Hello reader, I'm glad to see you again.
Wow, the reviews on this thing just exploded with that third chapter. I should kill off characters more often. Maybe Foxy? Naw I can never do that.
I'll answer guest reviews in pre-chapter notes, as well any signed reviews whose answers may be helpful to other readers. Otherwise, I'll just message signed reviews back.
To guest (very interesting story), thank you and I do hope you stay as long as you can.
To guests (crying/tearing up so hard), I'm so happy I managed to make something that spoke to you.
Thank you for that sublime metaphor about reading the chapter being as bitter as eating broccoli, dear guest.
Dat review, A Somebody. Thank you so much for that, I greatly appreciate your viewpoint on sorrow vs depression. It seriously clears up a few things for me, as I ended up having strange 'something is wrong but I can't figure out what' feelings after writing When You Left. I hope to incorporate your advice if/when I try this again.
(Work of art) I sincerely hope you don't think less of me when I say that I was relieved when I read your review. I put in much thought on this work. You may have noticed I often leave breadcrumbs and tiny details that seem forgettable or unimportant but, when seen in retrospect, reveal a much greater depth. I wanted this work to be something I can be proud of, something you can (maybe) bring to literature class and dissect like a reading assignment for its complexity and never grow tired of rereading for its immersion and enjoyability. I'm rambling now, sorry. It might have been for the best that you didn't sign this review, or I'd be flooding your inbox by now with 'I love you's. Thank you so much for reading this far, and I hope you come back as the story progresses.
Okay, reviews done.
Last chapter we, um, ooh boy, found out how David took the consequences of the previous week's events. He didn't take it too well. Let's take a break from the heaviness and take a glimpse of a much happier past.
PART I
Do You Remember
Chapter IV
When You Promised
"Lad, this be the part where ye scream." Foxy leaned slightly to the boy sitting on his left as he brought his voice down to a near whisper. He was in the middle of a riveting pirate story and had just let loose a fearsome roar in the boy's direction, playing out a sea monster's ambush. While the rest of the audience gasped and screamed, the boy remained unmoved.
"But you weren't scared either." replied the boy. He wore the special red party hat reserved for birthday celebrants, which meant he had the honor of sitting onstage with the captain himself.
"Yarr, but I be a pirate lad-"
"And I wanna be one too!" The boy interrupted, sitting forward.
The captain raised an eyebrow and brought his hooked hand to his chin as he leaned back from where he knelt, thinking. He considered the boy for a moment. "Y'er rude, cuttin' off the cap'n when he be talkin'."
"O- Oh, I-" The boy stammered. On reflex, he took off his hat in apology.
"But I like ye. Ye got heart." Foxy reached out and ruffled the boy's hair with his left hand. He then parted his coat on the right and reached inside. From a hidden pocket he produced a coin and held it up between the two of them. "What's yer name, lad?"
For a moment the boy sat there, transfixed at the sight of the gold doubloon. It gleamed brilliantly in the light. The boy marveled at the embossed image of Foxy heroically leading a charge, his sword thrust forward and his face a paradigm of confidence. He snapped back after a brief moment. "D- David. My name is David Mocke."
"David, that be a good name aye." Foxy motioned for the boy to receive the item, which he did. The captain closed David's left hand over the coin, squeezed between the thumb and forefinger. "Stand up an' move forward lad, then raise that coin up high. Proud an' mighty."
David did as he was told, leaving his seat and taking up a pose similar to that depicted on the coin. Simply holding it had given him a profound mix of awe, confidence and joy. He loved it.
"Now a pirate's life be a difficult one, lad. The sea be a fickle mistress. Adventure be a dangerous gamble. And I, " Foxy began to pace around the boy, who tried his best not to turn toward where the captain was and maintained his posture. "I be a very strict captain. Now are ye sure ye want to be a pirate, boy?"
"Aye-aye!" David said.
"Aye-aye, captain!" Foxy corrected him. He stopped in front of David and faced him. "Do ye promise to seek out adventure, wherever it be found?"
"Aye-aye, captain!"
"Do ye promise to look out fer the crew, when danger comes about?"
"Aye-aye, captain!"
"And do ye promise to follow yer captain, through thick and thin?"
"Aye-aye, captain Foxy!"
"Then as captain of the pirate's cove, I designate ye cannoneer David." Foxy knelt down, his face now level with the new recruit's. Compared to when he normally talked to a gathered crowd, his voice was now soft and personal. He spoke as a friend.
"And as a member of me crew, know that ye are never truly alone. I'll always be here for ye." Foxy reached with his good hand and closed the boy's hand around the coin. "But ye must, in turn, never leave us for any reason."
"I promise." The boy smiled and held his clasped hand to his chest. "Pirate's honor."
#
A pirate's honor can never be tarnished. His promises, never broken.
This was actually the first chapter I started writing for the story. It's a nice straightforward happy scene, partly inspired by Rebornica's one comic with Mike and Foxy (minus the bite at the end). It's short, I know, but it feels like adding in too much detail/beefing it up for the sake of length would derail the simplicity and sincerity here. If you're reading this on its own, there should be fuzzy happy feelings; and if you came here just after reading/rereading When You Left, there may be bitterness in there as well. So you take a pick on how you want this to speak to you.
For literary swag points, I tried to make a small transition from the opening paragraph. You may have noticed that after then, I no longer mentioned the other guests or the stage or a birthday party. I wanted to depict how, in the eyes of a child, the scene unconsciously focuses on a spotlight between him and the person who he is talking to; and how real it feels to him.
The scene itself was supposed to be a super secret dialogue, unlocked by the birthday kid not flinching when Foxy tries to roar at him/her. Ah, and the golden coin itself can be exchanged for five tokens (FIVE WHOLE TOKENS) for the arcades, though David likely kept it. I didn't have the space to explain this because of the transition I wanted to make, unfortunately.
Since this is a short chapter, how about an exercise for the reader? The working title I had when I wrote this was 'Through a Child's Eyes', for reasons that I have already explained above. You may have also noticed that, considering what I did with David in the last chapter, there seems to be a much more detached feel here; as if I'm not really going too deep with the characterization.
Now, take a minute to consider the following questions: Which one of them is the 'child' whose eyes we are looking through? Is this a memory seen through David's eyes, or is this a memory seen through Foxy's eyes? Feel free to reread this, to see the other perspective.
Next chapter, which is the final chapter for Part I, is due next week. Barring unforeseen events, of course.
PS. Still looking for a FNAF forum, guys. Message and link me please?