"It's not a big deal, just pack your bowl and smoke, you'll feel better", Elsa tries to convince herself, as shadows dancing in her peripherals, made by a lone lamp in her room. Sitting alone for hours, staring at the stolen license, she still tries to push the haunting vision of Anna, from earlier that night, out of her head. Continuing the pep talk to herself, "okay, you can do this, just take it out and pack it."
You are fucking pathetic, you know that... You go out at night and rob innocent people for their money... and for what? The cheap high of feeling in control? To feel better about the fight against your own powers that you KNOW you're losing? Thinking that if it's you out there, it's somehow better than if some other piece of shit was attacking all these people?
"I won't kill them, at least!", Elsa screams throwing the license across the room, trying to quiet the voices mocking her in her head. She scrambles to pick up her weed and light blue bowl, but ends up knocking them both off her nightstand. She hesitates for a moment, as she stares down at the drugs. Slowly bending down, she reaches for the weed, however the moment her skin comes in contact with the bag, it freezes. Pulling away, she grabs at her wrist instinctively and looks at her hand. Her entire palm is covered in frost. "No, no, no, no", Elsa mutters, struggling to keep her powers in check.
You want to feel like you're not losing control. You want to feel like you're not just a fucking criminal. You want to feel like you could be the bartender your sister thinks you are. You want to feel like you could be there for your sister, and not have that fucking feeling in your chest. That feeling you bury so deep, that one that you can hear whisper to you every time Anna puts your needs before her own. What does it say, Elsa?
"Shut up", the girl calls to the darkness.
What does it say?
"I said, shut up!", thinking she finally lost her mind, the girl slams her head into her hands, trying to block out the sounds coming from within.
WHAT DOES IT FUCKING SAY?
"SHUT THE FUCK UP", the girl screams against the silence, throwing bolts of frost and ice in all direction. As each patch of cold connects with the walls, it bursts into shards damaging everything it touches. Elsa could feel the anger welling up inside of her. She never let her powers fly this out of control before, always keeping at least a tentative grip on them. After attacking a few shadow, she could feel the last of her control slipping away. In an instant, all of her anger, sadness, pain, and guilt flew to her core and exploded outwards, destroying everything in its path. Draining most of her strength, she collapses to her knees. The room fell dark and silent. The last frost eruption encasing the lamp as well as a good portion of her things in ice. Living for the current moment of peace, her thoughts bring her, quickly, back to earth. Anna's eyes, from earlier that evening, pop into her head, accompanying one last realization.
I am in love with you, Anna.
Too exhausted to form any more ice, she searches the dark ground for anything she can get her hands on. The first thing she touches, her bowl, soars out of Elsa's hand, with a frustrated scream. It slams against the wall and shatters, she peers into the darkness waiting for her eyes to adjust. When they finally do, all she can see is ice shards everywhere, a thick layer of her own frost, entombing most of the room. All but one of the shadows are now blending in to the darkness surrounding her. The last shadow was looming over her, tauntingly. Placing her head against the floor and curling into as tight of a ball as she could, she murmurs, voice weak, "Please, leave me alone." Looking back up, she could have sworn seeing a green light flicker, in the now vacant spot on the wall, where the shadow had lain. Control returns to the broken girl, not just over her powers but her head as well.
She looks to her side and sees the weed, snatching it up. There's no frost this time, no ice to pull away from. She slowly pulls herself to her feet, yanking on her door a few times, trying to break the ice sealing it shut, and hobbles towards the bathroom. Reaching for the doorknob, a faint sobbing stops her in her tracks, "Anna?"
What is she doing up at this hour?
Elsa walks up to her sisters door and puts an ear against it, listening for any sounds of movement. She hears her sisters whimpers coming from, what sounds like, right on the opposite side of the door. Elsa forces her hand to knock, before she can reconsider. "Anna? Anna, are you okay?"
"What's wrong? Run out of drugs, already?" Anna sneers from behind the wooden divide. "Mom and Dad basically drowned themselves in it, only fitting that their daughter follow suit." She cut deep with her sharp tongue, striking Elsa speechless. The long pause forces Anna to speak again, "do what you want, just leave me alone."
Understanding what her sister means, Elsa leans against the door, situating herself before speaking again. "I miss them too... but they both had a huge problem. They enabled each other. When either of them tried to get clean the other drag them right fucking back in. They never had someone show them how bad they were screwing up. How much they were hurting themselves and every god damned one around them... until it was too late. By the time we were old enough to see something was wrong, Dad was too far gone to know what was happening, and Mom just... gave up." Elsa puts her back against the door and lets herself slide down, so she was sitting almost back to back with her sister. "They weren't as lucky as us, you know? They never had someone show them where they went wrong, before it was too late. They weren't as lucky as me."
"And what is that supposed to mean?", Anna sniffles, her curiosity getting the better of her.
Elsa giggles a bit, "It means, if you would join me in the bathroom, I could use some help saying goodbye to a very bad habit of mine." Elsa falls backwards as the door flies open.
"Do you mean it?", Anna was still holding a picture of their parents in her hand, staring down at her sister who is now flat on her back. Elsa could see some of her hope returning to her eyes.
Elsa's cheeks begin to get warm, "only if you will help me... one more time." Before Elsa even finishes her sentence, Anna already has her hand out ready to help her up.
Anna pulls her sister to her feet, giving her sister a huge grin. The two march to the bathroom, ready to leave this as just a bad memory between them.
Elsa opens the toilet bowl cover and tosses the bag in. She stops at the last moment, embarrassed, purposely avoiding eye contact with her sister. "This is the part I need help with, just that last push over the edge." The warmth of her face intensifies, as Anna grabs her hand.
"Together then?", Anna comforts, smiling from ear to ear.
Elsa looks straight into her beautiful blue eyes, bites her lip, and nods, "Together!" They both push down on the lever and watch the bag swirl out of sight, "Never again", Elsa whispers to herself. Her face goes flush as Anna hook their arms together, and pulls her sister close.