Chapter 3: Night Two

To make the next night a little more bearable (Morty: Hey, that's-that's funny Rick. "Bear"able. Heh-heh! Rick: Morty…shut the f*belch*ck up) Rick had brought with him a portable television, a margarita machine, and an 8-track player. The last of those he brought wasn't because he wanted to play a mixtape, but simply for the sheer joy that would come from humiliating those animatronic rejects yet again with his perpetual energy battery. As he leaned back to watch another marathon session of DVR'd Ball Fondlers Season 15 episodes, Rick wondered whether or not he had forgotten something. On a whim, he brought up the tablet, just in time to see a pair of gnashing chompers barreling towards him. Leaping from his seat, he slammed the door down just in time to hear a satisfying crash against the doorway.

"Oh, yeah, eat that! You're that pirate wannabe, right? Why don't you go swab a poopdeck or whatever you pirate furries do?" Rick taunted before taking another swig. Foxy could only impotently claw at the door before looking up at the camera, seeing the power light die.

"I told you it wasn't going to work, dumbass," Bonnie called out from down the hall.

"Yeargh, I believe it'd be worth a shot," Foxy replied.

"Both you dumbasses shut up, Freddy wants us in the war room ASAP," Chica hollered from the stage. As the two other animatronics returned, Bonnie lifted up a trap door, leading down to a rarely used maintenance shaft. Freddy dubbed it the "War Room" in the event that one day management would try and do something like deactivate them, but after nearly three decades, nothing had come up. Until now.

As Bonnie and Foxy descended down to the shaft, Freddy had been hard at work drawing up a battle plan, which on paper looked an awful lot like an exceptionally shoddy kindergarten drawing.

"All right you morons, starting tonight, we are now starting Operation Screw Sanchez (Bonnie, if you start giggling again, I swear to God…) anyway, thanks to our efforts the during the previous night, Chica has successfully broken into the ventilation system. Bonnie, is your concoction ready?" Freddy asked.

"Erm, yeah, I guess boss," Bonnie shrugged.

Freddy immediately slammed the rabbit into some support beams. "DON'T YOU DARE F*** THIS UP FOR ME, RABBIT! WE CAN'T AFFORD A MISTAKE AT THIS JUNCTURE! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT WE LET SCHMITT SLIP THROUGH OUR FINGERS!"

"T-Take it easy, Freddy! I'm not trying to say that…" Bonnie stammered.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO MAKE EMERGENCY DOORS LOSE POWER? DO YOU? WE'RE LUCKY WE LASTED THIS LONG WITHOUT AN OSHA VIOLATION, AND I'M NOT GOING TO SIT BACK AND LET SOME DOC BROWN RIPOFF PISS ALL OVER OUR HARD WORK!" Freddy continued to scream.

"Ok, Ok, I see your point! Yes, at any rate the concoction will definitely force him out of the control room," Bonnie assured his boss.

"It had better. Foxy, get in position."

"Yeargh, I set sail for the Pirates Cove!" Foxy announced as he left the shaft.

"… Why does that idiot never break character?" Chica asked.

"Having some trouble with the girlfriend. It's really all he's got," Freddy shrugged.

"Wait, Foxy has a girlfriend?" Bonnie asked.

"Wait, we can have relationships? We're haunted robots or whatever, so how would…" Chica was about to start.

"Look guys, I'm just a regular old homicidal animatronic bear. I'm not the brain-dead hack writing this thing," that asshole Freddy prattled out of his stupid yapping trap.

Rick was just about to start the next seasons queue when he smelt a very peculiar odor.

"Hmm, smells like…*sniff* ammonium nitrate, bleach, and sniff-sniff Brand-X cheese. Nice try, assholes, I just get buzzed on stronger stuff! Wait… is that… HAND SOAP! UUUGGH!" Rick breathed through his hands as he immediately dived out of the control room. With the horrific odor behind him, Rick only had time to take in a few deep breaths before realizing the familiar march heading towards him. Servos whirring, teeth chomping, eyes blazing with madness, that stupid pirate furry was barreling towards him. Fumbling into his back pocket, Rick pulled out a device. Just as Foxy leapt towards him, Rick fired. Foxy disappeared into a green light.

Elsewhere Freddy was watching the whole incident on his own monitor.

"HOLY SHIT! HE KILLED FOXY! HE ACTUALLY KILLED FOXY!" Bonnie screamed!

"All IS LOST, AAAAAAHHHH!" Chica screeched.

Freddy had to grab both of them by the throats, lifting them off of the ground.

"Shut up, both of you! Is this how you want to honor your friend? Foxy gave his life for us, and I for one will not just sit back and allow his memory to be forgot-"

"Hellooooo? Anyone h*belch*ome?"

The three animatronics looked up in horror as the graying scientist descended clumsily into the depths of the "war room." Reaching for his flask, he took a swig as he fished around his back pocket for something.

"Cute little club house you got here. Little dusty though, I can tell you guys haven't used it that often. Am I seriously the only person who's given you problems?" Rick asked, only mildly interested in any responses he could get.

Freddy was the first to react. Howling wildly, the bear charged towards Rick, shrieking electronically. Almost unconsciously, Rick held out that peculiar device that made Foxy vanish. Freddy immediately stopped in his tracks.

"What… what did you do to Foxy?" the bear asked through gritted teeth.

Elsewhere in dimension 34 DV

A green portal just suddenly appeared off the ground, dropping the pirate off of the ground. He looked up to see immediately that he wasn't alone. The mist obscured his vision for a few moments, but once they adjusted, he could make out a few figures in the nearby vicinity.

"Aww, look at him. Such a cutey."

Can I keep him? I just want to snuggle with him all day and night!"

"And his cute little ears! I can't even…"

The voices were all high pitched, giggling, and… feminine? As the mist began to clear, Foxy got a better look at the figures. They were foxes, but they were all proportioned like humans. Like the kind of humans one would see in a glamour magazine cover, especially around the chest area. Not, uh, that Foxy would know.

"Is the little baby lost?" one of the vixens asked, in a condescending tone that Foxy found to be oh so sexy.

"Maybe we could have a little fun with him?" another suggested.

Fox's ears perked up. Maybe today wasn't going to be such a waste after all. His good mood diminished when he looked down at his pants, realizing that he wasn't exactly "properly equipped" for the job.

"Yea—er, sorry, ladies, but it appears me lacks the proper schooner to dock with ye ports, argh," Foxy admitted, sheepishly.

"Oh, that's OK, baby. We don't mind," one of the vixens coaxed him.

"Ye don't?" Foxy replied.

"No, silly. We already have some," another answered, before they all stood out of the water, showing just how "well endowed" they all were.

Back at the pizzeria.

Rick held out the speakerphone as Foxy shrieked. The other animatronics could only look in horror.

"Yeah, dimension 34 is pretty messed up. Like, I'm all for freedom of expression, but there's just some things that even I don't want to touch with a long pole, as I'm sure your buddy will soon attest. Now, if you don't want to join him, MARCH!"

With their hands behind their heads, the three were lead from their war room and marched through the pizzeria, stopping just outside the janitorial station. Rick opened the door to the broom closet, and motioned them to get inside.

"… you have to be joking…" Chica said as she looked into the cramped coffin sized space.

"I n*burp*eed you guys out of my hair while I disinfect the security room. It's either this or futa-land, so pick!"

All the animatronics shot him dirty looks as they crammed themselves into the closet. There they remained until just before six o clock, when Rick remembered to release Foxy. When he stumbled out of the portal, Foxy immediately b-lined it towards Pirate's Cove, not even bothering to try and take a bite out of Rick's skull, instead diving into his ship as he whimpered. As Rick practically whistled while he left, Freddy muttered under his breath that the war was about to escalate.

Present day

Freddy just grabbed boxes of Ricks stuff as he threw them to the ground, not caring about the mess he was making.

"Freddy, st-st-stop it! You're going to make Rick really mad!" Morty begged.

"Eat a dick, kiddo! I don't aim to stick around this rock any longer then I have to! Your grandpa can hang out in futa-world for all I care!" Freddy screamed as he sifted though Rick's junk.

"F-Futa-world?" Morty asked.

Freddy looked up at Morty, his expression as grave as he could make it. "There are some things man was not meant to know," before diving back into the junk pile.

"Oh, OK, just, uh, just what are you trying to look for, anyway?" Morty asked.

"I don't know, Morty! A book about making spaceships, or a dimension gun, or something that could help me make either would be preferable," Freddy growled.

"Oh, you mean something like this?" Morty asked as he held out a blue box with a button on top. Freddy grabbed it, looking it over top to bottom before gingerly pressing the box. There was a poof and suddenly, a blue, featureless creature was standing before him.

"HI, I'M MISTER MEESEEKS, LOOK AT ME! WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, TODAY?"