This took too long again. I'm sorry! I've been hopeless swallowed by City: Skylines. I told myself I was not allowed to touch any of my Warden stories until I finished this. And here we are, the last installment! Enjoy.

Warnings: Side boob.

The small street went utterly still. It was almost worth being caught to see the look of alarm on the bandits' faces.

"Friends!" Isabela cried, throwing her arms wide in cheerful greeting.

The guard at the patrol's head looked unamused. "You're under arrest."

The pirate huffed. "Well that's rude…"

Behind her, Fenris flung one of the bandits that had grabbed him from behind down onto the street by the guard's feet. The lead guard glanced from the prone man up to Isabela, pointedly.

"They started it," she blurted. There was no time for the guards to give any real reply when another bandit went flying right into them, knocking several down. When the disorientated bandit decked one of the guardsmen in the face, the order was shouted to take them all in.

Pinned between the two groups and too inebriated to risk casting, Hawke settled for her next best defense.

Wildly, she flailed her fists.

"I was not made for brawling! I'm too handsome for this." Varric's voice shouted somewhere from the mess as guards and bandits clashed. Not far, Isabela let out a whoop as Sebastian resorted to head butting a man, too busy attempting to keep hold of his blanket with people repeatedly stepping on it. "That's more like it!" she cried as the bandit went down, blood streaming from his nose, while Sebastian swore and rubbed his forehead.

Excited, Merrill clapped as Isabela mounted one poor bandit, her arm banded around their neck in a choke as she rode their stumbling body piggy back style around the street. Knife in her other hand she shanked any bandit who dared to get too close and cracked more than one guard or bandit over the head with the hilt.

"Can you not kill the guards!?" Hawke shrieked.

Foot rising up to plant in some woman's throat, Isabela shouted back, "They have helmets! They're fine! They'll feel better in the morning!"

Her fist finally colliding with some bandit's solar plexus, Hawke opted to hiss and shake her hand over replying. "My flimsy Mage wrists are not made for this…"

On the edge of the fight, working his way towards escape, Varric called, "Come on, Hawke! Hit em!"

"I'm trying!" she barked. "I'm not designed for fist fighting! And where are you going!?"

"Fenris! Throw her!" Isabela crowed.

"WHAT!?"

Before she had more than an instant to register it, she found herself being hefted off the ground. "What are you doing!?"

"Cover yourself in rocks."

"Don't you dare, Fenris!" But it was too late. The Elf had already flung her bodily at the mess of bandits of guards and with a yelp Hawke managed only to cover her arms in her rock armor before she collided with the mass of people and went down in a flurry of swears. "You're dead, Elf!"

Uncaring of the hostile forces she was sitting on, Hawke growled and struggled to her feet, rolling up her rock like sleeves in a silly display as she stormed towards Fenris.

By this time, Isabela had finally taken out her "steed" and had located the most likely path of escape. Sensing an opening in the brawl, Isabela bolted for the nearest alley. Varric was right behind her, dragging Merrill with him. It took tearing off part of his blanket, but Sebastian made a dash for freedom. At the back, Fenris grabbed Hawke by her tabard as she stormed up to him and yanked her after them as the Mage continued to swing random punches. "Fight me!"

Despite the telltale glow of Fenris' markings being a beacon for their escape, the group managed to get two streets over without any sign of pursuit. With a laugh, Isabela leant against the crumbling wall of some abandoned business. "Well, that was fun," she chirped.

Sebastian's face was torn between incredulity and insult. He opened his mouth to lecture, before his jaw clicked shut. With a shake of his head he muttered, "Why do I bother?"

"Good question, Choir Boy," Varric groaned. He had taken one or two good shots and he rubbed sullenly at his jaw that would be quite bruised by the morning.

Hanging by her tabard, still in Fenris' grip with her feet an inch or two off the ground, Hawke groaned. "No one tell Aveline."

"Tell Captain Aveline what, exactly?"

Six pairs of eyes widened and snapped to the end of the street where Donnic stepped from the shadows, arms crossed and scowling.

Hawke flashed a smile meant to be charming, but looked pained. "Donnic!"

"Hello!" Merrill shouted.

Both Varric and Isabela scrambled to shush the Elf before she could blow their cover, but it was pointless. The likelihood that Donnic was unaware of the events two streets over was slim to none.

Standing straighter, Sebastian strode forward to stand in front. "These hooligans stole my clothing."

Donnic sighed.

The Present

Sullen, Sebastian sunk down against the cell wall. "I can't believe he arrested me for streaking…"

"Oh please," Isabela scoffed. "That cannot be the first time you've done that."

"I had a blanket, thank you very much. That is hardly streaking."

The sound of Aveline's frustration could barely be heard over Isabela's guffaw. The Captain threw up her hands. "You demanded a ransom from the Viscount!? Donnic did not mention that! This was not in the morning report!"

Distantly Hawke wondered if this would finally be the time she got to witness Aveline burst a blood vessel. Despite the fact that he had been the one to finally arrest them, Hawke still felt some sympathy for their periodic gambling and drinking partner. Aveline was frightening. They needed to band together.

"To be fair, I think he's still trying to figure out how much of last night was us or just chance occurrence."

Fenris' head rolled lazily toward her on the floor. "Is it ever chance occurrence that we're around when something goes wrong?"

"I told you we should have brought Anders," Isabela complained. "She'd have let us out if we had Anders. His charm actually works, unlike Varric's—"

"Hey!"

"—and she wouldn't risk Meredith finding him."

Frantic, Hawke gestured wildly at Aveline. "Meredith is going to find me!"

"I think she likes you," Isabela chirped unhelpfully.

"…." Hawke glowered at the pirate while Aveline glowered in general.

"I would not have let you out of anywhere!" the Captain snapped.

"Are you kidding me? If we had Anders then Meredith would order a Rite of Annulment on this whole prison!" Her gestures turned to flails. Sebastian scowled and leaned away from Hawke. "Not to mention Merrill and Varric… and me—"

"And I," Sebastian corrected reflexively.

Kindly, Hawke flipped him a rude gesture, "—and me, were high. Did you really want us in the sewers where we'd be trying to eat any mushroom we found?"

The expression on Fenris' face curdled and it seemed a distinct possibility that he might vomit. "That is absolutely disgusting."

Expression lit in glee, Merrill half sat up from Hawke and Sebastian's laps. "Oh! I love mushrooms!"

Pressing the Elf back down, Hawke looked at Isabela flatly. "See?"

"Daisy, I'm starting to worry about the amount of hallucinogens you intake…" With great effort, Varric managed to get up enough to twist around to look at the Elven woman worriedly.

Below them, Fenris scoffed. "It would certainly explain things."

There was a long pause before Varric raised his eyes up to Sebastian. "Wait… You won't preach the Chant, but you'll preach about grammar?"

"One is a heavy choice that must come from the soul and the other is common knowledge ignored!"

By this point, it was apparent that Aveline had given the whole situation up as a lost cause. The bridge of her nose pinched between her fingers, she squeezed her eyes shut. Her voice was strained and came through gritted teeth. "This explains the Viscount's complaints of late night vandalism and 'threats'…"

There was a brief lull before Hawke attempted her best charming smile. Perhaps this time it would work. Maybe. "Soo… I give back the Templar's clothes and no harm done?"

Head still bowed and nose in her fingers, Aveline glared up at Hawke. Then, her face suddenly fell flat and neutral. That did not bode well. Hawke traded her smile for the sad puppy look as Aveline straightened.

"I think I may need more time to scour for evidence and discuss this matter with my guardsmen."

More than one person gaped. "Hey! Wait!" Hawke cried. "We ousted a gang for you! … Sort of… I punched a few. Donnic probably did the rest."

"… Nice, Hawke…" Varric grumbled.

Without a response, Aveline turned and stalked away. Nearly dumping both Varric and Merrill on the floor, Hawke scrambled up from the bed to grab the bars. With her face smooshed against them, she wailed, "Aveline waaaaaaaaait! Aveline, I have side boob! At least give me a shirt! Aveline! Side boob!"

Her answer was the slam of the main jail door. Cheeks oozing around the bars, Hawke pouted.

"It's some nice side boob though. At least the view will be pleasant," Isabela fairly sang. Hawke only sighed.

Silence stretched between them as each member of the group contemplated the idea of spending another indefinite length of time stuck in the dark cell. A rustle of cloth drew Hawke away from the bars finally, two red lines streaking down her face. Still on the bed, Varric removed a deck of cards.

"So… Wicked Grace to pass the time?"

The sound of Sebastian's palm meeting his forehead echoed through the jail.

"I hate all of you…"

The End.

I hope you enjoyed the shenanigans. I don't think Aveline will be letting them out any time soon. Imagining Grand Cleric Elthina having to pick up Sebastian on bail… That would be an interesting conversation.