprised by the request.

"You want to cook?"

"I'm getting tired of Apollo's. Besides, we'll just end up back here anyway. Am I right?" he said, giving her a kiss in greeting. Shepard smiled. That was the idea.

"Really?"

"Trust me. Let me impress you," he said, digging out a frying pan. Shepard crossed her arms, leaning against the counter. This was going to be…interesting.

"I'm afraid for our tastebuds." Kaidan tossed the onion out of the fridge and onto the counter, landing it beside the steak and garlic. He closed the door with two beers in hand.

"Come on. You don't have to do a thing. Other than help me drink beer. Just...sit your ass down," he said, opening a bottle and setting it on the island for her. Shepard inhaled, resigned, and perched herself on a barstool opposite the grill.

"What are we having? Canadian delicacy of some sort?"

"Uh...sure. Exactly. We have beef...we have bacon...we have beer...the foods of my people. Wish me luck." Shepard smiled and returned Kaidan's toast, downing a few gulps of beer. Maybe it would taste better if she was just a little toasty before sitting down to eat.

"If you need luck, I'm gonna die. After everything I've managed to survive…"

"You really think I kept hauling your butt out of the fire all this time only to poison you now?"

"I don't think you'd do it intentionally."

"Ye of little faith...Just wait and see...You like to cook, Shepard?"

"Define 'cooking'."

"Wow. That bad, huh?"

"I can throw a few ingredients into a pot or pan and heat something that will nourish you. I make no promises about taste. Basically, if it's not bleeding, or possibly infectious, it's cooked. In my book, anyway." Kaidan laughed.

"Finally. Something you might actually be bad at." Shepard laughed and smiled, stepping around the counter to stand beside Kaidan.

"Where'd you learn to cook?"

"Classes at Jump Zero, believe it or not. Young biotics who can't cook for themselves risk starving."

"Did you pass? Uh...there goes the garlic...I think."

"Oh...ah, sorry. Guess I'm distracted."

"By?" she asked, resting a hand just above his tailbone.

"I wonder..." Shepard had a smile on that screamed mischief and a flush on her cheeks.

"I think I'll give the garlic another shot." Shepard said going for another clove from the cupboard.

"Oh no. Not a chance, Shepard. If I had slim chances alone, with you we're done for."

"Now wait. You mean to tell me that...if we undertake this endeavour together the chances of success are slim, at best?"

"Sounds about right..."

"...Has that ever stopped me before?" Kaidan laughed.

"No. Alright. Just don't slice it too thick. Try not to have us eating your fingertips either."

"Relax. If there's one kitchen utensil I know how to handle, it's a knife." Shepard nonchalantly flipped the knife and started peeling the garlic.

"You lied. You have at least some idea of how to cook."

"I have a very limited repertoire, so I don't think it's unfair to say that."

"Exactly what am I going to find in your 'limited repertoire'?"

"Most of it has to do with breakfast...or dessert."

"What's with cooking only those two?"

"Breakfast is the only meal I ever take any real time to make. I tend to treat the other two like chores. Over and done with quick. Fortunately, desserts have pretty specific recipes so they usually turn out all right. Still, I do still mess up now and then." Shepard slid the garlic off the board and into the pan.

"Remember, light golden brown."

"Relax. I got this."

"What kinds of desserts can you make?"

"Just the ones I can remember from when I was still with my family."

"You may not think you're any good at cooking, but you definitely like it, if you went through so much trouble to remember the recipes."

"I guess I do."

"Sooo...what can you make?"

"Well...chocolate chip cookies, Nanaimo bars...macaroons...pumpkin pie…for a start."

"'Nanaimo bars'? Don't catch anyone calling them that very often...and from what I hear they won't be calling them that anymore…Anyway, I'm hearing a lot of chocolate in there. Sensing a serious taste for it." Shepard smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. When the Alliance or the Mess Sargeant aren't dictating my diet, I can't say I'm, uh…restrained."

"I didn't think I could get any hungrier...'more hungry'...? Those sound really tempting."

"Unfortunately, I can't make any of them with what we have."

"That's all right. There will be other times, Shepard." Shepard smiled and aimed a kiss at his cheek. To her surprise it found lips instead.

"Mmn. Nice catch." Shepard said as she stepped back.

"Thank you."

v

After Dinner

"This was great."

"Yeah, it was. Is it over?" Shepard said, sly. She wasn't inclined to question his ability to cook again – dinner was worlds better than Apollo's. Doesn't get much better than home-style cooking.

"Well, what do you suggest?"

Shepard fixed him with an affectionate gaze, stood and slid her hand underneath his, loosely holding on as she stood and moved toward the stairs. Kaidan laughed, liking the direction they were headed. Before Shepard made the stairs he took hold of her waist, turned her about and carefully pinned her between him and the banister. Shepard threaded her arms underneath his, holding him close and closing her eyes as his lips made contact, finding their way down her neck.

"You say it best, when you say nothing at all." – Keith Whitley

v

The Morning After

"Morning." Kaidan said, stepping down the stairs, rolling his sleeves as he went. He stopped in his tracks and looked on wide-eyed as Shepard stepped out from behind the counter. Under a shirt not quite long enough, her legs were bare.

"Morning." she replied. Eyes wide, he sharply turned 180 degrees and walked back up the stairs, heading for the bedroom.

"What's going on?" Shepard asked, a little mischief in her voice.

"I'm going back to bed."

"Why?"

"I'm still dreaming. I need to wake up again." Shepard laughed.

"You're not dreaming. I'll wake you up in 25 for breakfast."

A few minutes later he came out, setting a pair of shorts for Shepard on the counter.

"Let's do this the right way. Good morning." he said, giving her a sweet and short kiss.

"Morning. Thirsty?"

"Yeah. What is there?"

"Well, I've got some cider going, there's more in the fridge...and there's some hot chocolate on the stove. Water." Kaidan reached for her glass and took a sip.

"Mmn! Alcohol. It's 07:00."

"Yeah. You planning on going anywhere today?"

"Not anymore."

"Glad to hear it. In the top drawer in the closet there's a sweater and shorts for you. Make yourself comfortable."

"Nice. Thanks." Kaidan jogged back up the stairs and re-emerged shortly thereafter in zip-up sweater and mid-thigh length shorts.

"The whole place smells fantastic. I thought you couldn't cook."

"Depends on what I'm making."

"I see...uh...What are we making?"

"Pancakes, bacon, sausages, hash browns, real maple syrup and some fresh sweetened fruit."

"Wow. Neither of us is walking away from shore leave any thinner."

"It's a good way to follow up an active night."

"It sure is. Anything I can do to help?"

"Want to make the whipped cream?"

"'Make' whipped cream?" Shepard had a disbelieving expression on her face.

"You've never...?"

"'Fraid not."

"Okay. You need a small mixing bowl, the cream, sugar and the hand blender." Kaidan got to rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.

"The blender?" Shepard paused for a second and reached a toe out to tap a door at the far end of the counter.

"Top shelf, I think."

"Okay...Check...check, check...and check."

"Pour about an inch and a half of cream into the bowl. Add four small spoonfuls of sugar. Blend with the whisk on high until it keeps its shape pretty well."

"Did you do all this from memory?"

"Well, I, uh...I made this meal every Sunday with my family for about four years before...you know."

"I know we have an insane life, but this is a tradition I could get used to." he said. Shepard smiled.

"Not only is the food tasty, but it's a way to remember some of my favourite times from being a kid. You can choose to remember the things that make you grieve, or the ones that put a smile on your face." Kaidan put down the blender and took her in his arms.

"Then I'll hang on to this morning, just in case." Kaidan kissed her, lingering. Her eyes were closed when he pulled away. He tapped her nose with his finger leaving a dab of whipped cream behind. Shepard opened her eyes in surprise, grinning fondly.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." Kaidan answered, holding her close again for a moment then letting go. Shepard wiped the whipped cream from her nose giving it a taste test.

"Sweet. Perfect."

v

With the meal finished and the kitchen clean again, they found themselves on the couch enjoying the warmth of the fire.

"Mmn mmn. Good breakfast. Makes you a little drowsy, though."

"A perfect breakfast for a day like today." Shepard said, leaning back against the corner of the couch so Kaidan could rest comfortably.

"What do we want to do with a day like today?" Shepard asked, reaching for Kaidan's hand. The data pads on the coffee table could stay there, for all she cared.

"Something. Nothing. Anything. As long as it's just us." Shepard smiled and wrapped whichever limbs she could still move close around him.

v

"She's Busy."

Shepard took in a sharp breath, twitching her hip and leg, eyes wide, as the heel of Kaidan's hand rolled across a nerve cluster in her hip. A surprising and incredibly pleasant feeling had gone shooting straight up her back and down her to toes.

"That was a good thi…?" he asked. Shepard didn't let him finish the sentence.

"Commander. You have an incoming call." Glyph intoned. Shepard pulled back from Kaidan, clearing her throat.

"Audio only. Put it through."

"Commander! I'm glad I caught you." Traynor.

"Is there a problem with the retrofitting?" Shepard asked.

"No. There's a problem with some supply requisitions. Command won't release the shipment without review and approval from you personally." Kaidan put his fingers to his eyebrows, running them outward and pulling his hand back through his hair. He let his forehead fall to rest on her shoulder.

"Lieutenant, if this isn't of galaxy-ending importance, it can wait." Shepard said.

"Are you busy, Commander? You could have just…" Kaidan pulled up, looked Shepard in the eye and cleared his throat - loudly.

"Lieutenant, she's busy."

"Oh! I…uh…I'll just…" The connection went dead as Traynor cleared her throat. Victory! The two laughed and picked up where they'd broken off.

v

The Party

"Okay, there have to be some funny stories somewhere in our memory banks." Steve said, passing Shepard the drink he'd poured. James looked at Kaidan.

"Looks like the Major's got something."

"Maybe…"

"Come on…" said Steve, goading. Kaidan took another drink and nodded.

"Alright…I was on a winter exercise in the beginning of my officer's training. We spent four weeks in the bush in the Canadian arctic. We're turned out for morning inspection. The CO is three guys down to my right looking him over when this puff of snowflakes flies in front of me from the right. I have no idea what's happened but the guys standing across from me are going red and trying not to piss themselves laughing. The kicker is you cannot move when you're at attention for an inspection. The CO gets to the guy to my right and evenly says, 'The barrel of your rifle's dirty. Clean it.' I'll never forget the way he said, 'Yes, sir.' The CO did the last two inspections and dismissed us. I turn to look at the poor guy and he's standing dead still with this stone cold expression on but there are tears running down his cheeks. The pine branch overhead had dropped its payload square on his head. He's got six inches of snow on his beret and shoulders and there's a two inch cork of snow on the barrel of his bloody rifle. The guys standing across from him had to change their skivvies and I have never laughed so hard in my life." Most everyone was helping themselves to a sturdy dose of laughter. Shepard had to wipe water away from the corners of her eyes.

"What about you, Shepard? You have to have done something a little crazy at some point in your life." James said, still cooling off from Kaidan's anecdote. Shepard shook her head.

"You mean other than take down Saren and Sovreign, the Collectors, and a Reaper horde? The craziest stuff I've done in my life you guys have been there for." Shepard stated.

"Bullshit," said James. "Everybody kicks loose at some point."

"No good fodder for conversation?" Steve asked. Shepard was looking for something but couldn't come up with anything truly funny.

"Not like that. There's nothing really funny that I was around for. It was all pretty serious."

"There has to be something…" Kaidan said. Jenna cocked her head to the side. In a 'round about way the story she remembered might work.

"Well, there was this one night…"

"Yeah?" James said, curious. Kaidan sent him a pointed look.

"It was on rec time after an exercise during basic. All I can tell you about it is…I was so canned…I can't remember her name." A few listeners were unfortunate enough to be in the midst of a drink when she said it. James was almost speechless.

"You mean…you…?"

"I know something happened. We're out letting loose and some of our guys decide to sneak a few locals back into barracks. Out comes a deck of cards and a 60 of tequila. Things go blank after that. Next thing I know, I'm sporting a cigarette burn I'm pretty sure was my fault and I'm in bed beside this girl - I think – who's wearing the craziest makeup you've ever seen. My clothes are gone." Shepard recalled. Kaidan looked at her, shock plain on his face. So that's where that scar came from…OW! thought Kaidan.

"You 'think' it was a girl?" Jack said. Shepard nodded.

"Looked like it, but I…don't know…"

"Just want to make sure I'm not hearing things. You did say 'her'." Kaidan said. Jenna looked to him with a mischievous smile on.

"Sure did."

"I would not have called that," he said.

"Well, it had never happened before and hasn't happened since, so you didn't miss anything."

"Tali's chances aren't as bad as she thought they'd be." Steve observed. Jenna was surprised.

"Has she been propositioning everybody who walked in?"

"No. She's mostly just talking about you…and Garrus."

"No love." Kaidan quipped. Shepard smiled, taking hold of his hand.

"Just wondering, are we talking about a human, or are we talking about like, an asari…or quarian?" James inquired. The look Kaidan gave him this time was little more severe.

"Plain old fashioned human, James."

"Anything happen earlier in the night?" Jacob asked. Shepard shrugged her shoulders.

"If it weren't for the tequila, I'd probably be able to tell you."

"Whose brilliant idea was it to break out the tequila?" Jacob asked. Shepard responded wearing a grin that screamed trouble.

"That would be mine."

v

Biotics vs. Physical Conditioning

"What's going on here? Sounds like we have a disagreement happening." Shepard said, approaching the group gathered on the landing.

"Maybe you can settle it, Shepard. James was just explaining how physical conditioning trumps biotics."

"Really? You're goin' there, James?"

"C'mon, Lola! You gotta go with me on this one. Biotics are strong but unpredictable…all that cooling down…"

"Shepard, where do you find this guy?" Jacob asked, incredulous.

"I certainly don't find biotics unpredictable, don't think the Reapers I've tangled with would either." Kaidan said defensively.

"Ah, but person can improve their physique. Biotics? They are what they are. And what about flawed implants? Wearing you out, breaking down…"

"What? You're not talking about me, are you? I may be using L2s but I have worked very hard. I can Reave now…"

"Really? That's…nah…" Jacob said, disbelieving. It was incredibly rare that anyone could improve their capacity to channel biotic current.

"Yeah." Kaidan answered.

"That's a bit…strange…"

"Okay, okay. Maybe it's not conditioning, exactly. Maybe it's just the condition of one James Vega! Right, Miranda? Hey, Liara?...Check it out. This guy here never has to cool down. In fact, the hotter, the better." James said, giving his pectorals an exhibitive flex.

"Please tell me we're still talking about combat." Kaidan said.

"Where did you find this one, Shepard? I want one." Miranda whispered. You want him? He's all yours, thought Shepard.

"Hilarious."

"Just hush and do some sit-ups," said Kasumi, appearing behind James from nowhere.

"Kasumi…!" said Jacob, surprised by her appearance from thin air.

"Just looking."

"Ugh…Goddess."

"What's it gonna be, Shepard?" Jacob pressed. Shepard put her hands up.

"Sorry, gents, I have to say, unless you can hit a target you can't see coming, it doesn't make much difference. Stealth wins. Every time. Ask Kasumi, if you can find her." Shepard grinned, taking a drink.

"Hey!" Kaidan exclaimed in surprise, having felt a pinch on his behind. He jumped a little forward and laughed. Shepard let out a short laugh.

"I think I've made my point."

v

"Wrex, can I ask you a favor?"

"What do you want, Shepard?"

"Major Alenko...if anything happens to me, can you make sure that...just once in his life...he has the opportunity to headbutt a Krogan?"

"By human standards, you are one strange female. But that's why I like you so well. Will do, Shepard. Will do."

v

Shepard approached the top of the terrace steps and froze, momentarily mortified. In short order she had the corner of her mouth twisted up into an affectionate smile. She still loved him just the same. She also had no right to be critical, considering how she fared on a dance floor. But, what she had just seen…needed to be seen to be believed.

v

As Liara made for the door she hooked her arm into Shepard's, pulling her along.

"I saw that look, you know. And I know exactly who it was for."

"Don't say a word about it."

"That's a big mistake, Shepard. You've just given the Shadow Broker something I like to call leverage."

"Are you...? You're blackmailing me! Best of luck with that." Liara laughed, as if it were a matter of light humor.

"Kaidan...!" Liara called. Shepard's eyes went wide momentarily then narrowed.

"I will kill you."

"Shepard!" Liara replied incredulously and under her breath, finding the pinch amusing.

"Ladies...?" Kaidan said when he stopped behind Shepard. Shepard turned around and smiled nervously.

"Just thought you might want to..." Liara began. Shepard cut in.

"...Say good-bye before she left." Kaidan looked between the two of them.

"What were you actually talking about?"

"Girl's talk." Liara replied mischievously. Kaidan was taken aback, one eyebrow up in surprise. Shepard was sure colour had drained from her face.

"I didn't expect that." Kaidan stated. Shepard rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Niether did I. Good night, Liara."

"Night, you two."

"Good night. Be safe getting back." Kaidan said. He turned to Shepard.

"I don't want to know."

"What?"

"That sounded to me, like 'I'll kill you' and 'You'll have to find me first'. So long as it won't get me killed, I don't want to know." Shepard puts her hands up with an expression on her face that said, 'Whatever you like'. Kaidan reached for a hand as they walked back into the apartment proper. They stopped and stood where the hall opened up into the living area.

Kaidan put hands on her hips and pulled her close. Shepard was hesitant.

"Everyone's out cold...or asleep." he said under his breath. Shepard smiled. No rest for the wicked.

v

"Wow. Look who's still here."

"Mm hmn. Is it morning?" Shepard asked. Kaidan laughed.

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yes." Shepard exhaled and woke herself up.

"How you feeling?"

"Why don't you scootch a little closer and find out for yourself?" A good-morning kiss. No better thing in the galaxy to wake up to.

"Oh...that is tempting." Kaidan laughed, sitting up as Shepard stretched herself out.

"Come on," he said jovially, stretching out. Shepard slid across the bed, cozying up behind him.

"What I wouldn't give to lie here with you all day." Kaidan put his hand over hers, smiling affectionately. Both moved after a long silence and a deep breath. Shepard paused a moment.

"Kaidan, wait a second." He turned to face her. Her arms slid over his shoulders and wrapped around him. He pulled her in tight and the two stood flush together for minutes that seemed much longer to them.

"What is it, Shepard?" he asked. Shepard wrestled with the expression on her face, having it barely restrained when she pulled back to face him.

"Nothing kicking the Reaper's asses n' living to tell the tale won't fix." There was weight on their shoulders again. Kaidan nodded.

Shields up, thought Shepard. They headed for the kitchen hand in hand.

v

"Let's go through the wreckage," said Shepard.

"I'm making coffee. Who wants some?" Kaidan announced loudly. Shepard smirked. She wished they had a megaphone.

"Right here," she said, raising her hand and pointing toward the pile of cushions on the couch as she turned Steve out from underneath.

Shepard took the hot cup and dropped in two ice cubes. She stirred with the tip of her finger until they were gone and downed the whole cup in one go. Kaidan handed Steve a cup.

"Thanks, Major." They both had eyes on Shepard as the last of her coffee disappeared down the hatch. Kaidan cleared his throat.

"That was good coffee." said Kaidan, indignant.

"Sorry. Just wanted the caffeine. Pour me another one?...I'll drink it properly." Kaidan rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to humor me, Shepard."

"Well, we're all out of tea, so I'm making due."

"What kind d'you drink?" Steve asked.

"Earl Grey."

"Really?" Kaidan asked, disbelieving and seeing where it might be going.

"No joke. Really."

v

Shepard found Garrus curled up in a shaded and sheltered nook by the window as he groggily woke to the movement in the apartment.

"Eggs are done!" Kaidan called out from the kitchen.

"If he keeps up with that perky attitude, I'm gonna shoot him." Garrus growled. Shepard laughed, trying to keep it subdued for Garrus' sake.

"What do turians take for headaches?"

"Where's the scotch?"

"'Hair o' the dog', eh?"

"What?"

"'Hair of the dog that bit you'?...Nevermind. I'll see if I can find it."

"Hair of the...dog that..." Garrus said stiltedly, daring to let himself laugh despite his screeching headache. Oh, I like that one, he thought.

v

Wrex's Troubles

Shepard's attention was drawn to the bar. It looked like Wrex, standing at the far end.

"Wrex! What're you doing here?" His skull plate made contact with the glass sounding an unfortunate crunch.

"Ugh...escaping…Ever since we cured the genophage it's been nothing but work."

"The Council been putting you through the wringer?"

"Argh, no. Not those pyjak shit-slingers. No, it's the...it's the females, Shepard, now that they're fertile again...ohh, I haven't slept in...I don't know how long." The bartender approached, her demeanor resentful. Shepard would have to offer to pay for the damages later.

"Can I get you two anything?"

"Two more drinks and another bag of ice."

"The first thing I never thought I'd hear a Krogan say. I thought you'd be enjoying the...perks of Krogan fertility."

"Enjoying it? There's a line of females outside my dwelling right now! Stretches on as far as you can see! I had to sneak out my own bathroom window! Even then, I was cornered by two more females on the ride from Tuchanka."

"It's just you? They're not spreading the love around?"

"Sure, but seems like everyone wants their firstborn in generations to be strong and fit! I'm the leader of Clan Urdnot. I brought an end to the genophage. Everyone on Tuchanka wants a piece of me. And Bakara's no help at all! She...encourages it!"

"You can't...help...everyone, Wrex. Bear with it. Eventually, the line will shrink...or just say something."

"Here's your drinks...and another bag of ice," the bartender announced grimly. Wrex gave Shepard a pointed look. Looking between the bag of ice and Wrex, Shepard turned away and smiled crookedly as Wrex...carefully placed the ice where it needed to be.

"Have you ever tried to tell a female you don't want to...? Maybe I should've talked to Alenko, seeing as you're after him all the time."

Shepard almost choked on her drink.

"You know...when one of us doesn't...I'd never get any sleep if...hold on. What makes you think we're...at it…'all the time'?"

"You're together every night. Do humans have some enviable ability to substitute it for sleep?"

"So...krogans don't share a bed when they're not...?"

"No. Not usually."

"I guess that makes sense. Wrex, we don't have...hard edges like you do. Sleeping beside a human is...comfortable."

"Oh. I uh, well, Alenko's not quite the male I thought he was. I figured he had that in common with a Krogan." Shepard was more offended by the affront to Kaidan's dignity than her own. Glancing down momentarily she decided getting into a tussle with a krogan without armour on was unwise at best.

"Hang on a sec. Are you telling me that you've based what you think of me on a Krogan-like appetite for...?"

"Maybe..."

"Look, Wrex, I may be a little more...interested...than most human females, but I'd call my appetite healthy. Not excessive, but definitely not…lacking. And, how the heck do you know where we sleep?"

"As long as you're...healthy...that's...good. Uh..."

"Did Kaidan say something to you?"

"No. It was Traynor...at the party..." Shepard dropped her forehead into her palm.

"She's almost as bad as Tali..."

"Relax, Shepard. They were too drunk to remember anyway." She certainly hoped so.

"Look, try talking to Bakara again. Something organic isn't meant to be, ah, used that often. You don't want to wear yourself raw and be out of commission. She'll figure something out." Shepard knocked back the shot Wrex had ordered. She signaled the bartender for another.

"Shepard, you don't know what she's like. I'd rather face a Reaper."

"I could come up with a really big mission...or two...or three...to keep you away from Tuchanka."

"They're already...frustrated...and you want me to keep them waiting?"

"Right. Sorry. Bad idea." Shepard laughed and found an amusing question crossed her mind, making her laugh again.

"Glad you're finding this so funny, Shepard."

"No, I feel for you, Wrex. I just asked myself why any man in his right mind would look forward to a lineup of 72 virgins. It's a human thing."

"Virgins?...rrrgh…" - another crunch from the glass - "...They're the worst ones." Shepard thought she could detect just a hint of fear.

"What? Why?"

"They never let you get away with just once." Shepard couldn't help herself. That was funny. Really funny. This time Wrex was laughing too.

"I'm telling you, Shepard, I'm in no shape to fight Reapers." Shepard had to recover from laughing to answer.

"You'll get through it, Wrex. Somehow."

"So will you, Shepard. So will you."

"I'll drink to that."

"To getting through it."

"To getting through it."

"Besides, you have to pull through. You've got a family now...a really...really...big family."

"Arrrgh! More ICE!"

v

May the Best Soldier Win

"Joker. You said it was urgent. What's going on?" Shepard stepped into the spectator's box near the C-Sec training ring.

"Thought you'd want to know who's in the ring." Shepard looked out. James stood opposite Kaidan. She smiled. The two had been dying sort this out.

"So, Commander...we're taking bets. Care to weigh in?"

"If you were anyone else I'd smack you upside the head. Asking me a question like that." Shepard reached into a pocket and tossed a credit card into Joker's lap.

"How much is on here?"

"Enough to sweeten the pot," she said and walked away.

"On who?" Joker called after her.

"Guess!" Shepard shouted darkly. Joker smiled as he turned the card over. Almost instantly he dropped it.

v

As Shepard stepped into the gallery beside the ring, a path cleared. She stepped up ringside as Kaidan walked over.

"I know what you're not here to do." Shepard smiled.

"Seriously, who do you think will win?"

"I think there's no safe bet in this match. You're two remarkably skilled and talented people. At any moment things could go either way. Just know, that no matter what your odds are, my money's on you. When you turn around there's only one thing you want - victory." The look on her face said, without doubt, Win. Kaidan extended a hand. Shepard shook it, seeing the welts, cuts, scars and scrapes on it. She allowed herself a sideways and confident smile, meeting his eyes again. They let go and she stepped back from the ring. Moving toward the centre Shepard nodded to each combatant. They approached each other.

"May the best soldier win," she said evenly. Shepard nodded. The two shook hands and returned to the edge of the ring. Shepard moved to stand steadily at Kaidan's back, focused intently on the combatants. Whoever won would be partying hardy tonight.

v

Don't Leave Me Behind

Kaidan let himself go slack, lying down by her side. Shepard ran fingers through his hair, letting her hand rest on his neck, enjoying the feeling of his pulse under the skin. She put a kiss to his cheek, finding his eyes closed when she pulled back. She ran the flat of her index finger up from the bridge of his nose to the centre of his forehead. The muscles underneath relaxed. He quickly let go of all expression. Peaceful. Jenna closed her eyes and followed suit.

Kaidan found his eyes open. He didn't remember waking up. She wasn't beside him. He started and sat up. She stood at the end of the bed, facing and staring right. Unmoving. The cabin was unsettlingly devoid of sound. She looked toward him. As she did her expression was blank. She laid eyes on him and her eyes warmed. She smiled. Then she looked forward again and stepped out…into space. The side of the cabin was missing. Ripped away, by an explosion. She was floating away and he couldn't move fast enough to grab her. Holding on to a piece of the hull as he felt himself start to lift away, he looked after her. She was falling away, arms outstretched. Not beckoning. Letting go. He moved to push himself out after her and she put one hand up meaning for him to stop. She shook her head.

Don't.

Don't leave me behind.

This is who I am. You knew that, a long time ago, and you're still here.

Kaidan was suddenly wide awake with Jenna thoroughly asleep, wrapped in his arm. A feeling he thought he'd left behind was trying to get at his heart. Touching her face, he tried to gently move her, trying to get her to wake up. He couldn't bring himself to say her name louder than he was. Curling his hands into fists, he started to shake, eyes tightly shut - the feeling getting the better of him. One particularly bad twitch of the arm she was asleep on and Shepard opened her eyes.

"Kaidan?" she said, groggy. His eyes shot open and he took in a breath, pulling her in close to his chest. His grip was uncomfortably tight. She put one hand over his heart. It was hard to distinguish one beat from the next. With her arms folded between them she couldn't reach anything else.

"Kaidan, relax a little."

"Shepard…just…"

She moved herself into a slightly better fitted position, breathing deep and keeping herself calm, hoping it might prove contagious. She put a kiss to his chest and relaxed into his grasp. His heartbeat started to slow, breath came easier, and soon the shaking was nearly gone.

There wasn't much question what this had been about. Something that has you holding on tight, usually starts with being forced to let go.

Shepard met his eyes, awake and aware of every expression he moved through.

"What can I do?" she asked.

"Don't get up without waking me," he said, following it with a kiss. Shepard smiled sleepily.

"I won't. Promise."

v

Stealth Wins, Every Time

"Shepard, I want to ask you about something." Shepard took in a deep breath, not realizing how shallow she was breathing digging through the war room interface on her personal terminal.

"Hi. What's up?"

"What Wrex said at the party..."

"Who would win in a fight?"

"Yeah. And then your comment about neither of us hitting something we can't see. Got me thinking. And I think I've got something." Shepard nodded slowly, not taking long to see where this was headed.

"You need someone to take a few lumps to help you get it ready for combat." Kaidan nodded. Shepard put on a subdued grin, locked out her terminal and closed it down.

"Suit up. I'll meet you down in the cargo hold. Vega and Cortez were gone a couple hours ago."

v

Shepard tossed Kaidan two small devices, keeping one in each of her own hands.

"What are these?"

"Mass effect field generators. They'll shield the rest of the cargo bay from whatever we're up to. We just have to try to keep any carbon scoring off the deck."

"And what the heck are you wearing?"

"Prototype suit. You think I had a collection of the most diversely skilled people in the galaxy on board a cramped ship for more than a year and didn't try to learn something from them? I spent a lot of time with Thane. And Zaeed. Mordin was helping me put this together before we parted ways. He made a few more modifications when he wasn't focused on Eve...sadly it's nowhere near ready to deploy. But we can use it to train. In addition to your usual shield, each plate is covered by a secondary mass effect field that works like a cushioning bubble. If the force of impact is below a certain threshold the fields are ineffective. Like in the case of a punch or actual kick. But if you take a heavier hit, or a biotic attack, they cushion you almost perfectly." Shepard said. Kaidan nodded.

"Alright. Let's outline the arena." Kaidan said. Shepard smiled, unseen under her helmet. They placed the generators in a wide rectangle around the launch chute. Shepard booted her omni-tool and powered up the field generators.

"One weapon each. Pistols. Let's see what the idea is," said Shepard, tossing him the second pistol she carried. Kaidan nodded. Taking a cloaking device out of a pouch he attached it to a small crate. The crate disappeared in his hands. He tossed it out into the middle of the arena. It took a moment but he let loose something that looked like a cross between a crude biotic kick and a barrier. The biotic energy swept along the floor of the cargo bay and after a moment wrapped itself around the crate and sent it rolling, uninterrupted anywhere else. Shepard went wide-eyed.

"Biotic sonar."

"Exactly…"

"This still won't help you with a sniper."

"No. But if I find myself in close combat, the way you did with Kai Leng..."

"You won't have to disable his cloak to find him. And your opponent will think they're still hidden."

"You could let me finish a sentence."

"Sorry. I'm like Mordin. Saying it aloud helps get my head into and around it."

"It needs to be a lot weaker - fine-tuned - and I need to be able to do it while eyeball deep in trouble."

"I think I can help you there. How weak?"

"Weak enough they can't see it, or feel it."

"If they can't see it, how can you?" Kaidan took his helmet off.

"With these. Brooks left a few belongings in the crew quarters. Kinda feels like they planned to stay." Kaidan smiled and laughed. He was wearing a set of contacts like the ones Shepard had used to infiltrate the Casino offices.

"Won't a biotic enemy blind you wearing those things?"

"No. They can be calibrated to display a specific set of frequencies. I just have to figure out where my threshold is." Shepard nodded. That needed a human test subject but not actual combat.

"Let's get started." Shepard walked out into the centre of the ring, standing straight and still. "Set. Hit me."

Kaidan nodded. He let loose and Shepard fell like a bowling pin square in the path of the ball, bouncing a couple of times before coming to rest on the ground. He ran up.

"You okay?" Shepard gave in. She couldn't keep herself from laughing freely. That would have looked ridiculous.

"And the savior of the galaxy's…down for the count," said Shepard between bouts of laughter. Kaidan was leaning over her, knees bent, hands on them, laughing. He offered Shepard a hand up.

"Thanks. Sorry. Didn't expect that. I'll brace myself this time." Shepard gave her head a shake, took in a breath and braced herself in position. Taking a deep breath she curbed the laughter. Kaidan faced her at the top of the chute.

"Set?" he asked.

"Set."

v

"Feel that?" Shepard opened her eyes and stood to relax for a moment, moving to loosen her spine.

"Not really. Kind of. Don't know that I would know what I was feeling in combat. I couldn't see anything." Kaidan nodded.

"Then we'll call that the upper limit. For now."

v

"Kaidan, hold for a minute."

"What it is, Shepard?"

"You keep trying to look toward sounds but you're getting it wrong too often. When you do, almost 10 times out of 10, you look left."

Kaidan laughed.

"Then let's step back a bit. See if we can break that habit," he said. Shepard nodded, laughing a little.

"We'll have to switch things up while ashore too."

v

As Shepard was in the air on her way up to the rafter, Kaidan caught her foot and pulled her back toward the ground. Shepard deftly pulled a concussive flashbang from her belt, the blast putting Kaidan off his feet. Shepard hit the ground and quickly found her feet.

Shepard stepped up, offering Kaidan a hand. He took it and picked himself up.

"I have to increase the frequency. I'm surprised, Shepard. You're moving way too fast."

"Thane's to thank for that. Think you can keep it under control? And are you willing to give up more offensive energy? That's not a real weakness here, but, out there…"

"There's no better time to figure out how to balance it out."

"Maybe, but my ass wishes there was a better way," said Shepard, laughing and putting a hand on her lower back. She gave one leg a shake and moved to the other end of the chute, taking up a starting position and activating her cloak. Kaidan laughed, standing at the ready.

v

As Shepard took aim with her pistol, she lost her cloak. Kaidan was bringing his pistol up. She didn't have to wait for a good shot. At this range a poorly aimed shot to the chest was as lethal as a well-aimed shot to the head. She pulled the trigger. Kaidan fell. It was the first time they had opened fire. Kaidan wasn't sure what to do with mess of emotions tearing at his heart. Jenna walked up holding out a hand.

"You took the shot," he said, not moving. Jenna stepped sideways and sat beside him, leaving more space between them than she liked to.

"Yeah."

"You lied."

"No. At the time, it was true. I wish like hell it still was."

"Maybe this was a bad idea."

"How many pieces of Reaper salvage are on board right now?"

"Two."

"Right. Seems like every time I turn up a stone, I find someone else indoctrinated. Not here, on board, but…Kaidan, we're not immune. What if one of these days you find out I'm indoctrinated? You're the only person around who can pull a trigger to stop me."

"I hate this war." Shepard rested her helmet between her hands.

"So do I. I also wouldn't choose to be anywhere else."

"Neither would I." Shepard exhaled heavily. Somehow those truths would have to co-exist.

"We done for today?" Kaidan nodded, taking the hand Shepard offered to help him up. The look in his eyes was unpleasant to see.

"Yeah."

v

Later

"Shepard, shooting in practice is very different from a shot you know will kill." Shepard pulled her shirt off tossing it onto the chair by the bedside.

"Kaidan, shooting you would be like shooting myself. Can I do it? Yes. Should what's left of me afterward be considered alive? No." The thought made her want to escape his sight. Made her feel small and weak. Kaidan stepped over, putting a hand on her shoulder. She reached for an embrace.

War forces us to answer questions normally unthinkable. Its horrors limited only by the vilest things we can imagine doing to one another.

v

Round 2

Before Shepard could make the leap over the crate and out of sight, she felt a tug on her arm. The next instant she was pulled backward and thrown to the floor. Kaidan was coming down on her and she tried to pry herself up off the ground to move out from under the strike but he had her biotically pinned. He pulled the punch a hair's breadth away from her chest. If he'd been using his omni-tool the blow would have been a killer. He stood and offered her a hand. Shepard didn't take it and got herself up.

"Shepard, I'm sorry if…"

"Kaidan." Her tone was firm and cold. She took a breath.

"Don't apologize. I'm not your CO. Or someone you love. I'm your enemy. I intend to kill you."

Kaidan's eyes went wide a moment.

"Shepard, I didn't mean it that way. I just did it." Shepard shook her head.

"That's not my meaning either. I mean that this is almost ready. It's time to stop pulling punches, put courtesy away, and treat it that way. What d'you think?" Kaidan nodded.

"Alright. Set?" Shepard smiled and put herself in position.

"Set."

v

Shepard escaped from view, perching herself out of view on one of the overhead rafters. Kaidan was below, moving, with eyes wide open for an attack that might come from anywhere. Time seemed to be passing strangely. She had to find a way in.

He had an ace up his sleeve to defend against the best tricks in her book. The movements that preceded his attacks had become far less exaggerated. He could go from sonar to a full force attack and back smoothly. His ability to channel biotic energy had expanded. Dedicating energy to 'seeing in the dark' no longer had any effect on his offensive capabilities. Shepard smiled. It was time to stop concentrating on helping him perfect new tricks and focus on coming up with new ones of her own.

She forcibly slowed her breathing, but her mind was still racing. Her heart was pounding from something other than physical exertion. Exhilaration. The feeling that had her heart pounding wasn't embarrassment, resentment or shame. It was pride. Game. Set. Goal.

The next time they came down here, it would be on truly even ground.

Shepard moved, coming down at his back. He'd heard it. He caught her arm and moved to throw her forward. She used his own momentum against him, putting him to the ground beside her and rolled away, out of his reach. She stood and put her hands out. His movements slowed when he saw it. He stood and stepped up to her.

"Done for tonight?" he asked. Shepard nodded, a slight smile on. They took down the arena and headed up to the cabin.

v

Ken ran up behind her and handed Gabby the last datapad. He stopped in place, seeing a bright blue flash down in the cargo hold.

"Gabs, did you see that?" he asked, nodding toward the bay. Gabby frowned and stepped up to the window.

"What are you on about, Kenneth?"

"I thought I…"

It happened again. They watched as Shepard was thrown against the near side of the ring. Major Alenko charged in from the direction she'd come. Before his strike hit she set off a flashbang and disappeared from sight. Ken was momentarily gobsmacked.

"Holy…shit." He snapped his gaze to Gabby, wearing an expression that belonged on a kid at Christmas. The two dropped their datapads making a mad dash for the elevator.

v

Ken rounded the corner into sight of the crowded mess table. Half the sets of eyes at the table looked at him.

"Git yer asses down to the cargo bay! Shepard's fightin' the Major!"

Every soul at the table peeled away and ran for the elevator. James took the first bite of his sandwich as the elevator's doors closed on its tight-packed cargo.

v

Shepard broke her own rule and opened communications.

"We have company."

"Wonder who they're betting on?" Kaidan asked. Shepard laughed.

"If they aren't betting on someone I'll kick their collective asses clear into the next cycle." Kaidan chuckled, breathing deep.

"You set, Shepard?"

"Set."

The link went dead.

v

Kaidan put his back to the nearest side of the ring, keeping a crate near for cover. Shepard had eyes on him. He could have his helmet pointed in one direction but be looking anywhere else in a 160 degree field. The moment she was close enough to the edge of it, she moved. He heard her boots hit the deck and before he looked her way she was out of sight and sonar. She was either under the launch chute or hidden behind the set of crates he'd kept near. Can't use cover you can't trust. The crates were arranged in a way that if only one was moved the rest would fall. Latching on biotically, he pulled it out of place. It hit the far side of the ring. Shepard was up and over the moving crates before he'd gone back to sonar. He saw her set foot on the ground and pull her pistol. He dodged to the side and closed the distance between them. Shepard set off a concussive flashbang between them that knocked them both down and ripped her pistol out of her hand, sending it skittering across the floor. She rolled and dropped off the edge of the launch chute.

Kaidan cleared his vision and stood, moving to keep his back to the edge of the ring, heart pounding. There were few places she could come back up under cover. He thought he saw a fluctuation in the waves he was sending out between the slats in the grill that made up the floor of the launch chute. He could launch an attack and enough would filter through to get at something underneath. The fluctuations changed position and he attacked. While he was concentrating on finding some indication of fallout from the attack, Shepard came above board cloaked, activating her omni-tool for a physical attack. Kaidan caught her arm and brought one leg up under her abdomen. He rolled with her momentum, and threw her, holding on to her omni-tooled arm. As he moved into place for a blow to the chest, she angled a kick directly for his faceplate. If he hadn't pulled back and let go of her arm, it would have been a dizzying hit.

Now or never. Shepard went for her pistol, resting a few feet away. Kaidan drew his own and let off a shot. Their shields dropped as each was knocked off their feet. The pistols automatically locked up. Match. Jenna caught some breath and stood. She walked up as he did the same. She activated her omni-tool and brought up the readout for the time her shields had dropped. Kaidan smiled. He brought his up for her to see.

Shepard: 00:26:13:07

Kaidan: 00:26:13:12

"Nicely done, Commander."

"Pretty good yourself, Major."

"Tie?"

"Not on your life."

Facing the crowd Shepard took hold of his wrist and hoist the arm into the air, eyes bright with a grin on. A cheer went up. Shepard let go and deactivated the shields around the ring. As the clapping started up Shepard stepped aside and joined in. She was one of the last to stop. The two started taking off helmets. Kaidan faced the crew.

"Next time we're all ashore first rounds are on me." Another rounds of cheers. James spoke up, jogging over.

"I'll hold you to it, sir." Kaidan smiled. That was going to be one expensive glass of well-aged tequila.

"You got it, James." James laughed and smiled.

"Yeah-hah." The two shook hands.

"Commander." James nodded to Shepard and rejoined the others. The noise and bustle of bet exchanging went on in the background. She stepped in close beside Kaidan as he looked her way.

"I'd say we've accomplished what we set out to. Let's celebrate." Shepard said, extending a hand. Kaidan shook it, nodding.

"Let's go."