Eight months later….

"And… what could I have told her?"

"That one of my agents might have murdered a suspect in cold blood. Or that another might have a serious drug problem."

..

Catching the flight to Milwaukee with Prentiss to join his team was the easy part. It's waiting the flight out, knowing he's already made his decision which is becoming hard to deal with. Haley isn't going to be happy, but then she's not been happy for a while. His two weeks suspension allowed him some quality time with Jack but between him and Haley things have been strained. He honestly believes she's having an affair and as horrible as that sounds Hotch can't bring himself to blame her. He understands how hard it must be having him gone so often despite the fact he's never had a regular hour's job and can't fault her for wanting him to be around more. The problem is the BAU isnt just a job to him, it's who he is and try as she might to convince him otherwise there's no way that's going to change. These people are as much his family as her and Jack, he can only hope when he gets back that he can get Haley to understand that.

Someone else who he thought felt the same way is Gideon. He lives and breathes the BAU and Hotch didn't believe that core drive to catch the killers would ever change, even if the man behind it did. That is until their last case together. The one after Frank. The one that lead to their joint suspension.

Sitting back in his seat as the plane taxis out of the terminal Hotch tries to clear his mind, but his thoughts can't help but drift back to Gideon, and the last conversation they had on the jet.

"Are you alright?" Hotch slides into the seat opposite Gideon on the plane home from Flagstaff.

He feels bad for earlier and though normally wouldn't let it show is still concerned, for all of the team, so much so he's struggling to keep it to himself.

"Have you ever had a moment where you believe nothing can hurt more?" Gideon says whimsically, looking away from the window for the first time since he sat down.

"I believe I've had several of those." Hotch nods neutrally.

Gideon stares contently forward, masking his true emotions and Hotch follows the gaze over his shoulder to see the team sitting together. Reid's smiling broadly reacting to something Morgan's obviously said if the matching grins on Prentiss and JJ's faces are any indication. It's been so long since he's seen them looking happy Hotch hadn't realised how much he's missed it until now.

"Look at him, not a care. He's had us all worrying for months yet he's already moved on."

Hotch knows the 'Him' he's referring to is Reid. He never did ask exactly what he talked to Reid about in New Orleans, is aware asking Gideon such a question is redundant because he'll only ever share as much as he wants you to know and if he wanted Hotch to know he'd have told him by now. But still. Somehow that conversation is weighing heavily between them now.

Instead of asking the question he shakes his head, tries to deflect, "That's not fair-"

"I can't." Gideon interrupts before any point can be made.

"Can't what?" Hotch asks in surprise, neck hairs on end with the tone, worried what he may say next, worried he can't talk him out of it.

"I can't protect him, I couldn't protect Sarah. How do I do this job knowing I can't keep those we care about safe?" Gideon shrugs tone so cold dread builds up inside Hotch's chest.

"We keep each other safe," He affirms sternly.

"I failed Steven. I was certain when I met Reid I would not fail him in the same way."

"Stephen's what, 28 now? There's still time."

"He's a grown man with his own life, he doesn't need me anymore."

"Yet you think Reid does?" Hotch snaps mockingly, questioning Gideon's logic and staying away from the subject of Sarah, which is clearly his wish.

"Reid's different."

"How? He's younger, that's all." Hotch pushes. "Gideon we all need someone not matter how old we get, but you have to loosen the reins sometimes or Reid will never grow up."

"You think I baby him?"

"I think your haven't failed him Jason." Hotch sighs.

"Neither have you," Gideon's eyes land on him knowingly, a slight smile curving his lip.

Hotch closes his eyes, wants to kick himself for falling into the trap. He heard his own words and felt the truth of it. He hasn't failed Reid. But he's been thinking it. Questioning his own decision making regardless of his advice to JJ, to Morgan. This has all been one big game. He should have known Gideon would use his own doubts to help ease his too.

"It's an amazing thing about the young," Gideon smiles, wider this time, "no matter what happens to them kids can always find a way to bounce back."

The young comment seemed innocuous at the time, but with Gideon MIA and likely to stay that way Hotch is beginning to think there was more being said in that conversation than he'd realised. Gideon had been telling him something in his usual cryptic round about way, something important. Maybe that the young can move on, but the old - old like him - they have nothing left. If that's the case Hotch doesn't know where he fits in with that analogy. He's no longer a young man, but he certainly doesn't consider himself old, even if technically he's old enough to be a father to at least one member of his team. And even so, in that case it's not that he's old, the team member in question just happens to be very young. Or is that just semantics? Regardless of its relation to his own circumstances Gideon seemed to have solved something within him that night, but whatever that was Hotch remembers his final smile didn't quite reach his eyes. A decision already made Hotch realises now. A decision Hotch fears is going rock the already shaky foundations the team is trying to rebuild.

"What are you thinking?" Prentiss interrupts his thoughts with a teasing smile.

Hotch blinks, blushes slightly at being caught day dreaming, and sits up straighter in their cramped seats, "nothing, just…"

"Just?" she pushes.

She always has to push.

"Kids, actually," he admits grudgingly, knowing they have a two hour flight together and she likely won't stop asking so needs to give her something.

"Ah Reid," Emily nods turning away, tone mocking and superior.

He snaps his gaze to hers, glaring an explanation out of her.

"Oh come on!" She scoffs with a laugh. "I'd think we'd know if something was up with Jack and unless you have a third family we know nothing about Reid's the only other 'kid' that would put that look on your face."

"Really?" Hotch grunts, wondering how he ever expected anything less from her.

"Yes," she says more softly. "So what is it?"

"I'm not sure if Gideon's coming back to the BAU and I'm worried how Reid is going to take it."

"You talked to him?" Emily's shocked too, which means Reid's reaction is going to be far worse.

"After our last case together," Hotch nods, "He said a few things and…"

"You have a feeling…" Emily fills in softly.

"I had my doubts as to whether any of us would survive the last few months."

"Well what we do is already hard enough, but having the bad guys making it personal… " She eyes him seriously, "well that just plain sucks."

Hotch can't help it. He laughs. She's right of course, no way were any of them capable of functioning reasonably after what they'd been through. Hunting killers of strangers was hard enough, but it was their job. Hunting a killer who had been holding their youngest teammate hostage… that made them all the victims and victims needed time to recover.

"Gideon was the last person I was worried about coping, but Reid's actually doing the best out of all of us now."

Prentiss nods thoughtfully. "It makes sense I guess, I remember the younger I was the easier it seemed to be able to pick up and start again."

"Funny," Hotch grins.

"What is?"

"Gideon said something very similar."

Gideon was so sure Reid would make it mostly unscathed that the extent of the damage, how not okay Reid was, smashed the ideals he had of him. Knowing Jason, despite his own words, he likely thinks he was stupid to believe he could bring a kid into this life without hurting him, that he could possibly protect him when he couldn't even protect himself from the horrors they faced every day and if Gideon's made his decision then Hotch knows there's no way he'll be able to talk him out of it.

...