After telling McHale and Parker the basics of the Stalag 13 operation, which explained why he was there in the first place and why they'd shown up incognito, Hogan left with Guiseppe and LeBeau to allow the 73 crew to get a few hours of sleep.
Guiseppe had suggested they go have lunch in Voltafiore, which would give Hogan a chance to look around.
Instead of walking the couple of miles from McHale's base to Voltafiore, the three men covered the short distance by water in Guiseppe's fishing boat. As he was tying up at the Voltafiore docks, LeBeau suggested to Hogan, "Maybe you'd better pretend to be a mute, like you did with Kinch in Paris."
Heaving a loud sigh, Hogan groused, "Why do I always have to be the mute?" Not waiting for LeBeau's response, he conceded, "I know you're right. I don't speak a word of Italian and if I speak English, there will be too many questions from the townspeople and any Navy personnel that might be nearby."
"Yes," the Frenchman agreed, glad that Hogan had not found his suggestion presumptuous. "We wouldn't want word getting back to old Deadbottom."
"That's Leadbottom," Hogan corrected, laughing.
LeBeau quickly repeated the conversation in Italian for Guiseppe's benefit.
Guiseppe laughed, then said, "I will point out this Leadbottom to you if we see him. He wears glasses and he often acts like an overgrown bambino."
A short time later, the three men were seated at an outside table of a restaurant in Voltafiore's town square. Local citizens, along with American military personnel, both Navy and Army, passed frequently on the street, as the square was the hub of activity in town.
Nothing out of the ordinary that was worth Hogan's attention was happening as they ate their spaghetti, so he was bored as he listened to LeBeau and Guiseppe chatting in Italian. He passed the time by paying particular attention to passing Italian women.
A few minutes later, Hogan's daydreaming was interrupted by a querulous nasal voice behind him.
"What are you doing here out of uniform, McHale? What, what, what?"
Hogan turned to see a short officer wearing glasses with thick black frames. Noting the four stripes on his shoulders, he concluded that this had to be the infamous "Leadbottom."
"Oh, this isn't Commander McHale, Captain Binghamton," a lieutenant standing close behind him said. "Don't you remember, sir? This is Guiseppe Maggiore, the Commander's cousin."
"I know who it is, Elroy!" Binghamton said irritably, as he shook off the hovering underling. "I was just testing you."
"Of course, sir," the aide said obsequiously, looking miserable.
Hogan and LeBeau exchanged knowing glances. Binghamton was everything McHale had said he was and they now had an idea why London had chosen to keep this man out of the loop.
"Igor is right, sir," LeBeau offered. "This is Signor Maggiore." Indicating Hogan, he added, "We are his crew on his fishing boat."
"Igor?" Lt. Carpenter huffed. "My name is Lt. Elroy Carpenter, not Igor!"
"My apologies," LeBeau said. "It is just that you look just like a Russian named Igor I once met. You could be his twin." The Frenchman gave a sideways look at Hogan, who nodded in agreement. (1)
"I don't think so," Carpenter said haughtily. Turning to Binghamton, he said, "Sir, we need to get a move on if we're going to meet the general on time."
"That's right, Elroy," Binghamton agreed. "And if we're late, I'll tell the general it was all your fault for stopping to talk to these men!"
"Yes, sir. My fault." And with that, the two men hurried off, with Carpenter still murmuring obseqious phrases to mollify Binghamton.
After the two were out of earshot, Guiseppe and the two men from Stalag 13 burst into laughter. How such a man had become a captain, let alone been given a command was anyone's guess. The three men left the cafe a short time later after having seconds on their spaghetti.
"I must go home and get the maps ready that my cousin will need," Guiseppe explained. "I will take you back to Quinton's base now, but make sure to watch out for Binghamton, as you never know when he'll come spying on my cousin and his men. Don't let him see you if he does turn up."
"Gotcha," Hogan said laconically after LeBeau had translated. "We know all about being inconspicuous."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Early the next morning, Hogan and LeBeau boarded the PT-73 along with McHale and his crew. Though McHale called his men "Eight-balls" and "Schlockmeisters", Hogan could tell he had the same respect from his crew and a good working relationship with them as he did with his men back at Stalag 13. The previous evening he'd spent with the crew of the 73 had made that quite clear.
"So, what will you tell Binghamton later if he comes looking for you at the base and finds you gone?" Hogan asked.
"It's easy enough to tell him we were just on a routine patrol," McHale answered. "Binghamton never believes anything I say, but there's no way he can prove otherwise." Pointing at Radioman Willy Moss, he added, "And if he tries to get us by radio, I'll just say that it was on the fritz and Willy worked aaaalllll afternoon to get it going again."
"Sounds about like how I handle Colonel Klink," Hogan replied, chuckling. "I never thought I'd ever say this, but from what little I saw of him yesterday, Binghamton is much more obnoxious than Klink could ever think of being. But I think our local, friendly Gestapo agent, Major Hochstetter could give your Leadbottom a run for his money."
"That I'd like to see!" McHale replied, as the PT-73 pulled away from the dock and got under way.
A few minutes later, Hogan asked, "Do you engage the Krauts very often?"
"Not too much, especially this far south" McHale replied. "Sometimes, an E-boat will sneak in, trying to scavenge for supplies, but we can handle them without too much trouble." (2)
"What kind of missions do you normally go on?" Hogan asked, just making conversation.
"We patrol the bays and coves for lurking U-boats and do our best to keep the coastal shipping lanes clear for our own ships," McHale explained. "We harass German shipping as we encounter them, sinking them if we can. We can outrun nearly any ship, save for the E-boats." After a pause, he continued, "We've also been known to take down low-flying planes now and then, too."
Pointing at Parker, who was steering the 73, he laughed and said, "Back on Taratupa, before we came to Italy, Chuck, here, took down a Japanese bomber when under the influence of laughing gas." (3)
"Laughing gas?" Hogan was baffled.
"Don't ask," McHale said, grinning. "It would take too long to tell the story."
The two men continued to share anecdotes for the rest of the trip and, sooner than Hogan expected, the PT-73 eased up to the docks at San Lucca, where Guiseppe stood waiting for them, armed with several maps in one hand and a large basket in the other.
McHale's cousin came aboard with no hesitation after Tinker had thrown down the gangplank for him. Handing the basket to LeBeau, he explained, "My Teresa made lunch for everyone."
After the three officers had helped themselves from the basket, Guiseppe went below with them to show them the maps as they ate. LeBeau remained on deck to distribute the rest of the food to the crew.
"Here are the maps you'll need to help you avoid the Germans," Guiseppe explained to his cousin as he spread a large, rather detailed map on the table. "I've marked the bays, coves, and inlets I've found most useful in avoiding German patrols when I've spotted them while out fishing." Pointing to where he'd marked several areas with a red X, he continued, "Today, we'll visit the areas I've marked, so I can show you the best passages through them. This will help you to avoid sand bars and other obstacles."
"Sounds good," McHale said after he'd translated for Hogan. "Let's go do a test run now, and look at those marked areas, so we won't have to hunt for them if we ever have Jerries on our tail." Turning to Parker, he added, "Chuck, go tell the men to prepare to get under way."
Within moments, they were on their way once again, heading north to German-held territory. The trip was uneventful; the PT-73 did not meet any Germans along the way.
Guiseppe directed them to two sheltered inlets, which he proposed as rendezvous points to pick up the downed fliers he and his men would bring to be transported to Allied lines.
"Looks like two good spots," McHale remarked, as they entered the second inlet. "Both inlets would be kind of hard to spot, unless you knew just what to look for."
"With any luck, the Krauts won't even notice them," Hogan agreed. "And there's sufficient brush and cover for the pick-up points, too, which makes them each a good place to wait, along with places to hide should a Kraut patrol come sniffing around."
"I'm satisfied," McHale said. "It should work. But we were lucky today not to run into any Germans on the way up here, but I saw plenty of places to hide, if necessary."
"One of my men lives in this area," Guiseppe told him. "He has a radio and will be able to watch the coast and advise you of Germans in the area."
"Good," McHale said. "That will help." Turning to Hogan, he said, "Is there anything else you want to add that hasn't been mentioned?"
"No, I think your cousin has it covered quite well," Hogan replied. "From the things you told me last night about how you're able to fool Binghamton to get things done and of the encounters you've had with the Germans since you've been here, I think you and your crew will handle yourselves well." Turning to Guiseppe, he added, "And your cousin has been working in the underground since the beginning of the war, so his end will be more than adequately covered. Between the two of you, I am confident that it will be a successful operation."
"Thanks," McHale said. "I've got good men and we'll get the job done."
Epilogue
Two days later, Hogan and LeBeau returned to Stalag 13 without Klink being any the wiser, much to the relief of Sgt. Schultz.
McHale and his men picked up the first two downed fliers a week after their dry run. There was a close call as they evaded a German U-boat, but the mission was successfully completed without injuries or damage to the 73.
They completed several more missions with the assistance of Guiseppe and his underground group before the Germans were driven out of Italy. The operation was a complete success, as they did not lose a single man. Nor did Captain Binghamton ever become aware of the operation , though he constantly tried his best to nail them for something; anything he could make stick. In all, the PT-73 and its crew rescued eighty fliers before the war's end, as well as carrying out their normal duties.
After the war, Guiseppe Maggiore returned to the quiet family life he'd had before the war, just a simple fisherman once more.
As for Major Bonacelli, things did not turn out quite so well for him. Two months after the McHale operation began, his cover as an intelligence operative was blown when his aide, Vasta, discovered his secret radio. The Major had to flee for his life, without being able to contact Guiseppe or McHale to rescue him. Instead of fleeing south, where the Germans were looking for him, he went north and eventually ended up back at Stalag 13, where Hogan was able to get him to England, where he rode out the rest of the war.
End
Author's Notes:
1. Bob Hastings, who played Lt. Elroy Carpenter on McHale's Navy, also appeared as Russian pilot, Igor Piotkin on the Hogan's Heroes episodes, "A Russian is Coming" - episode 3-12
2. The German E-boat corresponded to the American PT boat
3. From the McHale's Navy episode, "Laugh, Captain, Laugh", 3-06