Chapter XVIII

Aramis strode in the corridor, feeling furious at himself. He did not want to ruin Elise's life, but what would she think of him after what had just happened? He knew she had decided to accept his past and his mistakes because she intended to stay with him, to have a life with him. Instead, she had been betrayed in the worst way possible. The Musketeer wanted to beat himself up.

There were a small table and a couple of chairs on the balcony outside. He took his anger out on them, toppling them to the floor. The lantern crashed down as well, shards of broken glass everywhere. Aramis screamed out with rage, hitting the wall with his fist until it drew blood. It should have hurt, but there was no pain. He was too ashamed to feel physical pain. There was an eerie silence around him, and he realized he was making a fool of himself.

Captain Tréville did not want to see him unless he had made a decision? Very well. Aramis secured his hat on his head, straightened his uniform then ran down the stairs, passing his fellow Musketeers in the courtyard, but not looking at any of them. He headed to the gates to disappear in the crowd filling the street.

"Should we...?" d'Artagnan asked.

"What do you think? One for all and all for one," Porthos said, standing up and the three Musketeers left in pursuit of their friend.

It was not too difficult to find him. They toured some of the inns and taverns where they had their habits to eventually meet with him in a small one in a shady part of town. Aramis had obviously thought they would not go that far as he did not acknowledge them when they sat down. The Musketeer had chosen the table in the darkest corner of the room so even though there were few patrons, he would be left in peace. The bottle in front of him was untouched. The four of them remained silent for quite some time until Porthos started to drink. It would have been a pity to let such wine go to waste. After a couple of drinks, he looked intently at his friend.

"I should have known it would happen. She was looking at you differently."

"And you were behaving a little more like yourself these past days," d'Artagnan added. "If she's managed to improve your bad mood, we have something else to thank her for."

"Tréville did not look thankful."

"It's his niece, Porthos. Of course he's not thankful. Did you really think he would let Aramis bed her and then welcome him with open arms?"

"I did not bed her," Aramis finally said, still not looking at the others.

"I am glad to hear you have gained some common sense," Athos muttered. "If I were the Captain, I would have killed you if you had done so."

"Aren't we all relieved that you don't have a daughter!"

"What happened then? We heard shouts," Athos asked, ignoring d'Artagnan's comment.

"Either I marry her or I never see her again." Porthos groaned at the choice. He would not have traded places with his friend for anything in the world.

"If she revealed your relationship to her uncle and you confronted him, isn't the choice simple?"

"Please, d'Artagnan. Can you, for a second, imagine him married?"

"Why not? I would have married Constance if I had had the chance. Do you find this idea so ludicrous?"

"That's different. Can you imagine Aramis married?"

The one concerned understood perfectly well why Porthos was dubious. Aramis had had many lovers in the past, too many to even keep count of them. Few of them had really been important for him. He could not stop worrying that one day, he might not feel the same way about Elise. It was Tréville's concern, as well, he knew it. He was afraid of his own reputation, afraid that he could not change so much.

"I almost got married. A long time ago," Aramis confessed, cutting their conversation short. He had never talked to them about it. "We were young and she fell pregnant."

"What happened?"

"She's dead. But before she died, she said that it was better this way because she could not see me living a quiet life, with children at my feet."

"Could you?"

"Yes. I think," Aramis eventually said. "But I am afraid I would quickly be bored."

"Elise does not seem like a girl who would ask you to give up soldiering for her. She would probably just yell at you for getting into drunken fights." Porthos shook his head remembering her anger the week before when she took care of their injuries.

"What if I die and she is left by herself?"

"Everybody must die one day," Athos said. "If you are so afraid of dying, you will never take any risks."

"I know. I am not afraid of dying. I simply worry about her."

"You've been married before," d'Artagnan added, speaking to Athos. "Don't you have any advice?"

"My marriage is not an example to follow," the other answered bitterly. "Elise is nothing like Milady. I think we can all agree that Elise is a great girl and we would all like to see her be happy. I would hate to see her heart broken." He looked pointedly at Aramis who could feel the glare even with his eyes fixed on the table.

"She would not mind being a soldier's wife. She has said it often and she can be rather stubborn," Aramis admitted.

"And do you love her?" Porthos demanded out of the blue, finishing the bottle of wine. The three Musketeers watched as their friend finally raised his head to face them. They were not judging him, they simply stated the facts, showing him the best path to take. The answer to the question was "yes", yes he loved her. Yet, he had loved many girls before her, ones that were taken from him, or ones that he knew he could not have. Thinking about it, Elise may be the first girl he truly loved and who was completely free to be his.

Talking about it with his friends had helped him see clearer. He answered Porthos's question:

"Yes."

"Do you want her to be happy?"

"Yes."

"Does she make you happy?"

"Yes."

"Can you see yourself with her in ten years?"

"If nothing befalls us, yes."

"There, bam! Best matchmaker in Paris!" Porthos boasted, satisfied with his friend's answers. "The Lord be our witness, I believe there's a wedding in the making!" Aramis granted him a small smile. He could not believe what was happening. They stared at him for some more time, waiting for a breakdown or at least some other reaction. He was too stunned by the turn of the conversation and what it meant.

"I should head back to the Garrison, I guess," he sighed, standing up from the table.

In the street, Athos quickly caught up with Aramis. The two others had stayed behind to celebrate. The older Musketeer did not really know how he felt about these new developments. It could only be good for Aramis to settle down, and Elise seemed like the perfect one to help him do so. However, he had secrets which could complicate their future life.

"There is still more to discuss and I could not do it in front of them."

"She knows," Aramis simply stated.

"Are you mad? Why would you put her in such danger?" Athos said, grabbing the other's arm to force him to stop and face him. Aramis shook his arm free.

"I did not tell her willingly. Who do you think I am? She figured it out by herself. She's a very clever girl."

"And does she know what will happen to you if they find out? Does she know you will be hanged? She would be shunned from the world for the rest of her life. Are you telling me that she is ready to become a traitor's wife?"

"I told you she is stubborn! And weren't you the one saying that life is about taking risks?"

"I was talking about you!" Their argument was starting to draw the attention of the passer-bys, even though they were trying to keep their voices down. Athos resumed his walk, seething.

"She will not be a traitor's wife and I will not leave her on her own. If anything should happen, I will make sure to leave the city and I will take her with me."

"A life as outlaws. Even better."

"What would you have me do? Not marry her, then? Simply because one day, someone might have doubts and uncover the trickery? Don't you think I have thought about it? I have, Athos. There is no taking back the secret from her. She will be better protected with me by her side than if I gave her up."

Athos assessed his friend, trying to decide if he was slowly turning into a mad fool or if he was making some sense. In the end, he decided that he had done his part by voicing his disapproval. He grabbed Aramis by the shoulders.

"Very well, then. We'll have to make even more sure no one ever learns the truth. For her sake."

He left without another word toward the Garrison. Aramis stopped on the side of the street. Too much had happened in too little time and he desperately needed some time alone. He knew that everything his friends had said was true. He wanted the best for Elise and the best was to marry her. The more he thought about it, the more the idea did not repulse him as much as he had imagined. The fact that it was Elise certainly helped a lot. It was the only way for him to stay close to his friends as well. If he declined Tréville's offer, he would be forced to leave the Musketeers and certainly the city.

Besides, he had not lied. Elise was so lively that he could very well see them together. He could see them arguing because with her spirit, she was bound to confront him often. He could also see them enjoying life. Not a too quiet life, hopefully. Not with Elise. Aramis hoped she would forgive him for not making this decision as soon as it had been offered. It took some time to accept that your life would change so dramatically.

The sun was setting down, Elise's room was becoming darker. There had been no news of Aramis since the morning and she was growing restless. Where was he? What was he doing? She had not dared wander outside to look for him or his friends. The entire Garrison had to know what had happened between their Captain and the Musketeer. She did not want to see anyone before the whole affair was settled.

How it would be settled, she had no idea. They had never talked about it, but she thought that it was as obvious for Aramis as it was for her. She chastised herself for not knowing better. With a reputation such as his, she should have realized that marriage was not the first option on his list. They could at least have discussed it instead of him running away like a thief. She was angry at him for it. On the bright side, he had stood firm to her uncle, even confessing that he loved her. She could always hold on to this piece of knowledge.

What if he never came back? What if he decided he did not want to be stuck with her for the rest of his life? Was it the reason why he was always asking her to think about her wish to stay with him? But he had explained that he had stopped seeing this Marguerite because he only wanted to be with Elise. Her head was beginning to ache.

There was a knock on her door, and it opened before she could say anything. She stood up from the bed, drying the few tears still on her face.

"I heard what happened," her brother said. "Uncle was furious. It's a nice change for him to be angry with you and not me. Who would have thought you would put yourself in such a situation?"

"Christophe, please. I am in no mood to fight. I wish Mother was here tonight."

"I think she would have had the same reaction as our uncle. A Musketeer, really?"

"And why not? He saved my life. If they had not come to bring you to Paris, the bandits would have taken me. And who knows where I would be now." She shuddered at the thought. "He tended to my wounds. Have you seen it?" she asked, dropping the sleeve of her dress to show her shoulder. Christophe had to look away.

"I never wanted you to be hurt. You're my sister."

"And what about our parents? They were more than hurt. They are dead. They are dead and we are alone. Can't you see? I wish you realized what you did."

"They could have helped me and they would still be with us."

"They did! They asked Uncle to take you with him to put you in the right path. You cannot blame Father for not putting up with your endless debt."

"None of it would have happened if he had."

Elise threw her hands in the air. If she had not cared so much about her young brother, she could have slapped him. She did not want to see any more.

"Leave me alone. If you only came here to mock me and speak ill of Mother and Father, I no longer want to see you." He did not move. "Leave me alone!" she said, a little louder.

"Is there a problem, Elise?" She breathed with relief at the voice, and she smiled in spite of himself when she saw Aramis appear behind her brother. "I believe she told you to leave her alone," the Musketeer said coldly, glaring at Christophe. The young boy glared back, still not moving. Aramis usually had no patience for him, but he had even less tonight. He grabbed Christophe by the collar and threw him out of the room, shutting the door.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." They stared at each other during long minutes, neither one nor the other knowing what to say or how to say it.

"We need to talk," Aramis decided.