As promised enter Team Dark! For all those that love this team and have been wondering just how they will add to the mayhem that is Sonic's life, wait no longer! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, but I do own the story ideas. Although I do own quite a fair amount of Sonic plushies and the like from my childhood. They're almost as beat up as the characters in this story and that's just from a playing with them! And maybe throwing them across the room one too many times… Maybe reflecting on those days is what inspired this story. I mean, this story really did happen and it's in your best interest for your mental health to stop reading this story immediately.

…

Rouge rubbed her temples in a vain attempt to banish the headache she had. She had literally just returned home from a difficult mission to locate a man in Cairo that had information the Commander wanted. As soon as she arrived in Cairo, the stupid back up crew had said they located him in Siberia. And after landing in the middle of Siberia, they called her home saying they had received their information. Another fellow operative had beaten her to it… and was reported to have moved like a shadow. So after a partially warming conversation with the male she dreamed every night about, Rouge was left in an empty office wondering how this happened.

"I need a vacation…" Rouge muttered. Just then as if summoned by her words, the phone beside her rang. Rouge was almost afraid to touch it. What if it was another mission? She couldn't leave it hanging, so she picked it up. "…Hello?"

"Hey, Rouge. F-why-hi. I need you to come to Sonic's A-S-P-A. Got that? Don't go M-A-I or W-A-O-L on me, O-K? Because you're a X-I-P. B-W-T going T-O-B, let me know your E-A-T." The voice on the end snickered. "O-L-O."

Rouge groaned. He could be such an idiot. "You should really think about going to second grade."

Knuckles stopped snickering. "What?"

Rouge rolled her eyes. "Why?"

"Why what?" Knuckles asked.

Rouge smirked. "Exactly."

"What?"

"Knuckles, leave me alone. I don't have time to chat."

"Why?"

Rouge gripped the phone and despite her anger and annoyance, her voice was a smooth as silk, which of course, was more dangerous than her fury. "Knuckles. You have ten seconds to explain to me why you called, or I'll treat you to my poison nails."

"IcalledbecaueI'mreallyboredImeanIdon'tmeanthatlikeinthatwayitisjustIbrokejustabout-everythingatSonic'shouseandheistotallygoingtokillmeandhangmeandmurdermeandIuhmeanthat-weareallhereexceptSonicandthenerdandthefreaksoitison."

"What?"

"PARTY!" Knuckles shouted.

"What?" Rouge asked again this time with the phone away from her sensitive bat ears.

Knuckles sang, "Party. Party, party, party, party. …Party. Now. At Sonic's house. Bring the jerk and the robot with you."

"Now? But Thanksgiving is tomorrow you retard and I already told you Shadow wasn't coming. I haven't even been in contact with Omega."

"Come or I'll treat you to a dirty and cranky Master Emerald."

Rouge drew in an excited breath, almost giddy. "Did you say Master Emerald?" But Knuckles had already hung up. Quickly, Rouge dialed Shadow's number. "Shadow? You there? I need you to come to Sonic's house. Immediately. And find Omega."

Shadow huffed, "Oh, so now you're talking to me," referring to the argument they just had regarding Rouge's trip around the world. "Fortunately, I cannot submit to your whim as I have a very important paper that I am holding right now that might pay to check on."

"Well, that's too bad, hon. 'Cuz I just heard-"

"Did you just call me h-"

"-from Knuckles that Sonic is in a state of emergency and I just know he'll pay us handsomely if we help him out. All we have to do is come to Sonic's house. With Omega."

After long pause, Shadow said, "I don't care about money."

Rouge sighed, frustrated. "Look. Sonic, and I assume Tails and Amy, are not at Sonic's house."

"So?"

"Guess who invited themselves in?" There was no answer on Shadow's end, so Rouge continued, "We can either be party poopers, literally, and help Sonic, or we can have some fun for once and then be crash the party for Sonic. Or we can ignore this once in a lifetime opportunity. Your choice, but I know mine."

"Hrmm… I suppose this is better than finding out how much you're paid… I'll find Omega."

"Wait, what? Shadow! But how?" Shadow laughed, chuckled really, then hung up.

With a "Grr…," Rouge hung up. Shadow had better watch his shadow in the shadows, because shadow and his shadow and his shadow's shadow weren't going to be the only ones to move like a shadow in the shadows.

…

So because Sonic had broken the TV and everyone badly needed some form of entertainment, Knuckles randomly shoved Espio, but unknown to Knuckles, Espio had been shoved one too many times that day and we all know what that means…

"Fight, Fight!" Vector cried. Even Vector had woken up form fainting for this.

"Fight! Yeah, baby!" Like Charmy was one to talk.

Knuckles was unprepared when Espio shoved Knuckles down on the ground and began to punch Knuckles mercilessly, screaming something about honor and curse words. However Knuckles was prepared enough to throw Espio off of him (and evidently across the room) for Knuckles had been trained to fight. And so had Espio, now that Knuckles had the chance to think about it.

Espio flipped midair and bounced off the wall, causing several pictures to fall and blow up the table below the pictures in the process. Espio then, almost literally, flew towards Knuckles crying something obscene in Japanese as Knuckles screamed something obscene like a little girl.

"But why are these two friends fighting each other to the death, you ask? Well, you see, it's a very simple question with a very simple answer." I stood up and everything froze. "It is because they are males."

I pulled a remote out of my breast pocket and pressed a button. A screen pulled down and a projector hummed as it projected images on the screen. I grinned. "And now you're wondering why the hell am I here?" I laugh. "I am the narrator of this piece. I can do whatever the hell I want, remember? It was I who thought it was appropriate to talk about Sonic's destiny. I thought the 'Earth's cute critters' part was especially heartwarming." I chuckled. "And it was I that decided the best way to showcase the events of Espio's morning with italicized text. And If I want to interrupt the show and explain something I can. For it is I that stands before you today." I leaned closer, smiling broadly and in humbling evil servant like way. "For I am… Narrator."

With another press of the button, the projector projected an image of a family of Sonic-like cavemen (or cavehedgehogs. It's kinda hard to tell as both have really long and hairy appendages and jaws that protrude. Even the woman and child.). I also grabbed a twelve foot stick from the same breast pocket and pointed to the man holding a club, presumably the father of the family shown, and explained, "From the beginning of time men have fought of over things. It's their nature. It's in their blood. These cave whatevers fight over any number of things. Women, their territory, lunch money for dinosaur's meat, which person would look the funniest with a booger wedgie. Later when some half wit invented weapons they argued which hair is the blondest. Dumb $$es.

"Anyway as I was saying… what? So what if I look like Wes Weasley?" Narrator said suddenly sounding like Wes Weasley. "I'm the Narrator! Be glad I'm not selling you anything, I-I mean… Moving on."

The father/cavehedgehog/caveman on the screen grew incredibly angry from the Narrator's insults. He defied all pictures and projection as he raised his club and rendered the Narrator unconscious. The Narrator fell to the floor with a "Guhh…". With a smile on the caveman's face everything faded away… into the complete pandemonium at Sonic's house.

At the last second Knuckles turned and ran. Espio landed on his feet and slid, smashing more furniture in the process.

"Aaaaaaahhhh! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhh! Eeeeeeeeeee! Heeeellllpppppp!" Knuckles screamed as he ran down the hallway, the walls, and the ceiling in a circular motion. Espio chased after Knuckles hot in pursuit. Vector and Charmy followed them as well screaming gleefully about blood and popcorn.

Knuckles knew there was only one way that could save him now. The trick he pulled on Shadow when Shadow was chasing after Knuckles in Cairo and then Siberia. That was the last time he was showing Shadow any of his photoshoped fat Maria eating donuts trading cards. Knuckles ran up to the open doorway and braced himself against the frame. "Stop!" Everyone behind him stopped. "Look down!" Everyone behind Knuckles looked down. "None of you are wearing any underwear!" Everyone gasped.

Knuckles took this opportunity to kick backwards at Espio. Hard. With a shuddering breath, Espio fell to his knees. Knuckles turned around and punched Espio in his gut. With all of his might. Espio collapsed to the ground. Unmoving. As silent as the grave.

Vector and Charmy stared at Knuckles in disbelief. A popcorn kernel fell from Vector's open mouth. (It is unknown if they were shocked about what Knuckles did to Espio or the fact that none of them had any underwear.) The silence lasted for several seconds. Then Charmy said, "Cool." (It is unknown if he was referring to what Knuckles did to Espio or the fact that none of them had any underwear.)

Knuckles replied, "I thought so." (It is unknown if he was referring to what Knuckles did to Espio or the fact that none of them had any underwear.) Knuckles stepped over Espio then paused. He stepped on Espio and walked past Vector and Charmy into the family room. "Come on. Let's find something else to entertain us."

Vector said, "Okay!" And the two followed Knuckles without any regard for their possibly dead friend.

Ten minutes later and there was a particularly disastrous and damaging search in Sonic's and Tails' bedroom for something to entertain the bored and nothing to lose trio. Collectively, the damage was two broken and gone through drawers, countless of smashed or broken unpatented inventions, at least a dozen doodled on blueprints, money found and eaten, three stained walls (don't ask), dozens of old sentimental toys packed away in closets thrown on the floor and broken including Tails' original model for the Tornado, pictures smashed, and yeah… you get the picture. All in ten minutes.

Knuckles, Vector, and Charmy be-bopped to music blaring from Sonic's new stereo. But after another ten minutes Knuckles realized his party consisted of only three people. So he called Rouge and told her to come and bring friends. While waiting for them to come, Knuckles surveyed the mess that he had made. To ease his conscience, Knuckles threw out any food that was on the floor and shoved the rest of the food, no matter what it was, in the fridge and oven. Knuckles walked away smiling. This took up the better part of the next hour and by that time…

"Visitors!" Charmy cried. "Coming!" He made a beeline to the doorway. (Ha, ha, ha, ha…) "What?" Charmy asked confused, when he opened the door. "What are you guys doing here?"

Out of nowhere Knuckles comes charging up to Charmy, grabbed him, whispered in Charmy's ear, "None of your beeswax," and threw Charmy aside like a doll.

"Ahhhhhh….!" Charmy cried as he flew through the air.

Knuckles ignored Charmy of course. He welcomed Team Dark with a bow and a smile. "Come on in. The party's just getting started."

After throwing some glances, Rouge walked past Knuckles. She stopped when she saw Espio on the floor and drew a sharp breath in, her eyes wide, but after a pause, she continued on into the living room. Shadow stayed put. "I do not like the looks of this. I'm not going in."

Omega agreed. "I CAME HERE BECAUSE I WAS TOLD THAT I COULD BLOW THINGS UP AND BLAME IT ON KNUCKLES. BUT THIS PLACE ALREADY LOOKS BLOWN UP."

Knuckles frowned. Blame it on who…? Oh well. If something bad happened they could always just blame it all on Charmy. No one would argue. Omega began to turn and leave.

"Hey, wait! Don't leave!" Knuckles shouted.

"WHY NOT?"

"Because… because we have milkshakes."

"MILKSHAKES…" Omega spun his head around and changed his form to be on wheels. That way, he was smaller. He moved forward smashing holes into the side of the wall adjacent to the door. Omega's head continued to spin as he repeated, "MILKSHAKES…" There was a gut wrenching crunch as Omega rolled over Espio. "MILKSHAKES… MILKSHAKES…" Omega was going to be drunk even before he was going to get addicted to those milkshakes.

Shadow stayed rooted to the spot with a deep scowl fixed his face. Knuckles looked him over. What could he bait Shadow with? Knuckles chuckled, "Hey Shadow, we have cookies." Knuckles snorted. "You know? Dark side? Cookies." Then an idea dawned onto him. A smile appeared on Knuckles' face. It would probably kill him, but it would be worth it.

"Hey Shadow… we also have some fat Maria trading car-"

With one quick motion Shadow punched Knuckles in the gut. It felt like a ten ton wall slammed into his stomach. Breathing was impossible. Shadow's breath was warm and smelled of death as Shadow hissed, "Mention her again and I swear on my life I will kill you without a second thought. So maybe you should start thinking and have some first thoughts."

Shadow left Knuckles trying to gasp for air. Just as Knuckles thought he was in the clear and Shadow wasn't going to bother him, Shadow spun and kicked Knuckles upside the head. Knuckles slammed into the wall and what breath Knuckles had left him. His head throbbed, his ribs were bruised, and his stomach couldn't expand without pain. Shadow entered the living room leaving Knuckles alone.

Finally.

Knuckles slid down against the wall, holding his ribs. He tiled his head back, closing his eyes, and exhaled. Alone. Sweet blessed relief. When Knuckles opened his eyes a familiar bleeding, purple shadow stood over him cracking his knuckles. There was a glint of revenge in his eyes.

This wasn't going to be pretty.

Did Knuckles mention how his day was crappy? Well let him reiterate.

Today was worse than crappy.

Today was the day he was going to die.

…

Not so much action or destruction in this short chapter, but in the next there will be more I promise! It's just that after this chapter the events begin to pick up and it's best that I don't separate the action and destroy the flow by ending chapters in awaked places. I realize the narrator in the beginning is very strange and out of place in the Sonic universe, but I hope his insert in the chapter will shed some light on the subject (If you don't know who Wes Weasley is I suggest you google him and watch a video starring him immediately). Of course, all won't be revealed until the end if your sanity survives that long.

How many of Knuckles poorly used acronyms did you understand? Did you figure out that the italicized words of paper, pay, check, and the long pause before saying he didn't care about referred to Shadow somehow obtaining Rouge's pay check? And best of all, apparently the GUN commander wanted Rouge to chase down Knuckles to obtain his photoshoped fat Maria eating donuts trading cards? Very heartless for Knuckles to have created, but it seems that not even Maria is above the madness of this story, er, event.

Even more characters add to the mix as we start the journey toward the climax of the story! (aka the telling of this tragic and horrific event) Keep reading for the best parts of the story (aka the telling of this tragic and horrific event)!

If you liked this story at all or it made you laugh at any point then it would really mean a lot to me if you left a review. Thank you very much.