A/N: Cheese puffs.

"This is ridiculous," Canada muttered, trying to take his shirt off. It was posing a more difficult problem than he expected.

Greece was staring in a mirror, for some reason, applying blush. When Canada turned to him, Greece looked guiltily about and murmured, "I did have twenty nine sisters, they - "

"Yes, Greece?"

It was at the stage that Greece no longer needed blush. "They liked dressing me up. I was their human doll." He sighed, looking melodramatically at his knees.

Perhaps he should have felt sorry for the brunette, but it was too funny. Canada snickered. Greece gave him a dirty look, and slowly raised three fingers. "Read between the lines, Canada, read between the lines," he said carefully.

"I still don't see," Canada started again, "Why it had to be Greece and I. Wufei and Kumajiro both have more hair," he added, staring at the trouser clad legs of Kumajiro and Greece's cat Wufei with a decidedly disturbing stare.

Wufei coughed and shuffled his front paws, feeling all too aware of his crotch. "You two look more feminine," he snapped. "It was vital for the mission to infiltrate an all girl's school, to protect Aunt Kyle..." He stopped, suddenly aware of what he had said.

There was a pause, a moment of silence as his comment was heard and taken in.

A snap of broken plastic was heard as Greece broke the blusher with his hand, before whirling around from the mirror, in a half crouch, the jagged end of the blusher raised above his head.

"What did you say?"

Canada stood up, and through he was momentarily impeded by the folds of his skirt, it was an impressive sight.

"Um..." Wufei, the excellent orator so eloquently espoused.

"Idiot," Greece said, "It's the real men who can wear a skirt and be assured in their masculinity, than those that are still hung on gender roles."

"Plus," Canada added, "You know not the pains of a wax."

Picking up a tube of lipstick, Greece smirked, "I'm going to enjoy those group showers, Wufei, just for you." He sighed, "All of the statues in the world…"

Wufei was suddenly aware of another reason to be afraid of his owner.

"You would never believe it..."

"What? What would I never believe?"

"I never thought that my sister would ever even consider dating him!"

"Juliet is dating who?"

"... I don't want to talk about it."

"Is it that cute acrocat? Wow, he can certainly bend and twist his body, no wonder she wants to date him! And did you see his sleek fur? He'll make her very happy."

"... He's not cute. And no, it's no Romeo."

"Romeo? That's his name? Interesting... so, he's not dating anyone."

"Um... I - I think he's got a wife in Barcelona and six kids!"

"Oh, well... it's that stable hand with the great butt?"

"Michael does not have a great butt, I can prov - I know he doesn't. And no, Jutliet doesn't like him. Apparently he smells like elephants and she despises elephants."

"So... he's gay?"

"... No! nonono. Straight as a ruler!"

"Pity. So who is she dating?"

"You will never believe it."

"I thought we had already been through this?"

"Princess."

"Oh..."

"You know, Aunt Kyle's brother."

"Of course I know, I used to own him."

"I just don't believe it."

"That I used to own him? You were there! Have all your memories really came back?"

"Yes! I just... can't believe that my sister is having se - a relationship with him. He tried to destroy our world!"

"Wufei... we know several people who have. Some of them are our friends."

"But... he wore that retarded mask! He has no fashion sense! What chance do their children have against the combined weight of Juliet's and Princess's fashion sense?"

"I don't think that matters. It's not like she is pregnant."

"Right?"

"I'm going to be an uncle!"

"You sound depressed."

"I'm too young!"

"The kid will look up to you."

"Hmm... I suppose..."

"Princess and Juliet..."

"Stop shaking your head."

"It's just surprising, that's all. I wish them best in the future."

"Yeah."

"At least their children will be pretty."

"That is true."

"Huh... Princess and Juliet. Heh, Wufei, if those two can get together, people will think that we could get together!"

Meanwhile, as Greece and Wufei were carrying out their conversation, Canada exited the room. He had gotten confused, for there were no indications as to who was talking in the paragraphs above. But as soon as he left, something caught his eye.

Canada knew he shouldn't be doing this.

He stared down the stairs, eyes following the smooth, curved hand rail. It was begging him; he could feel it in his mind.

Come on Canada! It cried out, wantonly. Try me! Slide me! Clamp your legs around me!

His hand twitched towards it and he felt his feet moving towards it. Canada went with the flow, succumbing to his desires.

Never mind he could break his neck, or any and every limb his body. Canada paused and stared down. Well, he considered, I've survived worse falls.

Of course that had involved a three month hospital stay.

Take me! It seemed to taunt him.

A frown of determination crossed Canada's face, strengthening his resolve. He must, nay; he had no choice but to slide down that banister! Nodding, Canada took the final step forward.

Its sleek curves... Canada sighed in content, running one hand down it. It was the most beautiful banister he had ever seen. It felt wonderful, it felt -

"What are you doing, Canada?"

Crap. Canada turned towards the voice. It was Greece looking at him with some amusement.

"Er, hi, Greece... This can be explained." He said in a rush.

"Really?" asked the lord of cats. He stared.

Shifting, Canada blushed. "Yeah..." Time to tell lies! His mind yelled frantically. "I want to become an architect."

"An architect? I thought you despised technical drawing with a passion that burns like the gates of hell?" Greece asked and Canada suddenly remembered what he had said yesterday.

"That's true, I guess."

"So?" Greece smiled and Canada couldn't help but feel he was making fun of him.

"It's fun?" Maybe the truth would work, he thought.

Greece looked serious for a moment before a huge grin lit up across his face. "It sure is! It's even better when you get someone to push!"

Suddenly Canada was moving.

Falling.

Before he lost consciousness, he could have sworn the banister was laughing at him.

Greece watched with horror as Canada's body was launched off the banister and fell with a bone crunching crack on the ground. He winced, and then winced again, as he heard Canada groan.

Stepping forward, he started for the stairs, intent on helping his friend when something seemed to stop him. Greece took a deep breath and slowly turned his gaze towards the smooth, sleek banister.

He gulped, his vision becoming focused on one object. Its graceful angles and lovely curves. It was a true vision of art. Greece felt the desire to possess the banister.

I'm yours, it whispered, wholly and truly yours. I've only ever been yours, Greece.

It was delectable, and Greece shuddered, his mouth half open. He licked his lips, wondering what the banister would taste like.

Would it be sweet, like the curves were gentle? Would it be sour, like the harsh density?

Come to me, it cried.

His hands drawn to it, Greece stumbled over to the banister, Canada all but forgotten as he fell to his knees in worship. He placed one hand on it, seeming like everything couldn't go wrong.

"Oh," his head bent back, his eyes rolling in skull. "Yeah... like that you sweet hunk of woo - "

"Greece?"

He slowly turned, his mouth agape. Wufei stood there, jaw dropped. His face was confused as he looked upon his owner, groping the banister.

"I was just going to have a swim..." his cat muttered, his eyes bulging as his mind tried to work this out. I could handle him being gay, Wufei reasoned, the pink shirts pointed assuredly in that direction, but a banister? It's not even an original! It's just a worthless reproduction! How could my owner go so low?

"Um...Canada had an accident." Greece murmured, suddenly remembering Canada.

Walking over to where Canada still knelt, Wufei merely nodded as the mess Canada was making with his blood and turned to Greece. "I'd better be off," he frowned. "And Greece..."

Trying to restrain his horror, fear, embarrassment and tightening trousers, Greece weakly voiced, "Yeah?"

"Wipe the drool off your face, it does not befit a Winner."

Over come by such happiness, Greece leaned forward and kissed the silky hard banister, before leaping over it. His legs connected with the wood, and he threw back his head, his pink lips wet.

"Take me…" He moaned, pushing himself off, for his first ride, "Take me slow, or fast, I'm yooooouuuuurrrrsss!" His cry escaped him as he lost grip and fell to the ground.

He stared at Canada, wondering why he couldn't black out and then at the banister. Through Greece could tell it was only a delusion, he knew the banister loved him and only him, he thought he saw it leer triumphantly above him.

Wufei blinked, and then shrugged.

"... yeah... they could, couldn't they?"

"Do you think he realises...?" A pained Canada murmured to Greece.

Greece sighed, "If he did, I don't think he would be acting as is he." Greece's eyes briefly left Wufei to meet Canada's. "It was very good of you to go shopping with him."

Canada shrugged slightly and winced in pain. "What can I say? He seemed so desperate. The poor boy doesn't know a thing about shopping. It was my duty as a fellow Preventer to help him."

Both nations then turned silent, willing to enjoy the sight of Wufei swimming with white Speedos.

Then they started snickering, as Wufei bent over, the tiny scrap of transparent fabric revealing all.

"Pity we didn't bring a camera," Greece murmured regretfully.

"Well..." Canada said.

They both grinned.