An: I didn't mean to publish this chapter this soon, but then I figured that what the hell, I've written so much during this past week that I have no worries. So here you go. This is a very short chapter, and I didn't even intend on writing this at first, but then decided to write it anyways. I thought you guys might want to hear this. :p

Also - anyone thinking that this fic isn't moving forward, don't be worried. Stuff will start to happen soon enough.

This chapter includes a lot of angst. You have been warned

It was snowing quite hard, but thankfully it wasn't windy or too cold. It had been two weeks since they left Mirkwood, and two and half weeks since Fili had learnt that his little brother..

He refused to think about it. Over the past two weeks he had tried to conceal it, deny it, forget it. Anything that made him forget the stinging pain in his chest, just around his heart, and the empty feeling. But the empty feeling wouldn't leave no matter what he did. It was like something had been ripped away from him, and well, that was what had happened.

The past two weeks had been silent. Fili rarely spoke, just like Thorin. Fili knew that his uncle was hurting a lot too, but wouldn't let it show through his hard shell - Thorin had seen a lot of death already. He knew how to suffocate it.

Fili, on the other hand? Not so much. Oh how he wished he could just hug his brother even once more, tell him how important he was to Fili and let him know that no matter what, Fili would stay by his side. Things he hadn't done in years. Now he wished he had done them more often. But wasn't it always like that? You never knew what you had until you lost it. He hadn't understood it before, but now he did. And he didn't want to.

He was grieving, but he was also angry. Angry at whoever had ended his brother's life way too soon, angry at the elves for not helping Kili, angry at Thorin for just sitting in silence, angry at himself. It was just so painful he couldn't help it. They still had a long, long way before they would reach Ered Luin and he did not look forward to it. Usually their travels were fun and full of happy songs and jokes, making it seem like a holiday, but now.. not so much. Not with the weight of his little brother's death on his shoulders.

It was his fault. Mostly, at least. He had been there, so close to his brother but still unable to help. He should have known that something would happen. He always did, before anything happened! This cold feeling.. but he had felt nothing this time, when he really should have. He had been there for Mahal's sake!

All the emotions he was feeling... there were no words to describe them all. Too many emotions were flashing inside of him at the same time, making Fili feel lost. He had always thought that when you lost someone important, it would hurt. And well, sure it did hurt, it hurt a lot, but it was so much more than only that. He just wanted it all to go away.

He was sitting on the ground. They had found a cave to sleep in, since they couldn't sleep outside without waking up in the morning buried deep under the heavy snow. They had put up a fire to keep them a bit warmer and also to light the dark cave. Fili kept staring at the dancing fire like he had for the past week or so. He couldn't cry anymore, so instead he blankly stared at the fire rattling between him and his uncle.

For a moment longer he sat there, legs crossed, until Thorin opened his mouth for the first time in hours. "You should sleep, Fili. We need to wake up early tomorrow." His voice was a little bit raspier than normally, which attracted Fili's attention. He turned his head to look at Thorin, seeing that his cheeks were red and eyes watering. Was he crying?

As Thorin saw Fili's empty eyes, he just couldn't control himself anymore. He had wanted to hug Fili so many times, but he had been afraid that mourning his lost nephew would make it true. They had searched the woods for many days. Four or five, if he recalled correctly, but had found nothing except some blood near the entrance. They couldn't tell whose blood it was, but they had asked the head of the guard, who had told them that that was where he found the shirt.

There was no way Kili could be alive, and now Thorin was ready to admit it. As he eyed the broken look on Fili's face, he wanted nothing more than to erase it and make it all well - it hurt him to see Fili like that, but knew that there was nothing he could do to make him feel better. Only time would help.

But it didn't mean that he wouldn't try.

"There is nothing you could have done", Thorin told his older nephew, meeting his eyes. He got up on his feet and walked around the fire, sitting down next to Fili. "You must know it."

"I was there, Thorin", Fili muttered, ducking his head. He could feel Thorin's eyes on him. "I don't.. I should have known something would happen."

"How would have you been able to know that?" Thorin asked, running his hands through his hair. "You can never know when someone will pass. It happens when it happens, when Mahal wants it to. There is nothing we can do about it. Death is inevitable, Fili, and it hurts a lot every time. You can't blame yourself for it, because you weren't his babysitter. You weren't his father or his guard, and you aren't responsible for what happened."

Fili couldn't answer, so silence fell on them. Somewhere deep inside Fili knew Thorin was right, but he couldn't help feeling that way. He hadn't lost anyone that important to him before, and he could only keep thinking 'I should have been up with him', 'I shouldn't have let him wander off alone' and 'if only I had done something, he'd still be alive'. Kili was gone, and he wouldn't come back.

A sigh escaped Thorin's lips. "I know what it's like to lose a brother. It's horrible, but you can get through it because you have to."

It was hard to keep his voice from breaking. He had lost so many friends and family members already, that Fili, Kili and Dís had been the only ones left. Naturally Daín had been by his side since they were kids, but he lived half a world away. It wasn't the same.

And of those few people he had lost one, again. As if his father, grandfather, brother and many friends hadn't been enough. How much did Mahal want from him?

"I want to sleep", Fili muttered and slowly settled on the ground, laying his head on his bag he used as a pillow. Thorin nodded, patting Fili on his legs which lay near Thorin's own.

"Good idea."

For a moment longer Thorin sat on the ground, looking at nowhere in particular. It took a few minutes for Fili to fall asleep - he had been exhausted, mentally and physically - and as Thorin heard Fili's not-so-silent snoring, he dared to get up and go back to his own side. What was he going to tell Dís?