Please Be Careful With My Heart
Disclaimer: 'Charmed' is not mine. I just love it so much so I did this. So, please don't sue me.
A/N: Alright, I think I've let you brace yourselves long enough. But it wasn't my intention. Again my explanation is in my profile. I'm really sorry.
Thank you so much to all those who reviewed the last chapter, Blissful Pain, seedeadpeople98, JTiger, katie farmer, hmcfanaddict, halliwellwitch, Simplechic18, nicole812us, psychokitty3, anonymous, ColleenietheBroadwayBaby, Amber-and-Ben-Forever, Charmed-150, moi, TVCrazed, AsherSmasher, heather1021, Piper xox Leo, ColePhoebe4eva, Paige fan & Alyssa Halliwell
All of your opinions matter so much to me to improve this fic. On a personal note/s, I would like to reply to the reviews submitted by:
Starring Piper - thank you so, so much for the review! I really, really appreciate that you're reading this because you're one of my favorite fanfic writers. I totally adore all your stories, the whole series actually, and I think you already know that. So thank you so much!
katie farmer - I'm not really that full of angst to end without clearing Phoebe's heart of hatred but you just have to find out what will happen before that. So keep reading and thanks
psychokitty3 - That is an ugly color. So glad you're back! I can't wait to read an update of What a Life. I love love LUV that fic!
anonymous! - 'ugly' as in, full of tension, evil doings and emotional surge that will blow your mind. Is that enough? Well, thanks for the reviews, you are such a great reader!
ColleenietheBroadwayBaby - thanks, that is quite a compliment, thank you!Yeah, Prue and Piper's relationship is my ideal relationship for siblings. So deep and tangible. Thanks again!
Amber-and-Ben-Forever - you know what? I should have done that. I should have made Prue slap Phoebe. Well, next time. Wait… next time. Will there be another scene like that? Let me think, I'm not sure yet. Well anyway, thank you so much for the review. Hope to hear more from you soon. :)
Charmed-150 - grown with the story? well, maybe I'm just relating my personal life and angst to each of the characters, I don't know. Well, thank you so much! I really think you're the no.1 supporter of my fic, and I'm eternally grateful for that.
moi - I think we have the same wavelength, there's my answer. My lips are zipped again. No more. I'm sorry I took so long that you had to review in French. Thanks for the review!
Jtiger, TVCrazed & AsherSmasher - WOMP.. WOMP… here it is. thanks for your uppercased reviews! They made me feel really GREAT. THANKS!
Piper xox Leo - thanks for noticing. don't worry, I'll prevent from moving too much. Thanks for that insightful review. I really appreciate it! Thanks! I love your fics!
ColePhoebe4eva - you can feel sorry for Phoebe, all of the characters have reasons for doing what they're doing, Phoebe has just crossed the limits, so there. Thank you so much for the review and reading the whole fic. It means so much to me. Thanks a lot!
Alyssa Halliwell - I agree, she's bitchy. Full of angst! Well, thank you for the review! and don't worry, there will be more prue/piper scenes. So just sit tight and relax. (",)
On with the story…
Chapter 23
Decisions
Piper's room…
Piper was lying in her bed looking at her mother's picture, with tears streaming down her face. "I feel so horrible mom. How could I forget about her? How could I forget about Phoebe? I'm sorry mom. I'm so s-sorry. I really hurt her so bad and I didn't mean to. Mom, she was really broken and it's all my fault. It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." She was rambling while choking back her tears. "When I talked to Leo, all I felt was my desire to be with him. I didn't even think of Phoebe. How could I be so selfish? I want to be with Leo, Mom but I don't want to hurt Phoebe more than I already did. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I've hurt so many people, people I love, I can't take this anymore!"
"Mom, help me. Please help me. I need you." She cried with hopelessness. She was feeling so alone at that moment. Although Prue offered to comfort her, she refused. There were so many things to think about, people to consider and it was too much to handle. Her surgery, Leo, Phoebe, Prue, her family. She just wanted to be left alone and Prue understood that. So now there she was, alone and confused.
"I miss you so much, Mom. I miss you s-so m-much. Why did you leave us?" She cried her heart out while she hugged her mom's photograph to her chest. "Why?" She cried as if it happened just yesterday, as if her mom died just yesterday. Every emotion was fresh, and raw. It's all overwhelming. She cried for a few more minutes wondering how easier everything would have been if her mom were there.
Prue was standing outside by Piper's doorway, hearing Piper's cries broke her heart. She was contemplating whether to enter Piper's room or not. 'I know she wants to be alone, but this is killing me. I can't just stand here and let my sister cry to death. Alright, I'm going in. Piper, get angry with me if you want I don't care.'
Prue opened Piper's door, and found her sister kneeling on the bed and clutching their mother's photograph tightly. She approached Piper quietly.
Piper, was crying with her eyes closed and mumbling softly, "Take me with you, mom. Please. I wanna be with mom. Take me. Please take me. Please take me. Please."
The sight crushed Prue, Piper was reciting those words like a mantra, like a prayer to God, and she was saying it with concentration as if by concentrating enough, it might come true. Prue stopped. She just stopped approaching her sister and closed her eyes, Piper's words kept ringing on her ear. She talked to God in her head, 'Don't. Don't you dare.' She was fighting Piper's prayer with her own. 'Don't you dare do it. You've taken away enough!' She angrily wiped away the tear that has escaped from her eye.
Then she noticed that Piper's phrase has changed. She opened her eyes to find Piper crying softly with her head down, her hair hiding her face.
Piper's earlier prayer was now replaced by a series of whispers full of desperation. "I'm so tired. I'm really, really tired. Please." Then she hid her face with her hands and cried uncontrollably.
Prue understood it clearly, Piper was tired of everything, of being ill, of getting hurt, of living and she just wanted to get out. Piper never looked so dejected. Prue couldn't take it anymore. She rushed to her sister's bed, and enveloped Piper in a fierce hug. Thankfully, Piper let Prue comfort her. But Prue could still hear it all clearly, as Piper repeatedly whimpers "I'm so tired."
"Shhh…I know, baby. But you're ok. You're ok." Prue cradled her sister while she cried herself. She kept telling Piper, 'You're ok. You're fine.' But in her head she goes, 'This is not ok. Oh God, help me.'
Piper was positioned across Prue with her head on Prue's shoulder and her face hidden at the crook of her sister's neck while she cry. Then she stopped, Prue could only hear a few sniffs from her. Prue didn't want to say anything. Truth was she didn't know what to say, so she just hoped for Piper to open up. Thankfully…
"I miss her." Piper said softly with regret in her voice.
Prue understood that Piper was talking about their mother. "I know, me too. We all do."
"Why did she have to leave?" Piper looked at Prue expectantly as fresh tears ran down her face.
Prue's only response was to delicately brush away Piper's tears and pull her closer.
Piper was staring into space when she spoke. "I can still remember it clearly." Pause.
Now Prue didn't know what Piper was talking about. Piper continued, "I can still remember… the way her body was twisted in the middle of the street… right after the car hit her, she looked like a rag doll. Then I called to her, I ran to her. I was so afraid. I was afraid to touch her. There were so much blood and bruises. She was painful to look at." Piper spoke as if it was happening all over again in front of her. Prue could only keep quiet. She has never heard that story. It was all news to her.
"I called again and again. Again and again, but she wasn't responding. I was wishing her to open her eyes for me but… she never did." Piper's voice faltered at that and she just shook her head sideways. "She never did."
"I knew right there and then, I've lost her. We've lost her. Then I laid across her stomach and cried. I wished her to let me go with her, take me with her. Then darkness enveloped me. At first I thought everything was just a bad dream, a very bad dream. But then I woke up, defeated. Why am I still here and Mom's not?"
Prue was speechless. She knew how her mother died, she was hit by a car. But to hear how Piper saw and feel everything, it was overwhelming and heavy, really heavy. The whole time Piper was talking, Prue couldn't keep herself from crying. It was as if Piper brought her to the past with her. It was as if she was there, too.
"If Mom's here, she would have been mad at me." Piper said.
Prue just looked at Piper expecting her to continue.
"I hurt Phoebe, Prue you saw her, she was really broken. And all her heartaches are because of me, when as her big sister, I'm supposed to take care of her, but I failed."
"No, Piper. What you did, you did for her. Now, if she got hurt from it, it wasn't your fault. You never intended to hurt her. She was hurt not because of what you did but because she couldn't accept the fact that Leo is not for her and that's all there is to it. So don't blame yourself for this." Prue rationalised the situation.
"I don't deserve Leo." Piper shook her head.
"Piper, I thought you've already decided to give Leo a chance, let him choose. Why are you letting this issue with Phoebe change that?" Prue could not understand why her sister couldn't allow herself to be happy, for a change.
"Because I'll never be at peace with Leo knowing that I'm hurting my sister."
"Phoebe will get pass this. Later she will realise that Leo is not meant for her. And I really don't think she loves him, attracted maybe but not in love. You and Leo, on the other hand, deserve each other. Aside from our parents, I have never seen such adoration and devotion that you two share, in any other couple. Look, I'm not trying to manipulate you or anything, but I just want you to be happy, and your happiness is with him. Give Leo a chance. For God's sake, give yourself a chance." Prue could tell that she was affecting her sister. But she would not put it pass Piper to put other people's interest above hers, Piper has been doing that for quite a long time now.
Piper needed 'alone time', so as much as she wanted Prue to soothe away all her pain, she needed time to finalise her decision, Leo's waiting for her call. "Prue could you just give me time by myself. I just need to. Promise I'll come to you if I need to, just give me this. Just now."
Prue sighed in resignation. "Ok, just think of what I said." She reached for Piper's hand and squeezed it in reassurance then with her other hand, she cupped Piper's face, her thumb gently brushing away the traces of tears in Piper's cheek. "You deserve it." Then she hugged and kissed Piper lovingly on the cheek and left her sister alone. On her own way to her own room, in her head, 'Oh please, Mom, guide her. Don't let her make a big mistake. Please help her.'
At the sound of the door, Piper closed her eyes for a moment then sighed deeply. Then she went her study table and pulled out two pieces of paper from her drawer, each folded in half with 'Leo' written on each.
She laid them open in front of her and stared at each for a while, a while that seemed like a lifetime. The two papers each contain a letter to Leo. One, of declaration of love, mentioning her plan to let him choose after her surgery. The other one, of rejection and denial. 'Now, the only thing to do is choose what to give him. Very simple. Simple huh? Simple but complicated. More complicated than Calculus.' Piper weighed all the reasons for choosing each letter. She sat there, just staring, and contemplating. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, she sighed deeply, picked one and threw the other into the trash bin.
- 000 -
Tell me where it hurts now baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes I'll do my best to make the tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now tell me
And I'll love you with a love so tender
And if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away
Leo's room…
Leo's head was spinning, waiting for someone to decide whether she'll have you or not sucks. It was killing him, anticipating which way is Piper gonna go, whether she'll give him a chance to prove that he's not giving up, he didn't know.
All he knew was that he wanted to be her pillar, he wanted her to lean on him and draw strength from him. He couldn't put into words what made him feel this way about her, he just feels. Yes, he was attracted to her angelic looks from day one but there's something more, a lot more about her that amazed him. Maybe somehow, Piper, with her combination of strength and vulnerability broke the barriers he built around himself when his mother left him.
That day, the day his mother just walked away from his life, he swore to himself that he will never be in the position to love someone and then forgets himself, just like what his father did. Leo remembered his dad still defending his mother from his co-workers, saying that 'She just needs space.' or 'I'm happy when she's happy.' Bull, Leo knew how painful it was for his dad.
Leo smiled to himself, 'I am right where I've sworn I'll never be.' Then he took her picture from his bedside table and gazed at her face. 'But unlike mom to dad, Piper loves me. I know that. But that part was a problem too, Piper loves me too much that she's ready to let me go if the situation calls for it. She loves me too much to keep me from taking care of her and protecting her.'
Then he talked to her picture as if she was really there, "I know you don't want me to see you sick and hurt. I understand that you want to exclude me from your life while you face your illness. But didn't it ever occur to you that that is exactly where I want to be, what I want to do? I wanna be there with you through it all, I want to hold your hand while you fight. I want to wipe your tears when the pain is too much to handle. I want it all, all the things you're trying to prevent me from doing, I want it all. Please let me. Please." He whispered the last part and kissed Piper's picture.
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock, then his father opened the door. "Who are you talking to?" he asked.
"No one." Leo said and changed the subject. "What do you need me for?"
"Oh. Phone for you. Piper."
Leo's heart almost jumped out of his rib cage at the mention of her name. He raised down the stairs and was almost out of breath by the time he reached the phone with a smile on his face. "Hello, Piper?"
to be continued…
Oops, don't kill me yet! Or else, you won't know what happens next!
Which letter did she pick?