Disclaimer:The characters are not mine, but the story is. I make no claims on the CW or DC's Arrow intellectual property.
Behind The Darkness and The Light
"You don't fall in love with someone because it's convenient."
― Harriet Evans, A Hopeless Romantic
"Felicity you have got to calm down. You've been to weddings before!" Caitlin's voice echoed through Felicity's bathroom, having put her friend on speaker phone. She was trying not to overthink things, but she still didn't understand why she had agreed to go to a wedding with someone she had only been out with a few times.
Barry Allen was a nice guy - he was awkward just like her, and they met through mutual appreciation of Queen Consolidated's Applied Sciences division. Felicity had been finalizing her security system check one evening a few weeks ago and had witnessed him stumbling out of his tiny office.
She had tried to stop the immediate comparisons to the only other guy she had been involved with in the past two years - Oliver Queen - but when he looked at her she had to remind herself that Oliver had made it very clear he was unavailable.
Because of that, she had accepted Barry's offer of a first date - even asked him on a second one. It was nice, but they were nowhere near the 'wedding date' stage of a relationship; they weren't even really in a relationship yet.
"Caitlin, I've been to weddings but this one has awkward written all over it!" Felicity brushed her cheeks softly for a hint of blush as she listened to her friend scoff.
"You'll be fine. Just be sure to make Barry dance with you. He seems like he'd be a good dancer."
Rolling her eyes, Felicity grabbed her eyeshadow palette, "This is Tommy Merlyn and Laurel Lance's wedding. Do you remember who Laurel Lance is? Ex-long term love of Oliver Queen's life? The man I can't get out of my head? That I slept with?"
A few minutes of silence and a completed pair of eyes later, Felicity was unpinning her hair, letting it fall into curls around her shoulders.
"How do you look?" Caitlin asked, knowing instinctively what Felicity was doing.
"Like I'm ready for a wedding that will totally not be awkward."
"Well that's a relief. Listen babe, I have to go - you have fun tonight. And give Oliver a dance, too. You know he'll be great at it."
Felicity snorted and hit end on the phone, walking back towards her bed to slip on her dress and heels.
"I forgot, how do you know Laurel again?" Felicity gripped her champagne glass stem tightly as her eyes flitted across the ballroom at the reception. Barry had noted several times throughout the evening that she seemed quite jumpy, but she had waved him off.
"We used to work together her first year in the DA's office. I was a forensics intern and she knew getting close to them would help speed up her cases sometimes. Whip smart, that's for sure."
"That is a good word to describe Laurel," a voice sounded from beside her and she jumped, then turned around slowly.
Oliver Queen was standing next to Barry, looking unfairly gorgeous in a tailored tux with a baby blue tie - the color of the wedding party. Despite being gone for five years, Tommy still considered Oliver his best friend - and despite the history with his bride, he had wanted Oliver beside him.
"Mr. Queen! Hi, how are you?" Barry's eagerness shone through - Felicity knew he looked up to Oliver, a survivor of so much, and smiled softly at it.
Oliver only had eyes for her, though, "I'm wonderful, thank you. I was hoping, Ms. Smoak, that you would like to dance with me?"
She held a question in her eyes, but he stared at her with an impassive gaze that gave nothing away.
Finally, Felicity nodded definitively. "Yes, absolutely," and took his hand, handing her flute to Barry who was still awestruck.
He guided her gently to the dance floor, hand warm around hers, but as he placed his hand on her waist she felt a ripple of heat and desire flow through her - remembering the last time it had been there.
Oliver glided them quietly along the floor, the band sticking to an instrumental number.
"Why did you ask me to dance?" Felicity broke the silence and he continued to stare at her, thinking.
"I wanted to dance with you," he said, as if it was the simplest answer in the world - and it was, but she was still surprised by it.
He pulled her slightly closer as the song shifted to a slow version of The Way You Look Tonight.
Someday, when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow
Just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight
Felicity was caught in his intense gaze as she asked her next question, "Is this weird to you, them being married?"
He broke into a grin and shook his head, "No. I was gone a long time, and Laurel and I…we weren't right. I wasn't right for her. The Oliver who was in love with Laurel doesn't exist anymore."
"That seems pretty definitive, you must have been through a lot," Felicity shook her head, "I'm sorry, that was dumb. Of course you've been through a lot."
"It's fine, you're right - but to be honest I wasn't a very good person even before I left."
Felicity tilted her head, "Implying that you're still not a very good person?"
Oliver shrugged, "Most would say that."
"The good parts of you are still there - I've seen them."
"May you never know the dark parts, Felicity," he said quietly, making her shudder with curiosity and compassion. He nodded towards Barry, "What about him?"
Felicity smiled, "That's Barry, I met him at QC." She shrugged at the question on his face before gently twirling at his cue, "We've been out a few times. He's nice."
Oliver raised an eyebrow at her, "Just nice?"
"He doesn't…fit that well. Not like you did," Felicity ducked her head and felt a blush attack her face, "Not like that - I mean like a…"
She stopped talking when he stopped and raised a hand to her cheek, "You're blushing, Felicity."
"It's your fault of course," she teased him and wagged her finger playfully at him.
Oliver stepped back a bit and spread his hands innocently, causing her to narrow her eyes. She doesn't understand why he's flirting with her when he had made it clear he couldn't be with anyone. Oliver seemed to notice and spoke.
"Felicity, I'm too damaged to be any good for anyone - especially someone like you." She looked at him, tears surprisingly welling in her eyes as he bent down to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for the dance," he whispered before walking away.
Felicity stood there on the edge of the dance floor as Barry came up to her, "Well I guess I don't stand a chance now, huh?"
She turned to him and smiled sadly, hugging him tightly - his arms comforting her and she let a few tears fall.
The explosion downtown meant that Felicity got a day off, which she spent curled up on her couch watching reruns of Psych. It had been a few weeks since she and Barry had ended their little fledgling romance, but he had quickly become great friends - even Caitlin liked him.
He was on the other end of the couch devouring the Chinese food he had brought with him, complaining every time she shushed him.
"You've watched this show at least three times, and I can verify this episode has been watched at least four since I've known you."
Felicity glared at him, but he was undeterred; he grabbed the remote and paused the TV abruptly, "What's with you and Oliver Queen?"
Her annoyance gave way to large and shuttered eyes, "Nothing. We've run into each other a couple of times is all, why do you ask?"
"Probably because a dance with him turned you into a puddle of emotional, teary mess."
She huffed and leaned back, kicking his shin with her feet, "It's not nice to bring up a person's weak moments, Barry!" Sighing, she answered, knowing it would end horribly. "I kind of maybe slept with him on New Year's Eve."
Felicity had closed her eyes as she spoke those words and after too long a silence she finally opened them to see Barry's shocked expression, mouth hanging open. "Don't look at me like that!"
She threw a pillow at him that he dodged effortlessly, "Felicity Smoak I didn't know you had it in you!"
Rolling her eyes, she got up and took his left overs into the kitchen.
"That doesn't answer why you got so emotional, though."
Felicity gripped the counter and took a deep breath, "We went out again, and I thought - it was foolish I know, but I thought we had a connection. But he's rejected me twice, so obviously I was wrong."
"Orrrrrr he could be majorly messed up from spending five years on a remote island," Barry, ever the voice of reason, commented.
Felicity nodded, knowing he was right, but she couldn't shake the thought that there was more. The first time she met him, she knew there was more to him than the club owner persona he presented. Then when he dodged her invite to dinner, he had seemed sad; after their dance, he said goodbye almost painfully. She hadn't seen him in the month and a half since - despite working in the same building.
He was actively avoiding her; she knew that with a certainty.
She took a deep breath, "Can we just talk about something other than my weirdly dramatic love life?"
Barry shrugged and unpaused the episode, leaving Felicity heaving a sigh of relief.
Later that evening, a phone rang on her night stand; it wasn't her normal ringtone, and her body went rigid as she realized it was the phone the Vigilante had given her during the favor he had asked her to do. It had been months ago, but she still kept the phone charged for some reason; hoping he might call again.
She had forgotten about it, but remembered clearly now as she answered the phone, "H-hello?"
The modulated voice of the vigilante filtered through, "Felicity. I need your help again."
She sat up on the edge of her bed and put her glasses on, "What's going on?"
"I'll explain when I'm there. I'll be at your apartment in five minutes. Please."
Felicity sighed and agreed, though her grumbling was made known; being woken up at two in the morning was enough for anyone to be a bit grumpy.
Throwing on a t-shirt and jeans, she slipped on her panda flats just in time for a knock at the door; she unlocked it without looking out the window, "You know, it's weird that a vigilante knocks on doors."
He strode in purposefully, "You really should be safer, I could have been anyone. You need to think more about your safety."
"Hey. I didn't ask for a lecture, do you want my help or not?" Felicity was annoyed, even though she knew he was right - he didn't have a right to lecture her.
Still looking at the floor, he turned to her, "The explosion today wasn't an accident. I need your help figuring out who caused it."
Felicity sat on her barstool as she watched him, taking in his body language - he seemed uncomfortable and nervous. "I've been reading about you in the paper, they're talking about you differently now. Almost favorably."
"Felicity there's no ti-"
She walked towards him, noting that he backed away to keep his face hidden despite the mask, "They also said you haven't killed anyone in at least two months. Why the change?"
He gripped his bow tighter, "A friend showed me I could be better."
Felicity smiled, curious, "Who's the lucky lady, then?"
"Who said it was a woman?"
Stepping closer, "Your voice changed, it got softer when spoke about this friend. Usually means a woman is involved." Felicity didn't understand why she kept toying with this very dangerous vigilante, but she had come to understand him at least in some small part - she felt safe with him.
She also knew he watched over her occasionally, especially on nights when she was working late at Queen Consolidated.
"We need to go. I'll take you to your office, I assume you'll need to use the QC computers."
Felicity snapped out of her thoughts and gasped, "Oh my god, sorry. Of course, people are being blown up! Probably not the best time to play twenty questions."
She felt him chuckle behind her as he followed her out the door to his motorcycle, "Every conversation with you is like playing twenty questions."
Nearly four hours later and the sun gradually lighting up her office, she was again calling the mysterious vigilante who had slipped out almost immediately after bringing her here. He had made some excuse about watching the streets, but she knew he was wary of being alone with her; it made her smile, thinking she had the power to make a vigilante uncomfortable.
"Hey Arrow, got some info for you."
His voice was distorted again, "Arrow?"
Felicity blushed, thankful he couldn't see it, "Yeah, I figured calling you the vigilante was a bit harsh - needed less syllables, easier to say…."
She drifted off into silence, "I like it. Thank you. What do you have for me?"
Grinning at his approval of her new nickname for him, she gave him the information about a man calling himself Shrapnel that worked in a repair shop in the Glades.
He still hadn't hung up, so she asked him the question that had been bothering her, "So when do I find out who you really are?"
A throat cleared on the other end, "Never."
"But I could be so much more helpful to you - on a regular basis even - I want to help this city, too."
"Felicity, it just isn't a good idea. What I do I have to do alone, it's safer that way. I'm being selfish bringing you in even for this."
She scowled at her computer as if he could see her - and for all she knew, he could - "If you think you're being selfish, why are you still bringing me into this?"
"I need you."
Felicity felt a tiny flutter in her stomach and immediately squashed it. "You owe me a thank you drink for this next time I see you."
A chuckle, "Deal." And with that, the line went dead and she got started on her workday, hoping no one questioned her bizarre work attire before she left.
Felicity ended up leaving at noon, going home and resolving to sleep until work the next day. She was successful, but when she arrived the next morning with the click of her heels echoing in the hallway, she found a bottle of wine on her desk with a bright red bow around it.
Laughing, she snatched the notecard that rested against it, "Thank you for your help, have a drink on me."
It wasn't signed, but she knew it was from The Arrow and smiled.
Caitlin brought her lunch that day under the guise of being a good friend, but Felicity knew she just wanted the latest vigilante scoop.
"Caitlin, I told you that in confidence! You can't just talk about it where people could hear - I could be arrested!"
She just waved her friend off, "Felicity, whatever. What would they even charge you with, being helpful?"
"Yes actually! Aiding a vigilante doesn't get me any awards other than a large bond and jail time!"
Despite her friend's insistence of her innocence, Felicity just smiled and went back to eating her Big Belly Burger.
"So you like him, right?"
She choked a bit on her burger and Caitlin smacked her back to help her out, "Why would you say that?"
Shrugging, "You do though, don't you? I can see it. You get that same look when you talk about Oliver."
Felicity groaned at the mention of Oliver Queen, "I do not!"
She thought about that as she finished her lunch, Caitlin mercifully letting her think in silence. Oliver had kept his distance from her, but he was still in the forefront of her mind - despite only spending a cumulative of two days with him, he was burned on her soul.
The Arrow, however - dark and broody, but just as mysterious - he even said he needed her. No one had ever needed her. "Oh, crap."
Caitlin just looked up and smirked at her.
"You're right. Caitlin, why must I like unavailable men?" Felicity whined and kicked back her head with a sigh.
A throat cleared in the doorway and she hesitantly looked down towards the intruder. Oliver Queen. Naturally. Caitlin shot her a look and then waved goodbye without saying a word; Felicity made a mental note to either slap her or kiss her for being a good friend.
"Oliver. Hi. Sorry about that, lunch time and all - really I have five more minutes technically, but I mean I guess I can make an exception for you seeing as how you own the company now. Do you actually own it, or is it more your mother? What about Walter? Do you think they have a pren- oh, god, I'm sorry." She smacked her forehead, silently chastising herself about rambling. It was always a threat, but it intensified around Oliver.
He lifted up a thick laptop and handed it to her, "I...damaged this in the Glades the other day. I was wondering if you could retrieve the data on the hard drive."
Felicity took the laptop from him and immediately snorted, "Oliver, these look like bullet holes."
"I was in a bad neighborhood. The place makes great coffee," he shrugged and she tapped the laptop as she met his eyes.
"And here I thought your nightclub had started the gentrification of the Glades."
"It's still in a bad location."
"I haven't anything lately," she said, suspicious without knowing why.
He chuckled and smiled at her, reminding Felicity why he captivated her and made her stomach flutter. "Felicity, we pay a lot of money to keep the only press about Verdant and that area positive."
She dragged a chair next to her at the desk and pointed; Oliver sat down without comment, glad for her help apparently.
Felicity spent the next ten minutes in silent concentration before bringing up suspicious looking files, "I thought you said this was your laptop Oliver?"
"It is, why do you ask?"
Felicity pointed at the screen, "These are blueprints and the files clearly state the user is not Oliver Queen." She spun around and her mouth dropped open slightly as she realized how close his face was to hers.
His eyes shifted from the screen to hers at the small breath; her eyes locked onto his lips and she found herself leaning in to kiss him. She was surprised at her own brazen behavior, but Oliver didn't seem to mind as he moved his body towards hers, tilting his head to deepen it.
She opened her mouth in invitation and he abruptly pulled back, letting go of her face and moving the chair away.
"What is going on, Oliver?" Her voice was steady, but the anger was clear as she stared at him. It was clear that he felt something for her but every time he got close he pushed her away.
"I can't - I've told you this before," Oliver pleaded with her, but she was too upset at being rejected again.
"Oliver, you keep saying that - but then you keep engaging with me. You kissed me back - you invited me to lunch - you asked me to dance, you did all of those things and then you left me each time."
"I'm sorry. I just want- maybe at some point I can be in a relationship, but not right now."
Felicity stared at him, shocked that he would be this oblivious, "Oliver, you can't keep stringing me along. I don't know what this is," she said while gesturing between the two of them. "But for better or worse we're drawn to each other - and you can't keep dangling what ifs and maybes. I need to move away from this."
Oliver looked at her and tried to speak a few times, but kept going quiet as he looked at her - drank her in. Felicity began to feel even more vulnerable and exposed, but finally he spoke.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll stay away from now on." Oliver picked up the laptop and left without speaking another word, leaving Felicity empty and confused - again.
Felicity had asked for it, but thought he would cave and tell her what was really bothering him.
She was wrong.
Author's Note: Hey look I didn't forget about this story! Sorry it took so long, that's like a recurring theme with me huh? Hope yall enjoy it! Last chapter coming up sooooon. don't forget, you can always pester me via PMs or on tumblr - caishakalianah.