CHAPTER SIXTEEN: My Roommate and I

"Hey internet, Jenna here with the ever-lovely –"

"MY NAME IS RACHEL! I'M HERE FOR YOU BRUCEMANBATWAYNE!"

"Omigod Rachellllll, Bruceman likes the OTHER Rachellllllllll," I say in my "popular girl" voice.

"Yeah well she'll be dead soon so it doesn't matter," Lizzie says, staring into the camera with a mentally unstable smile.

"Oh. Of course. Silly me. What do you wanna play first?" I ask.

"Let's play –"

"Happy wheels it is," I say, purposely cutting her off. She pouts while I pull up the game and take the facecam off full screen. I browse the levels, selecting a rope swing.

"George, George, George of the jungle, OH GOD MY ARMS ARE GONE NOOOO," I say as segway senor falls onto the spikes. I wince as the blood spurts everywhere.

Oh, Happy Wheels.

The next hour and a half pass by quickly, with Lizzie and I trading off every 25-30 minutes or so. Around the 1:40 minute mark I get hungry, and I let Lizzie take over while I hunt for (what else?) pretzels. I can't find them anywhere.

"Yo, gurl, did you grab the pretzels?"

"No no no senor, the pretzels no es here," she says in some sort of Hispanic accent.

"Does it count as a visitor if they don't enter the room?" I ask. Lizzie catches on quickly.

"That depends…"

"I want some pretzels, dammit."

"We will decide on suitable punishment later," she says, giving me an evil smile. "You can call for backup now. BUT YOU SHALL PAY! YOU SHALL BURN IN THE FIERY PITS OF –" she's interrupted by something hitting the door. When I open it, there's a bag of pretzels on the floor.

"The pretzels! THANK YOU JESUS!" I say, grabbing them off the floor and pretending not to know where they came from.

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" Mitch shouts from the kitchen, loud enough to be heard on the stream. I laugh and shut the door. I walk back over and sit down, tearing the bag open.

"Do I still receive punishment?" I ask, stifling a smile.

"Ask and ye shall receive."

"But I didn't ask Jesus for pretzels, I asked you."

"I'm Jesus. Surprise," Lizzie says. Neither of us look at each other, both of us focusing on the game of Can Your Pet Lizzie is now playing. She's never played, and I'm anxious to see what her reaction will be when her adorable little chicken is… tenderized.

"No you're not. Jesus is in our kitchen. Didn't you hear him say 'you're welcome' when I thanked him?" I ask. She's about to see her pet ground into nuggets, and I'm smiling evilly like an idiot.

"So? I can Jesus if I wanna be J – NOOOOO! BRUCEMAN!" she yells, a traumatized look taking over her features. Meanwhile, I'm laughing my ass off. I'm such a great friend.

"YOU NEVER SAID! YOU NEVER SAID HE'D BE BRUTALLY MURDERED!"

"You're right. I didn't say he'd be brutally murdered for your culinary enjoyment. I also never said he would live to have children and raise a little chicken family."

"But – but – but – DEAD!"

"Yes. You killed him to death so hard he was murdered."

"WHY GOD WHY?!" she says, falling sideways out of the chair. I slide into her place and make the facecam full screen while I switch games. I pull up Slender, something I only play once in a while because I usually can't play it multiple nights in a row.

"Alright, time to crap my pants. LEEEGGGOOOOOOOO!"

-oO0Oo-

*MITCH'S POV*

I decide to watch her stream for a few hours. It feels kinda weird when I hear them yelling from down the hall, then see it again a few seconds later on my laptop. Still, though, they're undeniably amusing, and almost two hours pass without me noticing. Or moving, really.

"Yo gurl, did you grab the pretzels?" Lily asks onscreen. I glance over to the counter, where a 3-pound bag of pretzels is just chilling. On a hunch, I get up and grab it, then walk down the hall to her door. Lizzie is just beginning to threaten Lily about breaking the rules.

" – BURN IN THE FIERY PITS OF –" I toss the pretzels at the door and run back down the hall into the kitchen, just in time for Lily to yell.

"THANK YOU JESUS!" she says. I don't hear the door shut, so I go for it.

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" I shout back, hopefully loud enough to be picked up in the stream. Sure enough, a few seconds later, I hear myself faintly in the background. I watch the comments to see if anyone picked up on my identity.

XD lol 'you're welcome' hey jesus

lol who was jesus

was that mitch?

Sure enough, someone does. It doesn't matter, though, because it's about at this time that the cute little chicken Lizzie has been raising gets chopped into chunks and her reaction is extremely distracting. Lily is laughing her ass off, and I'm breathing really hard from trying not to laugh out loud. Poor little Bruceman. He'll make some juicy McNuggets, though.

Once they've calmed down slightly, Lily pulls up Slender and starts playing. I'm interested to see how this turns out, especially now that I've seen how she does with things that aren't even that scary. She was definitely startled to say the least when we were watching Big-Ass Spider. It takes her ten minutes of nervous commentary for her to find her first page.

"Hooray, a page. NOW RUN! RUUUUUN! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SHINY GO FASTERRR! GET 'ER G – OH GOD HE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME NONONONONONONO! WHY AM I HERE? WHY THE FRICKLE FRACKLE DO I EVEN NEED THESE PAGES?! WHOSE BRILLIANT FREAKING IDEA WAS IT TO GO OUT INTO A SPOOKY-ASS FOREST AT NIGHT, ALONE, WITH A CRAPPY LITTLE FLASHLIGHT TO LOOK FOR SOME PIECES OF PAPER THAT BASICALLY JUST SAY 'U DED, WE DED, ERRYBODY DED, IT'S THAT GUY WITH NO FACE WHO MADE US DED'?! Okay I think we're good."

"Gamewise, yes. Mental stability, questionable," Lizzie pipes up.

"Shhhh, am concentrate," Lily replies. "Oh, no. Dead end."

"Guuuurrrrlll, you gon' die," Lizzie says, taking a sip of her soda.

"Wow, Rach, negative much. I'm not gonna die, I'll be fine on my own in this gigantic dark murdertastic forest with no help and an almost-dead – OH LAWD THERE HE IS GOOOOOO!"

This is actually really funny. If she played this on her channel, I'd watch it for sure.

"NONONONO AAAAGGHHH HIS LACK OF FACE OH JESUS HELP ME BUT NOT REALLY STAY IN THE KITCHEN THANKS I'm dead."

"Huzzah! My turn," Lizzie says. She slides into the chair as Lily basically just falls out of it.

She's such a goofball, but I love her anyway.

Wait, what?

A/N TIME! WOO YEAH! : Hey guys! QD here with the first update I've typed in one sitting in a very long time. You guys have been awesome, as usual, by boosting this story to over 6300 view which is absolutely crazy. And in more exciting news (to me anyway), when you Google 'bajancanadian fanfic' my story shows up! YEAH BUDDY! Anyway, thank you guys for all of your incredible support. I couldn't ask for more amazing readers. Here's the facts!

-Pretzels. 'Nough said.

-I use different accents and voices A LOT, to the point where it's completely normal for me to be three different people in one conversation. You see, I don't just change my accent, I become a whole new character. Do I have problems? Absolutely. Sorry, but not sorry at all.

-Can Your Pet is traumatizing, just in case you've never seen it played or played it yourself.

-If I played Slender, it would absolutely sound something like this. I yell a lot when I'm startled. The only different thing is I'd probably accidentally curse more (sorry Mom!).

-The BrucemanBatwayne thing is kinda-sorta a reference to the parody musical Holy Musical B man (shout out to my fellow Starkids ;) )

-I do wince at Happy Wheels a lot. That game has scarred me multiple times.

And the fictions:

-I don't actually have that much of an obsession with pretzels.

-I'm pretty okay at Happy Wheels, actually.

I think that about covers it! As always, don't be afraid to leave a review or a follow or something. You guys are my inspiration. Also, if you want me to check out your stuff, drop me a PM and I'll be glad to read and review. I think that's everything for now, so much luv and internet hugs!

-Quiet Defiance

PS – I seriously love you guys though, like really :)