A/N: Making a parody of reader inserts. I think this one is a bit less funny because I ran out of ideas. Please don't be offended and I apologize in advance if this subject is sensitive to you. :P

You just couldn't do it. There was no way. You sat down against the lockers, head leaning against your knees. School was too hard, too boring, and torturous to go through. Just one day. One more day. People always picked on you. Everywhere you went: the library, the washrooms, in the hallways. Constant jabs at your hair, your weight, your social life. Your only friend was a guy called Turkey. Whenever you felt depressed, he was right there beside you. But today, like he has been recently, wasn't there.

You sat there for what seemed like hours, mulling over what just happened, silent tears pouring down your face. It was the popular kids; they were doing the usual. If only Turkey were there.

Then, a tiny voice from the depths of your spleen spoke up.

Forget it, the voice sneered, he's already gone. You have no one. Just admit it. Just end it.

For a moment, you considered the idea. But then you decided to hold it off just a little longer. One more day. You decided to go find Turkey yourself, since he never came to you anymore.

You found him sitting at a table in a secluded section of the library. As you approached, he looked up and gave a cheery wave, smiling. The smile soon faded as he noticed your state.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly as soon as you sat down next to him. He wrapped a comforting arm around your shoulder.

"The usual…" you mumbled looking down. Turkey gave a comforting squeeze.

"Just tell me everything," he said. You sighed and began after a moment's hesitation.

"Well, it all started when I walked in because I'm so pathetic, and…..Turkey?" You noticed Turkey wasn't listening to you anymore. His reassuring arm slowly slid off your shoulder without him realizing as he gaped at the man that just entered. You followed his gaze. It was England, the one everybody loves. Looking back at Turkey, you felt a growing sensation of hurt, but more importantly, disgust. Turkey stood up and as if in a trance, walked straight up to England, who was looking at him weirdly. You got up and followed him.

"YOU PIKACHU!" You screamed as you Falcon Punched him. Turkey flew up and blasted through the ceiling where a thousand telephone boxes and weird robot things yelling 'EXTERMINATE!' for no reason fell through. They managed to land where you were, evidently killing you. England used his stick arms to fly up to where Turkey was. England found him sitting on the moon, observing the chaos going on back home. The Earth was now coloured purple, where he could see giant Godzillas running around, with a sassing Japan following them.

Complete assortment. Best price and money back guaranteed.

A coffee machine exploded. That caused a chain of events to happen, which led to the ultimate destruction of Middle-Earth. I just killed a unicron. The very same unicron that Wise rode on when he was a little sapling; just a sprout.

England grabbed the Death Note (BECAUSE HE IS KIRA) and wrote his pixie's name on it: Fluffy Angelcakes Nathaniel the Third.

OH GOD THE HUMANITY.

Turkey rode in on his horse that could breathe carbon dioxide and whisked England into his arms. And so, they rode of into the sunset to their marshmallow castle where they could live in fluffitude.

And fluffitude is a word. Search it up. I dare you.

Cats.