An hour into the flight and Emily is the only one on the jet still awake, or so she thinks until a sudden jolt of turbulence has Hotch opening his eyes on instinct.
"I was just resting my eyes," he excuses in answer to her curious look from across the table.
He's still holding Reid over his lap and she watches him shift uncomfortably in his seat, like he's trying to bring the blood flow back to his upper thighs.
"He can't be that heavy," she scoffs humorously before she can stop herself.
"You'd be surprised," Hotch replies good-naturedly, sitting up straighter, balancing Reid more centrally on top of him as he straightens himself out.
Emily laughs, finding it odd that BAU Unit Chief SSA Aaron Hotchner, a man who could easily be running the FBI one day actually looks more embarrassed that he's been caught slouching in his seat with a creased his shirt than by the fact he's cuddling a member of his team. Under any other circumstances she'd whip out her phone and take a picture, the scene before her is that adorable, but knows very well not one person on the jet wants a reminder of ithisi case. Watching Hotch watching Reid sleep she can tell that the permanent worried look which has replaced his usual stoic stare isn't going to disappear overnight either.
"He's going to be okay," she enthuses trying to ease some of his lingering distress.
"He should hate me," Hotch says plainly, looking distant.
"Why?" She refutes immediately in utter disbelief.
The answer actual surprises her, mainly because even for the short time she's known him Aaron Hotchner has never come across as anything but sincere, which means he honestly believes that.
"I sent him to Hankel. This is my fault."
Emily can't actually believe what she's hearing, "It's because of you he's safe right now," she directs her gaze over her shoulder, towards the rest of the team now snoozing quietly, "with his family."
Hotch stares at her, not with his usual air of confidence, but with the pained expression of failure. Features open and raw, the vulnerability she can see in his dark troubled eyes concerns her greatly. Sighing unhappily Emily fears she knows what the problem is, it's the same one she's been having ever since finding Reid kneeling next to the body of his kidnapper hurt, filthy and so, so scared.
"He frightened me tonight," she starts quietly, eyes downcast likes she's revealing her biggest secret.
In many ways she is, admitting fear is not something Emily has or will ever do lightly.
"I think he frightened us all." Hotch sighs, sounding completely exhausted.
"Yeah," she laughs politely, sobering quickly, "but when we found him, I… it reminded me... he's so…"
"Young," Hotch fills after too long a pause.
"Yeah." She nods, happy to not be the only one who thinks so.
"His intelligence and knowledge tricks us into believing he's older and more experienced than he is." Hotch admits, though she senses grudgingly.
"You know I knew joining the BAU would be tough, but I can't imagine what it must be like for someone like him."
"It's not easy for anyone." Hotch responds cryptically.
"But…" Emily trails unsure how to voice what she's thinking without it coming across wrong. "He's different. See's things differently, I know there's evil in the world and that's okay... for me… but not for him."
Hotch nods, the look on his face suggesting he knows exactly what's she's trying to say.
"I should have protected him better."
She immediately begins shaking her head, "You couldn't have known about Hankel."
"I could have not taken the risk."
"You know better than I do we can't predict everything. Things happen. Bad things happen."
"It doesn't change the facts." Hotch refutes with finality.
Emily groans at his stubbornness. "Fine. iI knowi it's not your fault and you know why?"
"Why?"
"Because Father's always blame themselves when their children get hurt, no matter what the circumstance. This isn't about facts, it's personal."
Emily eyes Hotch carefully, judging his reaction to her balant calling out, but his next question surprises her.
"What you said to me in the cemetery, how did you know?"
"Basic academy training," she covers with a nonchalant shrug despite suddenly feeling like something else is now going on behind Hotch's concentrated gaze, a feeling which is compounded when the worried frown turns inquisitive. "What else is on your mind? Aside from the obvious," she expertly deflects, adding a quick nod at Reid who has started making sounds of discomfort.
"You, actually" He announces like it answers everything.
Emily stares back at him, hopping to embarrass him into dropping the subject which he hasn't mentioned yet but will, given half the chance. Unfortunately he isn't as self-conscious about his intimate position with Reid as she would hope right now and considering how he likes to keep things professional while on the job that too surprises her. However she deduces it's who he's comforting that makes all the difference, coupled with the fact they technically stopped being on the job the second Reid was kidnapped. That's when it had become personal for all of them and she'd been forced to reveal more about her real job experience then she'd been ready to.
"Me?" she feigns surprise, buying time to find a way to end this conversation before it really starts.
Emily thins her lips, ill-prepared to deal with this right now, given what they've been through over the past two days. Ever since JJ questioned her at Hankel's place she knew Hotch's underlying curiosity about her had found the opening he needed. She knew her advice at the cemetery would raise a red flag or two as well, but doesn't regret it. Even though she's only been a part of this little family a few months she'd never have thrown Reid to the wolves in order to protect her own classified background. And even though she's pretty certain Hotch no longer believes she came off a desk job, this isn't the right time for the team to learn of her real field experience. If there ever is a right time to learn your teammate is actually an ex-CIA undercover operative aka spy. Her eyes meet his briefly then drift down to Reid currently using his lap as a pillow, still making the distressing whimpers, only louder and more regular, reminding him without words that he has other priorities to consider right now. Hotch's expression barely changes, but she does detect a micro-expression of doubt flash across his features, telling her he's got the message and agrees. Hotch says nothing more, but his silence only leaves her with the feeling that the subject's not dropped, merely postponed until a more suitable time. Aaron Hotchner is a careful guy. He notes everything and builds up a case, keeping all his cards close to his chest until he's ready to play them, just like any brilliant prosecutor would. This is her friendly warning that he knows something.
Emily should realise by now she can't hide anything from a profiler, so taking that on board she stores the new information she's learnt about him and the lengths he'll go to protect his team in the back of her mind, ready to play the game again at later date. Thankfully Morgan appears before the silence between them stretches too far, preventing any awkwardness. Dropping into his seat, plopping down yet another bottle of water and a couple of aspirin along with a damp towel onto the table in front of him he doesn't even blink at Hotch still cuddling Reid, which raises more questions about Morgan than it answers quite truthfully.
"What?" He says to her curious look. "You think I grew up in a house with three women and didn't learn a thing or two about being a nurse maid?"
As poor a joke as it is, his affronted tone lightens the mood considerably.
"I do not want to think about you in a nurse or a maid's outfit." Hotch deadpans, proving to the contrary what he claimed back at the Hankel house, he certainly does have a sense of humour - it's dry and dusty, but it's there.
Hotch takes the wet cloth from Morgan with a rare smile and places it over Reid's hot forehead, leaving the water and aspirin on the table ready for when he wakes up. The small whimpers he's been making in his sleep quieten and they wait, hoping that whatever demons are invading his peace pass by quickly.
"So," Emily breathes out casually, breaking the tense silence, "what's the plan?"
"Plan?" Hotch echoes.
"The team," she catches his and Morgan's look of confusion and internally sighs, "we were forced to watch someone we care about be tortured right in front of us," she reflects sadly, thinking back on the recording Hankel broadcasted to them. "We need a plan otherwise everyone is going to fall apart."
"Can I be the first?" A soft voice interrupts.
"JJ" Emily turns to see her standing at Morgan's side, looking worse than any of them, having been dealing with this the least well since discovering Reid missing a little over seventy two hours ago and hell, just thinking of that length of time makes her own chest ache.
"I'm fine," JJ nods, looking completely not fine, "really."
Her eyes fall on Reid.
"He's okay." Hotch assures her, seemingly unaware of the hand he runs comfortingly over Reid's back as he says this.
It's a relative word and Emily can see Hotch means 'okay' as in 'not dead', not lost to them, because that's what JJ's fearing right now above all else.
"We'll be landing soon," He deflects again when the combined glare of JJ, her and Morgan becomes too much.
And as if it were fate the seat belt lights blink to life at that very moment, signally them to take their seats. Morgan laughs as he helps Hotch with Reid's seatbelt before doing his own. JJ returns to her seat next to Garcia, hiding her tears and Gideon sits up, gaze not even travelling in their direction, which she finds more than a little odd. The mood is different to usual, as it has been all flight, but then the whole case has been different and again Hotch looks down at Reid still sleeping somewhat peacefully as the plane begins it decent.
"Plan," Emily whispers humorously, sitting back, trying not to think too much about what fresh trauma the next few days will bring.
Normally when they left a town after a case they were leaving the victims and their families behind to deal with the fallout alone. It's what allows them to do their job day after day, case after case and get on with their own lives without too much guilt, knowing they'd done their best no matter the outcome. This time it's different. This time Reid is the victim, the team his family and they couldn't just leave his trauma behind. So, like it or not Reid will eventually experience that same fallout like all the victims they'd dealt with before him and unfortunately he'll be talking them all along for the ride.
.
The jet taxis into Washington just as the sun begins to peak over the horizon. Hotch waits for the others to leave before trying to wake Reid, who even after being manoeuvred back into his seat and with all the noise of landing, doesn't stir. Giving him a shake he looks slightly confused when he finally wakes, but he pulls it together enough to sit up and gaze lazily around the empty cabin.
"What happened?" The poor kid asks sounding unsure that he really wants to know.
Hotch is pretty certain the tell-tale trace of tears presenting as tightness on his cheeks will clue him in soon enough, not to mention he's just woken up on his boss's lap, and remains silent as he encourages Reid to stand, ushering him down the belly of the plane. By the time they reach the exit he's pretty much a walking zombie and Hotch is grateful to find Morgan waiting, ready and willing to help guide him down the stairs. The SUV's are already on the tarmac and everyone says their quick good byes, following Hotch's orders to go straight home instead of the office for debriefing.
"He going to hospital?" Morgan wants to know the second Reid's seated and belted in the back of their SUV.
Hotch glances into the back seat. In the still near all-consuming darkness of the early February morning he sees Reid staring at his tightly clasped hands resting in his lap. He looks tense despite the weariness evident in his drawn features and though he's more lucid than he was on the jet he's by no means okay.
"No, I'll text Haley, tell her to expect us both." Hotch settles with himself pulling out his cell, "I'll take him in tomorrow before we debrief to get checked out."
"You sure?" Morgan asks, sounding relieved by his decision.
Hotch nods firmly, typing out the message. "He's been through enough already. The doctor cleared him for major injury and I don't know about you, but I'm not up to another fight tonight."
"With you there man," Morgan nods with a weary grin, acknowledging how Reid always makes a difficult patient. "I'll drive you home, pick you both up in a few hours."
Derek climbs into the SUV driver's seat without waiting for argument, not that Hotch would have given him one. He's beyond exhausted, and frankly has no problem using the FBI car to take him and his team home. After this case they were definitely owed the leeway.
"Right," Hotch agrees absently, climbing in the front passenger seat after shutting the rear door on an oblivious Reid.
Time to go home.