I'm so sorry I haven't updated in such a long time. I wrote most of this chapter ages ago and I saved it on a memory stick which I haven't had access to for months so I couldn't finish it. But on the plus side, I made this chapter really long, so enjoy!
"It's complicated sir."
James had no idea where to begin, how much should he tell Dumbledore? Should he try to protect Sirius or just leave him to the wolfs? He would deserve it, all of this was his fault.
"Might it have anything to do with Mr. Lupin?" Dumbledore tried to fish something out of them when he found James wasn't to willing to talk.
"Yeah." Sirius grumbled, he knew he should add a 'sir' or 'professor' but he couldn't find it within him to care. He had managed to ruin his life over the course of an evening. James hated him and Remus would too as soon as he regained control over his mind, he was going to get expelled from Hogwarts without anywhere to go, he couldn't go back to his parents and surely the Potters couldn't take him in. His mind was racing and his misery was going to choke him any minute, Sirius just didn't have the strength to be polite at that moment.
"Mr. Black, would you please tell me what has happened?" Dumbledore's voice was urgent and his clear, blue eyes caught Sirius's and he couldn't look away. They saw right into him, deep into the darkest part of his soul and put a hook in it, slowly dragging it out from his lips.
"I told Snape where he could find Remus tonight." He admitted in a low voice. He heard Lily giving a small gasp and saw the slight widening of the headmasters eyes.
"Okay," Dumbledore felt shocked but decided it was smarter to get the whole story out before forcing the boy to explain his motifs. "What then?"
"I suppose he went down to the Shrieking Shack." Sirius felt like he needed to explain himself so he added: "I didn't think about what could happen, sir, I swear! I just wanted to scare him and make him back of. I just… I didn't…" He stopped when he felt his throat growing thick, he couldn't cry here, he wouldn't cry.
Severus made a noise proving he didn't believe a word of it but Dumbledore chose to ignore it.
"We will talk about that later Sirius, right now I need the whole story." Dumbledore said, "Please carry on."
"I don't know exactly what happened after that," Sirius continued, "I told James what I had done, and he ran to fix it." He looked intensely at the floor and clutched his robe tightly in both his fists. He was so ashamed he could barely get the words out.
"Is this true James?" Dumbledore felt a small flicker of pride burn inside of him, he had always believed James Potter to have a good, strong character even if the boy many times had seemed to try to prove him wrong.
"Yes sir." James hands were in tight fists and he had some trouble getting the words through his clenched jaws. He had never imagined he could feel this kind of anger towards Sirius, he wanted to scream at him, kick him, punch him, he wanted to never see him again but that same thought made him feel sick. He decided to punch his thoughts aside for the moment, he couldn't deal with all of the emotions right now.
"Could you tell me what you did?"
"I ran down to the Shack, and tried to get Snape to go back before he could see Remus. I didn't really succeed but we managed to get away before anything happened." While retelling he felt how dull it sounded.
His story hardly explained the sickening feeling he'd felt when he, in the distance, had seen Snape go down into the tunnel. The shoving and screaming and punching that had happened while he was trying to get Snape back to the castle. The horror when werewolf Remus had jammed his snout into the small hole in the door separating the tunnel from the shack. The panic when the door budged slightly as Remus tried to get through to them. His story told nothing of him getting punched by the whomping willow in their rush to escape or Snape's multiple threats to kill them. He didn't know how to translate all that into words so he just let it be, but he hoped Dumbledore would somehow understand that all this had taken place without him having to say it aloud.
Dumbledore nodded and James felt that he had understood. And so he kept going.
"When we got out we ran into Lily, and in the castle Sirius found us and then we came here." He finished the story and got to the reason he was here, they needed to make sure Snape didn't tell anyone. "But please sir, Snape saw Remus after he had changed, and I'm afraid he might tell someone."
"I will take care of everything James, I just have a few questions first." Dumbledore was very aware of the need to convince Severus to keep quiet but he wasn't sure how he could go about it. "First of, why are you covered in blood Sirius?"
Sirius ignored the question and kept on looking at the floor and James decided this was a good time to look out of the window instead at the headmaster. Neither of them wanted to tell him what James had done, for fear of him getting into trouble but Severus, however, didn't have any fears of that sort so when it was apparent Sirius wasn't answering he gladly joined the conversation.
"Potter beat him up, professor." Severus smirked when he saw James brows furrow and his expression change into one resembling shame.
"Are you alright Sirius?" Dumbledore asked, even though he could clearly see the boy wasn't.
Sirius nodded and still refused to look up from the floor.
"Good," Dumbledore heaved a small sigh but went on to his next question. "And what were you doing out on the grounds tonight Lily?"
Lily was slightly straddled by being addressed by them headmaster, she couldn't recall ever him speaking directly to her, and she was a little disappointed that this was how their first encounter would take place.
"I was on patrol tonight and I heard James and Severus arguing so I went to see what was going on." She had her hand in her lap and was nervously twisting them.
"You were on patrol alone?" A failure in the patrol system might not be the most important thing before him, but a frown still made it onto Dumbledore's face.
"I was supposed to patrol with Camilla Joyce but she didn't show up." Lily wished he'd move on from questioning her, even though she hadn't done anything wrong she felt really guilty, this was the first time she'd ever been in something that resembled trouble.
"I see, one more question, do you know about Mr. Lupins condition?" Dumbledore felt like he had gathered the story and now it was time for damage control.
"Yes, I've known for a couple of months." She had suspected it for a while and had finally asked Remus about it the previous February, one evening when they were patrolling. She would never forget the terror in his eyes when she asked, or the way his voice trembled when he asked her if she was afraid of him. Nor would she forget his eyes tearing up when she reassured him she wasn't.
"And I wouldn't tell a soul, sir, I swear." She said, her voice ringing with sincerity.
"I'm glad to hear it." Dumbledore smiled at her. "I would like to talk separately with each of you, so if the rest of you could wait outside I will start with Severus."
As the gryffindors rose from their seats and left the room Dumbledore focused his attention on the black haired teen in front of him.
"Do you agree with the story that has been told here tonight? Is that what happened?"
"Yes, sir." They had told the story rather fairly, Severus had to admit that.
"Why did you go down that tunnel Severus? You knew it was none of your business." Dumbledore's tone wasn't accusing but Severus still felt a small lump forming in his insides.
"I don't know sir." That wasn't true, he knew exactly why he'd done it, he wanted to nail those stupid marauders to the wall but he wasn't about to tell Dumbledore that.
"Severus I must make a very serious request of you, I need you to promise me not to tell anyone about you learned about Mr. Lupin tonight, not a word. Can you promise me that?" Dumbledore saw that he was going to take some convincing so his answer wasn't surprising.
"Why sir? He is a monster, and I think the students deserve to know that."
Dumbledore's eyes hardened, it was like they froze over. "I won't allow you to say such things in my castle again Severus. I have personally made sure that Mr. Lupin isn't a danger to any of the students. He is no more of a monster than you or me."
"He was certainly a danger to me tonight!" Severus temper flared up, why was he getting all the blame when he was an intended murder victim?
"He's not a danger to any students who don't go looking for it." The edge in Dumbledore's voice was very evident. "If I find out that you have been spreading this to anyone, and I mean anyone, I will have to expel you. Do you understand?" Dumbledore hated that he had to use that threat but he saw no other option.
Severus sighted, he was so close to having his revenge for all the years of torture he'd had to endure and now Dumbledore toke that from him.
"I understand sir, I won't tell anyone."
This was awkward, very awkward.
Lily, James and Sirius were sitting on the floor right outside Dumbledore's office. The air was so thick with repressed emotion Lily felt like she would be able to cut it with a knife.
"I'm sorry, Prongs." Sirius whispered. He kept his eyes steadily to the floor and had his arms wrapped around his knees. "So very sorry."
James sighed and didn't answer for a long while. "I know, but it doesn't change anything."
"I'm going to fix things," Sirius still only spoke in a whisper but it carried clearly in the room, "Somehow."
The room fell silent again and it didn't break until Severus opened the door. "He wants to speak to you Lils."
Lily rose and looked around. The risk that someone would get hit the second she closed that door felt very high so before she left she looked around at the three boys and said: "Please behave." James looked at her and gave her a small nod, that made her feel a little better so she stepped back into the headmaster's office and closed the door behind her. She wasn't sure what he could want to speak with her about but she guessed she was about to find out.
"Sit down Lily." He said kindly.
She obeyed and went to her previous seat.
"Do you concur with the story that has been told her tonight?" He looked seriously at her, no twinkles in his eyes could be detected.
"Yes, from what I've heard and seen it seems to be true."
"I have a problem I'm hoping you might be willing to help me with. It might not be entirely pleasant for you but I can't think of any other way to fix it."
"What is it sir?" She couldn't think of anything that Dumbledore could ever need her help with.
"I have made Severus promise me that he won't tell anyone about what he learned tonight, but I'm not sure he's going to keep that promise." Lily's stomach dropped. He had to keep his promise, she didn't want to think about what would happen if didn't.
"How can I help sir? I will do anything." She said eagerly.
"I was hoping you would say that." Dumbledore smiled. "I was hoping you might consider talking to him. I am aware that your relationship is not was it once was, but ties of friendship will affect us long after we think they are gone. I think he will listen to you."
"Of course sir. I will try, but I'm not sure how much it will help." Lily felt a sick feeling creeping up on her, she didn't want to be affected by ties of a nonexistent friendship but if it could help Remus she knew she would do anything.
"I'm very grateful Lily, you seem to have handled yourself greatly tonight." He gave her a big, hearty smile and she felt herself blush under the compliment. "Do you think you could send in Mr. Black and keep waiting outside?"
"Of course, professor." Lily went outside and sent in Sirius.
James and Severus were sitting so far from each other the room was allowing with their backs against the wall, Lily sat down between them but with her back against the opposite wall. She looked up at James and for a second let herself admire him. He had done something heroic today and she felt him rise slightly in her estimation of him. Feeling her gaze he looked up at her and raised his eyebrows. She smiled slightly at him, shook her head and looked away.
Than her eyes fell on Severus, remembering her promise to Dumbledore she felt like she might as well start right now.
"Sev, can you do me a favor?" She intentionally put in the nickname, hoping it would warm him slightly towards her.
Both the boys looked up her with a shocked expression.
"What do you want?" He said with a smile, she had to know that he would do anything for her.
"Please promise me you won't tell anyone about Remus." She said in a small voice, look up at him from under her lashes.
Severus closed his eyes and let out a small 'hmpf'. Of course she would ask something like that from him, but could he really refuse? Could he ever say no to her when she looked at him like that, her eyes shining, her brows slightly furrowed and her lips in a small pucker? He knew that as soon as he opened his eyes and looked at her he would give in, he would promise to keep a marauder's secret.
James however couldn't look away from her. Was she really pleading to the guy who had called her a mudblood, had hurt her beyond words, just to make sure he'd kept Remus secret? She was truly amazing.
"I've already told Dumbledore I won't." Severus said, still keeping his eyes shut.
"I know, but I want you to promise me." She said, knowing that would be a promised he'd have a harder time to break. Not that he hadn't broken promises to her before, he had promised her that her bloods status mattered to him more times than she could count but that meant nothing to him in the end. She pushed that though aside, she was a girl on a mission, and couldn't let herself be sidetracked.
"If I promise you this, will you do something for me?" He knew he would give in to her, but that didn't mean he shouldn't get something out from it as well. She agreed and he looked up at her, finally meeting her eyes.
"Please forgive me. Just be my friend again and I will do anything you ask of me." He knew he was asking for much, too much probably, but he had to try.
"Lily you don't have to do this!" James had managed to keep quiet so far, knowing that she was probably the only one that could save Remus, but if she would have to sell herself to Snape to do it, he would find another way. She shot him a look that very clearly said "Shut the fuck up!" and turned back to Severus.
"It doesn't work that way and you know it." She said in a soft voice," The reason we're not friends is not because you called me a mudblood,-"Both boys flinched slightly at the word "- it's because we made different choices in life, and eventually we just became too different as persons."
"We could make new choices." He said in a weak voice. Deep down he knew that she was right but he couldn't admit it.
"Could we? Would we, even if we could?" Talking about this was agonizing for her but she had to make him promise. "Isn't there anything else you want me to do?" She said and forced on a smile.
"Would you agree to one last picnic? Like the once we used to have, down by the lake in the middle of the night." He knew he couldn't solve all their problems in the floor outside Dumbledore's office, especially not with James Potter listening intently to every word, but maybe if he could make her remember how things were before, she would want it back.
She took a deep breath, swallowed and then agreed to his demand.
Feeling the joy of victory swell up in him he dared to hope for one more thing. "And maybe we could small talk when we have potions?" He added with half a smile.
She forced out a small laugh and said, "Yeah, fine, I can do that too." Agreeing to this felt more like a defeat than it felt like a win, but, she reminded herself, a slight pain to her would mean a great safety to Remus. With that in mind she reached out her hand for him to shake. He took it and held it as she said:
"Promise. Promise me you won't tell anyone." He felt like electric shocks were going through his palm and wondered if she could feel it to.
"I promise you I won't say anything about his condition to anyone." Lily could see that he was telling the truth, he'd never been able to lie to her. They shook their hands and Severus just held on a second to long before releasing hers.
They sat in silence after that until the door opened again and Sirius stepped out.
"Prongs, your turn." He looked horrible and the edges of his eyes were red.
James stood up and as he was about to pass Sirius he put a hand on his shoulder.
"Are you getting expelled?" James whispered.
Sirius turned his head slightly but still not meeting James eyes.
"I don't know, he's going to talk to Minnie and they'll decide something."
"Okay," was all James responded with, and then left his best friend standing behind two massive closed doors.
"Please sit down James." James seated himself and looked up at the headmaster.
"I expect this to go quick, I know we all want to go to bed. I just have two small things to say to you. First off, I would like to say thank you."
"For what sir?" James didn't know what he had expected Dumbledore to say but that certainly wasn't it.
"For living up to the Gryffindor name. For being good and brave and selfless. There are few people I've met that would do what you did, and I must say I admire you for it."
"Ehrm thank you sir." He felt uncomfortable under the headmasters praise, he didn't want to be made out to be some sort of hero. He had done what he did because it was the right thing to do, it was that simple, and nothing he should be admired for.
"I will, once again, send a letter to your parents, but this time I will finally be able to give them good news." The sparkle in Dumbledore's eyes had finally returned and James felt like maybe, just maybe, the sun will rise tomorrow and the world will move on from this catastrophic night.
"They'll be happy to hear it sir." James managed a small smile but it felt odd on his face.
"Well then, before you go, I would just like to remind you that, no matter the circumstances, you are not allowed to hit your fellow students. Two days in a row it not good, but just make sure that it doesn't become three. I wouldn't want to overcrowd your house with owls."
"Yes sir. I'm sorry." James wasn't sure he meant it, he didn't regret beating neither Snape nor Sirius, they deserved it, but Dumbledore didn't have to know that.
"Well now boy, let's not dwell on things passed. Instead let's look forward to the morrow and the adventures a new day might bring." Dumbledore stood up and followed James out.
The rest of the students rose when they saw Dumbledore leave his office.
"I think it's time we all had some rest. I trust you can get back to your dorms without causing more trouble tonight? Dumbledore said.
The students mumbled an adjoining chorus of "Yes sir" and "Good night sir" and the group left the headmasters office in an awkward silence. No one spoke until Snape turned towards the dungeons and parted with the words: "Night Lils, see you at potions!" and she responded with a small confirmative noise in the back of her throat.
When he was out of earshot James spoke.
"You didn't have to do that. I could have made sure he wouldn't talk some other way." James hated that he had gotten Lily dragged into this and that she had been forced to strike a deal with the devil to fix things he should have solved.
"Yeah, how?" Lily shot back at him.
"I would have figured something out!" James was on edge and Lilys doubt in his ability to help her made him mad.
"Fine, I'm sorry I helped you!" Lily screamed. She did not feel like dealing with James Potters hero complex right now and she was even less in the mood for having him act like she was a doll made out of glass that couldn't do anything herself.
"I'm sorry," James temper had calmed as Lilys flared, "I'm so sorry I got you dragged in and I'm sorry you had to fix it."
"I got myself dragged in and I decided to help, it wasn't your fault." She still felt a little annoyed but his apology sounded sincere and heartfelt and she wasn't up for a fight.
"What exactly did you do?" Sirius asked. He had walked a couple of steps behind the group and feeling totally unable to speak. When hearing James apologize for what was really his mistakes and realizing he'd also made Lily suffer somehow he felt like the shame might swallow him. He knew he should be the one apologizing but no word could ever be enough, there was nothing he could do to fix it but he could at least figure out how much damage he'd done.
Lily looked at the pitiful boy behind her. Her heart ached for him and she couldn't bear to make his pain or shame any greater than it already was so she figured a small lie was in order.
"It was really nothing, I made Snape promise me that he wouldn't tell anyone. Potter is just making a way to big deal out of it." She added a kind smile hoping to do anything that might ease his pain.
James shot her a confused look and was just about to protest when her eyes found his and for the second time that evening she told him to shut up, by only using her gaze.
"Oh well, I'm sorry you had to talk to him, I know that must have been unpleasant for you." Sirius felt glad Lily had taken that worry of his chest. He didn't know what he would do if he would be responsible for totally ruining Remus life. How could he have been so stupid!
"It's fine, don't worry." Lily gave him another smile.
When they reached the common room Peter was waiting for them.
"What happened? What's going on?" He jumped up as soon as he saw them and looked like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
"I will fill you in later, right now we got to get out there." James said, "Have you got all we need?"
When Peter nodded James turned to leave again but Lily hastily got in his way.
"Were do you think you're going?" She said, more panic than anger in her voice. "It's dangerous out there."
"Get out of our way Evans," James snapped, he really wanted to get to Remus, "We know what we're doing."
"Absolutely not! You could die!" She had the feeling they would go look for Remus but not even the Maradures could be that stupid, could they?
"Please Lily," James looked deep into her eyes, "Trust me." He didn't feel like it was too much to ask for after all he had done tonight but one can never know when it regards Lily Evans.
She hesitated for another moment, and then stepped aside with the words: "Please be careful."
"Always." James gave her a small smile and started towards the portrait again.
"Are you coming Sirius?" Peter asked, expecting his friend to follow him.
James answered before Sirius had time to.
"No." His tone was harsh and final, "Come on Pete."
Peter shot Sirius a confused looked but followed James out through the portrait.
Left in the common room was a scared Lily and a miserable Sirius.
"Ermh, well good night then." Lily said starting towards the stairs.
"Night." Sirius said and was left alone with his though, his agony and his crushing shame.
Please leave a comment if you liked it, or if there was something you wish I would have done differently. They really mean the world to me!