A/N: France is amazing. :D *thumbs up*

The ever beautiful and wonderfully delicious France was locked in a tower. Austria was waiting below; flabbergasted by his gorgeous blonde curls.

Somewhere in China, Hungary stubbed her toe. "Ow," she said.

Austria got a strange sensation: "I think Hungary hurt herself…"

Back to the story. Austria was looking at France with longing in his eyes. "I wish I could have a tower like that."

The author, standing nearby in the bushes, waved her wand and with a flash of lightning, another beautiful tower appeared next to France's. "Ooo! Now I do have a tower!"

France frowned. "Aren't you supposed to save me? I haven't read any fairytales in the last millennia."

"Oh, right Pookins. Sorry. Here- SaveyFrancyPansty!"

"Dude, that's not even a spell."

Back in China, a Pikachu lovingly handed its cursing partner a bandage for her swelling toe.

Back to the story: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!" Austria shouted. Suddenly, he was wearing a purple and gold costume with poufy sleeves and a plumed feather- hat thingy.

France laughed. "And risk getting split ends? No way, Romeo!"

"Ooooookay then. I'll just come get you!" Austria began to throw himself at the tower, attempting to climb up.

France, however, was distracted…. he was in the mood for frozen yogurt! He'd been getting cravings a lot lately… perhaps he was pregnant… Wait. He was an immortal- and immortals can't be pregnant.

Hungary's future son, Jimbo, looked up at her and said: "Mommy, was France an immortal?"

For the last effing time, back to the story! France tapped his foot impatiently and threw his bald cap he got from a plot hole down to Austria.

"Oops! Let me just get that. Austria, could you throw my bald cap back up here?"

Austria looked at the bald cap. "So that explains my hair loss!"

"Are you going to give it back? And then save me? Our fans are getting bored!"

Austria smirked. "They're here for me, not you, France. Hello- I'm the one with screaming fan girls!" In the far distance, there was a faint cheer of girls yelling: "Austria! Austria! Austria! Austria!" Ignoring his fan's pleas, Austria conjured up a grappling hook. "Recently, I've developed a fetish for grappling hooks. They fascinate me!" He threw it with great force, but it caught a tree instead. "You know what? I'm not a cowboy! This is America's thing!" America appeared in a puff of red, white, and blue, and put both hands on his hips. His long cape flew out from behind him and rays of sunlight were protruding from all around his body. His hair was styled perfectly, his teeth were straight and bright white, and he had bought some of those foam abs. The heroic "ah- aaahhhh!" music played from nowhere.

"You may not be a hero, Austria- but I am!"

"Hi America!" France waved from above. "Can I have my bald cap back- oh! What happened to you?" America grumbled. "Stupid cabinets… hey! Where did you get that bald cap?"

"It was in t-" He was interrupted by a loud jingle: Nobody's perfect! I gotta work it! Again and again till I get it right! Nobody's perfect!

"What is that?" France asked.

Austria blushed, fumbling with his costume pocket. "Oh, that- that's just… my… cell phone. I'll just get that." He pulled out the bedazzled cell phone and turned around.

"Yeah… no, Hungary, I'm in the middle of something. No! I don't need that anymore… I solved my urinary issues! … ooo! Yeah, could you pack it in the little sandwich holder? Thank you… I really have to go. Bye."

America's jaw had dropped slightly and France's left eye was twitching a bit.

"You know what? My burger fluffers are waiting, so I'm just going to go and… yeah, bye." America left.

In a Nova Scotian yogurt shop, the author was currently arguing with a cashier. "What do you mean? Look, monkey, I only have to stamp two more little yogurt cups on my frequent customer card and I get a free yogurt. I want it now!"

"Miss, we don't accept this form of… currency." She fingered the galleon.

"What about this?" The author handed her some homemade dollar bills, which was just a piece of green construction paper with the queen's face taped on it.

"Umm, this isn't real."

"Stupid Death Eaters said it was…" she muttered. "You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm taking my yogurt and leaving!" And she did.

Up in the tower, France sighed. "Austria, I'm tired of your pathetic attempts to save me. I'm just going to take the stairs." And within seconds, he was out of the tower and standing next to Austria.

"You mean there were stairs this whole time?" Austria asked.

"Yeah."

Blink. Blink. Blink. "Well, here's your bald cap."

Somewhere in China, Hungary got a phone call: "Ms. Hungary, it's a code red. We've just received information telling us that the author just stole a frozen yogurt!"

"I'm on it!" Hungary ripped off her clothes, and was then embarrassed to realize she forgot to put on her Hungarian Power Like A Boss costume underneath.

BACK TO THE STORY! "So…" Austria said. "Is this the part where we kiss?"

France frowned. "Ew, no."

"But… we kiss, the sunset comes on, then the screen will fade to black, and the happy music plays. Then everyone gets up, leaves their popcorn on the ground, cracks their back, and complains about how it wasn't worth the fifteen- dollar ticket."

"They're charging fifteen dollars for this crap?"

"Apparently."

"Okay, CUT!" the author yelled from her director's chair. "Where was this in the lines?"

Austria took off his plumed feather-hat thingy. "I'm talking a lunch break, France. Who did you have write this script anyway-America?"

France looked embarrassed. "No…"

Austria removed his clothes. "All I can say is I can't wait for the sequel."

"C'mon, let's get some coffee." France linked arms with his boyfriend and they walked off the movie set.

Suddenly, the author appeared on screen. "Wait- what just happened? Authorception? That was random."