A/N: Enjoy darlings! Disclaimer, I don't own anything you recognize.
Severus was biting his nails into stumps. This was his chance, his time to make things right between them. Apologize and be forgiven. He had been almost twenty minutes early and when he finally heard the click-clack of Lily's high heels. He was so nervous that he felt like he was going to faint.
"Hi Severus." Lily's voice wasn't cold, nor was it happy. It was like they were distant acquaintances. Well, it could have been worse.
"Hi." That was not what he had planed to say but the grand speech he had prepared in his mind just seemed silly now.
"Should we start with the towers, than work our way down?" Lily had to work hard to keep the tone of hysteria out of her voice.
"Sure" That was the best he could do? Sure. What's wrong with him, Severus mentally kicked himself.
They walked in silence. Unbearable silence. And no matter how many times Severus tried he also found that it was an unbreakable silence. He couldn't get a sound past his lips.
He made mental countdown in his head. Three. Two. One.
"Lily?" He did it!
"Yeah?" She turned her head slightly but didn't look at him.
"How are you?" NO! WAIT! What the fuck did you say, you dumbass! Severus mentally cursed himself, that was not even close to what he had planed to say!
"Fine, thanks." No emotion.
"Okay, good." And again, there was silence.
Half an hour past. An hour. Two. They were almost to the dungeons now. He must say something!
"Do you hate me?" The question took Lily by surprise, she thought they weren't going to talk, after two hours she had relaxed and now she answered without thinking it through.
"I don't know." It was true, but she wished she had said yes, she wanted to hurt him like he had hurt her.
The lack of 'no' encouraged Severus and the word he had been dying to say all night, all summer, came rushing out now.
"Lils, I am so very sorry, please sweetie, please forgive me! I miss you so much and I was so stupid. It was Potter, I would never ever say something like that to you if he hadn't put me on the spot like that!" He could feel the tears burning in his eyes but didn't to bother to try to hid it. It was Lily, his soul mate, his better half, the love of his life, she knew he cried sometimes.
"Sev..." The hurt in her voice was obvious. She didn't know what to say. The rage had gone out of her when she needed it the most and now she just stood there, feeling like she was ten years old again, longing to embrace her best friend. Longing say that everything was alright, that she forgives his, that everything will be as it once was. But she can't. She can't ever forgive him. They can never go back.
"Lily please!" The tears spilled over now.
"No." The resolve in her voice surprised her. "No I can't! You broke us! We're broken and there are no apologizes that can ever fix that!" And with that, she ran. As soon as she had got trough the portrait of the fat lady she slumped down, back against the wall, and sobbed. She couldn't forgive him but she missed him. She missed when they did homework by the lake, when they sneaked into the kitchen and drank hot chocolate, or when they went for midnight walks through the streets back home.
"Lily?"
It was James Potter. The boy that had made Severus life hell for the past six years, it was he that made Severus say what he did. It was his fault that she no longer had Severus for a best friend!
"What? What can possibly want Potter? Haven't you ruined my life enough?"
The words took James aback, it was quite a while since their last fight, they had both been trying to act civil the past months and James thought they were actually beginning to become friends.
"Ruined your life?" He didn't understand.
"I don't want to go out with you, I don't want to speak with you, I don't want to see you. Ever!" It felt good, to get the words out, the rage that had been missing during her conversation with Snape had returned and she needed someone to take it out on.
"I lost my best friend all because of you, because of you and your fondness of hexing people just because you can!" Okay maybe that wasn't really fair. Lily couldn't remember James hexing anyone the past couple of months but she didn't care.
"Okay." That was all he said before he headed up stairs to the boys dormitory.
Lily got up, stumbled to the nearest couch, fell down in it and let the sobs shake her body and the tears stream down her face until she fell asleep by exhaustion.
She woke when the first rays of sun hit her face and got up to her room, and went into the shower. It was Saturday and her date with Marcus was in a couple of hours. She consecrated on that while she shampooed her red curls, it was either that or coming up with a way to apologizes to James. She hadn't been very nice, he really hadn't done anything wrong, she just needed someone to scream at and sadly enough he happened to be there.
Lily looked her refection in the mirror that was beginning to fog up by the hot steam from the shower and quietly said to herself:
"I suck..."