Loose Ends – Sam
It never occurred to Ramza that casting Protect on himself when going back to Hildy's for dinner might be necessary. It turned out he was wrong.
"Ajora, Samantha!" He said, stunned, clutching at his jaw where she'd slapped him - slapped him so hard that his ears were ringing.
"Sorry," he apologised automatically for the blasphemy, "but... ow!" After Hildegarde's unexpectedly warm reception and sanguine attitude to the past, he really hadn't expected this.
"'I just need some time alone' does not mean you walk away and don't ever come back!" She almost spat the words at him, eyes flashing with intense anger.
Sam was the quiet one, the peacemaker. She'd been someone Ramza had always enjoyed spending time with when he was in the mood for a little peace and quiet. She was supposed to be calm and restful company, as she'd never been anything else around him, so Ramza honestly had no idea how to deal with an infuriated Samantha. She spun on her heel and went over to the window, taking very audible deep breaths. He hoped to hell it was calming her down. He looked with mute appeal towards Hildy, but she was already approaching Sam. He watched them nervously.
"You told me you were over this." He heard her say, quietly.
"I thought I was." Sam muttered. She drew in the deepest breath yet, then turned back around.
"I'm sorry, Ramza, I shouldn't have done that." She said a little shakily, eyes brimming with tears. She stayed at the window, just looking mutely at him. Gods, but Sam had become even prettier in the last couple of years, Ramza found himself thinking, inconsequentially. He gave himself a mental shake.
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry, Sam. You have every right to hate me, I'll go." He turned and marched out, ignoring the "no" he heard from one of them.
He heard running feet and Hildy grabbed his arm before he was halfway down the entrance hall.
"Don't you dare walk away again, Ramza Beoulve!" Hildegarde hissed at him. That stopped Ramza. Stopped him dead.
"I'm sorry Hildy. I can't bare to see her upset like that and I don't want to make her hate me even more."
"For the gods sake, the last thing she's feeling towards you is hate. Go back in, dry her tears and don't leave her sick with worry that she won't hear from you for at least another two years! That's all that's wrong. I wasn't lying when I told you that none of us blamed you for that gods awful mess. Be a little careful, though, I haven't dared tell her you lived in Dorter for ten months and didn't contact us; she might do a lot more than slap you, if she knew!
"I'll go and find out when dinner will be ready, you go and speak to Sam."
He knocked on the sitting room door and tentatively opened it. When she saw it was him, Sam flew at him and he thought for a second that she was going to hit him again, but instead she flung her arms around him.
"You idiot!" She said, repeating Hildy's greeting of that morning with almost exactly the same inflection.
Girls were weird, plain and simple, Ramza thought, as he bemusedly raised his arms to hug her back. Mustadio always seemed to know plenty about girls, he'd try asking him if he knew what the hell went on in their heads. Sometimes he was sure that their brains worked entirely differently to men's.
"Lets go and sit down, shall we?" He said, as he dropped his arms from around her.
"Hildy says you're probably a certifiable lunatic, these days, but since you don't seem dangerous I'm best just to treat you as if you weren't." Samantha said with a giggle as they seated themselves side by side on the settle. "I think she was mostly joking." She added with a sly smile.
"Hildy's one to talk, I remember some of the things she used to come up with when we were at the Akademy!" He suddenly turned serious, taking her hands in his own.
"Sam, are you really okay? Hildy says you're fine, but you've had to leave all of your family and friends and family behind because of what happened at Zeikden." He said. "Because of the Beoulves." He added, his voice growing quiet and hesitant. Sam made a dismissive gesture at that last comment.
"I miss my family, of course I do, but they tried to force me to do something that I just couldn't have gone through with. Then when I took matters into my own hands to stop it, they cut me off entirely. It really bothered me at first, but now, I realise that if I'd done what they asked I wouldn't have seen them much anyway, and I'm an awful lot happier here than I could ever have been married to someone I couldn't stand."
"So you're happy? You like living here and working for Hildy?" He asked.
"Honestly?" She asked. Ramza nodded. "Living here is great, Hildy and I always got along well and that hasn't changed, and her family haven't been around much, but when they are they've been very kind. But... I don't particularly enjoy working the caravans. Still, that's not so bad, since I mostly work here and don't go out with them too often. The other guards are mostly men and they can be uncouth and quite unpleasant to deal with, though. I'm young and I look vulnerable, so whether I'm being Chemist or mage, I've taken to carrying a knife for self-protection, and that's not for the bandits. Still, once you hold a knife to a man's crotch as if you know what to do with it and threaten to cut his balls off, he'll usually back off pretty damned quick."
Ramza blinked, then his face became so shocked and horrified that, for a moment, she had an uncontrollable fit of the giggles. Her face sobered quickly, though, as she thought of something.
"For the god's sake, don't say anything to Hildy, though; I couldn't bear it if she thought I was being ungrateful. I'd be living on the streets, if it wasn't for her. My entire family disowned me after I refused to marry."
"I still think you should let Hildy know." Ramza said stubbornly.
"Hildy says you took work as a sellsword, Ramza. It's not so different."
"It's different because I was different, Sam. I've never gone around trying to molest innocent young women! I never would!"
"Of course you never would, you're Ramza." She said, as if that encapsulated the entire concept of treating women with proper respect. He was a little embarrassed, at the same time as feeling complimented. The embarrassment caused him to flail around for something else to say.
"Hildy's been a while." Was all he could come up with. He saw her roll her eyes.
"Hildy's being tactful, Ramza, giving us a little time. Gods! You always could be a bit dense about certain things." She half-muttered that last.
"Tactful?" He asked, confused. He wasn't going to to question what he was being dense about. Growing up around Alma, he had learned young that discretion could be the better part of valour, when it came to girls – half-mutters were best ignored.
"Tactful." She said firmly. She hooked and arm around his neck and drew him towards her. She gave him a kiss, full on the lips, and though it only lasted a couple of seconds, Ramza had time to think that, yes, girls were weird, but sometimes it was definitely a good sort of weird.
"Ah. Yes. I see. Tactful." He said, as he leant forward to kiss her again.
After a couple of minutes of kisses, Hildegarde had made a lot of 'tactful' clatter outside the cozy sitting room, so that Ramza and Samantha had time to be acceptably not-locked-together-at-the-lips when she re-entered the room. Ramza suspected that she had peeped in, before ducking back out and kicking something over.
"Dinner's almost ready, but I have to warn you that Grandma has decided to come down and chaperon us, since we're entertaining a young man." She rolled her eyes and explained that 'Grandma' was actually her great-grandmother, a tiny frail old lady who was only intermittently well enough to leave her room.
Sam rolled her eyes as well, then laid a hand on Ramza's arm.
"Don't get me wrong, Grandma's lovely, but she's a bit deaf and none of us will get a word in edgewise for the entire meal. The only time you might get to speak is because she'll want you to answer questions about yourself - though you'll have to repeat everything at least three times. That'll be just in case you're here to court Hildegarde, who she thinks should already be married... only, at the same time, she thinks no-one's actually good enough for Hildy. So it could be a rather long meal."
"Of course we could just put a stop to that by telling her you're here to court Sam." Hildy said pointedly, making both Ramza and Samantha blush.
Grandma had indeed been a trial, but Ramza hadn't really cared so much, he was still kind-of floating above the mundane aspects of the evening. He spent a fair proportion of the meal wondering how best to hint to Hildy that it would be nice if she could find a way to be 'tactful' again for a few minutes after dinner.
Hildy either picked up the vibes or had natural tact because she helped her great-grandmother upstairs to her room, herself, rather than getting one of the servants to do it. She dawdled, coming back downstairs, and cleared her throat noisily just outside the room the other two were in. If they had been kissing, and they probably had, since Sam still looked a bit flushed, it looked as if that had already stopped shortly before she got back – they were sitting comfortably, Ramza's arm around Sam's shoulder's, just talking.
"...your education, really? Oh, that is good, Sam. You're going to try to get into the Magickal Akademy, like you wanted to?"
"No, and it won't be for a while. I'm really not interested in the wider range of magicks any more; I have no interest in learning more spells to kill or hurt people with. I want to heal and do that exclusively. It's going to take me half a dozen years, at least, but I'm saving up to go off to Ordallia. You know the Royal College of Physicians there is considered to be the best in the world. They're doing the most marvellous things; combining chemical salves and potions with white magick and surgery to be able to treat almost any illness or injury.
"I've been looking into it. I know if I study hard I should be able to pass the entrance examinations. But travelling to Ordallia, then sustaining myself while I learn, not to mention the tuition fees, I think I'll need somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand gil. It's going to take me an awful long time to save enough, but I'm determined to do it, I have nearly four thousand saved already. But the work Hildy gives me pays well, and I can usually put at least half my wages away in the bank."
"How long? Is the half-dozen years you said realistic?"
"Yes, I think so." Samantha said, looking just a little crestfallen.
"Don't look at me." Hildegarde said to Ramza, who was doing just that, a slight frown on his face. "I've offered to lend her the money – she just says I've already done enough. Successful, Ordallian-trained physicians can practically charge whatever they want; she could make the money back in no time once she qualifies, but she won't take it from me."
"But I don't want to just treat the wealthy, I want to be able to treat everyone. If I have enough money to get me right through, I can then set up practise anywhere I want, treating anyone I want."
Ramza looked thoughtful. Oddly, he excused himself, after only another half-hour of talk, a lot earlier than they had expected, saying that he needed to catch his other friends and speak to them that evening.
"Ramza, you've always said that, if any one of us need money, we can take our share out of the coffers. That's all you're doing now. A sixth will be just over four-thousand eight-hundred gil, by the way." Agrias said, sipping her glass of wine.
"Can I be nosy and ask what you need it for?" She added, almost as an afterthought.
"A friend." He said vaguely. "I'll tell you all about it soon."
Agrias raised an eyebrow then glanced at Mustadio, who was sitting next to Ramza. He shrugged back at her then looked at Alicia, who was looking equally mystified.
"Oh, and I invited Sam and Hildy to join us all for lunch here, tomorrow. Hildy can't come, she's got some sort of meeting to attend at the Guild, but Sam will be here. Will you all be around? I'd like my old friends not to think I'm a complete lunatic, and all this talk about Lucavi and Delita being alive and having formed a bad habit of kidnapping the princess has them thinking I'm delusional. At least if other people are telling the same story it might give me a little credibility.
"Where's Lavian and Ladd, by the way?" He asked. "I wanted to check that they were okay about the money too."
"Early night - as in 'early night'." Mustadio said with emphasis. Ramza blushed, which made Agrias' face take on a sardonic cast. She kept quiet, though, much to Ramza's relief.
Ramza hadn't really known whether Sam had really doubted his sanity or not – did a girl kiss and cuddle with someone they genuinely thought might be a lunatic? However, lunch with his new friends seemed to settle any lingering questions she had had. The three ex-Lionsguards had dragged her off for a chat over a pot of tea in the sitting room that they had commandeered.
He hoped the women might be explaining, in more detail, the things that had happened in the last few months. He thought it more likely that they were trying to pump Sam for information about what he had been like when he was younger and exactly what the relationship between the two of them was now. Good luck with that! He thought. He had no clue, himself. He'd tried speaking to Mustadio about it last night, when they were getting ready for bed in the room they were sharing, but when he started to explain the situation, Mustadio had quickly interrupted him.
"It's very simple, Ramza, and I want you to always remember the next thing I'm about to say. You think way too much! You end up paralysed with indecision if you do that, and for no good reason. If a girl wants you and you want her, that's a good thing – always, no exceptions... well, unless you're already married or something. It's when you want her and you haven't the first clue what the hell she wants, that you have real problems! Now, seriously, I am not in the mood to hear about your supposed 'problems' because a girl you fancy is throwing herself at you!"
Ramza had no idea what that was about, unless it was Agrias, though he still didn't think that Mustadio was entirely serious about her. He decided not to push it. Mustadio was never normally touchy like that, so something was clearly wrong and the tone of that last comment had suggested that he didn't want to talk about it any more than he wanted to listen.
Over lunch, Sam had seemed to get on fine with everyone except Alicia, for some reason, who was usually the most friendly of the ex-Lionsguards. Ramza tried not to let that bother him and, to be fair to Sam, he thought it was Alicia who had initiated the mutual standoffishness. It was a puzzle to him, but the chances that Sam and Liss would have much to do with each other in the future were slim, especially if he got his way, this afternoon. So it probably didn't matter, in the grand scheme of things.
After a little while, he'd gone to the little sitting room at the back of the inn, which, although they hadn't paid for it's exclusive use, seemed never to be used by anyone but themselves, anyway. As he had hoped, it was, indeed empty except for the four women. He tentatively told them that he needed to talk to Sam alone and, with speaking looks at one another, the other three made their excuses and left. He turned to her and took her hands in his.
"I want you to listen to me and I'd really appreciate it if you'd hear me out, fully, before you decide."
"All right." Sam looked at him, suspiciously. "I'm trying to work out if that sounds good or bad." She said, looking speculative.
"Good, I hope. You'll hear me out? Let me say my piece without interrupting?"
"Of course." She tugged a hand out of his and used it to push the hair that had fallen into his eyes back from his forehead. "You sound so serious. Should I be sitting down?"
"Maybe." Ramza pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, then led her over to the wing chair by the fire. He sat in it and tugged her down so that she was perched on its arm. To his surprise, she slid from the arm of the chair so that she was sitting in his lap.
"Go on then." She said with a sweet smile.
"Huh?" Having a warm, receptive, very attractive Samantha in his lap was more than a little distracting. Her curving lips were close and he could just lean forward... "Erm..." Yes, he needed to talk to her about... stuff... er... yeah - stuff... and things... and Sam was really, really...
"Ramza, the paper. I assume that that piece of paper has something to do with this." She prompted.
He cleared his throat, vaguely wishing he could clear his head so easily.
"Erm, yes... This is something I want you to have. You seemed very serious about wanting to go to Ordallia to study to heal people. You are, right? Er... serious about it, I mean." He said, vaguely worried that he still sounded like a fool with half a brain. He took a deep breath and tried not to think about soft lips in front of him, soft buttocks pressing into his thighs, in fact, lots of soft curves... He cleared his throat sharply.
"Sam, the piece of paper, it's a bill of exchange for twenty-thousand gil. It's my money, no-one else's, it comes from the income from the properties that my father left me. However, you need to know that it isn't entirely 'untainted'. My brother, Dycedarg, his Agent deals with all of my finances until I come of age – I can't do anything to change that, he's still officially my guardian.
"I won't... I can't bring myself to touch it, not when it comes, even indirectly, through Dycedarg's hands. And there's been times in the last few months when we really could have used money... but I just can't.
"Though I can't, I hope you can. If I sign it over to you, from what you said, that will be enough to cover the whole of your tuition in Ordallia for the next five or six years, with something left over.
"I have another five thousand in cash upstairs which I also hope you'll accept. Added to your four thousand, you could go off to Ordallia as soon as you like.
"You said it last night, and Hildy said it yesterday morning, that neither of you blame me for what happened to you after Ziekden. Well, I blame me. I knew I wasn't being fair to any of you when I asked you to come along. My judgement was off, because I was so anxious, but I still knew it wasn't really right and I did it anyway." He closed his eyes.
"Juli's dead, I can't change that, however much I wish I could. Ophellia's married and she's having a child; so even if I wish she had been able to choose whether or not that happened, it's too late now. Hildy's either one hell of an actress, or she's actually pretty happy with the way her life is going. Then there's you. There is no way you should have to be carrying a knife constantly so that you can threaten to cut people's balls off in order to remain unmolested!
"All right, so I'm a bit hung up on that, but it's actually hard for me to picture my quiet Sam being able to do that at all. So, it's barely conceivable that you're being forced to do it on a semi-regular basis."
"Your 'quiet Sam' isn't the little mouse she was a couple of years ago, Ramza, and I'm happy with that. Your Sam?" She said a half-smile playing about her lips.
"Wishful thinking, and if you take that money, there's a chance we'll never see each other again, so no, not mine exactly, except for, hopefully, my very good friend."
She nodded, a faraway look on her face. Eventually, she spoke.
"Always that. But no. It's too much. Maybe... maybe, if it would make you feel better, the five thousand you mentioned; that would cut my saving up time down by at least a year. But not twenty-five, Ramza. That's far too much, you can't..."
"I can. Look at the date on this thing. I've had it since before the last term we were at Gariland started. It was originally my 'emergency money', though how or why Dycedarg allowed me to have access to twenty-thousand, when I was only a student, and only a couple of days from home, I don't know. Then again, this is barely more than pocket-change to him!
"Sam, if I haven't used it before now, I never will. This is money I will never touch, never use, it will go to waste, completely, if you don't take it. Please, take it... and you'd be doing me a big favour if you wait to cash it until you get to Ordallia. I don't want Dycedarg to be able to trace me, and if he finds out and thinks I headed to Ordallia, after I've seen Zalbaag in Lesalia, that will be perfect!" He leant forward and, giving in to temptation, pressed a brief kiss to her lips.
"Please." He said, and kissed her again, more lingeringly.
"How can I refuse a request, when it comes with kisses?" She said, when they came up for air.
"You'll do it, you'll take the money?"
"Yes, though I'd be more comfortable if you'd let me come with you for a few months and do what I could to help in whatever you're doing. At least then I'd feel as if I'd done something to earn it." He looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook his head.
"No, you said yesterday you've been sticking exclusively to chemistry and white magick." He said, not elaborating. She frowned at him.
"They're very useful support skills, I don't see why I couldn't be of help."
"We assume that there are more people with auracite out there, and hence that there are other potential Lucavi. If you aren't prepared to fight fire with fire, I don't think we can use you." At the word 'use' Sam stiffened perceptibly. "And I'd much rather think that you were doing something you loved and was making you happy than tagging along with us just because you feel a false sense of obligation. It's only money Sam, it's not as if it's something truly important."
"Only someone who grew up as rich as you would say money wasn't important, Ramza, but... all right, I can accept that you don't want me along."
"I really do want you, Sam. It's just..." He trailed off as he saw Sam's expression change from offended to something slightly incredulous and then into an amused smirk. He could feel the blush rise up his neck and into his face and he covered his eyes with one hand as she began to giggle.
"You really know how to sweet-talk a girl, don't you?" She said, the laughter not entirely gone from her voice.
"Don't. I already have enough women in my life who go out of their way to embarrass me at every turn!"
Still hiding his eyes, he felt her shift in his lap, her breath on his cheek told him that she had leant towards him. Her voice was only a little above a whisper, when it came.
"If it makes you feel any better, Ramza, I want you too." His hand dropped away from his face, eyes flying to hers. Her blush was nearly as bright as his had been, but she didn't look away, instead nodding slightly. Laying her hands against his chest and leaning in, she went on even more quietly:
"And you're right, after I go to Ordallia we may never see each other again. We..." she bit her lip, "if you'd like to, we could go up to your room and say a proper goodbye." She blushed even more deeply. The prospect intrigued, excited... and scared him, just a little. Then he remembered.
"We couldn't. I'm sharing with Mustadio, while we're here, and I don't know what his plans are for this afternoon. Besides, the money's a gift freely given, I don't expect anything in return, Sam - you don't have to do anything to earn it." After a moment, she stiffened again, then scrambled off his lap. Hands on hips, she said.
"Well thank-you very much for letting me know you don't expect me to prostitute myself!" He stared at her, open mouthed, for a couple of seconds, then she spun on her heel and headed towards the door.
"Sam, for the gods' sake." He jumped up and grabbed her by the wrist. "I didn't mean it like that. You must know I didn't mean it! You were the one who spoke of wanting to feel like you'd earned the money, earlier." She stopped trying to pull away and she gave a deep sigh, her face softening. He let go of her wrist and she raised the hand to cup his cheek, her expression oddly sad.
"I know. I know you'd never deliberately say something so insulting and hurtful. I need a few moments to think... Just let me..." He began to apologise, but she raised a hand to silence him. She went over to the window, and stood looking out over the stable-yard, her arms wrapped around herself, slightly hunched. Ramza just stood and watched her stupidly. Suddenly she spoke, though her posture didn't change and she didn't look around.
"I let you say your piece, uninterrupted, just like you asked, Ramza, so will you let me say mine, now?
"Of course." He said, feeling very worried about what was coming.
"I don't know what everyone's parents were thinking, sending us away to a mixed school, but expecting us to behave ourselves impeccably and then come home and marry whoever they chose. Delita and Juli were hardly the only ones who were sneaking whenever they could to find some privacy and sleep together, you know. Since there were less than half as many girls as boys, almost all of the girls had a boyfriend. I was one of the only ones who never did.
"Of course, I'd been daydreaming, since about the start of second year that you'd ask me. Sometimes I thought you were interested and sometimes I was sure you weren't – I was never certain enough to even hint... Well, never mind. So I'd had this daydream about us for a long time. When I saw you again, I realised that the old daydream wasn't as dead as I had assumed and so..." She turned and looked at him pointedly and gave a rueful shrug.
"If the dream was what I really wanted, though, the thought of that money and the chance to go to Ordallia and begin my training immediately probably wouldn't be so tempting. Maybe... maybe I've been wrong and you and I would never have worked... or maybe two years ago it would, who knows? I think, though, maybe too much has happened and that chapter of our lives is over... and... and maybe the thought of a lovely 'what-might-have-been' is actually better than the memory of a disappointing 'what-was'.
"So I'm going to take your offer and go to Ordallia and train hard and one day become the best damned physician that Ivalice has ever seen, and though I'm still struggling to believe it, you are going to save the world from the threat of Lucavi, it seems."
She came to him and pressed a very chaste kiss to his lips.
"At least I still have my very good friend... And this way, I'm not treading on anyone's toes, either." She added quietly.
Ramza frowned.
"What? Toes?"
"Oh, Ramza!" She giggled. "Some things really never will change, will they?"
She patted his cheek then took his hand and led him out of the room. Whatever she had just said, things had changed so rapidly that he really didn't feel like he knew what was happening or what, if anything, he should be saying. Sam seemed happy to take charge, though, so he let her.
"Come on, you said you had the rest of the money for me in your room. If we hurry, we can probably get it to my bank before it closes." There was quite a long pause. "... And Ramza..." her voice had become very soft, "the thought really is a very lovely 'what-might-have-been'." She added, squeezing his hand.
Author's Note
So that's the loose ends of 'the girls' tied up! I'm posting this almost against my better judgement. I'm not completely happy with that ending, but I've been working on it for over a month, now, and I have run into a complete brick wall about what to do to make it better. All criticisms and suggestions will be very gratefully received.
Since I was never going to have Ramza paired with an OC, (Mary Sue? No thank-you!) then his relationship with Sam will just have to go down as a 'near miss', I guess, and be chalked up to experience. Sometimes too much water really has passed under the bridge. And frankly, by the end, I'll be juggling 14/17 characters (don't know if Boco (the floozy!), Construct 8 or Byblos count) so adding another, voluntarily, was never happening.