Sorry! This took far too long to get out to you guys. I ended up finally deciding on some things about my Warden that I had been on the fence on and I got distracted writing outlines for ideas with him.

Flashback

From the shadows of Kirkwall's Gallows, a drunken voice slurred, "Where did the others go?"

"Does it matter?" a timber voice replied. Nervously, its short owner shifted. "I can't believe an alarm hasn't gone up yet."

Beside Varric, Fenris squinted at the open court yard suspiciously, periodically darting a glance behind them as though still searching for the others that were who knew where. Ignoring the twitchy Elf, Varric frowned at the darkened Templar quarters.

"She's been in there for a while now. I can't believe just climbing the wall worked…" The words trailed away with a weak groan. "I think I am going to puke. What the hell was that tea?"

Torn from his unofficial duty as watch guard, Fenris frowned at Varric, taking a step away. "I told you, you don't eat tea. And don't you dare throw up on me." His last words gained an echoing quality as he spoke them into the mouth of his newly acquired bottle. They were cut off with a quick swig.

Hunched over, one arm banded across his belly, Varric squinted at the Elf. "Where do you keep getting those though, seriously?"

The secret behind Fenris' never ending supply of alcohol was never revealed, however. Both males found themselves distracted by the frantic sound of scrabbling as Hawke all but threw herself over the top of the wall. And, with a flurry of swears, promptly fell right off the top. Both Varric and Fenris winced at the resounding thud of her hitting the stones.

The inebriated heap that was Hawke twisted in a hissing and swearing heap before she managed to regain her feet. Then, immediately, she stepped on the hem of her newly acquired Templar skirt and face planted the paving stones again.

Her head rose to glower through her mussed hair at the snickering duo in the shadows. Pushing up, she booked it across the courtyard to join them.

Aggravation from only seconds ago was forgotten as she proudly spread her arms. "Tada!"

With a wince, Fenris growled, "Loud."

More taken aback, Varric eyed her up and down. "Are… Are you wearing only a tabard and a skirt? Where did your clothes go?"

Huffing, Hawke crossed her arms irritably. "You said I had to steal a uniform!" One hand gestured at her new attire.

It was blatant that Varric was struggling not to laugh by the uncontrollable grin that had spread across his face as Hawke tried to sass him. "Wear was not a part of that sentence, you know."

"… Those clothes are rather revealing," Fenris added unhelpfully. "Long arm holes."

With a squawk Hawke attempted, and failed, to cover the holes more appropriately. "Why are you staring in my shirt!?"

The struggle not to laugh was given up as Varric snorted out an uncontrollable flurry of laughter. Undeterred by Hawke's anger or Varric's laughter, Fenris continued to stare unabashedly. "Not a shirt, tabard," he corrected.

Trying, and failing, to adjust the tabard, Hawke aimed a kick at the warrior. It went wide. "NOT THE POINT!" she snapped.

"Didn't you two sleep together?" Varric quipped. "Why does him staring bother you?"

"NOT THE POINT!"

With a shrug and gesture of his bottle, Fenris motioned to Hawke again. "Just saying. May want to put your robe back on." His eyes narrowed as he suddenly became aware of the lack of anything in Hawke's hands. "…You… did bring it back out with you, right?"

The Mage paled. "… Oh shit…"

The Present

"Wait… Is this why Knight Commander Meredith is frothing at the mouth about Mages trying to 'tempt her Knight Captain' and stealing uniforms?"

A long pause followed Aveline's furious inquiry. Then, "… I didn't think about that part."

"DID YOU THINK ABOUT ANY PART!?" the Captain roared.

On the ground, Fenris gripped his head with a pained groan. "Please stop shouting."

"If you hadn't been drinking I wouldn't be shouting and you wouldn't be hung over," Aveline hissed. Her arms crossed. "I'm this close to signing you up for alcoholism therapy."

The Elf looked up at her with mild horror. Varric snorted weakly. "Like you could get him to go."

With a huff, Aveline gestured at them, clearly fed up. "Just get on to the part about the hobo… Bandit… Whatever."

Flashback

With Varric hunched over in breathless laughter and Fenris' face in his hand, there was no one to witness Hawke's sprint back towards the Templar's quarters until it was too late.

"Is she going back in!?"

"We should do something about that," Fenris commented blandly.

Slowly, Varric turned to stare at Fenris. He gestured between the Elf and the Templar quarters. "She's your sort of girlfriend. After you."

"Oh yes, because having the lyrium crusted Elf walk into the Templar's quarters would end wonderfully."

"… Lyrium crusted? You could not have thought of a better phrase?"

A yelp cut the quiet night air before Fenris could counter. Both males blinked at the wall that Hawke had toppled over. Fenris frowned. "… That's not the Templar's housing is it?"

Varric sighed heavily. "Nope."

On the other side of the wall, Hawke shrugged to get back onto her feet. "Where the hell did this bush come from!?" And it was an evil bush to be sure. Its prickly little branches and twigs snagged in her newly acquired uniform and pricked at her skin. Growling she rolled hard to the side, flinging herself out of its clutches. Well, whatever insidious gardening Meredith had ordered, it would not get this Mage.

On her feet, Hawke dusted herself off and scowled at the building in front of her. "This… isn't the Templar's quarters. Shit."

She could have sworn she had climbed the right wall. What was this then? Some illusionary trick of Orsino's? Flustered, she prowled the grounds around the building. It certainly seemed real enough. Maybe she had jumped the wrong wall after all? Damn. That meant she would need to fling herself ungracefully over yet another wall. She needed to work on her landings, but it was hard when everything felt so… light. Her balance felt off. Her head felt like it was full of fluff.

Muttering, she made for what appeared to be a gate back to the main road. With some difficulty, and a lot of sucking in her gut and smooshing her chest down, Hawke managed to squeeze through the bars… Just in time for Isabela to pounce her.

"Quick! Run of it!"

"Wait! My robe is still in there!"

"No time for questions!" The pirate barked as she forcibly grabbed Hawke and dragged her after them. Hawke turned to glance bewildered at Sebastian, who was being pulled along by Merrill. The Priest looked positively furious.

"I refuse to be apart of this!" Sebastian growled, making a bid for freedom, but Merrill was stronger than she looked, her long fingers remaining firmly curled into the blanket. Sebastian could have released it and allowed her to take it, thus freeing himself, but he was not about to stand naked in the middle of the city, late hour or not.

Behind them, Hawke heard a command to halt. Risking a glance back, she briefly caught sight of the familiar burnt orange guard uniform before the four fleeing 'criminals' turned another corner. Any attempt to get her robe at this point was a lost cause. Giving in, Hawke scrambled to keep pace with Isabela. "What happened!?"

A giggling Merrill was the first to answer. The small Elf seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself. "We staked a claim to the Keep! We demanded the Viscount's booty!"

Still well under the effect of Merrill's 'tea', Hawke blinked dumbly at Merrill not grasping the situation. "… You wanted a piece of his ass?"

Isabela glanced back with a look of horrified disgust. "Hawke! I'm free with my affections, but not that free! Uch!" She shuddered hard. "The wrinkles…"

Voice rumbling with aggravation, Sebastian spoke over Isabela's gagging sounds. "They were demanding access to the treasury. The guards overheard us. Why they thought the guards wouldn't hear us is beyond me…"

Curious hazel eyes glanced his way. "Us?" Hawke asked.

"I MEANT THEM!"

"Give it up, Priesty!" Isabela shouted teasingly as she navigated them through side streets with disturbing accuracy. Even in her inebriated state, Hawke had to wonder if Isabela had not scouted out High Town for a heist.

The group scrambled over a low decorative half wall. "I heard you instructing Merrill on how to appropriately demand ransom," the pirate quipped.

Not looking as offended as Hawke would have expected, Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I was correcting her grammar!"

A disbelieving bark of laughter escaped Isabela as they spilled out into the Gallows courtyard. "Quick! Grab em!" she shouted and Hawke found herself sent sprawling onto her face in Fenris and Varric's general direction.

The pair watched in amusement as Hawke managed a rude gesture toward Isabela as she struggled to her feet again. Their amusement was only short lived however as Isabela, Sebastian, and Merrill tore past, guards not far behind. Not waiting to find out how close they were, Hawke nabbed both the gawking Dwarf and Elf and raced after her fleeing companions.

Risking a glance back, Varric shouted incredulously, "You got caught!?"

"No! Isabela was demanding the Viscout's ass!"

Varric's complexion reached a new shade of green. "The wrinkles…"

And for the first time in history, Fenris gave up drinking as a lost cause. "There is not enough wine in this world to make that idea palatable," he grumbled.

"You can use big words! Congratulations!"

"Not the time Varric!" Hawke barked, nearly careening him into a wall in the process.

"Watch the face!"

Their flight could only last so long, however. With three resounding 'oof's the trio collided into their friends from behind, sending all six of them crashing to the filthy streets of Low Town. Sebastian, by some miracle, managed to keep his blanket, if only barely. Varric ended up with an eyeful of more priest leg than he had ever wanted to see in his life.

At the bottom of the pile, Isabela growled, "Whoever has their elbow in my kidney, knock it off!"

Perched, quite happily she might add, on Fenris, Hawke frowned down. "Why did you stop!?"

"Hello there, beautiful. Hand over any valuables and you might get to keep that pretty little tabard on."

Far from put off, Hawke scowled at group of men and women that stepped from behind the broken crates and debris that frequented Low Town's streets. "Hey, I got this tabard and skirt fair and square. If you want one then find your own Templar to steal it from."

"Hawke," Sebastian growled.

"No! It's mine! I won title of Craziest Member of the Hawke Gang and I'm not giving up my trophy without a fight, damn it!"

"Hawke Gang?" Varric muttered. "You couldn't think of a better name than that?"

"Being witty is your job."

The crack of a hammer hitting plaster abruptly ended their debate. "That's better," the apparent leader of their supposed robbers said, smiling with what few teeth he had left. "How about you shut up and give us your things. That lady at the bottom, hand us your jewelry."

While Isabela choked on her own laughter, Hawke crinkled her nose. "How many of you people are there?"

The bandit blinked at her dumbly, face darkening irritably. "Excuse me?"

"I swear, this is the fifth gang I've had to clean out this month…"

"Aveline should start paying you," Varric suggested.

Far from being excited by the idea, Hawke's face tensed in panic. "Oh Maker, Aveline! No time for this! Guards! Aveline will tranquil me if we get caught!"

"Well if you people will get off of me," Isabela grunted. "Trust me, normally I'd love to be at the bottom of an enjoyably sweaty pile of lovely people such as yourselves, but now is not the time. Look, Toothy McGrin, either bugger off or deal with the guards."

The bandits fairly roared with laughter. "Guards? And where are you going to pull those from, eh? Your cleavage?"

With some excessive wiggling, Isabela managed to squeeze out from under Merrill. "That would be a neat trick, wouldn't it?" Without warning, a palm to Hawke's sternum sent her tumbling off Fenris with a yelp. But before Fenris had a chance to break for freedom, Isabela grabbed him and flung him towards the bandits. "How about an angry Elf instead!"

As a flurry of Elven swears and screams broke out in the narrow street, echoing off the walls, Isabela made a break back towards the way they came. "Run for it!"

"You threw my Elf at them!"

"He's fine!"

But freedom was short lived. Not more than half way down the street, the guard turned the corner.

"Let it be known," Sebastian suddenly declared, "that I hate all of you."

Initially this was supposed to end after the Present part with Aveline, like all the previous chapters, but it would have been sooooo short if I'd done that, so I combined the first half of the next chapter with this one. One more chapter to go!

Chapter 5 – In which Hawke finally hits a hobo bandit and Sebastian gets arrested for streaking.