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Chapter 5

Nick and Amanda both stared at Elliot as he put his arm around Olivia.

"I Erm, I don't think you guys have met," she said with a small smile. "This is…."

"Elliot Stabler," said Fin from behind them.

Elliot and Olivia both looked past Nick and Amanda to Fin.

"As in your ex-partner Stabler," said Nick. "The one who left without a word, and wouldn't answer your calls for three years."

"That exact one," said Fin glaring at Elliot.

Fin glared at Elliot across the corridor.

"But I thought you hadn't heard from him," said Nick. "You haven't mentioned him for ages."

"I know," said Olivia as she felt Elliot's hand on the small of her back.

"Does Brian know he has wormed his way back into your life?" asked Fin. Olivia felt Elliot tense up next to her at the mention of Brian as he continued to stare at Fin.

"It's not like that Fin."

"Sure it is," he said walking forward towards them. "You're all over the news and suddenly here he is as though nothing has happened."

Fin stopped in front of Elliot only a few feet away from him.

"Three years," said Fin. "Three years no calls, no letters, nothing. She cried for you for months after you left you selfish bastard. Was it too hard to pick up the phone and call her or even text? She went through hell when you just left…."

"Fin…." Said Olivia reaching out and touching his arm to try and stop him yelling, as people began to look. Fin ignored her, his eyes never leaving Elliot.

"Where the hell were you, when Lewis had here for four days huh? She needed you, she needed her damn partner. She needed the guy who always promised to have her back but you were nowhere in sight. For years I always thought you were a selfish prick Stabler, only thinking of yourself putting yourself first…."

The door to Tuckers office opened and he came out to see what all the yelling was about.

"But I never thought you would treat Liv like shit. I don't know what lies you have gave her, for her to be able to see you again but I'm telling you now back off, because she doesn't need you."

Olivia looked at Fin and then Elliot; she could see the anger rising in Elliot as Fin laid into him.

"Fin stop….please," she begged him.

"She doesn't need you Stabler, she has moved on. So just crawl back to wherever you crawled out from and leave her alone. She has us and Cassidy to look out for her now…. So just back the fuck off."

They stood starring at each other as other people in the corridor watched them.

"You quite finished?" asked Elliot.

"Elliot…." said Olivia looking up at him, and taking his hand to try and calm him. Fin looked down at their hands joined together.

"No Liv, he has said his piece now it's my turn," he said giving her a small smile before turning back to Fin. "You honestly think it was easy for me to walk away from her? To leave her like I did. I almost lost everything after I shot Jenna. I hit rock bottom. I lost my wife; my kids were scared of me. I spent every night so drunk that I couldn't remember anything. I got into fights and not so I could hurt other people but so that they could hurt me, causes I hated myself….. I hated what I had done and what I had become….."

Elliot could feel everyone's eyes on him as he stood toe to toe with Fin.

"I held my gun to my head so many times wishing I could just pull the trigger but I was such pathetic loser I couldn't even do that. So yes I turned my back on Liv and walked away from her, and yes I know I hurt her, but I was no good for her the state I was in and I didn't deserve her friendship or support. I had to let her go and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do," he felt Olivia's hand grip his tight as he talked.

"And don't you stand there and tell me you all have her back and you will all look out for her, cause that didn't happen the first time Lewis took her did it. You all knew he had got to her when she interviewed him, and she had pissed him off, but you let her go home alone and not one of you checked on her, not even Cassidy. For two days he had her and not one of her so called friends, boyfriend or partner," he said glaring at Nick called her. "Two days that fucking prick tortured her while you all had a good weekend…. So fucking bravo," said Elliot starting to clap in Fin's face. "You all did a stand up job there having her back."

Olivia watched as Fin threw a punch at Elliot, but Elliot was too quick and grabbed his arm spinning him round and pinning Fin against the wall.

"And where the fuck were you!" yelled Fin. "You weren't there either; you didn't even show up after it was on the news or when she was in hospital. Where the hell were you then? You can think what you want about us but at least we were here, at least we tried to find her and we were there for her afterwards. Where the hell were you?"

"In fucking Afghanistan!" yelled Elliot. "Do you really think I wouldn't have come to help find her? Do you really think I wouldn't have been there at the hospital? I never found out until it was over. When my boss managed to contact me, and trust me I tried everything to get home but I couldn't."

Fin stopped struggling so Elliot slowly released his arm. Fin turned to face him.

"Afghanistan?"

Elliot nodded. "I got in touch with Liv as soon as I could."

Fin looked at Olivia.

"Why didn't you tell us he got in touch?" he asked her.

"Because I didn't want to," she said honestly. "I didn't want all the questions that I knew I would get. When I needed him, really needed him he came back to me. And we slowly got to know each other again."

"Does Brian know?"

Olivia shook her head. "Fin, Brian and me split up ages ago. He isn't working away undercover we broke up."

"But…. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't want to answer all the questions I knew I would get. I was going to tell you all but then Lewis escaped."

"Well I for one am glad," said Nick. "The guy was a sleazy prick."

Olivia looked a Nick and smiled. "Thanks," she said. Nick smiled back at her and shrugged his shoulders. Olivia looked back to Fin who was looking down at her and Elliot's hands grasped together. "Fin although you didn't know it Elliot has been here for me for the last nine months, well when he hasn't been out in Afghanistan or somewhere else, and we are closer now than we ever were when we were partners."

"So I can see," he said nodding at their joined hands. "I take it this is the reason you and Cassidy split up."

"Part of the reason," she smiled. "Look why don't we go for a drink and we will explain everything, cause after the morning I have had, I could do with one," she said looking at Tucker.

"I'm in," said Amanda. "Been dying to meet the famous Elliot Stabler," she grinned.

"Yeah me to," said Nick.

"Fin?" she asked.

Fin looked at Elliot "Sure," he said. "And sorry for taking a swing at you," he said to Elliot.

"Ah it was a pussy of a swing anyway," smiled Elliot holding his hand out. "Sorry for giving you shit about not being there for her."

Amanda started to laugh. "Do you reckon their gonna kiss and make up now?" she asked making Olivia laugh.

"Think there is more chance of Tucker getting a personality than that happening," said Olivia. Tucker grunted and walked back into his office slamming the door behind him, as Elliot and Fin shook hands.

9 Months ago

"You want me to come up with you?" asked Abby as she stopped the car outside Elliot's apartment.

"If you don't mind I would like a little time to myself," she said giving her a small smile. She was still a little upset over what Gibbs had told her on the plane about how bad Elliot was when he found him.

Abby nodded and handed her the keys. "Why don't I leave you here to settle in and rest a while, when I go home and unpack. Then in a few hours I will pick you up and take you to NCIS so you can meet everyone else."

"Sure," said Olivia. She was still a little freaked out that all these people she had never met and didn't even know about seemed to know so much about her. She climbed out the car and grabbed her small bag from the seat. "See you soon," she said. Abby smiled and waved before pulling away into the traffic.

Olivia put her bag down and looked at the door as she fumbled with the keys. She knew Elliot wasn't there, behind the door, but his life was. This life he had been living for almost two years without her. She finally got the key in the lock and pushed the door open slightly as she picked up her bag before walking in. She leaned back against the door closing it and looked around the room.

"Wow," she said to herself as she took it all in. It was a large spacious open plan room. There were two large windows, a large fireplace and a huge TV on the wall. In the middle or the room was a larger leather couch with a rug and coffee table in front.

She left her bag by the door and waked further into the room looking over at the large kitchen that was separated from the living room by a counter.

She walked over to the object in the corner and chuckled when she realised it was a large old fashioned Space Invader game machine. She looked out the large window at the city before walking over to the fireplace. There were photos of all his kids some of them alone some with him. She picked the one up of him and all his kids with a snowman in the middle of them smiling as she saw how happy they all looked.

When Gibbs had given her the key to Elliot's apartment and told her to stay there as it would be what he wanted she thought it would feel weird. But it wasn't, she had never felt this relaxed since before Lewis. For the first time in a long time she felt safe and happy.

She walked towards the corridor out of the living area and stopped at the first door pushing it opened. She smiled when she saw all the toys and the small bed that looked like a car. She closed the door and moved on.

The next room had three beds which she guessed where for the older kids when they stayed. Next she found a bathroom, which then left only one room, Elliot's.

She pushed the door open and walked in. There was a huge bed, a mirror hung on the wall above the head board and on the opposite wall a large TV. It was tastefully decorated like the rest of the house. She walked through a small archway and gasped as she entered the ensuite bathroom.

There was a large double shower with biggest shower head she had ever seen and in the corner a large Jacuzzi bath.

"I guess whatever you're doing now pays better than the NYPD," she chuckled to herself as she walked back into the bedroom. She walked to the side of the bed and picked up the photo on the stand. It was another one of Elliot's kids. She put it down and looked over to the other side of the bed at the photo there and her heart began to race. She knelt on the bed and reached over picking up the photo.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at the picture of her and Elliot from 5 years ago. They were at the station Christmas Party and someone was going around randomly taking photos. She couldn't believe Elliot had actually got a copy of it. They were both smiling at each other holding a drink and leaning against the bar.

She lay down on his bed and turned on her side putting the photo back on the night stand and continued to stare at it as her eyes closed. She could smell the faint smell of aftershave on the pillow, she pulled it to her and wrapped her arms around it as she cuddled it and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Olivia jumped as she was woken up by someone banging on the door. She sat up and looked at the clock she had been asleep for almost three hours; she couldn't remember the last time she slept so long.

She stood up as the banging continued on the door.

"I'm coming!" she yelled as she walked to the door and pulled it open.

"Thank god," said Abby with a hand on her chest. "I thought something was wrong."

"I fell asleep," Olivia explained. "I didn't hear you knock." She stood back so Abby could come in.

"You're okay, that's all that matters," she smiled. "You ready to head off and meet everyone, see where Elliot works?"

"Sure just give me five minutes to freshen up," she said heading to the bathroom.

Abby went to the Space Invader machine and turned it on. She was so engrossed in her game she didn't hear Olivia come back in the room.

"I will beat your high score Stabler," she said as she eyes concentrated on the screen. "One day it will be mine."

She heard Olivia chuckle behind her.

"I used to have the highest score," said Abby not looking at her. "He played it for weeks until he beat me. I need to get back on the top and wipe that smug look off his face."

"I take it you spend a lot of time here," said Olivia leaning on the wall next to the game.

"Yeah, quite a bit when he is home. We hang out and eat Pizza, play on this thing," she stopped playing and turned to Olivia. "Talk about you and his old life."

Olivia gave her a little smile. "I'm finding it hard to get my head around the fact you all know about me, yet I didn't even know you all existed until yesterday."

"He wanted to call you, he really did. The amount of times we would sit here and he would get your number up on the phone. I kept willing him to press the call button but he never did."

"Do you know why?"

"Because he knew he had hurt you. Because he was embarrassed after what happened with him. He felt like he had let everyone down, especially you."

"He should have called."

"Yeah he should have and don't worry I told him that as well, but he could never get the courage to do it….. Until now."

"Yeah," she smiled. "I'm so glad he did, and I'm so glad I took Gibbs up on his offer to come and stay, it's just what I needed."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Olivia followed Abby out of the Elevator into the large office. She couldn't believe the security they had here compared to the station.

"Ah Detective Benson," said Tony from his desk. "You decided to come and see where the real work is done," said as he lay back in his chair and put his feet on the desk.

"I have Very Special Agent DiNozzo, I believe Abby is taking me there after we stop by here to see you," she smiled.

"Ouch, i'm hurt," he said putting a hand to his chest.

"Where's Gibbs?" asked Abby.

"In with the director," he said standing up and walking round the front of his desk and sitting on the edge. "I have been told to tell you to head down to the lab, there is some evidence down there for you to look at."

"But what about Olivia?"

"I will look after her," he smiled.

Abby walked up to Tony and stood in front of him. "Well make sure you do," she said prodding his chest.

"Of course I will I'm not stupid. Elliot is still pissed at me for scratching his car. Do you really think I would let anything happen to the love of…..OW! He yelled as Abby kicked him in the shin and glared at him putting a finger to her lips warning him to shut up.

Olivia looked between them obviously missing something. Abby turned to Olivia.

"See you in a bit when you get the tour," she said waving and walking to the Elevator. Olivia looked around the office and looked at the empty but tidy desk.

"Is that Elliot's desk?" she asked Tony.

"Yeah," he nodded as Olivia walked over to it and pulled out the chair sitting down.

"Does he always work the over sea missions?" she asked him.

"Mostly, when he first started here Gibbs kept him in the office. But it didn't take long for him to get restless. He threatened to leave unless Gibbs let him go out on jobs. Because of his Marine training and his time with the NYPD Gibbs let him go and do the jobs out in Afghanistan. I think he just needed to be kept busy, so he didn't think too much."

"Did you see him when Gibbs brought him here from New York?"

"Not at first, it was a couple of weeks before Gibbs brought him in here."

"I just want to know everything that happened… you know. I need to know what happened with him."

"Your best getting Gibbs to tell you. I do know he was in a bad way though."

Olivia nodded and looked down at his desk. "But he's okay now?"

"Yeah, he is. Still a moody bastard at times, but getting better."

"Nice to see some things are the same with him," she smiled.

"Hey Olivia," said Gibbs. "You been here long."

"No just got here, Tony has been looking after me."

"Well why don't we get a coffee before I show you around and I will fill you in a little more of what happened with Stabler."

17 months earlier

Elliot rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. They had got to Gibbs place the night before and he had gone straight to bed. The had drove almost the full way in silence, stopping only for coffee and for Elliot to throw up, as his hangover kicked in. He sat up and dropped his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his face. This was the first morning for months he had woken up sober and without a hangover, and he felt like shit.

He pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt before walking out the bedroom. He walked into the kitchen Gibbs was sitting at the table reading a paper and drinking coffee.

"There is coffee in the pot," he said without looking up from the paper. "Or juice in the fridge."

Elliot went to the fridge for a juice. As he opened the door his eyes went straight to the top shelf and the packs of beer. He turned and looked at Gibbs who was still looking at the paper.

"The juice is on the bottom shelf," he told him. "Unless of course you want to give up already then by all means help yourself."

Elliot looked at the beers once more before grabbing the juice and slamming the door shut. He turned around and pulled a chair out and sat down.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked Gibbs. "Why do you care what happens to me, we haven't seen each other for years."

Gibbs sighed and put the paper down. "You saved my life," he told Elliot leaning forward on the table. "You put yourself in danger to save me. You had a wife and kid at home but you put me first. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here now, to kick your sorry ass back into shape. I guess I just figured I owed you one."

"You would have done the same thing if it had been me lying there," said Elliot.

"Would I?"

"Yeah you would," said Elliot sipping his juice. "It's what we were trained for."

Gibbs stood up and poured himself another coffee. "I owe you Stabler for what you done, you stopped me from being shot and carried me to safety whilst under enemy fire."

"I shot a little kid; there was nothing brave in that. The same way as there was nothing brave about shooting Jenna."

Gibbs sat down across from Elliot. "Tell me about your partner."

"I don't have a partner."

"Fine tell me about your ex-partner."

"There's nothing to tell," he said staring down at the table. "She was just my partner."

"Nothing to tell huh," smiled Gibbs. "From what I understand you were partners for 13 years, you must have cared for her developed some feelings for her?"

Elliot shrugged really wishing he could have one of those beers in the fridge.

"I mean you must have felt something for her, that's why you took the shot right, for her, to save her."

Elliot sat in silence. As Gibbs stared at him from across the table.

"How long were you in love her?"

Elliot snapped his head up.

"I …. I wasn't in love with her," he stammered. "We were partners, that's all."

"Sure you were….. You still are," he smiled.

"You don't know what you're talking about. I was married; I still am married… sort of. I have five kids for god's sake. I loved my wife."

"Yet you still fell in love with her. Maybe you didn't mean to, but it happened."

"I…. I…."

"Did she know? Did she feel the same way for you?"

Elliot shook his head. "No she didn't know, and I don't know how she felt for me. I think a lot of the time she wanted to kill me cause I was such a prick to her. I wanted to tell her, I just couldn't. I couldn't do that to Kathy and the kids. I couldn't do it to her." he said. "I took that shot, not to save anyone else in that office but to save her, because I loved her, because the thought of my life without her in it….." he shook his head side to side as he spoke.

"And yet here you are. Alone, and without her in your life. Have you even talked to her yet? About what happened that day?"

"No, I couldn't. She called me over and over, text me, left voice mails, but I never replied I couldn't. I saw the look in her eyes after the shooting as I knelt beside Jenna. I let her down. We were supposed to protect the kids and the victims and I didn't. Yet again I put her first and a child died. I told her we could never do that again. But I did."

"You shot a child before to save her?"

"What? No. But a kid died because I went to her instead of him. Her throat had been cut I thought she was going to die, so I went to her to help her."

"I don't understand?" said Gibbs. "How is it your fault a kid died because you went to your partner?"

"Because she didn't need me. She was okay, she didn't need my help," he said getting angry and standing up pacing the room. "I had a choice to grab the boy or go to her and I went to her. I let my feelings for her cloud my judgement and because of that a little boy lost his life, and she was okay."

"But what if she hadn't been okay, what if you had gone for the boy and something happened to her, what if that cut was a deep one and it killed her. What if in that squad room you hadn't taken the shot and Jenna had shot Olivia instead? You did what you had to do, you done the right thing, just like you did all those years ago in Iraq. Not all the bad guys are six foot muscle men, wearing a mask and carrying a gun Elliot. Sometimes they are kids. Jenna came into a police station with a gun she knew what she was doing. She open fired not caring who she hit. Yes she had been through a lot and lost everything but did that give her the right to take the three lives she did before you stopped her. No it didn't."

"I could have shot her in the leg or the arm I didn't need to kill her."

"Elliot I saw the footage from the station cameras," said Gibbs. "It was a good clean shot, you warned her. But she turned and pointed the gun towards Olivia, who was unharmed on the floor cradling the nun in her arms. If you hadn't taken the kill shot, she could have still fired her weapon. You didn't do anything wrong. You were cleared of any wrong doing. So why the hell are you punishing yourself like this?" Elliot looked at him biting his bottom lip.

"I just…. It just, it got too much for me," he confessed. "All the cases we were involved in no matter what we done, or how many arrests we made there was always another sick bastard waiting for us. We never got a break, so what the hell was the point."

"You're really asking that question?"

"When I put the round into Jenna's chest, I became just as bad as all those other Perps I put away. I couldn't protect her." Elliot stared at him from the wall he was leaning against. "I… I need a drink," he said walking to the fridge and flinging the door open. He grabbed a beer and twisted the top off it and stared down at the bottle in his hand. He felt Gibbs standing next to him. He watched as Gibbs stuck something to the fridge, he couldn't see it properly as his hand still covered it.

"I can't stop you drinking that bottle if that's what you really want to do. You're a good man Elliot and you have done good things. I read your file last night, after I had one of men get it for me. I can't even imagine the things you have seen and dealt with when working SVU. The amount of kids you have helped and saved from a life time of abuse and hurt. It takes a special kind a person to do that job for as long as you did. Maybe you couldn't save them all but I'm sure if you asked all those people you did help what the point was, that they could tell you."

Elliot continued to stare down at the beer in his hand.

"There are five kids that are hurting right now. Five kids who need you more than ever. Five kids who want their dad back so he can look out for them and keep them safe. Don't let them down," Gibbs removed his hand from the fridge and Elliot stared at the photo of his kids. "I need to go into work for a while," said Gibbs. "I will see you when I get back."

Elliot heard the back door shut as he stood in front of the fridge looking at the photo. He reached up and took the photo down his eyes went between the photo it and the opened bottle of beer in his other hand. He let out a shaky breath as he turned and poured the bottle down the plug hole dropping the bottle into the sink.

Outside Gibbs looked through the window watching him a smile on his face. "That's my boy," he said to himself as he watched Elliot pour the drink away and walk out the kitchen.

Present Day

"You okay?" asked Elliot putting his arm around her waist and pulling her to him. They had spent the last couple of hours explaining everything to Fin, Nick and Amanda. From what happened when Elliot left to the present day.

"I'm good, just tired," she smiled. "I'm glad it's all out in the open now. I know we agreed to keep quiet about you being back but it was hard for me."

"Well they know everything now so you don't need to hide it."

"And at least Fin can stop hating you now for leaving me."

"Yeah well I still beat myself up about that part, I was an idiot."

"No you weren't and we have been through this, you had your reasons El."

"Yeah well…"

"Yeah well nothing," she smiled looking into his eyes. "Kiss me," she whispered to him.

Elliot looked at her and grinned.

"You have never kissed me out in public in New York since we got together, in fact we have never been out in public together in New York…. so kiss me."

Elliot cupped her face with his hand and pulled her to him "Would love to Sgt Benson," he whispered as his lips met hers and he kissed her softly, their lips barely touching at first. "I love you so much," he breathed into her mouth before he deepened the kiss and Olivia sighed into his mouth.

Amanda looked across the bar to them and nudged Fin nodding her head towards them.

"Her full time with Brian and I never saw her kiss him like that," she said.

"Yeah well that could have something to do with fact she has been in love with Stabler for as long as I can remember. She would never admit it, but she was. Just like he was in love with her."

"So why didn't she ever tell him?"

"Cause he was married and Liv would never do that, she respected him and his family too much."

Elliot pulled back slightly "Let's go home," he said. "I'm sure I promised to spoil you tonight…. Plus if you keep kissing me like that I'm not gonna be able to walk soon," he chuckled as she looked down between them to his pants.

"Let's get out of here," she said standing up and taking his hand and pulling him over to the other three. "We are going to get out of here," Olivia told them as Elliot stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder kissing her neck softly.

"Sure," said Nick.

"How long you in town for?" Fin asked Elliot.

"Not sure yet. I need to go to Washington to speak with my boss, but not sure when."

"You gonna go with him?" asked Amanda.

"Yeah probably, get away for a few days. Plus we are hoping the kids are gonna come and stay for a few days, they always do when he comes home."

Fin leant in and kissed Olivia's cheek.

"Take care of her," he said to Elliot holding his hand out to him.

"I will," he said shaking his hand.

The three of them watched as Elliot and Olivia left the bar Elliot's arm around her waist. Fin sighed and picked up his drink taking a large drink from it.

"What's wrong?" asked Amanda.

"She never even mentioned work or coming back," he said. "In the past whenever something has happened you couldn't keep her away. Cragen used to have to threaten her to take time off."

Amanda and Nick looked at him.

"You don't think she is gonna come back, do you?" said Nick.

"Could we really blame her if she didn't? After what she has been through the last year, the times she has put her life on hold for this job. She finally has what she has always wanted, a chance to be happy." he smiled before ordering another round of drinks.

Next up they head back to Washington and in the flashbacks Elliot and Olivia meet again for the first time since he left. Please keep the reviews coming it brightens my day.