An: 20 chapters have prepared us for this one. Are you ready? c:
He held the hair clip between his fingers, the metal cool against his skin. Kili wasn't really paying attention to it, only played with it as his mind wandered. He was so close - if everything went well, he would be home before the sun set tomorrow - and even though he was happy, it didn't feel as good as he had thought it would. He knew nothing of what would await him at home, and that scared him. He didn't know how they would react to his sudden return. He didn't even know if they were alive, for Mahal's sake! What if he went home and there was nobody there?
Kili kept telling himself that it was all in his mind and they were probably all fine. He kept repeating that like a mantra because his mind wouldn't stop teasing him, he couldn't shake the worrying thoughts off.
Sighing, Kili ducked his head and looked at the piece of metal on his hand. What if I braid my hair nicely? he thought, grinning a little. He had lost a lot of weight, and even though he had been skinny before as well, he had never looked that bad. He could feel his collarbones sticking through his skin when he held his hand over them and his limbs were all thinner than ever. He had never been anything but skinny, not muscular like Fili or Thorin, not round like Bombur, but never this skinny. He had scars all over his body, most on his arms and shoulders, and still a couple of bruises from jumping out of the window. At least he could make his hair look nice.
He couldn't do much with one clip, Kili knew it, but he could do enough. And anyways, one simple braid could look great if he just did it well. Or two, if he managed to pull them back to secure them with his single clip. He wasn't very good with anyone's hair, least of all his own, but he decided to do his best.
Not wasting any time, he let the clip fall onto the soft grass he was sitting on and grabbed a section of his hair.
As he worked and braided his hair as well as he could, sun started to slowly set. He glanced up at the scenery that opened in front of him - Blue Mountains not too far away, high trees rising above the ground around him, the sun coloring the sky red, yellow and orange with a faint shade of purple - and thought how tomorrow at this time he would be home.
Home. The word made him smile a little to himself and he looked back at the mountains he was facing. The darker it got, the better he could see the lights. One of those is a light from my home, Kili thought, finding the thought actually comforting.
When the first braid was done, Kili used his clip to keep it from untying itself and continued to the other side of his head. He wanted to make two braids, the same way Fili had them, but instead of letting them hang loose he would tie the ends together behind his head, using the clip to keep them in place. That wasn't an usual way for dwarves to hold their hair but it really kept it from hanging on his face and it looked nice, and that was what mattered.
xx
He woke up to the bright light shining on his face. It was the most beautiful day he had woken up to in a long time and he enjoyed it. It must have been a good sign! This was the day he'd get home and it started with a clear blue sky and a sun shining down on his face?
Taking his time to get up, Kili felt the warmth on his skin and admired the lovely morning. It couldn't have been a lot better than that.
xx
Fili woke up to the bright light shining on his face through the dusty window. He could smell something delicious in the air - it wasn't unlike his mother to prepare a good breakfast, but she had done it quite rarely during the last few months. Glancing out of the window, Fili could guess the reason for Dís' cooking - it was such a nice day outside that nobody could be unhappy.
Taking his time to get up, Fili smelled the air once again, trying to guess what his mother was doing. It must be pork, Fili thought and grinned. The morning was starting quite well. Actually, it couldn't have been a lot better than that.
"Good morning", Fili said as he walked into the kitchen, lazily trying to get his hair look alright. He could tell it was a mess without even looking at it.
"You too, love", Dís answered with a smile as she glanced at her son, noticing the blonde mess you were supposed to call hair. Sighing, she laid the wooden spatula on the kitchen counter and approached Fili, shaking her head a little. "Have you ever heard of a brush, Fili? Even my stupid brother keeps his hair better than you do. Here, let me."
Fili ducked his head a little as Dís started to comb his hair with her fingers, a focused look on her face before nodding in an accepting way. "That's better. Sit down, breakfast is done soon."
"Sure", Fili replied, obeying her orders. "Do you need any help?"
"Oh no, I do not. Don't you remember the last time you knucklehead tried to cook something? You almost set the whole house on fire. Would have, if it hadn't been for Thorin and Dwalin", Dís reminded her son, raising another eyebrow before turning back to the meat.
"That wasn't my fault!" Fili claimed.
"Whose was it, then?" Dís asked and chuckled, her back to Fili.
"It was... it was an accident, so it's nobody's fault", Fili told his mother, rolling his eyes at the memory. Kili had been sick and sleeping in his room, and being an awesome big brother, Fili had wanted to prepare him some food. He had left the meat on the stove as he went to check on Kili, and when he had come back a few minutes later both Thorin and Dwalin had stood in the kitchen, panting, wet and angry.
Dís snorted, nodding. "I'm ready in a few minutes. Could you get your uncle in here? I think he's on the yard doing some work."
"Sure", Fili replied and got up, heading outside.
xx
Slowly the morning turned into day and after that, early evening. Fili had had a long day working and training the children, but for some reason he wasn't tired. The payment from work in his pocket he headed home, deciding that he would only quickly change clothes and then leave again. Sun was still up and he wanted to go watch it set - something he hadn't done in a long time.
"How was work?" Dís asked when Fili got home. She was sitting outside, a mug full of ale in hand.
"Nothing unusual happened", Fili replied. "I will go take a walk, I only came to change my clothes."
Dís nodded and Fili made his way inside, walking through their home to his room. His clothes smelled a little and he had gotten them dirty while coaching the children, so he wanted nothing more than to get new, clean clothes on. One of the kids he trained had thrown a ball of mud at Fili from the back, hitting his shoulder. Everyone had laughed as if it had been the funniest thing they had ever seen, but Fili hadn't laughed, and the kid hadn't gotten any training that day. He could try again tomorrow.
In a matter of minutes Fili was done and on his way again. He knew a perfect place for watching sunsets, and that was where he was heading. It wasn't a long way, maybe a kilometer at tops, but not many visited it. After all, it was only a bare cliff. He and Kili had randomly discovered it one day many years ago, and found out later that there was no better place for watching sunsets.
Not that they watched them often. They had never been ones to stare at a sunset, but it had been a great escape at times.
After Fili had returned home with Thorin, he hadn't had the courage to go there. For a few months he had avoided places that reminded him of Kili, but slowly he had started to get used to the memories rushing back. He even started to like them, even if they hurt most of the time. And well, he couldn't really avoid every place that reminded him of Kili - they had been together practically all the time. They had gone everywhere together - so anywhere he went, he would see something that reminded him of his dead little brother.
Fili turned left after passing by a tree cut in half by a lightning. The cliff was hidden behind a small area of trees and bushes which made it impossible to see from the road, and Fili made his way through it. As he started to near the bare part, where the cliff was, he noticed a pony.
Should I turn back? Fili thought and stopped, eyeing the pony where it stood maybe 20 meters away from him. I have never seen that pony before. Who does it belong to, and why is it here alone?
For a few seconds he stood still, but then decided to move and greet the pony - if it was alone in there, he couldn't just leave it.
Fili kept his eyes on the pony as he approached it in case it decided to attack him or something. You could never know with animals you found - once he had been kicked by a wild horse, and he would rather avoid going through that again. It hurt.
Fili also moved as silently as he could, not to scare the pony.
"Hello you", Fili finally said as he got close, carefully and very slowly resting his hand on it. "I hope you won't hurt me. I promise, I won't hurt you either." As the pony did nothing, only seemed to glance at Fili, the dwarf sighed in relief and nodded. "Great, thank you. Where's your owner, huh?"
Walking around the pony, Fili noticed a bag on the ground. Kneeling next to it, he opened it and discovered nothing surprising. A little bit food, a blanket and a few bowls. Whoever owns the pony has been traveling, Fili thought and grinned. Whoever they are, I hope they come soon. I'm curious.
"Hey!" a sudden, angry yell from Fili's right made him jump up. "What are you doing at my bag? Don't you dare steal anythi- Fili?"
I know that voice.
Fili's eyes landed on a dwarf. A young dwarf with brown, messy hair, deep brown eyes and a skinny body. The whole world seemed to freeze around him as he saw his brother, alive and well, standing just a couple of meters away from him.
It couldn't be. Fili couldn't believe it - he really couldn't. Kili was dead, how could he be there, right in front of him? Fili had seen the blood, the shirt and had found no trace of his brother no matter how much he had searched for him. And there he was now. Was he? Was Fili just losing his mind?
Mahal, it was so real.
"Kili?" Fili asked, his voice shaky. He still wasn't sure. It couldn't be real, but he wanted it to be - he wanted his brother back.
"Yeah", Kili answered, a wide smiling rising on his face, the smile Fili had longed to see once more. "I'm so relieved you are okay."
Suddenly Kili was so close and they hugged, wrapping their arms tightly around each other. Fili felt the heat from his brother's body against his own and Kili's messy hair against his cheek, Kili's arms around his body. And somehow Fili couldn't hold back tears - he buried his face into his brother's shoulder and felt the tears of relief and happiness and all the old pain escaping his eyes, landing somewhere in the mess of blonde and brown hair.
The embrace seemed to last forever, and it probably did. It felt so good, so right, like nothing in the world could separate them ever again.
When they finally parted, Fili couldn't take his eyes off Kili. At the same time he looked exactly the same, and so different. The smile was still on Kili's lips, and somehow he seemed to glow of happiness. There was a twinkle of excitement, relief and pure joy in the younger one's eyes, and to be fully honest, Fili felt all those same emotions inside of himself.
A few seconds passed in silence, until Kili broke it with a simple question. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to watch the sun set", Fili said in a complete loss of words. He couldn't bring himself to say anything else, but he didn't need to. They knew each other well enough to know the other one's thoughts without saying them out loud. Sometimes it was handy, especially in moments like this.
They moved closer to the edge of the cliff, sitting down on the cool stone. The sun was still above the ground, but it wouldn't take long for it to set.
"Are you okay?" Kili asked, meeting his brother's eyes. He had been so worried of his older brother since Tuli had revealed the loss of the letter, but thankfully it had been for nothing. Kili had never been more grateful.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Fili asked in return.
"Tuli told me that you haven't send her a letter, and because the winter was so cold.."
"Oh, right! The letter! I forgot about that", Fili said and grinned, shaking his head. He had had other things to worry about. "Don't worry, Kili. I won't be killed that easily. A little frostbite is all I got from traveling home during the winter. What does it matter, anyways? We wouldn't have reached home before winter even without everything that happened."
Kili laughed and nodded. "You're right. I was worried anyways." He hadn't felt that light, somehow, in a long time.
For a moment silence fell on them again. The silence was full of unspoken questions, and Kili knew that Fili would ask them all soon. He just needed time to realize Kili really was there before doing that.
And Kili didn't mind. He enjoyed this, just sitting next to his brother in the bright sunlight. He knew that the questions that would soon come wouldn't be easy to answer to, and he just wanted to rest his mind for a short while. He still wasn't sure what he would tell his family - the truth or the lie he had come up with?
Fili, on the other hand, wasn't at peace. He wanted to know what had happened to his brother, but on the other hand he didn't want to. His younger brother seemed well, but something was still wrong. He could feel it, even though he couldn't put it to words.
Finally Fili opened his mouth. He couldn't keep it shut any longer. "What happened, Kili?" A simple, short question.
Kili looked up at his brother, biting his lower lip. "I'm sorry", he said in all honesty. "I never meant for any of that to happen."
"I know", Fili said with a nod. "It's just... what happened?"
"I.. I got attacked by goblins while taking a walk in Mirkwood", Kili lied, his heart racing in his chest. He couldn't tell the truth. "I got injured really bad, but some man from a small village found me. He took me in and took care of me. I could have traveled back home during the winter, but it was too cold for me to leave, and you were already gone. Had to wait until spring."
Staring at his brother in shocked disbelief, Fili realized something. "Why didn't you send a letter?" he asked. There was no reason Fili could quickly think of that would prevent Kili from sending a letter from wherever he had been. But why would Kili lie about something like that?
"I, uhm.." Kili muttered, knowing as well that there was no good reason for that. As he didn't answer, Fili shot a glance at Kili, his mouth a tight line.
"What really happened, Kili?" Fili asked, his stomach twisting. He didn't want to know the truth, but he wanted to.
"Fine", Kili started after a couple of seconds contemplating his options. "I will tell you the truth, but you have to promise me that you won't tell uncle or mom or anyone. I will tell them the lie. You'll understand later, I swear. But you need to promise first."
"I promise", Fili replied, a little cautious but honest. He wouldn't tell if Kili so wished - he trusted his brother's judgement, and if he believed that they were better off without the truth, then so be it. He didn't like it, but he trusted Kili.
Drawing a deep, long breath in, Kili tried to calm himself. Fili is my brother. I can tell him anything, he kept telling himself for a few seconds before looking at Fili, and just saying it. "The elves took me."
xx
Fili was laying on his bed, Kili snoring on his own bed on the other side of the room. They had kept the bed in case they had visitors, and thankfully they had done so.
He had a hard time processing everything that had happened and everything Kili had told him. He still didn't know it all, only the basics; how Kili had been taken, that he had been beaten a few times and how he had escaped, but nothing more than that. Some part of him was curious for more, but the other part, the wiser part, didn't want to know. He had seen the scars, the bruises, the healed injuries on Kili's body. He didn't want to know what had happened to his little brother - what he had failed to protect Kili from.
He kept remembering Dís' look when he and Kili had walked in. The surprise, shock, happiness, relief and love in her eyes, the long and teary hug. "I've missed you so much, love", Dís had repeated while cupping Kili's face, tears rolling down on both's cheeks. There had been food in front of them in half a second, and Kili had never looked happier than in that moment.
The meeting with Thorin hadn't been much different. They had hugged for close to an eternity which was unusual for Thorin. He had strongly expressed his hatred towards anything that had hurt his nephew, as well as promised to get Kili his revenge one day. Fili had never seen his uncle more grateful than when Kili had told Thorin about the couple helping him. He had been more than happy to send them money as a payment for their help.
They hadn't told the truth to Dís and Thorin. Fili had kept his promise and would keep it from now on, as well. He understood why they couldn't tell, and as much as he wanted them to know, he knew they couldn't. If they knew, they'd start a war of some kind between elves and dwarves, and that wouldn't end without a huge pile of bodies. Nobody needed that.
Even though Fili had always hated Kili's snoring, as it made falling asleep hard, that night it was more like a lullaby. Still, for some reason, Fili didn't want to sleep. He was scared that when he woke up, it had all been just a dream. A long, vivid dream, but a dream anyways, and that in reality, Kili was dead.
Woah, this was a serious pain in the ass to write, but I seriously hope I succeeded. Leave a review and tell me how I did!
There are a couple of chapters more - two or three, I'm not sure. Just a heads-up. c: