Summary: Sometimes the line between waking and dreaming seems all too thin.
Author's Note: Natsu-centric. Contains Nalu, Jerza, Gajevy, and some Gruvia. Beta read by the amazing Snogfairy.
He woke with a jolt, sending the hammock into a fitful sway. Blinking rapidly into the dusty streams of light that poured through the windows, Natsu sat up slowly, hesitating only when he felt the soft, furry form of Happy pressed up against his side.
Home. His cabin. His barely ordered house in the woods outside of Magnolia complete with drafty chimney and cluttered knickknacks.
Natsu let out a sigh, raking his hand through his hair. Had it all been some kind of weird dream? What kind of messed up food had he eaten to provoke that? Was Igneel still missing and Lucy still -
"Are we going to stay here for a few days?" Happy's sleep slurred voice startled him, making their bedding swing more haphazardly when he jerked. The exceed yawned and peered up with a disgruntled expression. "Did you make Lucy mad last night when you ran off? You said some weird stuff."
Staring down at his little friend, Natsu felt a renewed knot of disquiet wrench in his belly. He didn't speak as he scrambled out of the hammock, stomping his feet into his sandals. His hand snatched at air when he reached for his scarf, finding nothing, and he staggered to a stop. Shivering tendrils of fear slithered through his body when his eyes couldn't spot the cloth anywhere.
This went beyond the naked feeling that normally nagged him without the scarf around his neck, and he realized that he hadn't been wearing it when he woke up in the cave. He forcefully shook the feeling off, not willing to let it stop him.
"Hey wait!" Happy cried, ears flattening against his skull. His tail lashed a few times when the door banged open, bouncing on its hinges and swinging shut with a slam behind the dragon slayer that tore out into the cold morning. "Where are you going?!"
The high pitched voice faded as Natsu ran, bounding through the snow even in his scant clothing. His breath puffed in a steady rhythm, dragon lungs unhampered by low temperatures that would scour anyone else's. A single thought drummed in his mind - that he had to find Lucy, make sure she was okay.
He hit the clear streets at the outskirts of Magnolia and broke into a full sprint, dodging around a few surprised pedestrians that scolded him for his carelessness. Skidding around a corner, he found himself stymied by a wall that he hadn't been expecting and retreated to find another path. After nearly bowling over a little old lady at another wrong turn and getting clipped behind the ear with her cane, Natsu managed to muddle his way to the canal and barreled towards Strawberry Street.
Gripping the bricks with enough force to crumble a few of the edges, he scaled up the side of the building with record speed. The hammering anxiety already was starting to lessen when he caught the faint sounds of her humming and smelled her unique scent leaking out around edges of her stubbornly closed window. It offered him some resistance, and he was strongly considering that he could just break it and apologize later when it gave way, rising with a rattle of glass and bang of wood.
Lucy shrieked, whipping around with her hair flying out a fleeting golden halo. "Geez!" Her hand laid across her breast, and he could hear her racing heartbeat from where he was crouched on her sill. "What are you doing? Why didn't you use the door? I gave you a key for a reason."
His silent intensity was the only response, dark eyes darting over her. She heaved a sigh, and smiled indulgently. "Get in here. You're letting all the heat out."
Dropping lightly down to her floor, he closed the window with more care than he had opened it, still following her every move with his gaze when she turned away to sip at a cup of steaming tea. Any thoughts that his bizarre experiences the day before might have just been a dream vanished in the face of her sharper features and weary eyes. Whatever was going on evidently didn't have such an easy explanation.
"Lucy… Where's Igneel?" The question was loaded with a bit of every emotion he possessed.
She froze, her back to him, and then cast a worried look over her shoulder. "Natsu… You still don't…" With that gentle grace she sometimes managed to capture, the stellar wizard set her cup down on the coffee table and moved to him. She took his hand and led him to her bed. "Sit… please."
Nibbling her lip, Lucy brushed her thumb over his knuckles when he followed her instruction and she joined him. "Look, I'll tell you whatever you want to know, but please… will you go see Porlyusica? I just want to know that you're okay. I just -"
"Yeah," he whispered, offering no opposition to the idea. He wasn't exactly sure that he was fine either. In fact, he was starting to be convinced of the opposite. "I'll go."
She blew out a breath, lower lip stuck out so it ruffled her bangs, before starting to speak. "What's the last thing you recall?"
"We were hunting that dark wizard. He had this… thing in his hand." He remembered being struck by that bizarrely familiar wave of black energy from the weird glass orb. Natsu had no idea what the object was, but it'd filled him with a stark and terrible sense of impending doom.
She nodded encouragingly. "Yes, we did that job just a few days ago -"
With a sharp shake of his head, Natsu unintentionally cut her off. "No. I mean, yeah, but… That was X791." The comment was meant as a prompt, wanting to test the waters, and he was rewarded when her eyes widened slightly.
Lucy's surprised gaze softened slightly, sadness seeping in. "It's X795."
"W-what?" His brain rebelled against the idea.
"Four years ago there was a terrible battle. All of us were involved and things didn't go so well. The important part is that Igneel died saving your life. You were so hurt by it, but kept going because you knew we needed you. I didn't know what to do for you afterwards…"
It seemed utterly impossible. He'd been so sure that Igneel was real with his solid weight and smoky scent. Everything felt real. But Lucy wouldn't lie to him. That was something he knew with unshakeable certainty.
Gently, she turned over his arm, and her free hand brushed lightly over the flesh. "These scars here, and on your other arm too… you got these at the same time."
Pale slashes, some thin and raised, others deep and puckered, littered the surface of his arms, and Natsu frowned. He hadn't even noticed them in all his panic, but it was clear they were aged and faded with time.
"That… can't be," he said. Four years? Was he really missing four years of his life?
He just stared for a long moment, Lucy's soft hand twined with one of his own. "Can…" he started, and then cleared his throat of the tightness that was strangling his words. "I just need a minute…" The knot lodged under his larynx sank behind his ribs when the blonde untangled their fingers and whispered her assent.
At least her apartment was still the same. His feet carried him over to the tiled bathroom even as his brain refused to send any signals. The door shut with a soft click, and Natsu sagged against it. Any energy he had was gobbled up by the thrumming dread that crept wickedly through his veins.
Shoving himself forward, he wrenched the tap until scalding water was streaming into the sink and plunged his hands into it. The heat did nothing to relieve the unnatural chill he felt, so he splashed it on his face instead. An empty pit had opened in his guts, but it froze over when he raised his dripping head to stare in the mirror.
The face that gazed back was so close to his own and yet so alien at the same time. Just like the others, he could recognize himself under the wear and tear, the stronger angles and edges. It was like time had ground away the youth from his being. Lifting a damp hand, he reached forward, fingers only stopping when they met their twins behind the glass.
Something snapped in the void space in his chest, and he saw his jaw clench when he drew back to smash the stranger so boldly staring back with his own beleaguered eyes. It was only the soft gasp from the suddenly open door that halted him. He let his fist relax and dropped it back to the rim of the sink, leaning forward with his full weight braced on his arms. "... Sorry," he muttered.
"You don't need to apologize," Lucy said, voice wavering just slightly as he turned the faucet off. Steam clouded the air between them. "If you really can't remember what -"
"I don't remember," he interrupted and looked up to meet her gaze in the mirror. She was frightened, and it hurt that it was because of him. Everything ached inside. "I don't remember any of this." The gesture he tossed out included his reflection. And hers.
The blonde bit at her lip, and she repeated a motion he'd only dimly acknowledged before, nervously twisting a gold band sitting on the ring finger of her left hand. It tripped some understanding in the back of his head, rattling for attention under the suffocating blanket of anxiety. "What's that?"
"What's what?" She stilled when he turned and approached, reaching out for her. "What are you -"
"This," he said, trying to be gentle as he lifted her hand and carefully turned it. The ring was made of thick, bright gold wires oafishly hammered and woven together. They twined around a small diamond that even his unpracticed eye could see the flaws in. It was rough and inelegant against her skin, but the way she touched it spoke of reverence. "Where'd this come from?"
Lucy studied his puzzled face before offering up a laugh that sounded false to his weary ears. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it right now." He really wanted to pry, to push considering how everyone seemed to be dancing around anything he wanted to know, but the concern swimming in her brown eyes stopped him. Whatever her reasons for not answering, she was more focused on him and whatever was happening to his scattered brain.
He let her fingers slip from his, finally noticing the marked difference in their height as he practically loomed over her bare-footed frame. It wasn't the only change, and it made his guts squirm when he unwittingly started to catalog them. "Come with me," he said abruptly.
Blinking in surprise, she tilted her head. "Where are we going?"
"To find Igneel." Her mouth opened and then closed, expression clearly stating she wanted to argue, but he plunged on. "Something's wrong here. I can feel it. I don't know for sure, but I… I know what I saw wasn't a dream. He was there. I don't normally smell things in dreams."
The stellar spirit wizard didn't look convinced. "Natsu, I know whatever you've been through is very traumatic, but -"
"He said he didn't live close to Magnolia, but I'm pretty sure I can find the place again. I just don't want to lose you if I -"
Her hand gripped his arm, bringing his begging to a halt. "Okay, but maybe first we can go see Porlyusica. Just real quick so she can look you over."
"Please, Lucy."
She sighed, body sagging just a little. "Okay," the celestial wizard said, and her mouth softened into a sad smile. "We'll do everything we can to find him. If you say you saw him, I believe you."
The answer relaxed something inside him. It wasn't a denial or censure, wasn't a refusal or disbelief. It was the trust that he had come to rely on - something as dependable and comforting as his father's warm, dry scales. Relief painted his voice into tender tones. "Thank you…"
Even if he couldn't trust himself, she always had enough faith for the both of them.
"Well," she started, drawing herself up straight and marching out of the bathroom, "don't thank me just yet. I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be since I have no idea where we're going." Pulling on her boots and snatching the warmest coat she could find out of her closet, the blonde tossed him an expectant look. "Lead the way."