I Heal a Little Bit Every Time You Say My Name

by thecurlingiron

From kindergarten through college, Jesse Swanson has always found Beca Mitchell fascinating. AU. Rated T, because why not.

3. Part III

Yes, this is an update.

No, you aren't high.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pitch Perfect, or Boys Like Girls, or the Great Gatsby or literally anything else that I may mention in here. Oh, or Ed Sheeran. I don't own Ed Sheeran, but sweet Jesus, a girl can dream.

PART III

All that you are is all that I'll ever need.
I'm so in love.
Tenerife Sea-Ed Sheeran

She hated that stupid look on his face. That cheesy grin that he shot at her through the rows of strings and winds and percussionists to where she sat on the piano? Yeah, that one. She hated it. She also hated Lizzie, the annoying harp player who loved to whine about her boyfriend Justin, and how he hadn't texted her in the last thirty minutes—

("What is wrong with him? Is his phone broken or something? Did he die within the last thirty minutes or something? Obviously not, because I saw that he liked Megan Mulley's Instagram picture like two seconds ago, but it's such a struggle to text me back? Me? His girlfriend? Two words. 'Hey babe.' That's it. That's all I need. Is that so much to ask for? I'm so totes gonna kick his ass, I swear. Like, literally? I can't.)

And also—

("Hey Beca, are you sure you sure that you aren't like a quarter note off beat? Because it sounds like you're off beat and you're like making me get off beat. So, could you try to keep on beat pretty please? Kay, thanks.")

She hated how Lizzie was so blind to how off beat she really was with no help from anyone else's instruments whatsoever. God, she hated orchestra.

:-) :-O ;-D

"Beca, babe, you need a hobby."

She looked up at her mother, Janet who was scouring a YMCA booklet, eyes widened at the colorful depictions and descriptions of clubs that she could force her daughter into.

"Interesting. Did Dad tell you that?" Beca quipped, earning an eye roll from her mother.

Ever since Beca's mother had begrudgingly moved them back to Georgia so that she could see her dad more often, Bryan Mitchell had been trying incessantly to work his way back into Beca's life. Insisting that she have dinner with him and his new wife Sheila one a week, and insisting upon random Daddy-Daughter days when they went to lunch and sat around awkwardly for thirty minutes talking about what nice weather they were having, and Beca's classes, etc. Along with this, Beca knew that her dad had been calling her mom more frequently now that they were back in town, nagging about Janet's lax parenting style.

Janet and Beca had a good relationship. Beca's mom wasn't too overbearing, and Beca wasn't a bad kid. The two of them had a system based on trust. They called it "don't do anything that I wouldn't do. Janet gave Beca space and freedom, and in return, Beca worked to be a generally good member of society. Her grades were pretty good, she didn't join any gangs, she didn't go to a rave every night, and she wasn't a teen mom. It was a win-win situation.

Bryan didn't think that this was enough though. He resented not having custody of his only daughter, and he resented Janet even more for being such a major role in Beca's life. He wanted to be part of her life as well. He had missed out on what seemed like decades when Beca was gone, and now that she was back, he didn't want to screw things up with her.

So, he attempted to invest in Beca's future. He called Janet at least twice weekly, pressing her about Beca's classes and schoolwork, insisting that Janet put her in more AP classes and force her to start her SAT prep. He figured that if he helped Beca get off to a good start after high school, she would eventually appreciate it. (Also, he would have been lying if he said that he didn't aim to get her to enroll at Barden University, where he worked as a Comparative Literature professor, by the time she graduated.)

Beca knew that her dad's badgering drove her mom up the wall, so she smirked she her mom swatted her arm with the booklet and opened it once more.

"No, Beca. This is me telling you that you need a hobby."

"Mom, I have a hobby."

"You can't put 'sleeping until ten' or 'brooding' on college applications, hun. Hey, what about water polo? Would you be into water polo?" Janet held up the booklet so that Beca could see across the kitchen counter.

"What? Dude, Mom no!" Beca scrunched her nose in disgust and reached across the counter, snatching the booklet from her mother's grasp. She smoothly crumpled it up and tossed it into the open bin that was a few feet away.

Janet sighed heavily. "Oh come on sweetie. You need to be well rounded."

"I am perfectly well rounded, Mom. I'm a Girl Scout."

"You haven't gone to a meeting in six years Beca, you are not a Girl Scout."

"Then why do we still buy the cookies?"

Janet sighed again, running her hand down her face before looking tiredly at her only daughter. "I'm serious about this sweetie. I want you to go to a good school. And grades alone aren't enough. You need some extra-curriculars. Now I'll let you pick something for yourself, but if you don't find something, I'm putting you down for water polo."

"You're kidding me." Beca's glare locked on her mother's which showed Beca clearly that she was, in fact, very far from kidding. "Fine, okay! Jeez. I'll find something."

It was totally, completely, one hundred percent Jesse Swanson's fault that she was suffering through a year of orchestra. After her mother's demand that she find herself a hobby (because there was no way in hell that she was joining water polo), she set out to find herself some B.S. club that required her to put forth as little effort as possible. Like Latin club, or something. Then there came Swanson, and his motor mouth that always seemed to open up even wider whenever it was the most inconvenient for her.

"So Jesse, what classes are you taking next year?" Janet questioned as she stole a slice of pizza from the box on the coffee table that Jesse and Beca were sharing. She plopped into a nearby armchair and gazed at the two of them, sunken into the couch. Jesse's head was lying on the back cushion and he was sitting like a semi-normal human being, whereas Beca's head was propped up on the arm of the sofa, and she was sprawled across said couch like some kind of starfish. One of her arms was dangling off of the couch, the other draped across her stomach, while her legs were thrown across Jesse's thighs. The two of them were staring blankly at the T.V., watching some kind of movie that Janet could tell was boring Beca to tears. Despite this, she smiled to herself as she noticed how comfortable Beca had grown to be with Jesse.

Ever since she and Bryan split when Beca was little, Beca had sort of retreated within herself, not bothering to be very open with other people, and not putting herself out onto the social scene in general. And while Janet loved having her sharp witted, quirky kid around, she couldn't help but feel like the rest of the world was missing out. It made her happy to see that this persistent kid (who looked a little on the nerdy side, but that was alright) was able to see what she saw in her slightly jaded teenage daughter. And it made her even happier to see that her slightly jaded teenage daughter found someone genuine.

Yeah, she liked that Jesse kid.

Jesse sat up straighter from his spot on the couch and pressed pause on the remote control, prompting Beca's eyes to snap open. Beca exhaled in relief as she sat up as well and grabbed another slice of pizza from the box. Moviecation wasn't as horrible anymore, but sweet Jesus, a girl needed a break sometimes. Jesse turned and smiled brightly as Janet.

"As of right now, I'm taking U.S. History, Pre-Calculus, English III, Physics and Choir. Oh, and we're taking orchestra." Jesse said, nudging Beca in the side with his elbow. She scrunched up her face in disgust and annoyance before reaching over to punch him in his shoulder. Janet's eyebrows rose.

"We're?" she questioned in disbelief. "As in you and Beca?" She looked at Beca, shock evident in her expression. She knew that she gave Beca the water polo ultimatum, but she didn't think Beca would actually go join something else. She had just been looking online for petite swimsuits forty five minutes ago. Beca rolled her eyes at her mother's face and rolled her face into the couch, grumbling something inaudible, but most likely very rude.

"Oh, yeah!" Jesse continued. "Beca mentioned how you wanted her to get into more clubs and stuff, so I figured, what better place for Little Miss 'I'm-a-musical-prodigy-and-I-taught-myself-to-play-the-piano' than in a class where she gets to play piano? Plus, she gets a whole class period to spend with her best buddy, Jesse!"

Beca groaned loudly from her spot on the couch.

"That, plus she lost a bet, so…"

Another loud groan.

Once again. Totally Jesse's fault that she was enrolled in orchestra. One hundred percent, completely.

Well, okay. Actually it was kind of, partially, a little bit her fault for not remembering him. Maybe.

("I bet that we were in Kindergarten together," he had declared over lunch during the last half of the summer before their junior year. Their during-school-hours only friendship had somehow morphed into a friendship where he would be at her house at ten in the morning, and he would somehow coerce her to ride her bike with him to the arcade, or the movies or the pond, etc. Or he would force her into sitting on the couch while he force fed her an education on all things cinema, cleverly named 'moviecation,' After finding out during their sophomore year that Beca hated movies, Jesse, a movie fanatic if you would, made it his personal mission to make Beca appreciate the cinematographic beauty that was a movie. Unfortunately for Beca, this meant hours sitting on a couch with Lord of the Rings blaring in the background. It gave her a good opportunity to catch up on her sleep, however.

And then she would have dinner at his house where his mom would treat her like she was an extended member of the family, calling her 'dear' and 'sweetie' and his dad would make signature 'dad' jokes that made everyone cringe, and his older sister Wendy would bitch about her college professors and ruffle Jesse's hair. Or they would eat at her house, where her mom would smile approvingly at Beca's friend that didn't seem like a juvenile delinquent, and then order whatever takeout the two of them wanted, upon deciding to put the Hamburger Helper back in the pantry for another time, in the hopes of not scaring away her loner daughter's only friend with the threat of food poisoning.

They were sitting in their community park, lunches spread out across one of the public picnic tables. He had been listening to Beca complain about how her mom was making her find a club or an activity of some sort to join when Jesse, out of nowhere, dropped his sandwich back onto his plate and leaned forward, excitedly laying out another stupid bet that he had become notorious for over the course of their friendship.

Beca looked up from her vegetable wrap in order to see what her nerdy friend was babbling on about over his turkey sandwich. "What?" She mumbled around a mouth full of lettuce.

"You? Me? Kindergarten. I bet that we were in Kindergarten together."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said. I bet that you, Rebeca Mitchell, went to the same kindergarten as me, Jesse, aka 'the awesome' Swanson."

"No one calls you that."

Jesse waved her off and outstretched his hand. "Do you accept the bet, or what?"

Beca rolled her eyes and pushed away the hand of her nerdy friend of almost a year. "That's such a dumb bet. I know who I did and didn't go to kindergarten with. What do I win?"

Jesse pushed his sandwich aside and laid his palms on the table.

"If you're right, I won't force you to watch a single movie for a month."

Beca's eyes widened as she set down her tortilla. No movies? Shit just got serious. She could tell just how serious this bet really was if he was willing to give up moviecation for a whole month. If there was something Jesse was passionate about, it was movies. And his LEGO Star Wars set, but she wasn't supposed to bring that up. Apparently he didn't still play with it, but Beca was pretty sure that Jesse was just a damn dirty liar.

"Alright, I'm in." She stuck out her hand for him to shake.

Jesse smiled, glancing down at her hand then back up to her face in amusement. "Don't you wanna know what I'd win?"

"Nope. Don't care."

"Are you sure?"

"Come on, Swanson. I've got nothing to lose."

Jesse's eyebrows rose, and he shrugged before reaching over and shaking Beca's hand.

:-) :-O ;-D

"You've got to be shitting me."

"I shit you not."

Beca gaped as Jesse's finger pointed to a little girl in his kindergarten class picture. A girl with two long penny brown braids, little daisy earrings and big blue eyes. She was missing a tooth in the left side of her mouth, and her eyes were almost squinted shut because of how wide her smile was. Her brow furrowed when he dragged his finger to another face in the picture, belonging to a little boy with crazy curls in his hair, a rumpled Spiderman shirt, and huge dimples.

She blinked twice as he withdrew his finger from the page, but she still continued to stare at the face. The face that used to grin at her from behind library books, and wiggle his eyebrows at her across their classroom. That one face that grew to be the friendliest face that she would ever know throughout her last couple of years in elementary school.

She'd missed him, when she left. She'd missed him a lot.

She felt a warm feeling flood her insides and she closed her mouth and turned her head up to look at Jesse, whose deep brown eyes were intently focused on her. She locked eyes with him, suddenly very aware of how his shoulder was brushing hers and how she could almost feel the warmth of his breath graze the tip of her nose.

She quirked up a corner of her mouth slightly and bumped his arm with her elbow.

"Nice hair, nerd."

Jesse smiled as she diverted her gaze from him to a different spot of the room. She let out a heavy sigh.

"Alright Swanson, you win. Name your prize.")

"Beca, you're seriously joining orchestra?" her mother questioned with a smile.

Beca rolled over and shot a glare that could melt steel at the absolute asshole that was sitting on the couch next to her, who in return, shot her the most obnoxious cheeky grin that she had ever seen. She looked back over at her mother begrudgingly.

"Yeah, Mom. I'm joining orchestra."

:-) :-O ;-D

This was such an absolute nerd parade, Beca thought to herself as she looked around from her spot on the piano. She rested her cheek on her hand and propped her elbow up on the piano cover as her eyes focused on her instructor in the front. She was surrounded by annoying. Lizzie , the aforementioned harpist to her right was obnoxiously snapping her gum and checking her phone to see if Justin had texted her. Then there were the percussionists to her left, Mitchell and Jason who were only there because Jason had to get his Fine Arts credit to graduate, and Mitchell had his heart set on being a heavy metal drummer, so he was starting small with the timpani. Then of course there were the sophomoric violinists who sat in their positions making 'Your Mom' jokes and hitting all the wrong notes, and then across the room, amongst the bassists and other viola players, there was Jesse, his viola still balanced on his shoulder and his bow gripped in his right hand as he listened to their instructor tell them about a key change that he was thinking about pushing.

He caught her eye a moment later, sending her a grin through all of the string section and raising the hand still holding his bow and waving slightly. She stared at him, not offering anything more than an eyebrow raise. Jesse continued grinning at her until it became evident that she wasn't going to smile back. Remembering her weakness from elementary school, he then puffed his cheeks full of air and crossed his eyes, wiggling his eyebrows in the process.

Beca bit her tongue to keep from laughing. True, Jesse looked incredibly stupid, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of making her smile. She pursed her lips and shrugged her shoulders. Jesse widened his eyes in retaliation and sucked his cheeks in, making his lips pop out like those of a fish. The combination of this and the looks of the other viola players who were staring at him as if he was some sort of freak show made a smile break out across Beca's face. She let out a little snort and threw her hand across her mouth, causing Jesse to break out laughing across the room.

They did this every day during seventh period orchestra, all year long. At one point, their director got so annoyed that he threatened to move them, before he realized that he couldn't exactly move their only pianist without the arrangement looking stupid, and also that the two of them were already on opposite sides of the room from one another, so not much could really be done.

Eventually, their funny face contest morphed into a 'who-could-get-Mr.-Bates-to-turn-an-ugly-shade-of-red-faster contest.'

Beca wouldn't have traded it for anything.

This is the start of something beautiful,
This is the start of something new,
You are the one who'd make me lose it all,
You are the start of something new.
This- Ed Sheeran

Heart and Soul was kicking her ass.

"C, C, C," Beca mumbled to herself as she tapped out the piece. "C, B, A, B, C, D—oh shoot. Wait. A, A, D…D…damn it." She didn't get it. Why was she having problems with something this basic? It was the most repetitive song for beginners, yet she was struggling to put the two parts of the song together. It shouldn't have been that hard, damn it. She taught herself the piano years ago. Why was this so hard?

She had been in the music room for at least thirty minutes now, just tooling around on the piano and trying to re-familiarize herself with the keys and the notes. As she plucked the keys, listening to the random notes and making little mashups of the songs that she knew, she remembered the old piece that she had learned when she was in middle school, and struggled to play to this day. Ever since the catchy melody of Heart and Soul had popped in her head, she had been there, picking at the keys in an attempt to replay the familiar tune that was stuck in her head.

She tried the combination of the two hands together, wincing as she hit a sour note.

"Heart and Soul?" a warm voice behind her chirped, causing Beca to whirl around on the piano bench. Her stiff posture and startled expression relaxed when she saw Jesse strolling into the music room, the handle on his viola's case grasped in his palm. He placed the case on the ground before plopping down next to her on the bench.

"I can't get the melody down." Beca grumbled, striking the middle C key with her index finger in frustration. Jesse, glanced at the keys, then over at the side of her face which was now tilted down, glaring at the keys angrily.

A corner of Jesse's mouth quirked up as he grabbed her right hand from her lap and plopped it on the piano keys, her middle finger resting on middle C.

"Play the higher notes." He insisted, resting his hand on the lower keys.

Beca's brow furrowed. "What are you doing?" she questioned.

"I play the piano too, and I know the song. This is called a duet, weirdo."

Beca rolled her eyes. "I know what a duet is, you dork. I just—,"

"Just play the notes Beca!" he laughed.

"Alright, fine! Jeez. When did you get so bossy?"

"Beca."

"I'm playing, I'm playing."

She started tapping out the tune with her right hand, inwardly smiling when she heard him come in with the left hand notes on the lower keys. Occasionally, she glanced over at him, seeing the concentration in his face as he tried to keep on beat with her. The sweet melody filled the room, and captivated Beca's attention as listened to how the two parts that were so different came together to create a piece that fit together perfectly.

After they played their last notes in unison, she smiled slightly, and then titled her head up to see…

Oh wow, his face was really close to hers.

She could smell his cologne from how close he was sitting, and the entire left side of her body felt like it was on fire from where his side was pressed against her. She saw his eyes, which were locked earnestly on her own, flicker down to her lips and back. Her heart started racing a mile a minute. She bit her bottom lip slightly as his eyelids began closing slightly and he began leaning closer to her.

Then it dawned on her.

Oh shit, she liked Jesse.

Mayday, mayday, MAYDAY

She felt his nose brush hers and she forgot how to breathe. Her eyes fluttered shut.

The piercing sound of the bell signaling the end of their lunch period made Jesse's eyes snap open and made Beca jump back seven inches. He looked at her for a moment, really looked at her. She was so painstakingly beautiful, with her wide blue eyes and the embarrassed flush across her nose and cheeks. His eyes traced her face more intently as a look of panic slowly spread across her features. His brow furrowed as she looked away from him and looked back down at the piano keys.

Wow, he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her so bad. In that moment, he swore that he would sell every piece of his LEGO collection for a chance to kiss her. Please dear GOD, let him kiss her.

"Bec—,"

She was off the bench and out of the door with something mumbled about being late before he could even blink.

And he sat there on that bench for a moment longer, replaying that moment, and noting just how easily she could tear him apart with a look of panic and a hasty retreat.

It hurt.

And I feel a weakness coming on.
It's never felt so good to be so wrong.
I had my heart on lockdown,
But then you turned me around.
Hero/Heroine-Boys Like Girls

Beca Mitchell was not one for crushes. She did not at all like the idea of one person having the power to make her heart beat faster and her stomach do this weird clenching thing. She did not like the idea of having one person that could make her lose her cool and act like a total geek despite every other ounce of her body begging her not to. She did not at all like the idea of thinking someone was cute, and she didn't like that she thought about how good it felt when a certain someone's arms wrapped around her shoulders. She did not at all like the idea of wishing every other second that said certain someone was closer, or that said certain someone would make a move, or that said certain someone would close that distance between them when they were only inches apart, or wondering what it would feel like to have said certain someone's soft lips graze hers…

Ugh. No. It was disgusting. Crushes were disgusting.

And just why the fuck couldn't she stop thinking about Jesse!?

Junior year was nearly through at this point, and Jesse was still…Jesse. Annoying as hell, foot in her ass, undeniably attractive Jesse. Beca didn't know exactly when it was that she started seeing him differently though. More and more often, she would catch herself thinking how cute his hair looked when it hadn't been cut in a while, or how his eyes seemed to light up when he talked, and other girly-ass things that she would be incredibly ashamed to admit aloud. Somehow, he had stopped just being Jesse, that nerdy bother, and had started being Jesse, the nerdy bother who could make her heart skip a beat.

She was in panic mode, for sure. Jesse was her stability. She'd come to depend on him being around to keep her company, and make her smile and to be her friend. If she lost that by making a move, she would crumble. Besides, if her parents had taught her anything over the past ten years, it was that relationships were utter bullshit. She basically had a front row seat when her parents fell apart, and it was all she needed to convince herself that love wasn't worth it. It was like looking for gold at the end of a rainbow; it paints a pretty picture, but you're bound to be disappointed.

Still, there was something about Jesse that made her want to change her rules. He made her feel…safe, in a way. As if, when things were going wrong all around her, he would be there for her. As if no matter what happened, they would stay the same.

Ugh.

While this was comforting, she constantly had to bite back the feelings she had that told her that she didn't want things to stay the same, and that she wanted more. They were together almost every day all throughout junior year, but still, it took her almost eight months for her to admit to herself that she had feelings for her nerd. They were weird, disgusting, girly feelings, but feelings nonetheless.

She had a feeling that she was too late though. Back in February, that day on the piano bench, the notion that she could honestly fall pretty hard for her dorky and admittedly easy-on-the-eyes friend, she flaked out big time. After that day, she had avoided Jesse for a week straight (badly, however, considering that they had three classes and a lunch period together which just made that week really fucking awkward) until he ambushed her at her locker as she was leaving on Friday by capturing her in a bear hug.

("Jesse, I'm carrying a shitload of stuff. Get off of me."

"Not until you're talking to me again."

"I'm not…not talking to you."

"Bullshit. This is the most you've said to me all week."

"Okay, seriously Jesse? I'm holding four textbooks right now."

"You should've thought about that before you started avoiding me, therefore making it necessary for me to hug you."

"Jesse."

"Struggling is futile, Beca! I've been lifting. I have muscles for da—hey, ow! Okay that hurt. Come on Becs, my abs are still developing. You know that."

"Get off of me, Swanson!"

"Not happening, Mitchell."

"You look so weird. Are you even remotely aware of how weird you look right now?"

"Yeah, well what else is new?"

"Let go of me, jackass. You're gonna make me drop my sheet music."

"Not until we're okay again."

"…We're fine, Jesse."

"Are we, Beca?"

"…yes. We're fine, nerd. Okay?"

"…okay.")

She wanted more. She wanted more, and she wanted to slap herself for freaking out that day on the piano, and she wanted to slap herself for leaving Jesse standing at her locker that day without telling him that she lied. They weren't fine, they really weren't.

Because she wanted more.

And there had to be something wrong with her. There had to be something totally completely, psychologically wrong with her. Something that made her incapable of acting like a brave human being when she was around him, and something that caused her to freeze up and spew total utter word vomit like she did. Maybe that's why, when Jesse tried to brush his fingers against hers, she shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. Maybe that's why, when Jesse point blank asked her what he was to her, she said that he was, quote: "A good friend. A really good friend." Maybe that's why, she didn't clarify what she really wanted him to be to her when she saw his shoulders drop a little bit, and his eyes divert away from hers as he nodded his understanding, making the tight feeling in her throat morph into a heavy feeling in her stomach. Maybe that's why, when Jesse left her house that day, fighting to keep a happy smile on his face after being completely crushed moments before, she didn't call after him as he got on his bike and pushed forward, leaving her behind.

And maybe that's why she really didn't know what to say when one month later, he told her that Kate Marcus had asked him to prom.

"Isn't this cool, Beca? Kate is so great! I can't believe she likes me. And she's a senior!" he enthused over juice pouches one afternoon. He was over at her house to do homework, and they were just getting to their U.S. History notes when Jesse practically exploded with his good news. His face was so bright as he sat up straight on the couch with a cry of "Guess who's going to prom! This guy!" Beca sat still in her chair, biting back the feelings of jealousy growing in her chest. "Wow. That's uh…that's really great Jesse." She said as enthusiastically as she could manage. Jesse saw right through her though, and he deflated when he saw her face.

"You aren't excited. Why aren't you excited Becs? This is great!"

"I am excited."

"No, you aren't." he said, scooting to the other side of the couch so that he could be closer to her chair. "I know you. What's up?"

Beca looked back down at her homework paper, trying to collect her thoughts. "I just…are you sure that it's a good idea?" Jesse stared blankly at her, waiting for her to continue. "I mean, she's a senior Jesse. And she's all…and we're just juniors. I—Are you sure you're ready for that? Going to prom with…her, I mean." she scrambled for words, trying to voice her concerns for him going to prom with Kate without actually letting on about who she thought he should be going with.

"It's one year, Beca. Big deal."

"Well yeah, but…" Beca stood, moving to the other side of the living room. She couldn't think straight with him so close to her. "I just…I heard about…well there's something else. About Kate—,"

"What about Kate?" His expression was pensive and his voice was cold enough to make her look up from her ring that she was nervously twisting, and lock eyes with him.

"Well, I heard some stuff the other day about how—,"

"Oh, you heard some stuff? Didn't peg you as the type to be really into gossip, Becs. You and I both know that you can't believe everything that people say. What happened to actually taking the time to get to know a person, did you try that?"

"Jesse wait, I—,"

"You what? Jeez, Beca. Really? Why can't you be happy for me here?" Jesse stood from the couch, staring intensely at Beca.

Because I like you, loser.

"I am happy for you!" she insisted instead, her brows furrowing.

"No you're not!" he said exasperatedly. "You never are! What is so bad about me going to prom with someone I like? You never cared before—you've made it very clear that you didn't care before Beca, so why do you suddenly care now?"

Because I LIKE you, loser.

Beca recoiled, knowing exactly what he meant by that. "Jesse—,"

"Forget it, Beca. Just…forget it. I—never mind." His voice was tired, desperate. As if he was sick of her holding his heart hostage and leaving him barren for all of those years. He knew that this was his opportunity to move on after all of this time longing for something real with her, so why couldn't she be happy about the fact that a senior girl who was nice and pretty and cool and popular finally saw what she's seen in him since the day they met?

Because she knew that she couldn't compete.

Jesse grabbed his backpack and his binder hurriedly, and without a second glance to Beca, he walked out her front door, closing it quietly behind him.

Beca went back to the couch and sank deep into the cushions, immersing herself in the deafening silence. She was frustrated at him for not being able to read her mind, and she was frustrated at herself for being such a piss baby and not telling him how she felt. She tried to tell herself that it wasn't worth it. She tried telling herself that they were better off as friends, and that even if she tried for something more with him, she would just end up heartbroken.

Though, as she sat there on the couch, suffocating from the deafening silence of the house, the space behind her eyes burning, she had to ask herself exactly what this feeling running through her veins was, if not heartbreak?

:-) :-O ;-D

The scariest part was his absence. Truth be told, Beca enjoyed her nerd badgering her during, between, and after classes. Now, he would barely speak to her, and when he did, it was asking if he could borrow a pen. She knew that she had fucked up, big time. No matter how many times she told herself not to, she couldn't stop reminding herself of the hurt look behind his eyes before he left that afternoon, and the fact that she put it there so carelessly. Kate was there for him, though. It seemed like everywhere that Beca once was, Kate was filling her place bit by bit. Sitting with Jesse on the grass, studying with him in the library, flipping her hair and hanging onto his every word, and laughing at his corny jokes. She wasn't jealous or anything (read: she was completely jealous), but it hurt seeing them together. It was like a dull ache in her chest that kept building every time he got close to her, only to walk away again.

She missed her best friend.

:-) :-O ;-D

The most painful part was her indifference. Honestly, he wanted to talk to her, and he wanted to laugh with her, and a tiny, secret part of him that was still pining for her like a lovesick fifth-grader (read: not so tiny, and not so secret) wished that she was going to prom with him, instead of Kate. Kate was great though, and Jesse really liked her. She was so nice and attentive and funny and cool and he absolutely loved spending time with her. So why was he so hung up on the girl who thought he was disposable?

Because he loved her. Go fucking figure.

He couldn't help it though. She was his best friend, and when it all came down to it, he missed sitting with her on the grass, and studying with her in the library, and annoying her with his corny jokes. Now she would barely look at him, and it was agonizing to know that he could mean so little to her.

He missed his midget.

:-) :-O ;-D

She wasn't originally going to go to prom, but when Stacie Conrad and Donald Walsh (the only tolerable people in her history class, therefore two of her good friends) harassed her about it every day up until it was the last day to get tickets, she relented. Turns out, she didn't even have to buy a ticket because Wyatt McKinley, asshole extraordinaire, still had his heart set on taking her. Wyatt, in a nutshell, was a loudmouthed, egotistical, preppy, opinionated, irritating little douchebag that sat next to Beca in English and had been hitting on her for the better part of the year. He had been harassing her about prom for at least two weeks now, but over time, Beca had mastered the art of A) brushing him off, and/or B) blocking him out.

When he caught her off-guard at the end of English class on Tuesday, it really wasn't fair. She was minding her own business bookmarking her copy of The Great Gatsby when he came up to her in his own special assholey-ish way and leaned against the side of her desk before letting out a drawl of "Becky. You? Me? Prom. Pick you up at eight?"

She was all ready to say no. The word was right there on her tongue ready to fly free and wipe the smug look off of that little bastard's face. But then she saw them.

Kate was leaning against the doorframe, her long honey blonde hair tossed over her shoulders, waiting for Jesse because she could, because she was a stupid senior and she had a stupid free period. She saw him greet her with a hug and begin talking animatedly to her while she hung onto his arm like a car decoration. A fire lit behind Beca's eyes and her stomach churned at the sight of them together before she realized that if Jesse got a date, why couldn't she? Though Wyatt was the opposite of ideal with his greasy hair and cargo shorts and his inability to get her freaking name right, she turned to look him in the eyes before sighing resignedly and saying, "Whatever."

:-) :-O ;-D

He could have sworn that he felt his heart crack when he saw Wyatt McKinley sit next to Beca at lunch on Wednesday and throw his arm around her shoulder as if they had been infatuated with one another for years.

Really? Wyatt? She could have gone to prom with practically any other guy in the school (he knew that any guy would be tripping over their feet at the chance to take her, himself included) and she chose Wyatt? The greasy scumbag that hassled her in English class and tried to cheat off of her homework while she wasn't looking? That guy had seriously been the butt of at least one third of his and Beca's inside jokes over the past year, and now she was going to prom with him. Fantastic.

Jesse tried not to care. He tried so hard not to care that it was giving him a headache. It brought him a little bit of solace when he saw Beca glare at Wyatt's arm like it was ridden with influenza, but that still didn't explain why she was going to prom with him. As it wasn't like he could directly ask her why, either. At least not while they were…whatever. Fighting? Avoiding one another? In friendship limbo, maybe. He wanted to though. He also wanted to be the one with his arm around her instead of Wyatt, but that ship had pretty much sailed when he left the other afternoon. He wasn't going to allow himself to stress over it anymore, he told himself as he turned to Kate and blinked the sadness out of his eyes.

:-) :-O ;-D

The arm around her shoulder was just as infuriating on prom night as it was in the cafeteria that day, Beca decided. After standing still for picture after picture that her mom snapped (despite Beca's earlier insistence that this night would not be one that she would want to remember) with Wyatt's hands scrambling to find somewhere appropriate to rest on her person, Beca grabbed her jacket and tugged him outside by the sleeve of his jacket before her mom could guilt her into staying even longer with a cry of "Oh, just one more picture Beca! Your mom is getting senile. I'll need pictures to remember the one time when you actually dressed like a lady."

They rode to prom in relative silence. On Beca's part, at least. Wyatt spent majority of the ride running his mouth, replacing the silence that Beca craved with stories all about himself. When they pulled up to the school, Beca scrambled out of the car quickly, ignoring Wyatt's promise to come and find her inside after he parked. Beca took advantage of her Wyatt-free time and quickly located Stacie, pulling her away from the guy that she was grinding against on the dance floor.

"Hide. Me." She said through gritted teeth. Stacie, clearly miffed at being interrupted adjusted her boobs in her barely-there dress. "Why?" she questioned as she smoothed the sparkly fabric that covered her bust.

"Because of you," Beca pointed a finger at Stacie, making her look up slightly to meet the small brunette's glare. "I am here with an annoying little prick who won't leave me alone, whereas I could be home, doing something useful with my time."

Stacie raised her hands in defense and laughed lightly at Beca's rage. "Hey, whoa there girlie. I said you had to come to prom. I didn't say that you had to go with Wyatt. That was a dumbass move on your part." Beca's eyes flashed and Stacie, now a little bit terrified, began taking small step away from Beca and towards her date. "Stacie, I swear—,"

"Hello, ladies. Hey, squirt! You look nice." Donald broke in as he rolled up next to her with his girlfriend Lilly to his right. Beca, unable to get mad at her friends (who were the only two people she had really spent time with since her fallout with Jesse), rolled her eyes and gave Donald a small smile. "Thanks, dude. You don't look like a male stripper, so congratulations."

Donald pursed his lips thoughtfully and hugged Lilly tighter to his side. "Coming from you, I suspect that was a compliment, so thank you!"

"Welcome."

"Becky!" A voice called from across the room. Recognizing the voice instantly, she quickly shuffled behind Donald and Lilly after giving them brief but strict orders to hide her. Wyatt ambled over seconds later, a glass of punch in his hand and a confused look on his face. "Hey, have you guys seen Becky?" he whined. Donald, feigning innocence nonchalantly mumbled "I don't know a Becky," as Stacie hastily blurted out that Beca might be in the bathroom. Wyatt narrowed his eyes at Donald, nodded at Stacie, and bounded away, allowing Beca to sigh and step out from behind Donald as Wyatt disappeared from sight.

"I don't get what's so bad about him, Beca. He's cute. I'd do some English homework with him any day of the week." Stacie drawled, nodding slowly at the direction of Wyatt's departure.

"Please stop."

:-) :-O ;-D

Her elegant dress flowed slightly past her knees, and her hair was pulled back at the sides, rather than messily thrown around her face and in her eyes like she always had it. Her shoes gave her another couple of inches, but she was still incredibly small, drowning in the oversized leather jacket that she had thrown over her shoulders. Her makeup was different than what she normally wore, the soft colors and hues on her eyelids making her blue eyes pop and the light lavender of her dress made her look like she was positively glowing.

She was stunning.

And even though he had one of the prettiest most popular girls in their school on his arm, he couldn't stop looking at her.

:-) :-O ;-D

When she saw him walk in with Kate, her heart sunk. Kate looked pretty as always in her pink frilly dress, but he eyes flew straight to Jesse. His crisp tuxedo fit him nicely, tailored in all the right places, and his hair was smoothed back which brought attention to his striking jaw structure. He looked…really handsome. He turned his head to smile at Kate, and Beca swallowed back a lump that was forming in her throat.

She really wished that she was in Kate's shoes right then.

:-) :-O ;-D

"Jesse? Are you even listening to me?" Kate asked later that evening, tapping her foot impatiently.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Can you get me a glass of punch please?"

"Oh! Yeah, sure!"

:-) :-O ;-D

"Wanna dance?" Wyatt asked, pressing his hand into the small of Beca's back.

"No."

"Okay then."

:-) :-O ;-D

When he found Kate behind a column making out with her on again/off again boyfriend Tom Herrera, he wasn't as upset as he thought he'd be. Stunned maybe, but not upset. When the two of them eventually came up for air and found him standing there with the glass of punch that Kate had asked for, Tom 'kindly' explained to him how Kate had only asked him to prom because she had wanted to make Tom jealous, and how now that they were back together, she didn't need him anymore.

Jesse was already halfway to the door before Kate could even open her mouth to explain herself.

:-) :-O ;-D

She found him sitting on the front steps of the school, tossing around the rose that was once pinned to his tux in his hands.

"They're assholes, you know." She said softly as she came closer, taking a seat on the steps next to him. Stacie had seen the ordeal between Jesse, Tom and Kate, and then found Beca, who immediately pushed past Wyatt who had been walking towards her with a glass of punch. Resisting the urge to rip out Kate's extensions on the way, she pushed through the same doors that Jesse went through.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly, looking over at the side of his jaw after they had been sitting there quietly for a moment or two. Jesse shrugged and looked back down at the rose in his hand.

"It is what it is." He said lowly, picking a petal off of the rose and letting it drop to the ground. Beca, frowned and looked down at her hands, which were clasped in her lap.

"You deserve better, anyways." Beca began to ramble. "Kate's a bitch. She's not even worth it."

"Yeah, I guess." He mumbled. "Was that whole thing back there what you 'heard' about Kate a few weeks ago?"

Beca looked up from her lap, directing her gaze at Jesse. His eyes were tired, and she could hear that his voice was strained. Beca nodded slowly, and attempted to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Yeah." She mumbled. "I heard her talking to one of her snotty friends about how Tom was such a jerk, and how he would totally want her back after she showed up with you."

Jesse ducked his head down again as he let her words sink in.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" he asked coldly after a minute.

"You didn't give me a chance to." Beca snapped, her tone equally as stony. She was really pissed in that moment. Pissed at him for not listening to her, pissed at him for bringing Kate instead of her, and really, really pissed that he had the audacity to try and snap at her when she tried to warn him what a conniving bitch she was.

Also, she was extra pissed that he brought Kate to prom, instead of her. (Did she mention that already? Whatever.)

He looked up, and locked eyes with the testy brunette who was staring back at him with annoyance. He laughed in disbelief. "God. You're infuriating, you know that?"

Oh, that tears it.

Anger flashed in Beca's eyes, and she swore that she saw red. "Me? You were the one that stormed out! You were the one who blew me off and totally replaced me with that…that blonde harlot!" she stood up angrily, glaring down at him.

"I did not replace you!" Jesse exclaimed, standing up as well.

"Well it sure seemed like you were pretty eager to drop me once your little girlfriend came into the picture!"

"Oh, so you were jealous? Is that what this was?"

"Excuse m—I was not jealous. I was not." Her eyes burned with fury, but Jesse saw something else there as well. Something that made him drop his shoulders and allow the anger that had been bubbling up towards the stubborn brunette dissipate, and be replaced by all of the love he had for her that had been developing over the last six years. All of the love that had started building when he saw her that first day of kindergarten, all of the love that had come back to hit him full force when she had stepped into his homeroom nearly eleven years later, and had just slapped him in the face right then.

After all, Beca had just made it very clear to him, in her own way, that she was in fact crazy about him too.

Because if there was anything that was true about Beca Mitchell, it was that she was a terrible liar.

"You wipe that dumb look off of your face, Swanson. I don't give two shits who you fall for, but you are damn stupid if you're gonna sit there and say that I was jealous when all I am doing is calling you out for being a dick!"

"A dick?" He asked, a smile slowly spreading across his face. God, he loved her.

"Yes Jesse, a dick. An arrogant, self-serving, obnoxious, oblivious, pig headed —,"

"Shut up." He laughed quietly, taking a step towards her.

"Don't you dare tell me to shu—,"

Her last few words were muffled as he caught her mouth in a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her tight against him, and once the initial shock wore off, she looped her arms around his neck and melted into him as well.

Oh, okay. She was okay with this.

She just wished that he'd done it a little bit sooner.

:-) :-O ;-D

("You're still a dick." She mumbled against his lips a few moments later.

"I know.")

You know, I wrote myself a song the other day about what an asshat I am (set to the tune of The Circle of Life). I apologize for disappearing for so long. Things have been wild, and I needed to step back for a little while. Endless thanks go out to all of you who have been supporting me and my buttmunch updates, and leaving your encouraging words in the reviews, and checking up to see if I'm alive. Yes, I am, and I'm trying to get back on the ball game.

Anyhoo, I really hope you guys liked this part! There's an epilogue after this, and I have a potential spin off/continuation lined up after this, but I don't know if I want to go through with it yet. But we are reaching the end of Heal, and I am so very sad. If I play my cards right, I should be able to have the epilogue up by the end of the week, but with my rep, I'm just hoping I get it up before I'm dead.

Anyways, review please? Review if you liked it, review if you hated it, review if you want me to do the spin off, etc. etc. I'm not picky. :)

I love you all loads, and thanks for reading!