Chapter 5: Night 4

"SSSSSssssssuuuuupppPPPPP!" Rick yelled as he kicked the doors down on his way in. He downed his entire flask, and then chucked it right at Freddy's head. He strode casually towards the control room, strutting like a boss! Before he rounded the corner, he made it a point to moon the animatronics, just cuz he could. Then he vanished into the safety of the office.

Rick looked up at the clock, watching the minute hand inch closer and closer to the top. He stretched leisurely against the back of the chair, eyes getting sleepy. Now it was time to hook up the perpetual energy battery, play some house music for background noise, and then fall asleep. Rick reached into his pocket and… no.

Rick checked his other pocket too, but couldn't find anything there, either. Ricked checked everywhere, but couldn't find the damn thing! Where did… of course. When he was dealing with the gold furry suit, Bozo the bear, the groundhog and the emu must have stolen it. They were smarter then he gave them credit for, at least. Well, they weren't just smart enough, then!

"Yo, Fredbear and his fantastic band of misfit Disney rejects! You have five seconds to return the battery or, I swear on Morty's life, I'll kick your asses so hard I'll be able to stuff you guys in a wastebasket with room to spare. 'Cept the fox, you'll be heading to dimension 34X?, and I know you do*burp*n't want to know what goes on there! So how about it? Want to fess up now?"

He picked up the camera, looking at the three idiots still on the stage. Despite it being midnight, they hadn't moved at all. "So, you guys want to do it the hard way, huh?" Rick muttered as he cocked back the charger on his portal gun. He was about to march away when he realized something was off on the monitors. Bringing up the tablet, he looked at the three nimrods still on the stage. Rick wondered whether or not they had given up again when he saw the dent in the bear's head where his flask had struck it. It almost looked like cardboard, now that he thought of it. Seeing the ostrich stand in fall over set him into panic mode. Immediately, he slammed both the doors shut, right before huddling into a ball on the chair. "N-now listen here, you guys… this isn't anything personal. I'm just… I'm just doing my job, guys! Th-there isn't any need to escalate, heh-heh," Rick laughed nervously over the intercom as he flipped through the cameras. All the cameras were dead.

Suddenly, something tapped on the window behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, Rick could see the bear wearing something that resembled a balaclava and a tactical vest, the price tag with the Craigslist logo on it still attached. Waving to Rick, the bear brought up a C-4 charge, which also had a Craigslist price tag on it. Rick shook his head vigorously as Freddy nodded equally vigorously. Just as he vanished behind the door, Rick heard something behind him searing though the reinforced steel. Looking around, he could see a fire cutting a small hole through the doorway. As it finished, a flashbang (that also had a Craigslist price tag… you get the idea) grenade tumbled into the room. Rick barely had time to cover his eyes and ears when it went off, followed by simultaneous explosions from both doorways. He looked up just in time to see a (Craigslist tagged) machine gun butt hit him on the temple.

Later

Foxy peeked into the storage area. "Chica, fair lass, have ye found the perfect costume for our dearest crewmate, argh?" he asked.

"I think so. It's dated as heck, but I think it will suit him just fine," the chicken replied.

"Argh, but what if he don't like it?" Foxy asked. They paused for a minute, and then both erupted in laughter.

Elsewhere

Rick had the bag taken off his face, having been tied to a chair in a sketchy part of the pizzeria he had never been to. Looking around, he saw the beaver tapping a billy club against his palm while the bear dragged up another chair in front of him, before sitting down and looking the scientist in the eyes.

"…Well done, Rick. You truly did it. You made me and the others break all the rules we've been following all these years. I hope you're proud of yourself. If I didn't swipe that credit card from the other a-hole guard, our buddy Craig wouldn't have come through for us," he began. Rick struggled against his bindings and his gag.

"Now then, I've decided that, rather then maul you to death, I'll stick to tradition when it comes to offing you. Chica! Foxy! Get in here!" he yelled. The two entered the room, dragging in what looked like a raccoon suit covered in gold chains, a popped baseball cap, and a microphone. Freddy stared at the other two. "…That's the only suit you could find?" he asked.

"…Yeah," Chica added, sheepishly. Foxy scratched the back of his head, nervously. Rick cocked an eyebrow.

"…Rick, meet… MC Coon," Freddy began, clearly uncomfortable about where this was going. "He's a chapter of Freddy Fazbears history that we… that we kind of want to forget. We were looking to branch out into some more… urban territories, but the character was… well…"

The recording equipment in the suit sparked to life. "Yoyoyoyoyo, this is MC COOOOooon SON! Yo, uh, yo, uh Eating pizza at Fazbear's, uh, like you don't have a care, yo, don't be a dodo, uh, 'fore we get busted by the Po-po, yo!" and then the recorder powered down. After that little demonstration, no one could look anyone in the eyes.

"I'm not sure you can tell, but… our management isn't exactly known for good decision making," Bonnie replied, sheepishly.

"The blowback we got from that little stunt almost made the Bite of '87 look measured," Freddy added.

"…ENOUGH ABOUT THE COON! PUT THE SUIT ON THE LANDLUBBER, ARGH!" Foxy screeched.

After cutting the binds, the animatronics forced Rick to the ground. Bringing up the suit, they then stuffed Rick into the costume. Rick howled as the crossbeams and wires cut into his body. Before shoving the mask over his face, Freddy leaned in close, gauging Rick's reaction. "Any last words?" he taunted.

"…Why don't you… check the bathroom… when you're done?" Rick sputtered, before the mask was rammed over his head. After the spasms stopped, Bonnie and Chica both dropped him to the ground.

"…Well, that's that," Freddy said, nonchalantly.

"Not the cleanest victory, but the final score is all that matters," Bonnie added.

"This calls for a celebration! Who wants to eat!" Chica cheered.

"…What do you think he meant by "check the bathrooms," argh?" Foxy asked.

"Because that's where I've been the whole time," Rick said as he entered the room, carrying a fishing rod with a magnet in one arm and a glowing cube in the other.

"What the… how… when?" Freddy sputtered, looking between Rick in the doorway and Rick in the MC Coon suit.

"Yep, I couldn't get the perpetual energy battery out of the stinker last night, so I had to get a friend of mine to look after you losers while I got my hands di*UUUR*rty," Rick said as he bounced the battery up and down on his hand. "You guys think you can flush prime extra-dimensional tech down the toilet? This stuff ain't cheap," Rick said as he rolled the cube down the length of his arms, and across his shoulders. (Morty: Hey wait, how can you roll a… Rick: Don't think about it!)

"Wait, so while you were fishing in the toilet, we still actually killed a guy?" Bonnie asked.

"WOO-HOO, Forty-three to forty-five! We remain undefeated!" Chica continued to cheer.

"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhno. See, remember that mold thing from the first chapter?" Rick asked.

"First what-ter?" Bonnie asked.

"Eh, don't worry about it, Bonnie, it's a main character thing. Only we are allowed to break the fourth wall," Freddy explained.

"What wall?" Chica said, looking around.

"Never mind those idiots. About a week ago, me and Morty rescued a critically endangered Sloovinian Shape-molder from some poachers that owed me money. I kind of liked having the little guy round, and I figured he'd prove useful in the future. See, Sloovinian Shape-molders take the shape and likeness of whomever last feeds it, which is useful in escaping assassinations, pulling off magic tricks, and writer fake-outs," Rick explained.

"…So, we killed an alien?" Freddy asked.

"Nope. I'll give you guys some privacy," Rick said as he locked the door.

The animatronics, all curious about what he was talking about, slowly turned towards the MC Coon suit on the ground. Slowly and deliberately, the suit began pushing itself off the ground as the recorder started up again. "Yo, uh, uh-huh, my name is MC Coon, and I'm crazier then a loon. I'm like you kids, love my candy and my vids, uh-huh! I'm a slick and phat rapper from the streets, yeah, so remember to eat your veggies and yo MEATS!" it growled as it began to grow until it was nearly a story high. When it was done, it looked down at the four animatronics, before punching its palm in anticipation.

Present Day

"And after it got done kicking our asses, it just… stormed out of the pizzeria, never to be seen again. Rick forced us to fix the wall, and then, once again, forced us into the closet. Except for Foxy, he got…" Freddy continued.

"Yeah-yeah, I hear you," Morty cut him off. They had been chatting for the better part of three hours, and in that time, had almost begun the process of… bonding. The more Morty talked to "Mr. Fazbear" the less he seemed like a rogue homicidal robot and more like a nice guy. He remembered a term in his psychology class, something like "Stockholm Syndrome," but then Rick had burst into the room to drag him out to go help Rick win an illegal galactic drag race or something. Mr. Fazbear, however, didn't push him or belittle him like Rick usually did. Maybe he was just happy to have someone who listened to him.

"Yo, Meeseeks, you almost done?" Freddy yelled into the house.

"ALMOST, BOSS!" the blue golem replied.

"Gee, those Meeseeks guys are popular, huh?" Freddy said.

"Yeah, there-there's quite a lot of demand to see those guys again, y'know. I'm-I'm always happy to see Meeseeks around, hope I see-I see them in the future," Morty replied. Freddy and Morty both laughed when the garage door exploded open. Coughing though the debris, Freddy could make out the outlines of two figures. One he had never seen before, but the other was unmistakable. "Sanchez!" Freddy growled.

"Oh, Fredbear. What are you doing in my burp my house?" Rick asked as he lifted the huge laser blaster on his shoulder.

"Freddy, Rick, please! You don't have to fight!" Morty tearfully yelled as he got between the two.

"Fight? With him? Please, I've got better things to do then raise an army to fight those guys," Rick said as he looked behind him, nervously. "Bird-person, do you sense… it?" he asked in an uncharacteristically nervous voice.

"I have not, Rick. Perhaps your fears are unfounded," Bird person replied.

"UNFOUNDED! If that… if that thing cracks into what it got its little… its little hands on, we are t*burp*alking chaos on a multiversal scale. The council will never get off my ass if that happened, not to mention, y'know, trillions of lives at stake."

"Wait, so the group you brought to fight us… you didn't actually bring to fight us?" Freddy asked.

Rick shook his head, "No, idiot. Like I need help putting you four down. No, this-this happened last night, when I started to tinker with my old time machine project…"