Disclaimer: Total Drama characters and locations belong to the respective owners. I only own my OCs.

~A/N~ The finale is here! It's been a long ride, but we're finally here and the winner is only a few thousand words away from being decided. Thank you all for voting in the victory poll on my profile, so enjoy the grand finale of Total Drama: Return of the Underdogs and be sure to stick around until the next chapter for the alternate ending and a special afterword.

"This season on Total Drama..."

"Sixteen teens, deadly challenges, and one hundred thousand dollars! Things started out plain and simple, but the drama escalated... and fast! Dakota locked horns with newbie Samantha. Jordan tormented the whole cast. Justin and Anne Maria hooked up. Dawn became head mediator. Katie and Sadie had a major fallout. Noah dissed his parents on live television. And last, but certainly not least, our new island was confiscated in an epic showdown with the Canadian government! But these events have passed, leaving two underdogs to vie for the hundred grand and title of 'The True Total Drama Underdog.' Noah, the sarcastic sloth, versus Dakota, the former kaiju! Who will take home the gold, who will fail miserably, and what surprises to we have in store for our cast? Find out here, on the season finale of Total... Drama... Return of the Underdogs!

Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine,

(The camera pans through the woods until it reaches the river)

You guys are on my mind.

(Noah is reading a book while laying on a floating pool chair. Debbie pops up next to him and he drops the book in the water, staring at her angrily)

You asked me what I wanted to be

(A flash flies over their heads and B and an ecstatic Tyler are seen inside the former's hover-craft as it flies over the trees)

And now I think the answer is plain to see,

(Samantha is standing on a branch when the craft flies over)

I wanna be famous.

(Ethan falls out of the branches above and into her arms, smiling nervously. She drops him)

I wanna live close to the sun,

(The camera zooms over to the cabin. Brick is doing pull-ups on the rafters and gets bitten by a spider and falls)

Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won,

(Eva is seen pulling a small tree out of the ground. She throws it into the bushes and grins as Katie and Sadie cower nearby in fear)

Everything to prove, nothing in my way

(The camera shifts to the beach. Anne Maria is adoring Justin from afar)

I'll get there one day.

(Staci is talking to Dawn, who shoves squirrels in her own ears to block her talking)

Cause, I wanna be famous!

(Dakota rubs her bald head and hides her face from the camera)

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous

(Jordan stands on the dock, flexing his muscles and trying to beatbox)

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous

(Dakota and Samantha glare angrily into each other's eyes as Chris pops up behind them, scaring both girls. The camera pans out to show the other campers sitting around the bonfire. The logo flashes on screen and the video cuts out)

Dakota and Noah walked outside the Playa together. Their eyes were glowing with excitement when they saw Chris in front of the military helicopter that Chef had stored on Boney Island.

"Ready?" Noah asked calmly.

"Oh yeah! Hundred grand, here I come!" She ran past Noah and boarded the chopper. Noah followed behind.

Confessional

Noah: "Chris told us that the finale would be at a special location, so we had to board that helicopter to get there. I'm guessing his mom's house." *He snickers*

Dakota: "No Samantha, no problems. Just Noah, and then the money. I'm so close, Daddy! This is for us. I won't let you down this time... I swear on it!"

End Confessional

Noah and Dakota strapped themselves into their "first class" seats as Chris put it and braced for take off. In reality, the seats were just padded benches instead of wooden slabs and weren't that comfortable, but neither teen was complaining.

Chris gave Chef a thumbs-up and the helicopter took off, leaving the deserted Playa Des Losers far behind. Noah and Dakota looked out the windows.

Dakota sighed. "I'm gonna miss that place. Clean bathrooms most of all."

Noah scratched his chin. "Wait a second... Where are the others?"

Dakota leaned back and closed her eyes. "I heard Chris put them in the cargo hold. Fitting, I must say."

The thirteen losers sat in the damp cargo hold. Rats scampered past their feet and Anne Maria freaked out. Everyone pushed their hands against their ears.

"Just... Shut it," Eva hushed the Jersey Chick with her finger to her rosy lips. "One more outburst and you're out the door."

Anne Maria nodded. "Yeah. Sure thing, sista."

Confessional

Anne Maria: "Ugh... Eva's still annoyin' as ever. I can't believe she made it so far with those looks."

End Confessional

Noah shrugged and pulled out his novel. "Well, sucks to be them. The flight could be awhile, so I brought a book."

"Good for you," Dakota sneered. "I'm stuck with nothing to do. I guess I could sleep, but this ride is, like, way too bumpy."

"Grab a snack?"

Dakota's eyes perked up. "There are snacks? Where?!"

"In those crates," Noah said, pointing at the rows of boxes under the seats.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? I'm starving." Dakota opened the crate under her seat and sighed. She pulled out a silver package and dropped it back into the box. "MREs? Not cool."

Noah rested his chin on his open palm. "What were you expecting? Steak? Risotto? Something edible? Remember that this is a military chopper."

"Lesson learned," Dakota groaned, pushing the box back under the seat. "I'm gonna ask Chris about the length of this flight. I hate long rides."

"Knock yourself out... literally, so I'll win automatically," Noah chuckled, ending with a wink.

Dakota ignored Noah and hopped up. She walked to the front of the plane to find Chef watching a colorful show about horses on the monitor while he flew the plane. The burly co-host quickly turned it off. "You saw nothing! Got it, bratty chick!?"

"Uh... Yeah, I'm looking for Chris. I don't care about... that." Dakota started to back away uncomfortably.

"He's in the back. Said he was calling someone up or something."

"Thanks," Dakota waved him goodbye and walked by Noah again. The bookworm was still reading and didn't even look up. She walked up to a locked door and peeked through the window just as Chris opened it, hitting her in the face.

"Hey, what's the deal?!" Chris asked angrily. "Snooping?"

"I just want to know how long the flight is!" She held her nose in pain as blood flowed down her lip. "No need to kill me with doors. And what were you doing in there?"

"Calling some friends, and no, we're not there yet. That answer your question?"

"No, but... Okay, I'm done," Dakota sighed and walked back to her seat.

Confessional

Dakota: "First my hair, then my everything, then my nose. Ugh, I hate Chris!"

End Confessional

Noah and Dakota woke up as the helicopter hit some turbulence. The former slipped out of his seat and smashed his face into the floor. The latter was tossed up and into the luggage compartments. Both reeled in pain as Chris walked into the room. "Oh, guys! We're here!"

"Perfect," Noah groaned. He stood up and wobbled past a smiling Chris. Dakota followed behind. They exited the chopper as it buzzed to silence.

Around them was a forested beach with two large hills to the north and a cove to the south. On the sandy beach were two sets of bleachers. Above each was a banner, sporting an image of one of the finalists. A cold wind blew through the air and Noah shuddered.

"W-what is this place?" he asked Chris as the host emerged from the door.

"Dakota; Noah, welcome... to Pahkitew Island!" Chris threw his hands to the sky as the final two shared a nervous glance. "This is our new island we're using for our next season, but since the old island is underwater, the second island is under Big Brother's control, and the Playa was too small, we had to move our final challenge here: the roughest locale in Total Drama history, as well as your final battle ground for the hundred grand. Excited?"

"Yeah," Dakota bragged, posing like Superman with her hands to her hips. "Bring it on, because I'm here to win."

"Not really," Noah rolled his eyes. "But since baldy won't just give it up, I guess I'll have to try this time."

"That's the spirit, but before we get started, we need to introduce our audience for the final challenge." Chris turned to the door of the helicopter as the other campers walked out in the order of elimination. "Debbie! Justin! Anne Maria! Beverly! Sadie! Katie! Ethan! Staci! Tyler! Brick! Dawn! Eva! And Samantha!"

The campers waved to the camera as they walked to the peanut gallery and sat in the bleacher of their pick to win.

In Noah's bleacher was Eva, Samantha, Dawn, B, Staci, Debbie, Ethan, Tyler, Katie, and Sadie.

For Dakota, there was Brick, Justin, and Anne Maria.

Dakota immediately noticed the huge gap in size and slapped her forehead in frustration. "Really, guys?! Three?! Just three?!"

Anne Maria shrugged as she clung to Justin. "Make it two, cause I'm only sittin' here for my baby."

"Of course you are," Justin yawned.

Confessional

Dakota: "Was I really that terrible? I mean, I wasn't expecting a majority, but two people? I just hope this isn't a popularity contest."

Noah: "Dakota doomed herself by being too strategically gifted this time around. Granted, a bigger fan base doesn't mean big bucks, but I could use the moral support."

End Confessional

Chris eyed the empty seats on Dakota's side and snickered. "Sucks to be you, huh? Don't worry though; we have one last guest to introduce."

The horn of a boat blazed through the air as a military boat of about twenty feet beached itself, allowing someone to hop off before it left just as quickly. The person was ghostly pale, almost albino. His scalp and entire body was completely hairless and his eyes were bloodshot. His camo jacket protected him from the cold as he glared angrily at the others.

Chris clapped ecstatically. "Welcome back, Jordan! How's life treatin' you after your, um, incident?"

Jordan huffed and puffed past Chris. "It blows." He approached Noah and got in his face. "Prepare to die, mincemeat!"

Noah was paralyzed by fear. "What... happened to you?" His face began to quiver before he burst out laughing. "Because you look ridiculous!" The rest of the cast joined in on the laughter as Jordan's eye twitched.

Confessional

Jordan: "Yeah, I'm back! My stay at the government facility wasn't that bad. Aside from the acid baths and quarantine, it was just great." *He growls in fury* "But now that I'm here, my only goal is making sure that Noah loses!"

End Confessional

Much to her chagrin, Jordan took a seat in Dakota's bleachers. Anne Maria gave him an awkward glare as Justin and Brick cringed at the sight of his bleached skin.

Confessional

Dakota: "Well, nobody would be better for my team than Jordan." *She gets dead serious* "No kidding. Having nobody on my team would be better!"

End Confessional

Chris chuckled as he watched the tension build between Jordan and the others, but time was too short to fully exploit it, so he clapped his hands to draw everyone's attention.

"Alright, guys. I have one more surprise for Noah and Dakota before we get the ball rolling."

Noah groaned, his face contorting in disgust. "Seriously? Can we just get this over with?"

"Well, why don't ask our special guests? Give a big hand to... Noah's parents!"

The bookworm gasped as the yacht from the first episode beached itself. Two adults of Indian descent climbed down the ladder holding hands. The man was about forty and had short black hair. The woman was slightly younger with long black hair, tied in a ponytail. Both wore matching red and black outfits. A dress for her; a suit for him.

"You made it?" Father asked in surprise with a hint of his accent coming through. "Wow. Unexpected..."

Mother laughed. "I knew he'd make it this time. Well, not really. But we were hoping."

Both adults approached Noah and looked upon him with authority. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Here to cheer me on, huh?"

"Yes. Yes we are," Father said. He knelt down to Noah's height and harshly whispered in his ear. "And if you lose when you are this close to victory, we'll disown you..."

Confessional

Noah: "Yep. They're still douchebags."

Noah's Father: "Nice outhouse... for a peasant, maybe. Noah better win, or else he will certainly regret it!"

Noah's Mother: "We raised that boy to be a winner and then he blows time on video games and story books. I swear, our our nine children, he's the only one who I'd want to throw outside in the rain."

End Confessional

Chris welcomed the parents with pats on the back and sent them to Noah's bleachers. They sat down and Debbie immediately asked them all about their sons lives.

The host turned to Dakota. "And for you..." He gestured to the boat to reveal a white man of about fifty years in a business suit emerge from the cabin and rush down the steps.

Dakota smiled in glee and rushed to him with arms wide. "Daddy! You showed up!"

Mr. Milton embraced his daughter. "Dakota, I'm so proud of you. I even canceled my meeting to watch you win the season."

Noah's mother erupted in anger from the stands. "Tough luck, old man! Our Noah's got this in the bag."

Mr. Milton rubbed his greying black hair and hugged Dakota again, ignoring the soccer mom. "I'll be rooting for you all the way, sweetie. Win it. All seventy-two thousand dollars of it... after taxes of course."

"Oh, I will," said Dakota with her game face on. She waved her father goodbye as he sat in the stands.

Chris cooed with love and care. "Awww. What a beautiful family reunion... too bad someone's going home disappointed. Hehe. Finalists, it's time to choose your helpers for today's challenge. Noah, for getting the least amount of votes in yesterday's aftermath, you can pick first."

Noah scanned the peanut gallery like a hawk, but his choice was obvious. "Eva."

The female bully smiled and cracked her knuckles. The other campers moved aside as she stomped down to her partner. Eva nudged Noah with her elbow, nearly knocking him over. "Nice pick, brainiac."

"Dakota?" Chris teased. "Your pick."

Dakota looked at her stands and sighed, her eyes narrowing with discontent. "Brick..."

The cadet dashed to her side and saluted his captain. "Brick McArthur, reporting for finale duty!"

Confessional

Dakota: "Brick's not bad, but... he's just so fail-prone. Stupid Noah, always getting first pick!"

End Confessional

"Cool picks, guys. But I have last surprise left in store for you. Your second helpers will be former competitors who didn't quality for this season."

"Really?" Noah rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, it's-"

"Hiiiiyyyyaaaahhhhhh!" A scream erupted in the air and a flash of green and orange smashed into Noah, sending him to the ground. On top of his back was Izzy, crazy as ever and with eyes of determination.

"Hello, earthlings! Hahahahaha!" The crazy bird stepped off of Noah and pulled him to his scrawny feet. "Oh, hi, Noah!"

"Afternoon," Noah groaned in pain, gripping his stomach.

Confessional

Noah: "Well, I could've done worse. At least Izzy is great in challenges and has some brains."

Izzy: "Totally sweet to be back. I was, like, fleeing from the Mounties, then I got called to come here and help Noah kick butt. Team E-Scope is back in business!"

End Confessional

"Dakota," Chris began. The fame-monger leaned in close, her eyes full of anxiety. "You get... Your boyfriend, Sam!"

The gaming guru jumped down the yacht ladder and ran to Dakota. Both hugged, kissed and smiled.

"Sam! You came back!" Dakota held his hands in hers as the other campers went goo-goo, except for Jordan, who sat in scorn.

"Are you kidding?" Sam smiled. "I wouldn't miss this day for anything. Even the world's biggest Smash Bros tournament... Hey, your hair's growing back!"

Dakota ran her hands through her thin hair and smiled. "Yeah, it's been great... Yeah."

Confessional

Dakota: "It's so nice to have Sam back, but... I'm worried that he might have lost interest in me after so long away without my mutation. I guess what they say is true: once you go mutant monster, you can't go back."

Sam: "It's so nice to be back with Dakota, but without her awesome mutation, she's not as cool. She's not uncool, but..."

End Confessional

"Looks like you two are happy," Chris remarked, followed by a demonic chuckle. "Too bad you probably won't survive the final challenge."

"No worries," Izzy cackled. "Team E-Scope's got this one in the bag. Right, guys?" Eva and Noah shared a nervous glance in response to Izzy's Izzy-ness.

Chris returned attention to the peanut gallery. "Before we start, I'll need a hinderer for a special section of the challenge."

Jordan and Samantha shot up and shouted out the same time. "I'll do it! No, I'll do it! Back off, jackass!"

Chris tapped his chin. "Weeeelllll, you could both hinder the finalists?"

"Deal!" Jordan flashed a wicked grin. Samantha nodded enthusiastically.

Confessional

Samantha: "Forget what I said about third place. I want the money, and if I can't get it, then I'll make it hard for Dakota. But Jordan will be an issue..."

Jordan: "Time to murder Noah. No one ruins my milk chocolate... Hey, that'd make a good rhyme!"

End Confessional

Chris led the final two and their teams to the starting line: two poles with a giant banner spread between them. Behind them was a small pedestal with a round slot in the center.

"Finalists," Chris paused for dramatic effect. "Welcome to the final challenge of Total Drama: Return of the Underdogs! I call it... The Underdog Cup!"

Izzy and Brick clapped as the others stood uninterested, and possibly a bit nervous.

"For this homage to each of our past seasons, you'll be building a statue of me using the pieces you'll collect at each station along the race. First, you'll make a kilometer run through the woods to the first station. Here, you'll build the totem pole of shame by placing wooden heads of the seasons losers in the correct boot order. Then, your teams will traverse over the Bridge of Doom. Under the water, there are things that will totally maim you... or worse. Get through that, and you'll hit the Bloody Sundae challenge. Search through the dozens of delicious ice cream sundaes for a key to unlock the last piece of the statue. Once the thing is built, run through Cannonball Climb where Jordan and Samantha will be firing on upon you with deadly projectiles. Survive, and you'll finally build one of the go-karts from season four and race to the finish line, put your statue on that pedestal behind you, and win the hundred grand. Excited?"

"No," Noah deadpanned.

"Oh yeah," Dakota hissed venomously.

The helpers prepped to run by getting into position.

"Great!" Chris prepared his airhorn. "Let the challenge begin in 3..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"2!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"1! Go!" Chris blew the horn and the six teens took off at lightning-fast speed. Sam and Noah fell behind rather quickly and were about to talk about video games, but Eva and Dakota grabbed them as they tried to run.

Noah's team took the lead and stayed a few yards in front of Dakota's, so Noah decided to talk strategy.

"So, a puzzle's first? Easy peasy. You girls can stand and watch."

"Ooo, sounds great," Izzy said, hissing like a serpent. "So, who do we kill first? I was thinking tubby boy."

"This isn't that kind of game, Izzy," Eva groaned.

"Darn!" Izzy grunted in anger.

Meanwhile, Dakota and Sam were trying to keep up with Brick, who was just a few meters ahead. She tried to pull him along, but his weak legs were holding the team back.

"Just leave me," Sam groaned in anguish. "I'll only stop you from winning. Now go win!"

Dakota continued to tug until her face was red. "I'm not leaving you behind. I'll need all the help I can get!"

"But the money?" Sam whined. "I really want to see you win and don't want to feel all guilty and stuff."

"Just hold on; we're almost to the first stage..." Dakota ran out of breath and Brick had to help pull, letting Team E-Scope extend their early lead.

Noah, Izzy, and Eva arrived at the first challenge and Noah immediately went to work on the totem pole of shame as Izzy and Eva watched from behind.

"Debbie... Anti-Me... Tyler... Paint Can... B..." Noah listed the names as he built upward, using Eva to lift him up when the tower of wooden heads got too high to reach on his own. Once he finished, he rang the buzzer on the table and was shocked with static.

"How's it wrong?! Noah panicked. "I remembered it by person!"

"Maybe you could ask the losers?" Izzy gasped. "I'll use my mind powers to open a portal..." Izzy put her hands on the side of her head and focused into space as Noah sighed, slapping his forehead.

Confessional

Noah: "Yeah... I'm gonna lose."

Izzy: "Hmmm... I have a sudden craving for a burraco... It's a taco stuffed in a burrito... stuffed with explosives! Boom boom!"

End Confessional

Noah scanned the tower of heads and counted again and again, but couldn't find his mistake. Then he saw it. He had put the single Tyler head third and not ninth. Sadly for him, he had to take the entire tower down and start again, giving Dakota, Brick, and Sam time to arrive and get to work.

Dakota looked at the fourteen heads with confusion. "So, uh, who was first?"

Brick grabbed Justin's head. "Him?"

"No... before that," Dakota groaned. "It was Debbie, right?"

Brick shrugged and Sam stood watching, having not a clue about the puzzle. Dakota piled Debbie and Justin on the bottom and was trying to decide between Tyler and Anne Maria when she had the greatest idea ever. She looked a few feet over at Noah's tower as his team finished the puzzle and slammed the buzzer. A slot in the table opened up to reveal a rounded base with a pair of wooden legs nailed to it. They hurried off into the woods with the piece, allowing Dakota to follow their tower design and breeze through the challenge.

Confessional

Dakota: "Yeah, I technically cheated. Got a problem with it?"

End Confessional

Both teams were neck and neck as they raced along the forested path. It wasn't long until Team E-Scope got lost, so Izzy hopped into a tree to spot the bridge.

"See anything?" Eva asked impatiently, tapping her foot on the wet ground.

"Oh, There it is!" Izzy squealed. "We're close. I'll lead the way!" She hopped down and ran off through the woods, nearly leaving Noah and Eva in the dust.

"Hold up!" Noah shouted, out of breath and stumbling.

Eva knelt down and grabbed Noah. "Need a ride?" Noah was going to answer, but Eva swung him over her back and dashed off after the crazy chick.

Dakota and Brick stopped for a breather and allowed Sam to catch up. She looked to the cadet and collapsed on a log. "Where's... the bridge?"

Brick looked down at his feet to see tracks, human tracks. "We could follow the others. They seem to have a good idea."

Sam finally caught up and nearly fell over. "I... I made it," gasped the gamer.

Confessional

Sam: "Knew I should've bought Wii Fit."

End Confessional

Brick looked at Sam in disdain. He turned to Dakota. "Ma'am, maybe we should leave him. He's in no condition to run."

"See," Sam raised a hand from his collapsed position. "He gets it. Trust me; I'll only hold you guys down. Go, and I'll meet you later."

Dakota sighed and looked at Brick. She nodded. "Okay, Sam. I'll win for you, okay?"

"Yeah, you do that..." Sam just... ran out of energy and faceplanted into the dirt.

Brick and Dakota ran off and followed the tracks of Team E-Scope. Sam tried to drag himself along, but collapsed again.

Meanwhile, the peanut gallery, Chris, Chef, and Harold were watching the action on the big screen. Noah's parents were being particularly violent, spouting off insults against Dakota as well as death threats. Mr. Milton, despite being on a separate stand, was compelled to move as far away from them as possible. The other losers did the same.

Confessional

Staci: "And people said I was annoying?!"

Ethan: "Remind me to never visit Noah until he moves out."

B: *Shakes his head shamefully*

Dawn: "Such darkness. It's... scary."

Debbie: "Wow... Noah wasn't joking about those guys. They're crazy!"

End Confessional

Chris turned to the camera and smiled. "Noah is in the lead, but the challenge has just started, so it's anyone's game."

"Yeah! Noah's!" Noah's Father screamed loudly, causing Chris to cover his ears and cringe in pain.

Dakota's team exited the woods and came upon a large river with a river extended across the entire expanse. In the center was an island with two crates suspended by rope tied to two poles.

"We're first!" Dakota cheered, pumping her fist vigorously in victory. "Let's make sure it stays that way!" She and Brick ran the wooden bridge and the water nearby swirled.

Brick paused and gnawed his lips in fear. "Uh, Dakota?"

Dakota was still running. "What?"

"There's... something here!" Brick gasped as a purple shape rolled under the wooden planks.

The finalist turned around and groaned, her arms crossed as her face a mix of impatience and arrogance. "Toughen up, Brick. I know Chris said there was danger here, but if we hurry-" All of the sudden, a giant tentacle reached out of the river and snatched up a screaming Dakota by the legs.

Brick cowered in fear before a second tendril grabbed him from behind.

Team E-Scope arrived just in time to see the duo get snatched into the air. Izzy laughed like a psychopath at gun shop, while Noah was paralyzed by his phobia and Eva cracked her fists.

"Oh yeah. Time to crack some Kraken tail," Izzy giggled and ran off to attack the giant monster, despite Noah's attempt to hold her back. He looked at Eva in desperation, but she ran ahead as well.

Confessional

Noah: "Tentacles. It had to be tentacles?"

End Confessional

Izzy ran onto the bridge railing and jumped on the tentacle holding Brick. Using a precise jab, she struck a pressure point and Brick was released to fall in the drink. Eva grabbed Dakota as she was swung back and forth, but the grip of the monster was too strong.

Noah took a sorrowful breath and made a mad dash onto the bridge, crossing the first section with ease and escaping the tentacles that tried to smash him flat. He reached the pole holding the box and hid behind the shaft as his team fought the monster. His eyes closed and his ears were covered, but the screams of terror pulled him back to reality. Noah peeked around the pole and faced a terrible decision: help his friends and risk his life, or let them handle the situation.

Eva managed to pull Dakota out of the tentacle, but fell into the water and disappeared under the churning water. Brick pulled himself up to Dakota and she helped him out of the river.

"Eva?" Brick asked in terror.

"I don't know!" Dakota panicked. She stood up and joined Brick to run to the center island. Noah passed them, but they barely noticed.

The bookworm shuddered in sheer fear as the tentacles reached for him, but he broke out of his paralysis and ran back to the island. The tentacles attempted to smash him, but he dove at the last second and they crashed into the two poles, implanting the spikes into the fleshy arms. The tendrils sunk into the water and Eva was thrown into the air, landing in the river where she was swept away screaming, "Win it, pencil-neck!"

Noah caught his shallow breath and gripped his chest. "Yep, that's heartburn," he squeaked. Using his foot, he kicked open the wooden chest and took the statue piece that looked like a chest. He snapped it on top of the legs and watched as Dakota did the same. "Some help you were," he sneered.

"I was being maimed by a giant octopus," a rattled Dakota gasped, her eyes wide like saucers. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Lose the hundred grand," Noah chuckled. He ran ahead of Dakota on the bridge and Izzy pushes Brick back into the water, laughing madly.

Confessional

Noah: "Well, I guess my fear of tentacles is conquered. Of the hentai, not so much."

Dakota: "That... was the most scared I've ever been. I totally have a fear of tentacles now!"

End Confessional

Dakota pulled her helper back up again and they both ran after Noah and Izzy. The latter two high-fived as they crossed the final bridge and ran into the forest. The former two followed a few yards behind, albeit with a faster stride.

The final two reached the third challenge at the same time. Noah collapsed to knees upon seeing the hundred ice cream sundaes laid out on tables in the clearing.

"Seriously? There's, like, two hundred!" Noah slapped himself to see if he was awake.

"Slow poke," Dakota taunted as she passed Noah. She told Brick to get looking for the key and they both dug into the bowls of sweet, savory ice cream.

Noah stood up and tapped Izzy on the shoulder. "Remember, Izzy. We need the key, so don't eat any of them. Okay?"

"Izzy's got it!" she replied, leaping in action and tearing through sundae after sundae with Noah searching through each one carefully.

Confessional

Izzy: *She has a sundae in her hands. She's scooping it into her mouth with her open hand*

End Confessional

Dakota squirmed as she reached through piles of half melted ice cream, each glob becoming even stickier and goopier by the bowl. After the tenth bowl, she tried wiping her hands on a tree, only to get covered in bits of bark and dirt. "Ewwww..."

"Toughen up, solider!" Brick demanded as he turned his tenth bowl over, dropping the ice cream on the ground and stomping it into the ground. "Do you want that cash or not?"

"But it's sticky!" she whined, holding her hands out from her chest and turning her head away squeamishly. "But... I guess it's worth it." She dove hands first into another sundae and hit something small and metal. "Hey, I found the key! I found it!" She pried it out of the ice cream, but it wasn't a key, but a small mousetrap that clamped around her index finger. "(Bleep)!" she cursed aloud before hushing herself in embarrassment.

Noah and Izzy dug through more bowls and found traps of their own. One snapped on Noah's hand twice in a row and Izzy seemed to enjoy putting them around her lips, ears, and nose.

The brainiac looked to Izzy in frustration, a frown on his sweaty face. "Izzy, stop playing and find the-"

"Key?!" Izzy asked optimistically. "Oh, this one?" She pulled a sticky key covered in ice cream from her cleavage.

"Izzy?! You had it all along?!" Noah stormed over and swiped it from her palms before realizing where it had just been, so he handed it back.

"Yeah," she chuckled. "It was in the first one I checked. Pretty lucky, huh?"

Noah glared at Izzy in contempt. "You're just lucky Dakota hasn't-"

"Found it. Thank. God!" Dakota came from the other side of the tables. "C'mon, Brick!"

Noah pushed Izzy along. "Go! Now! Unlock the chest!" She ran to the locked boxes and tried to open it, but the key was too slippery to hold.

Dakota opened hers on the first try and pulled out the wooden head of Chris. She locked it into place on her statue, completing the dummy and stepping one pace closer to the win. She gave Brick two thumbs up and ran down the marked path as Noah snapped the key from his partner and opened it himself. He finished the statue and ran off with Izzy, in last place yet again.

Confessional

Noah: "Izzy's just lucky I'm not violent, or she would be three feet underground... or I would. I mean, c'mon... it's Izzy we're talking about."

End Confessional

The teams reached the next part of the challenge, which was the Cannonball Climb. Noah arrived a few moments later than Dakota due to her lead the the weight of Noah's statue compared to his puny arms. In front of them was a large, sloping hill. The ground was free of trees and shrubs, giving them a clear view of the top, on which was resting a short wall/tower. Two figures could be seen moving on top...

"No, I'll fire the cannon!" Jordan pushed Samantha to the wooden floor. "You might just bruise Noah."

Samantha tackled Jordan and pulled at his large, pale lips. "No, you'll just kill him. I'm after Dakota, and only to... slow her down!"

Jordan pushed his attacker off and over the side of the wall. Samantha yelped before landing in the mud and dirt, while Jordan stood laughing. "Sorry, I must've slipped a little! Enjoy your mud bath, you pig! Hehe!"

Samantha turned red and huffed and puffed. She slammed her fist in the mud, splashing it on her face and pissing her off.

Back at the bottom of the kilometer long hill, Noah and Dakota were shocked by the large and very noticeable sign planted in the ground that read "No Helpers Allowed! Ever!"

Brick sighed and shook Dakota's hand. "Been a pleasure assuring your victory, ma'am. Good luck!" Both teens saluted and Dakota began her run up the hill. She turned back to wave, her face covered with a smile that she really didn't mean.

Noah was about to move on until Izzy grabbed his shoulder and laughed. "You'd better win, silly Noah."

"Yeah, I'll try," said a deadpan Noah, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

His friend leaned in close to his left ear and whispered softly. "Enjoy the wet dreams..." His face contorted in a mixture of fear and disgust as Izzy ran off howling like a wolf.

"And there's the nightmare fuel," he groaned, sick to his stomach. He looked up the cliff as gasped, for Dakota was already halfway up and he hadn't moved a foot. The human noodle of a man lifted his statue over his shoulders and collapsed from the strain. "This... could... be harder... than expected."

Dakota passed by the tower without being fired at once. She was puzzled, so she looked at Jordan and asked, "Why?"

"Because you need to win and Noah needs to lose!" the jerkass snorted furiously. "Now fly like the wind!" He looked back at the hill and saw Noah slowly ascending, so he took aim and fired his ball. It exploded a few feet behind Noah, who jumped in shock, his eyes bursting from his sockets in a blind panic. "Damn!" Jordan shouted. He loaded the cannon with another ball and aimed...

Confessional

Dakota: "I really want to win, but Jordan's crazy. What if he kills Noah?!" *She pauses* "Wow, so this is what it's like to feel guilty? Not funny at all!"

End Confessional

Dakota watched as Jordan fired a barrage of shots. Itching powder, slime, pebbles, spoiled milk, urine, all were exploding from the balls around Noah. He tried to pick up the pace, but the statue was far too heavy and he we losing his stamina fast! Jordan aimed right at Noah's head and was ready to fire when something smashed into the back of his bald head. He whipped around to see Dakota chucking rocks at him from below, along with Samantha surprisingly.

Confessional

Samantha: "Forget Dakota! Jordan's going down... again!"

End Confessional

"Game over, losers," Jordan grinned, turning his cannon on them. They dove aside like ninjas as the ball exploded with fire, setting the wooden tower aflame and freaking out Jordan to all possible extents.

The fire erupted past the cannon and hit the ammunition. Jordan's pupils shrank and his mouth quivered just before everything exploded, tower and all. The jerk was sent flying down the hill, hitting every part of his body on the way down until he smashed jaw first into a tree.

Noah laughed upon reaching the top and collapsed from exhaustion. He put both hands over his eyes and rubbed them with what little energy he had left. "That was too much. What now?"

"Go-karts!" Dakota gasped. "That's right! See ya' at the finish line, Noah!" The fame-monger took off and Noah was lifted by Samantha.

"Win it," she cheered. "Don't let that brat take it home."

"Sure, just let me-" Noah was then pushed forward and his legs seemed to move on their own. His face and entire body was sweaty and sore, but he kept on going. Dakota had slowed to a crawl after a few seconds of running, allowing the final two campers to have a short chat.

"So, good luck, Noah," Dakota weezed.

"Yeah, thanks," he replied between breaths. He resorted to pushing his wooden statue after it became to much to carry.

"Y'know what? If I lose to anyone, I'd have it be you. You deserve it."

"Yeah, I know. You're not too bad a winner either. Better... than Jordan."

"Uh huh. I'm just glad there's... no pressure... to win against him or Samantha."

"But... my parents... are another story. If I lose... I'll be a very unhappy camper."

"Yeah... we're broke. I need the cash... totally more than you."

"I disagree... completely."

"Well, may the best camper win. Right?"

"I guess," Noah rolled his eyes, ending the conversation as they reached the piles of go-kart parts. "Well, time to win. Have fun in second place."

"Ditto," Dakota snarked.

The peanut gallery cheered the campers on at the start/finish line.

"Go, Noah!" Tyler whooped, waving his bandana in the air. He hit Noah's mother in the face and she ripped it out of his hands.

"Bad!" She slapped him repeatedly to his pain and dismay.

Mr. Milton was biting his well trimmed nails as he watched his daughter on the big screen. He was sweating bullets, much to Justin's disgust.

"Dude? Anti-prespirate?" the male model asked. "Y'know, the stuff in the can with the weird smell?" Mr. Milton ignored Justin and pushed up on his cheeks. "Or not... you peasant."

Chris yawned as he watched the two peons build their go-karts. "Boring," he whined, then he turned to face the camera. "Let's see if we can't make this a little more interesting, hehe."

Noah and Dakota built away. It wasn't too hard, as both go-karts were in simple pieces: wheels, axles, frames, steering wheels, brakes, etc. Dakota was almost ready to start it up and Noah was just applying the frame when a mechanical whirring buzzed behind them. They both looked back to see a gigantic bear wearing racing equipment from a helmet to a fur-tight white suit. The beast roared and the teens screamed in terror.

Confessional

Noah: "I knew this was too easy!"

Dakota: "Claws... and teeth... and claws!" *She passes out*

Chris: "Racing Bear sure came in handy, huh? Best investment ever!"

End Confessional

Racing Bear immediately went after Dakota as she was the first to run away, leaving Noah a few spare minutes to build his kart. He snapped the last piece into place and hopped in with his statue, but when he started the vehicle, it wouldn't start. He slammed his head on the horn in defeat, attracting the angry bear from chasing Dakota. Noah's eyes comically shrank as he leapt out and ran for it. Dakota returned to finish her kart and get it started, and it actually started up.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, smashing her foot against the gas pedal and roaring off into the forested path back to the starting line.

Noah ran in circles trying to evade the bear and ended up hopping in his kart as a last resort. He banged on the hood as hard as he could and the engine sputtered fumes. "C'mon!" he screamed furiously, slamming on the gas and finally starting it up. A blast of flames erupted from the tailpipe, burning all of the bear's fur off and propelling Noah at a dangerously high speed down the hill.

Chris tapped his watch and held the hundred grand case between his legs. "Wow, this is so much more boring than I thought. Parents. Any thoughts?"

Mr. Milton gasped and stood up in the stands, pointing to the side of the hill just a few hundred yards away. "Look! It's Dakota!"

"Awesomeness!" Sam cheered as well, along with the accompaniment of Justin, Brick and Jordan.

Noah's followers remained in a tense pause, waiting for him to arrive just in time to take the money and run.

Chris smiled, a small glimmer reflecting from his jaws. "Looks like Dakota's winning! Noah's nowhere to be seen, and she's only seconds away from victory!"

Dakota raced into the cove and slammed on her brakes. She looked around and cheered, her fists flying in the air. "Yes! I win!"

"Ahem," Chris cleared his throat. "Not until you place that luxurious statue of moi on the pedestal of awesomeness." He gestured to the small pillar in the sand.

"Oh, right!" she gasped. "Just let me get out an-" The mood was broken by a scream... a feminine scream like no other. Dakota picked the inside of her ear. "Is it just me, or do you hear something." The scream grew louder and louder until Noah burst out of the woods and drove his kart into a boulder, using it as a ramp and sending him, and his kart, flying straight at Dakota.

Time stood still. Nobody moved. Mr. Milton was aghast with fear. Noah's parents were screaming in excitement. Debbie shielded her eyes. Dawn covered her mouth in shock. Jordan was grinning ear to ear. Anne Maria was kissing Justin. Chris dodged Matrix-style out of the crash...

The two vehicles met in a boom of sand and dust. Noah and Dakota were sent flying across the finish line along with the statues and parts from their karts. The dust developed into wave of obscurity. Everyone hacked and coughed until the dust cleared enough to see into the cloud. On the ground, rolling out of the dust, was a wooden Chris head, cut off from its body. The host cringed and looked into the swirling mass. Then... the pedestal was topped. Chris held the hundred grand case high as the losers and family members watched in agony... The dust finally cleared and one camper was standing next to the pedestal. The other, surrounded by pieces of their statue.

"And the winner of Total... Drama... Return of the Underdogs is..."

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"DAKOTA!"

Dakota coughed up dust and smiled. "I won?" Then it hit her and she collapsed to her knees in utter ecstasy. "I actually WON!"

Mr. Milton, Sam, and Brick raced to her side and congratulated her. The former hugged her and kissed her forehead. "You won, Dakota. You did it, and I'm so proud of you!"

"Yeah, you owned it, babe!" Sam kissed and hugged her. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Yeah, me too, champion!" Brick saluted as the entire cast clapped, even Jordan.

Dawn rushed to Noah's side as he sat up and helped him to his feet. "Are you okay, poor soul?!"

"Right as rain, I guess," Noah let out a sad sigh. "Thanks for the help; my ass is killing me." The bookworm wobbled over to Dakota and shook her hand. "Well played game, dear. Well played. Congrats on the win."

"Awww, thanks. Too bad you had to lose, huh?" Dakota looked slightly disappointed through her glee, but still held her wild smile.

"Yeah, but money's overrated anyways. And after taxes, it's not really that much."

Dakota playfully rolled her eyes.

Chris walked up to the group with the case in hand. "Dakota, I declare you the true Total Drama Underdog. To the victor goes the grand prize: one hundred thousand dollars in cash!"

Dakota snatched the case and looked at her reflection in the mirror. "So... Oh, I'm so happy!" She hugged her father again.

Suddenly, a bold pair of voices burst into the scene as Noah's parents rushed through the crowd and grabbed their son by the collar. "How dare you disgrace the family!" the father shouted, spitting in his son's face as he spoke. "You should be ashamed."

"Or should you?" Dawn gasped. "Your aura is dark and oddly green!"

"Yeah... and?" he hissed as his wife repeated the question.

"Question, sir: Who's Dina? You have feelings for her, don't you?" Dawn smiled as she watched Noah's mother gasp in horror.

"You... cheated on me?!"

Noah's father stumbled in place, dropping a grinning Noah. "Honey, I never, well, maybe... sometimes people make mistakes. I don't even know who Dina is for crying out loud!"

"Oh, really? We need to have a talk. Forget the cash! We're talking divorce!" She grabbed her husband by the ear and dragged him off screen screaming.

Noah wiped the sweat from his brow and smiled at Dawn. "Thanks. That's a relief."

"No problem," she shook her head. "They deserve it."

Noah turned to Dakota. "So, debt?"

"Yeah, totally," she nodded, smiling at her daddy. "This isn't much, but... it'll go a long way."

Chris slowly clapped. "And congrats to everyone as well, for making this season so amazing. It was a long ride, but we have a winner. Newbies, you were great too. Not bad for a debut season... Well, maybe not for you, Debbie, but for everyone else, yeah."

Jordan snorted arrogantly. "Yeah, just you losers wait until next season. I'll crush all of you like scones in a-" Chris started laughing. "What's so funny?"

The host placed a hand on Jordan's shoulder. "Sorry bro, but you noobs aren't coming back again. Audiences hated you, fyi."

Samantha and Jordan began to sob, but Ethan and Debbie shrugged.

Chris turned to Noah. "As for our runner up, I have a special prize for you, Mr. Snarkypants."

Noah raised an eyebrow cautiously. "Uh, okay? What is it?"

"You get a special appearance as a contestant on our upcoming Total Drama spin-off! Sounds great, huh?"

Noah groaned in disgust and kicked up the dust around his feet. "Ugh! No, that sucks. I don't want it!"

Chris winked. "You'll come around eventually." He turned to the rest of the cast. "And for the rest of you... get ready, because we're having a huge beach party tonight to celebrate!"

Tyler screamed like a madman on crack, as did the others albeit not as crazy.

"Sounds like you're all excited," Chris grinned. "Excellent! Now let's have some fun before heading home, right?"

Cheers filled the cove as the contestants jumped, hollered, kicked, whooped, and waved.

Confessional

Noah: "I may not have won, but I did pretty damn good for a bookworm. I mean, I beat out fourteen people, a kraken, and the government. I'm happy with that."

Dakota: "I can't believe it! I actually won! I never thought I'd even merge, but... Eva, Brick... Sammy. Thanks for helping me get this far."*She holds up the case of money* "This is on you guys."

End Confessional

The sixteen campers, Chris, Chef, Harold, Sam, and Mr. Milton sat around the camp fire telling wild tales of the season. Tyler chugged a whole bottle of root beer in ten seconds. Noah was telling jokes. Harold was reading from his journal about moths. Debbie was drawing everyone in a group portrait. Samantha and Ethan were smiling and laughing together, but just as friends. Eva and Brick were showing their skills by lifting logs. Anne Maria and Justin were making out and sharing roasted treats. Staci and Dawn were talking about the future. B was creating some new invention out of trash. Katie and Sadie were dancing in the fire light. Jordan was all alone. Just his pale, bald self.

Chris clapped and made one last note. "So... has anybody seen Izzy?"

Everyone looked to the people next to them in confusion that soon turned to fear.

Chef fastened his hat and covered his chest. "Oh boy. Here we go again."

Confessional

Izzy: "Thanks for watching, everyone! Bye bye... and time to meet your dooms! Muahhuahuahuahuaha!" *She disappears in a flash of lightning*

End Confessional

Chris popped in front of the camera as the group partied in the background. "And so ends another season! See what we have in store for our campers next time... on a new season of... Total... Drama... Pahkitew Island!" A frisbee came out of nowhere and smacked him in the head. "Ow! Darn kids!"

The Standings

16th: Debbie

15th: Justin

14th: Anne Maria

13th: B

12th: Sadie

11th: Katie

10th: Ethan

9th: Staci

8th: Tyler

7th: Brick

6th: Dawn

5th: Jordan

4th: Eva

3rd: Samantha

1st/2nd: Noah

1st/2nd: Dakota

~A/N~ Note: There will be another ending in the next chapter. Don't forget to check that one out, because it's actually somwhat different, more so than typical endings in Canon.

And Dakota wins the "true" ending, much unlike how the votes were cast. I actually decided around episode 9 or 10 that she would win in the end, though Noah was always going to be a finalist, and in other orders, he won. But here, I felt that Dakota deserved the prize more. She played a better game in my opinion and had a much more relevant plot in the whole scheme of things compared to Noah, who only had Dawn, Jordan, and Eva to back him up in that department. I know some of you are upset, but understand that you pick your own winner, as both endings currently work... unless Noah is actually in RR, giving this ending the edge. But hey, more canon Noah is always a good thing, right? :)

Special thanks to everyone who reviewed as much as possible. You guys made this dream of mine a reality and while I don't make any profit off of this, it was the most fun writing project of my life and I wouldn't change a thing... Well, maybe a few things, but I'm happy with how it turned out. Love you all, and have a great day/night, peoples of fanfiction!

Foreseer... out! :D