Chapter XXXVIII

It was a gorgeous day in the countryside and if Aramis had not been worried about the upcoming heartbreaking conversation he would soon have, he could have enjoyed this walk in the park. The air was filled with floral scents, the fountains were spraying cool water. Athos kept glancing in the direction of his friend as they walked a couple of meters behind the Queen. He dared not talk while she was within hearing distance. For once, it seemed that Aramis was going to follow his advice and cease all intimate interactions with the Dauphin. Yet, one could never be sure.

Aramis did not know how he was going to inform the Queen of his decision without sounding like he preferred Elise to the heir, which was so far from reality. He could never like one more than the other. Out of habit, he reached for his necklaces, but they were not around his neck anymore. Taking them off had seemed like a good start to distance himself. They were still in his pocket, though. Giving them up entirely was too difficult.

After some time, they arrived close to the small chapel where the King's son had been hastily baptised the week before. He would have a proper and more fitting christening in Paris, but royal or not, babies could always die in infancy so some sacrament was a blessed protection.

"I wish to pray," the Queen declared, not looking at her escort.

"Allow us a moment, your Majesty." Athos and Aramis walked past her, going inside to ensure that it was safe. It was small and cool place. It was empty.

They remained at the back by the front doors while the Queen knelt at the altar. Aramis was praying silently as well, asking for courage. The changes he was making would only be complete after her Majesty was informed of them. In a sense, it terrified him. He let ten minutes pass until he decided to step to the front of the chapel.

"Do not do anything stupid," his friend warned him, although he realized it was an unnecessary warning when he noticed how pained yet determined the other looked.

The Queen heard the heavy footsteps but did not turn around. Her hands were still joined, her eyes closed. The sound stopped behind her.

"You were missed these past months," she eventually said. "I was beginning to think you had somewhat taken ill."

"I apologise if I have caused your Majesty any distress."

"I am glad to see that you are well, Aramis."

"Her Majesty should not fret about me when she has a beautiful newborn to take care of."

"I will always be anxious about my most loyal subjects and you are one of the dearest to me."

"You honour me, your Majesty."

"It is but the truth and now that you are with us once again, I hope you will protect my sons as you have always done in the past."

"It is my most important duty."

"Is it a mere duty to you, then?" the Queen asked, standing up to turn around. Her heavy dress was on the way so the Musketeer held out his hand to steady her. When she looked up, she seemed sad. Aramis had made a point to speak with a neutral voice because they had grown too close the past year and it had done them no good at all. He was a soldier, she was his monarch's spouse, and it was high time they behaved as such.

"I'm afraid it has to be, your Majesty. You have given me so much, all these times with the Dauphin. I will never be able to thank you enough for them; I will cherish them forever. However, I...I cannot enjoy such an incredible favour anymore. It has become too dangerous. You may not remember it, but when we were at the Count's house in February..."

"I do remember, Aramis", she cut him off, glancing behind him at Athos. He had turned his back on them. It made no doubt that he could hear what they were saying, at least he was giving them as much privacy as he could. "I remember perfectly. Nevertheless, nobody noticed."

"We were lucky. Luck cannot last, your Majesty. My wife...I will be a father soon, and it's made me realize that if we were to make another mistake, I would doom you, but my family as well. It would be unfair to them."

Aramis was fighting to stop his voice from quivering. The Queen was staring intently at him, taking it all in.

"My son will grow and with time, he will not make these innocent errors. You do not have to choose."

"With all due respect, your Majesty, I do have. I cannot chance it. I will always be the devoted servant I promised to be, looking out for the heir. I am a Musketeer and protecting the future King is our most paramount mission."

"A mission..." She did not like the choice of words, "duty", "mission". There was so much sadness in his eyes, though, that she soon became aware that they did not reflect his real feelings. It broke her heart to see what he was doing to protect all the persons he cared about. For a moment, she actually hated herself because even though her situation was not the best, she would remain close to her first-born. "I'm so, so sorry, Aramis. I wish I could offer some alternative."

"You have tried so hard in the past, your Majesty. You have done much more than I would have hoped. It was truly wonderful, believe me."

"It is not fair to you." She reached out for his hand. Aramis was clutching his hat tightly, his knuckles turning white. His friend coughed behind him, but the Queen did not let go. Instead she squeezed harder.

"I will watch out from afar. The Dauphin will never be safer, I can assure you. It is better for him if we grow apart."

"What about us? I did enjoy being able to speak with you." He knew. There were not many friends she could turn to at the Palace. They had shared moments that belonged only to them, and the Queen allowed herself to be more free whenever they could talk. Changing this was an unfortunate collateral damage to his decision.

"I am only a soldier, your Majesty. You are the Queen. It was never my rightful place. There was this foolish hope in my heart that our arrangement could go unchanged for years ahead. Please, do not be saddened," Aramis added quickly. The Queen looked like she was about to cry. It would do no good if the both of them were to melt down in the chapel. "You have been blessed with two wonderful sons. They should be the only ones worthy of your thoughts."

"Of course. You are absolutely right, Aramis." She managed to smile a little, despite her heart being heavy. Her soldier was making the best decision, the one she had tried to make by keeping him away, failing miserably. Letting go of his hand, she smoothed out her dress, then noticed that her jewelled crucifix was not around his neck anymore. Neither was her locket. It hurt her more than his words. It felt like he was completely walking out of her life, cutting all their bonds.

She was the Queen, though. It would not do to complain about jewellery. Remaining dignified, she straightened up, holding her head high.

"So your wife is going to be a mother as well," she stated.

"Yes, your Majesty."

"You have all my congratulations."

"Thank you, your Majesty."

"I hope your child will be healthy and strong."

"I hope so, too. We should know very soon. It is only a matter of weeks."

"What are you doing here, then?" She did not mean to sound so shocked and Aramis did not mean to laugh. It would take some time to lose the familiarity they had somehow introduced in their relationship.

"My duty is at your side first, your Majesty. I will remain here until you have recovered enough to travel."

"Nonsense. You should be with your wife. Athos!" she called out. The Musketeer walked toward them. "We will go back to Paris as soon as we can. The day after tomorrow will be perfect."

"Your Majesty should not hasten because of me," Aramis tried to dissuade her as his friend bowed to acknowledge the order.

"I am the Queen and this is my decision. It is the least I can do for you," she said softly.

"Thank you, your Majesty." The Musketeer kissed her hand out of respect. They left the chapel shortly afterwards.

That night, when Athos came back from his patrol, Aramis was not sleeping. Lying on his side on his campbed, his friend noticed the way his body was shaking. Although there was no sound of it, he knew the other was crying. It was probably the first time he had witnessed such a sight.

"You did the right thing," he stated and there was shuffling as Aramis attempted to control his emotions. The bed sank beneath Athos' weight. He had brought a bottle of wine from the kitchen and he passed it to Aramis once he had sat up. The bottle was empty in a matter of minutes.

"I know," Aramis eventually replied. "Still, it does not make it easier."

"Better to suffer for a few months than be sentenced to death for treason."

"You always know how to cheer someone up, don't you?"

Athos glared at his friend, before grinning. It comforted Aramis a little. Life was far from over simply because he had to give up being close to his son. For all he knew, he might have another son in a month.

"Thanks, Athos," he said, clapping his shoulder.

"Don't mention it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sleep. The Queen is turning the entire Palace upside down because of you and tomorrow is going to be a busy day."

Aramis laughed, rolling over on his back, his hands behind his head. The Queen was such a compassionate monarch, although quite impulsive. If her son grew up to have her character, he would need Musketeers nearby. He intended to be one of those. The most loyal soldier the future King would have in his regiment.