Russia sat in front of his computer, pondering deeply about which plane to take to China.

Golden Hawk has a good price… but Mesilla has those little peanut packets! Ooo! Northeastern gives out those little free pillows! This is so difficult…

Eventually, he settled with Northeastern, and two minutes later, he was in the airport.

"O. M. G." Russia said. "Starbucks!" And it was upon this discovery that Russia was conned into buying a double mocha latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon, a cream cheese bagel, a cheap flip-flop keychain, a tabloid magazine featuring Ukraine in a bikini, a little rectangle that flashed the word "Russia" and three pairs of sunglasses.

Suddenly, a voice boomed from above from a speaker. "All boarding the Northeastern plane flight to China must board in the next ten minutes."

Russia looked up at the ceiling. "Okay! I will do that!"

Russia walked to his entrance gate, and up to the little thing that you walk through to make sure you don't have any sharp things in your belt.

"Okay, sir, please walk through." The attendant said in a bored voice.

Russia frowned. "I don't appreciate your tone."

"And I don't appreciate you not walking through."

Russia put his hands on his hips. "Do you know who I am?"

"No."

"I'm the Russian Federation."

"Great. Now walk through."

" Everyone's best friend?"

"Don't care."

"The person you'll become one with?"

"Cool. Now walk through."

"No. Hiiiiii-yah!" The attendant fell down in a heap. Russia walked through the machine-thingy. It beeped.

Another attendant approached him. "Sir, will you please empty your pockets?"

"No!" Russia said. "That's my private business!"

"Sir…"

"Okay, fine…" Russia pulled out an array of variously lengthened knives, two bombs, and a box of matches. The attendant's eyes bulged.

"Sir, I'm going to ask you to take your pants off." She stated.

Russia looked indignant. "Now I know I'm irresistible and all, but let's start out slow, okay?"

"No, sir, we're trying to make sure you're not a killer."

Russia frowned. "I'm not a killer! Hiiiiiiii-yah!" The attendant fell down as well. Russia smiled, grabbed his luggage, and boarded the plane.

His seat was nice and comfy, with those little pillows and a tray that pulled out from the seat in front of him. Ooo! What was that? It was a little paper bag full of… was that soup? Wait- wait… that was… "Ew!" Russia shrieked. He threw the puke-filled bag at the person across from him.

A moment later, a flight attendant appeared. "Sir, I'm going to ask you not to throw other's bodily fluids at fellow passengers."

Russia squinted at the attendant. "China?"

Sure enough, it was China, wearing the skimpy flight attendant uniform that consisted of a strapless top and a mini skirt. He also had one of those little hats on top of his brown hair.

"You're a girl, China!?"

China waved his hand. "Yeah, well, Japan and his stupid foam abs and bald cap stole my masculinity."

"Really?"

"Malfoy?" A random voice said.

"What was that?" asked China.

Russia waved his hand carelessly. "I don't know. But what are you doing here?"

"I live in China."

"You do?"

"Yes! I am China! Can't you remember?!"

"You are?"

"Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me."

"Hey, I had 431 people try out for the role of China."

"And you didn't realize that the person who got the role was the actual China?"

"No."

China rolled his eyes. "Now I understand why you jumped out of that plane."

A soft dreamy voice appeared through the intercom. "Here's your cranberry juice."

"Malfoy?" China exclaimed.

"No. It's Phil!"

"Malfoy, that was only six hours ago."

"Oh… right."

"And you call me stupid," said Russia.

"Well, I have no idea what just happened, so don't blame me." China said.

Suddenly, the plane took a nosedive. "I'm sorry, passengers! I had to take a moment to scratch my nose and I let go of the wheel." The voice said.

"We are so dead." Russia groaned.

China shook his head. "You heard Malfoy. They have absorbent pillows in case of nosebleed."

"Did someone say Sauron?" America, out of nowhere (*cough* again *cough*) appeared in his billowing red, white, and blue cape. (Honestly, the billowing was only coming from a fan two feet away.)

"No, he said 'nosebleed'." Russia said.

"Oh." America looked put down. "Well, better get back to saving England. Oh, and Hungary, when you get back to Jimbo at home, remember that bedtime's at 7."

"Hungary left her son at home by himself?" Russia asked.

"Of course not! We had the author watch him. She only charges 5 bucks an hour for baby-sitting. Something about needing frozen yogurt money." America shrugged. "America out!" And he disappeared.

"That was random," commented General Winter.

Russia blinked. "General Winter? Where did you come from?"

General Winter shrugged. "I was watching Desperate Housewives when this plot hole appeared in my living room, so I decided to hop inside and see where it takes me!"

"Oookay then." China said.

The voice spoke again. "Attention all passengers. We are about to arrive in China. Wait- China's the one on to the right of Europe, correct?"

"Wait- we're there already? But we were filming in America. China's on the other side of the world." Russia said.

China shrugged. "It's Malfoy. Anything's possible."

The plane suddenly dropped straight down, but floated right back up with the aid of snow.

"Ow." General Winter said.

"Hey! These pillows are good for nosebleeds!" a Pikachu said, holding one to its bleeding nose.

The voice spoke. "Welcome to China!"

Russia frowned. "We're in China?"

"You. Are. Such. An. Idiot." China said. And with that, he jumped out the plane door, shouting "PAAANNNDAAAAAA!" until he landed in the snow, breaking his back.