Breaking her silence with Ty hadn't been a cure-all. It didn't miraculously ease the pain or take away the nightmares, but it made it all easier to deal with. That night, after things settled down and they crawled into bed, instead of turning away as she'd done the night before, Amy stretched her body flush against her husband's. Her head fell against his chest when his arms came to hold her close and she succumbed to sleep by listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.
She was so tired she couldn't even fight to keep her eyes open and fell into a dream only minutes after falling asleep. It was the same dreams as every other night. The black abyss, deafened by the wails of an infant that she was never able to find.
Ty's voice was what again brought her out of the nightmare, Amy's eyes snapping open. She could feel the air of the trailer cold against her wet face, reaching up to wipe the tears from around her eyes as Ty raised himself up to look at her. He'd been trying to wake her up for several minutes when he realized she'd fallen into that dream again. She whimpered in her sleep like a poor lost dog then would call out his name for help. When she woke up she still looked frightened and heartbroken while she tried to tear herself away from the dream back into the real world. Though, he wasn't sure if that was any better of a realization to face.
"It was that dream again," Amy said, pushing herself up in the dark trailer. Once again she was even more tired than when she'd fallen asleep, but knew she still wouldn't be able to get anymore rest. Her fear of falling into that nightmare, or something worse, would keep her up until the early morning light started to peek through the curtains and she didn't need to keep up the struggle anymore.
"I know," Ty answered, reaching out to run his hand along her arm.
"I'm sorry I woke you." She didn't really know what else to say. She couldn't control them and didn't know how to make them go away.
"You didn't. I never fell asleep," he confessed. Like Amy, Ty's nights were restless with his thoughts keeping him awake while his concern for his wife kept him alert. He'd lay there lost in his own mind while listening to her every breath, just waiting for that slight change that told him it was there attacking her vulnerable mind again.
A chill ran along Amy's arms and she wrapped them around herself, folding her knees up to her chest and leaning to rest her head on them. Her ribs ached again since the pain medication wore off and her head began to dully throb from both stress and exhaustion. "I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind. I try to keep myself busy, keep my mind occupied, but I can't focus on anything. I just keep going back to it, even in my dreams. I just want to get passed it. I'm so tired, Ty." Her voice cracked as she turned her face into her knees, closing her eyes and wishing she could sleep without disturbances.
Ty sat up, reaching out to run his fingers along her back. "Trying not to think about it is only going to make you think about it even more. Don't fight it, Amy. It's part of the process. Let it come. Let it out like you did tonight. You'll feel a lot better if you do and will find it easier to move on." He guided his hand to her side, pulling her against him and leaned his forehead on her shoulder. "You don't need to be strong all the time." His head lifted to look at her though her face was still hidden. "That's why you have me."
Feeling Ty so close was comforting. It always had been. He made her feel safe and protected. She could expose her vulnerabilities and know they wouldn't be judged or exploited. Turning her head, Amy opened her eyes to look at him in the dark. "How do you do it? Stay so strong and collected."
"Because of you," he answered, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I made a promise to myself, and to you, while in the hospital that I'd be there for you. That I'd be your strength to help you through this. You're the one thing I care about more than anything else in this world, Amy. I'd do anything for you. Be anything you need me to be. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't still hurt me to think about what happened and what we lost, but as long as you're okay, then I'll be okay, too." He offered her a small reassuring smile that she slowly returned before unfolding herself and shifting to fall into his arms as they lay back together as they had when their night began.
"We'll be okay," Amy said quietly and for once she felt like she could believe it.
Getting out of bed a few hours later when the alarm sounded felt nearly impossible. Neither Amy nor Ty were able to get back to sleep and just lay awake resting in each other arms. They didn't talk, just dozed, Amy listening to the steady thump of Ty's heart against her ear while his fingers stroked through her hair. If she hadn't been so afraid to try to fall back asleep that would have knocked her out cold if she let it. It was soothing and allowed her to fall into a content state of rest without actually sleeping. However, once again that lack of true sleep dragged them both down to the mattress, neither one quick to crawl out of bed once Ty shut off the alarm.
"What are your plans for today?" He asked, wondering if Amy was going to try and lie to him again about staying around the trailer.
Amy sighed heavily, trying to ignore the ache it brought to her ribcage. "I don't know…" She really didn't. She wanted to try working with Chloe again after the epic fail yesterday, but was afraid of running into her father again. Yesterday she hadn't been sure if she was ready to deal with him, but now she knew she wasn't. But still the thought of being left alone at the trailer while Ty was at work didn't work for her either. She'd go crazy sitting there all day and she knew it.
"Do you want me to stick around today? We could go into town for a bit, take a drive somewhere?" Ty only went back to work yesterday because Amy insisted on it and he thought that giving her that space was what she needed. Today, he wasn't so sure that space was a good idea after her breakdown last night.
Amy shook her head, getting up to dig into her jeans for her pain meds. "No. You should go to work. I'll be fine, Ty. I'll… I'll find something to do." She filled a glass with water and took a few sips before popping the pills into her mouth and swallowing them with another gulp of the cool liquid. "You shouldn't give Scott the run around."
Scooting up out of bed, Ty stepped up behind his wife and placed his hands on her hips. "Scott will understand. He didn't think I'd be back so soon and had Cassandra scheduled for the whole weekend. I was just going to go in to give her a break, but she'll get over it." She'd be pissed at him for reneging, but Ty didn't really care. "I'd rather be here with you."
"Why, to make sure I don't venture off to Heartland again?" Her tone wasn't harsh in any way, but light, even a little teasing as she glanced at him over her shoulder to see his expression change to one of mock surprise.
"What are you talking about? You mean, you went to the ranch yesterday even after promising you wouldn't?"
"Oh, like you didn't ask Caleb to stick around and play babysitter," Amy shot back, laughing softly when Ty's arms encircled her waist.
"Because I know you better than anyone." He nuzzled into her neck, tickling her with his lips for a moment before relenting his hold as not to hurt her.
Amy's laughs quieted and she turned around after setting her water on the counter, a smile still light on her lips. "You aren't upset with me?"
Ty sighed with a smile, shaking his head slowly. "No. I knew you wouldn't be able to stay put all day. As long as you didn't get yourself hurt?" Aside from the emotional wreck Ty found her in, Amy had looked physically okay. So he hoped that Caleb had managed to do his job and keep her out of harm's way with the horses.
Unable to lie to Ty from the way her guilt showed through her diverted eyes, Amy told him about Chloe, but made sure to also assure him that Caleb had tried to talk her out of it and had remained there the whole time to keep an eye on her. But she conveniently left out the part about the mare knocking her over, rejigging the story just a bit. "I feel terrible, though, Ty. I went in there not at all in the right state of mind and probably made things even worse."
Ty didn't hide the fact that he wasn't pleased with hearing that Amy had gone to work with a client horse, but she came back in one piece so there wasn't anything he could do about it now. If not for her own safety, she should have known better than to put a horse's treatment at risk as she had. But Amy seemed to realize that now, so Ty didn't point it out. "You'll fix it. You always do. I just wish you'd have thought of that beforehand."
Amy looked away again, ashamed. "I know… but I want to try again with her today. Especially now that… that everything…" She used her hands to try to mime the opening of floodgates. "You know… came out."
Ty was already shaking his head. "No. I don't think you should be working with any horse right now. Not until your ribs are healed. You could re-injure yourself." He didn't like this idea at all, but he knew how stubborn his wife could be and prepared for an argument.
"Please, Ty. You can come with me. I just want to try to join-up with her again. I won't handle her." There was a part of Amy that knew Ty was right, that she shouldn't be pushing herself and risking making her injuries worse, but she didn't know what else she was supposed to do. Helping horses was her job, working at the ranch was her life and part of her day-to-day since she was born. She didn't know how to sit around or take things easy. More importantly, she didn't want to.
"Amy…" Ty started, trying not to get frustrated with her persistence, but she was already there cutting off what he tried to say.
"You can stand in the ring with me. Right there. In case something happens. And I promise I won't push myself. I'll only work her for… thirty minutes - if it even takes that long. Okay? Please?" It was Amy's turn for a little persuasive nuzzling, wrapping her arms around Ty's waist and leaving sweet tender kissing along his jaw that was clenched tight as he tried to stick to his guns. But Amy would always be his weakness - his kryptonite - and he had a very hard time ever telling her no.
"Fifteen minutes and not a second more," he insisted, needing to feel like he won in some way even if he was caving.
Amy left a last kiss on his neck before pulling back and nodding with a smile, leaning in to press her lips to his. "Okay," she agreed with her mouth brushing over his.
"Say it." Ty again insisted, looking down into her baby blue eyes that had the first bit of happiness in them Ty had seen in days. He just couldn't say no and watch that disappear.
"Fifteen minutes." Amy replied, even giving a firm nod of her head to show she understood.
"Fifteen minutes or I'll throw you over my shoulder and force you out if I have to." Ty pressed. He was serious about this, but Amy shook her head and laughed at how adamant he was.
"Ty, okay. I'm not sure throwing me over your shoulder would be much better for my ribs, but I understand your point. Now I'll give you fifteen minutes to get your butt ready and in the truck." She grinned and poked him in the chest then slipped out from between him and the counter to get ready despite the dull ache in her side that thankfully dissipated by the time they were climbing out of the truck at Heartland.