One day in the depths of the Frozen wasteland called Siberia, England was raging. He didn't like the fact that America was stronger then him.

"I'M LEAVING!" He shouted, turning around angrily. America was right in front of him, holding out a hand, a deadly serious expression on his face.

"Ready you are not, young grasshopper," he said. "A fish must learn to swim before it can collect pollen for its chicks."

England nodded solemnly as Eye of the Tiger started playing.

One corny training montage later, England finally arrived home to praise the queen. He had a camouflage-print headband tied around his head with black smears under his eyes, and huge, bulging muscles. He was also tan and sweating all over for some reason, causing his to basically blind you with pheromones if you even thought about looking at his incredibly toned body.

"Training montages, good for the buns and thighs," America said, giving a thumbs-up at the camera.

"Ja, buns and thighs," England agreed in a Manry German Voice.

The queen took the time out of taxidermy-ing a live squirrel to stare at the pair blankly. The live squirrel took the time out of being taxidermy-ed to glare at England. All the way up in heaven, God took the time out of crying over the squirrel to stare at England in complete-unhindered captivation.

"Why are you only in your bunny?" the queen queried, taking in England's outfit.

And so he was, as the pelt of his Flying Mint Bunny barely covered his beautiful man parts.

"It was the only thing not in the laundry pile, and besides, I don't want all your taxidermy classes to go to waste."

"What a lovely-"

England turned to America and held up a sweaty, tanned hand to silence him. He planted his manry gaze on the queen, who flinched under that powerful glare as God swooned. England, meanwhile, was dripping with testosterone and raw meat, because we all know how manly raw meat is (double pun intended). Except that he was literally dripping with raw meat; it was quite disgusting.

England glanced at America while wiping the meat off his face. America, noticing the gaze, glanced up with his mouth full of hamburgers he had been previously been pulling from a plothole.

"Wh't?" grunted America, spitting more meat onto England's face in the process.

"We don't eat meat in this country," England said, backing America up next to a giant hole in the ground that has been there the whole time, the author swears.

"This is madness!" America shouted incredulously.

"Madness….?" Whispered England, looking down, but his head snapped back up a moment later as he screamed, "THIS IS SPARTA!"

He lifted a leg to kick America, but America interrupted by saying, "no, this is Patrick."

"Oh," England said, putting his leg back down and turning to the queen.

A tumbleweed tumbled by and America picked it up and started eating it in anxiety.

God squealed.

England took a deep breath.

"Look at your squirrel, now back to me, now back to your squirrel, now back to me. Not so sadly, it isn't me, but it could taste like me if you try our new 'Double Desu All The Way For Trannies,' made with real smashed up Desu Sparkles!"

The queen scratched her eye for a few seconds in contemplation before shaking her head decisively, "The voice inside my head says no."

America gasped and dropped the tumbleweed he had been munching on.

"Oh no you di-in't," England said with a Valley Girl accent, snapping his fingers left and right.

"Oh yes I did," the queen responded.

"You better put down my peanut butter."

"…No."

"Put down my peanut butter."

"I said no!"

"I SAID PUT DOWN MY CHUNKY!" England screamed, waving his arms around. America started sobbing silently.

"No dude, it's mine," the queen said. England paused.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was mine the whole time."

"Well, sorry 'bout that there mix up, y'all go right ahead," England said, developing a southern accent.

England and America proceeded to disappear in a puff of taxidermy books as they teleported back to Siberia, where a giant bunny was having a tea party with a dead Rasputin. England and America saw what was going on and decided to make out. Right then. Right there.