Shattered Dreams
I must have slept hard because I couldn't even remember dreaming. Again Ian was gone when I woke but this time he left a note.
My Darling Angel,
You were sleeping so peacefully like a princess and I didn't want to wake you. I know you will need your rest before we leave tonight. I am in the main cavern helping Jeb clean the mirrors. Please don't be mad. I love you.
Ian
P.S. I didn't bathe yet.
I couldn't help but laugh to myself at the P. S. Well, at least he wasn't trying to avoid me. I was in a much better mood today. I got up and decided I would straighten up the mess in our room. It didn't take long to gather up the dirty laundry. I decided that I would use the time to do our laundry for our trip. I would pass him on my way to the bathing room anyway, so I could check on him then. I folded our blanket and laid it across the top of our bed and placed the pillows neatly on top of the blanket. I gathered together Ian's trinkets that he had collected during his time in the caverns and set them neatly on the shelf. There was a small delicately carved wooden box among the items. I opened it and inside there was a handful of pictures. There was a picture of Kyle and Ian as young boys wearing baseball uniforms. Kyle was holding a bat and Ian was wearing a glove. It made me sad to think he had lost his innocence because of all that had happened. I wasn't sure how old Ian was when he was forced to run for his life. Come to think it. I wasn't sure how old Ian was now? Sunny said that Jodie was twenty eight years old so I guess that Kyle had to be at least twenty eight, but I doubted he was over thirty. In the picture, Ian looked like he was two, maybe three years younger than Kyle. So I guess Ian must be somewhere between twenty five and twenty seven. Than means he is eight to ten years older than me. I shuddered at the thought of me being interested in someone who was ten years younger than me. I was a child compared to him. I had vivid memories of Mel and Jared making love but those were only memories. I was a virgin. Suddenly, a wave of fear passed through my body. Obviously, Ian had had sex before. Hadn't he? I didn't know. I had no idea if Ian had ever been in love before or if he had even satisfied his sexual needs with a woman. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know anything about this man who I was going to marry. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I looked at the other pictures in his box. There was one of a woman; I assumed it was his mother, holding a toddler in her arms. I couldn't be sure if it was Ian or Kyle since there was no other child in the picture. There was a picture of the two boys at Christmas time holding more sports gear. Kyle was holding a football and Ian was holding a soccer ball. Figures. The last picture was of his mother and father dressed up as if they were going out somewhere. These pictures made me sad. They had lost their parents and had depended on each other the way that Melanie and Jamie had. Who knows how long they fended for themselves before coming across Jeb and his wonderful haven in the desert? And these boys were truly athletes. They obviously loved sports and here in the caverns they couldn't run and throw or be free. My species had caused them such despair. My emotions were all over the place. I wanted to hold Ian and tell him how much I appreciated him. I wanted to know all about him and yet I didn't. The more I knew about him the worse I felt for taking it all from him. I was conflicted. My stomach was in knots. I put the pictures back carefully into the box and I laid the box gently on the shelf. I felt guilty for going through his things. I grabbed the dirty laundry and vaulted out the door. I rushed through the tunnels in hopes that the further away I got from the pictures, the further away I could push these thoughts that were haunting me. As I entered into the big cavern, I could see Ian affixed to the top of the ladder cleaning one of the mirrors. I circled around the garden in silence not wanting to distract the two figures holding the ladder steady.
"My little Wanderer! I thought the room got brighter!" Ian called out from high above me. My face turned beet red. Jeb and Heidi turned towards me still holding the ladder with steady hands. "Coming down!" Ian called out as a signal to the others. Jeb and Heidi braced themselves for the pull of the ladder as Ian descended quickly. When he had about ten rungs left to go he bellowed, "Look out below!" and he launched himself backwards off the ladder. Instinctively, I put my hands over my ears and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see or hear his body slap against the cavern floor. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes expecting the worst and he was standing in front of me, grinning from ear to ear.
"Hey Babe. Did you get my note?"
My relief was overridden by the fury that he had taken a stupid chance like that. "Are you insane?"
"You didn't like the note?"
I shook my head in frustration. "Are you trying to kill yourself? That was a twelve foot drop! What if your foot had got caught in the rungs? You would have fallen on your head!"
His grin was smug. "Then Doc would fix me up with all those super powered medications that you souls have provided!"
"You can't heal dead!" I was exasperated. "Never mind. I'm going to wash
clothes." I trudged away from him not looking back.
Ian didn't try to stop me. I heard Jeb mutter, "I'm beginning to think she is bi-polar." My hands balled into fists but I kept going. I wasn't ready to fight this fight. I needed to think.
When I got to the bathing room, there were others waiting their turn to bathe. I could wash the clothes in the dimly lit outer room in the closer of the two rivers but I was still too affected by past events in this room. I shuddered at the thoughts that crept into my head. No. I would have to do it in the pool in the pitch blackness of the next room. Sharon was next in line to bathe. There was bad blood between us so I didn't want to ask her to share the tub with me while I washed my clothes. Besides Doc was next to her and they probably would be bathing together. I sat at the end of the line behind Candy.
"Hey." I kept my voice tranquil.
"Hey." Candy replied. Candy was once a healer that was kidnapped for her medical knowledge when I was still in Melanie's body. The soul she carried was removed and sent far away. When she regained consciousness, she didn't remember much about when she was human including her name. She was fearful of me as a soul but she was also fearful of the humans due to the memories she carried with her from the soul that had controlled her for so many years. The only people she had complete trust in were Doc and Trudy. They were the ones who stayed with her and helped her to adjust to this new life.
"Um, do you mind if I wash some clothes in the far end of the pool when you are in there?" I was wary that she might not be comfortable with me in the dark with her.
She looked at Doc. He nodded in approval. She looked back at me and answered softly, "sure," but her face was tense. I tried to make small talk to put her more at ease. It seemed to work and eventually we got our turn. It was nice to wash the clothes with real soap instead of the cactus soap that might have cleaned the clothes but it destroyed your skin in the process. On my first raid I made sure that we had a six month supply. We didn't really raid peoples' homes anymore. I could just shop because I was one of 'them'. The most dangerous part of the raid for us now was the travel and the loading of the truck in each of the towns we traveled to. No matter how petite or young I was, I was a vital part of this community and I made a promise to myself that I would never let them down.
When I was through, I thanked Candy for her kindness. I headed to Doc's infirmary to lay the clothes out to dry. It was warm and full of light. The clothes would be dry by the time we were ready to leave.
When I returned from the infirmary and passed through the big cavern Ian was gone. Travis was up on the ladder now. I continued to our room and found Ian laid out on the mattress, his arms folded behind his head. His eyes were closed but I knew he wasn't asleep. He patted his hand on the bed and I slid down across the mattress with my head on his stomach. He brought one arm down and laid it across my torso. I took his hand in mine and I fidgeted with his fingers. After a few minutes of this, Ian spoke.
"What's on your mind, Wanda?"
If he only knew. My mind was a myriad of questions and emotions, all of them
surrounding Ian.
"I did a lot of thinking today …" I paused.
"And?"
"And I realized that you know so much about me and I know so little about you. Actually I don't know anything about you."
"What do you want to know?"
I sat up abruptly and faced Ian head on. He pulled his hand back and laid it to rest on his forehead. It was almost as if he was waiting for the onslaught.
"How old are you?" I was staring at the wall above his head because I knew that no matter what he answered; I would not be happy.
"I'm twenty five. I'll be twenty six in September."
I was silent. I was doing the math in my head. I turned seventeen a few weeks ago in March. Ian is twenty five. There are six months till September.
"You're eight and a half years older than me."
"Seven and a half" he corrected me. Right. He thinks I'm eighteen. Oh, crap. That's half of my present age!
"Right. Seven and a half." I just stared at the wall.
Ian pushed himself up into a sitting position. He slid his hand under my chin and turned my head in his direction.
"You're okay with that, right?" His eyes were serious. He looked as though he was trying to see past my eyes and into my mind. I hesitated before finally answering.
"Right." It didn't come out very convincingly. He dropped his hand from my chin. His forehead creased with worry as he tried to defend the age difference.
"Mel is twenty one and Jared turns thirty soon. They have nine years between them and they are very happy." He reached out and brushed my hair from my face. I pulled his hand to my cheek and I smiled at him to give him some reassurance. He took a deep breath and spoke cautiously.
"What else do you want to know about me?"
I wasn't sure how to proceed. I decided I would save the most important questions for last. I shifted my weight to my knees and I picked up the wooden box from the shelf.
"I straightened out your things today and I found this box under your baseball cap Do you mind?" I held my hand to the top of the lid waiting for his approval before I opened it.
"Not at all." He seemed calmer and almost delighted to show me the contents. I pulled out the pictures and placed them in my hand. I looked at the first picture of Ian and Kyle together.
"How much older than you is Kyle?"
"Two years almost to the day. Our birthdays are one week apart."
I flipped to the next picture with the woman and the child.
"And this is your mother?"
"Yes."
"With you? Or is that Kyle?"
"That's me. I was three years old in that picture."
I smiled. The next picture was of his parents.
"What were your parents' names?"
"Thomas and Margaret O'Shea. They went by Tom and Maggie."
"Your mother was quite beautiful."
"Yes, she was. She was a classic Irish beauty. That's what my Dad always said." I fought to keep the lump in my throat from making my voice crack. I smiled and pretended to examine the picture a bit longer until I got my emotions under control.
"You and Kyle favor your Dad."
"Yeah. Big, goofy, and ugly." He said with cheesy grin. I swatted at his head playfully.
"You are so not ugly."
"Yeah, but you can't deny the big and goofy part!"
"That's true." I suddenly got serious again.
"How old were you when. …" I hesitated. "When you and Kyle were forced to run?"
"I was nineteen and Kyle was twenty one. We were both in different colleges. I was a Sophomore and Kyle was a Senior. We both played sports. The souls took the athletes last simply because it would be real obvious if a guy who played tough all of a sudden came up a pansy. So, we both started noticing the people around us changing and we decided to meet up. We scoped out our house and saw that things were very different and we knew that whatever had happened to some of our friends in college had happened to our parents. We got out of there before the souls who had invaded our parents' bodies could get to us." He hesitated. "That was a long time ago." He shifted his weight at the end of his story as if trying to push the weight of the world off of his shoulders.
"How long have you been here with Jeb?"
"We've been here five years. We were one of the first to accidentally find this place. Only Walter, Reid and Violetta, Heidi, Travis, John, Lucina and Isaiah, Trudy and Geoffrey and of course Jeb were here then. The rest came a few at a time as the years passed."
I leaned over to put the box back on the shelf and Ian grabbed me and pulled me down onto his lap. He kissed me. It was a quick firm kiss.
"Is there anything else you want to know?"
I sighed.
"Oh oh, come on." He waved his hand gesturing me to give it to him.
I sighed again. "Okay. You know that I'm a virgin, right? At least this body is."
"Yes I kinda got that."
"I do have memories of Jared."
He sat up straighter with me still on his lap. "Wait. You had sex with Jared? In Melanie's body?" He lips were now taut in a straight line.
"No. But I have Mel's memories. They are not as clear as they once were but they are still there. Like yesterday when we played soccer. I knew how to play because of Melanie's memories. This body had never played soccer."
He relaxed and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I put my finger to my lips because I was unsure whether I wanted to ask the next question.
"What?" Ian squeezed my waist trying to goad the question from me.
"You … are not a virgin … are you?" realizing that my innocence had been laid out like a new born lamb.
Laughter burst from his lips. It took him a minute to compose himself before he answered "No, I am not a virgin" still chuckling.
He wasn't going to give me more than that, so I pressed on. "When did you lose your virginity?"
The chuckling stopped but he was still smiling. He looked past me as if he was staring at something very far away. "I was fifteen."
My reaction startled him. I pushed against his chest because I was appalled by his answer. I was on my knees again. "Fifteen? Seriously?"
His answer was rather nonchalant. "It just sort of happened. She was … older."
"How much older?"
He adjusted by sitting 'Indian style'. "Do we have to get into this?" He was trying to worm his way out of the conversation. I was not going to let that happen.
"You can't throw a comment like that out there and then leave it hanging. How old was she?"
He was clearly agitated. "She was twenty, okay?"
I was shocked. My voice raised an octave. "That's rape!"
He lowered his voice. "It wasn't rape." He paused. "It was a one time thing. I told you it just happened." He wasn't smiling anymore. He seemed perturbed.
"So …" I was miffed but I remained in control. "After that one time thing. Was there anyone else?"
He stared at his knees. He didn't speak and he didn't look at me. He was getting angry. Why? I finally couldn't take the silence anymore.
"I'm going to be your wife. Don't I at least have the right to know about your past? About who you are?"
He snapped his head up and looked directly at me. "I don't know if you are … mature enough to hear this." That was hitting below the belt. I was seething now.
"Fine! You don't want me to be a part of your life; then I won't."
"Fine!" He snapped back at me. "You want to hear it? I was a player. I was a high school jock that scored with every girl that would let me into her pants!" My mouth dropped open.
"And yet you won't touch ME!" The rage had made tears blur my vision.
"Because I love you. Damn it!" He stood up now and his hands were balled into fists.
I tried to calm myself enough to finish the conversation. I had one more vital question that had not even occurred to me until now. "The last five years in the caverns."
He knew where I was going with this.
His voice was low again. "Please, Wanda. Let it go." He was hiding something.
"No." There was venom in my voice.
He pleaded now, "It's in the past. It doesn't matter."
"Who." It wasn't a question. It was a demand. "I'll find out one way or the other." He knew he had no choice but to answer.
His voice was barely above a whisper now. "First there was Heidi."
"Heidi? How …"
He cut me off. "If you want to know then you need to let me tell you all of it."
My whole body was shaking. I just nodded.
"She was the only girl here at the time that was near my age. It had been two years and … well, we lasted six months. I got bored. I guess. Then about three years ago Lydia showed up. She was alone and needed a friend. I wasn't looking for a lover really. We hooked up. She had been here about nine months when Brandon arrived at the caverns. He was interested in her. She wanted more of a commitment from me than I could give her. I let her go." He sighed. "My last lover was …" He stopped.
"Who?"
He winced as he said her name. "Lily."
My reaction was swift. I slapped him across the face hard. And then I exploded. "She is my friend! How could you not tell me this? How long were you together?"
"We weren't … together."
"How long were you screwing her?"
"A year … more or less."
I started pacing back and forth in our little room. My hands were flailing. I was truly trying to keep myself from attacking him.
"Wanda. I stopped seeing her when you came into my life!" It felt like he punched me in the back. He was sleeping with her as recently as two months ago? He stepped towards me and tried to put his arms around me.
"Don't touch me!" I shrieked. He stopped for a second and then tried again.
"I said don't touch me!"
"Damn it! Come on Wanda! Calm down!"
"I have to get out of here." I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. "Please Ian, let me go."
All of this had apparently taken its toll on Ian as well because he blurted out. "Why did Jamie have to choose the body of a child to put you in?"
Tears were streaming now. "I am NOT a child!"
"Then stop ACTING like one! You're such a spoiled brat!" At that point my head snapped up. My tears were replaced by acid.
"You didn't want to go on this trip, so don't go on my account."
"Damn it, Wanda. Don't be stupid!"
"You mean childish. Don't you? I hate you!"
I ran out the door and my legs felt weak as I raced through the tunnel. He was cursing and I heard what I assumed was the door to the room being thrown against the rock wall. I didn't stop until I got to the main cavern. There were a lot of people there. Mel and Jared saw me and waved me over to them. My heart was pounding. I approached Mel and pulled her away from Jared using the excuse that I needed to go to the infirmary to get the clothes that I had left to dry that afternoon. Jared looked very suspicious but he let us go without question. As soon as we got into the tunnel, Mel grabbed me and pulled me to a stop.
"What happened to you? You're shaking!"
"Oh Mel!" I buried my face in her chest. She wrapped her arms around me and held me as the sobs began. "Ian isn't who I thought he was at all!" I choked out the words as best I could. "He's horrible."
Melanie pulled me away from her and looked at me in the dim light near the end of one of the tunnels. "He didn't hurt you did he?"
"No." My voice cracked. "He's just so …" I sobbed some more.
"Tell me what happened?" She was holding my shoulders and shaking me to get me to stop crying. My hands just hung out in space like they weren't even attached to my arms. I was drained.
"I just wanted to know more about his life." I was still hyperventilating.
Mel was trying to be patient. "Okaaay?" She wanted me to go on.
The words just came out in one long drawn out sentence. "I wanted to know how old he is and he told me he was twenty five and that's eight and a half years older and we looked at pictures of his mom and I could tell he misses her and then I asked him about his love life and he's slept with everyone on the planet." I wailed and collapsed into her body again. She held me and patted me on the head and just kept saying "Shhhh" over and over again. I don't know how long we were there. It was a long time. I had a lot of tears to shed. Finally, I said, "Did you know he slept with Lily?"
She pulled me to her again and said, "It will be alright. You'll see. It will all blow over." So, she knew.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It wasn't my secret to share. He needed to tell you himself."
"And Lydia and Heidi too? Did you know about them?"
"I told you I didn't like him." She said fiercely. I started to cry again. She kissed my forehead. "I love you, Wanda and if you love Ian then I respect that."
"I told him that I hated him."
"Hate is a strong emotion. There is a fine line between love and hate."
"I can't be around him right now."
"So don't."
"But we're leaving on this trip in what? ... a few hours?"
Melanie realized that we had been standing here for who knows how long and she urged us to move along. "They are probably waiting for us. I imagine that the guys heard the story from Ian and that's why no one has come looking for us. We need to get back."
We rushed to the kitchen and I got my things. I got Ian's as well. Melanie turned to me now. "Are you going to be alright?"
"I will if you stay with me."
"Of course I will." We turned and we walked slowly back to the big cavern.
When we returned I had expected to see everyone there to send us off but there was only the eight from the other clan, and our group-Jared, Ian, Lily, and Aaron. The only other people were Jamie, of course, Jeb, Kyle and Sunny, and Doc. Jamie came to us immediately. He looked concerned. He hugged me and told me I was perfect just the way I was. It occurred to me that Ian was eight and half years older than me, but Jamie was only three years younger than me. I was probably better suited to Jamie than I was to Ian. I told him that I loved him and to take care of himself.
Jeb gave me a hug as well. And in his stoic voice he said, "Take care of yourself little lady, we'll be waitin' for you."
Doc gave me a bag of medical supplies to take with us; just in case. He wished me well and patted my head.
Sunny hugged me briefly and stepped back. Kyle engulfed me in his arms. It was almost like he was giving me the hug that Ian couldn't give me. He put his lips to my ear and whispered, "Ian needs you more than you know. Remember that." As I pulled away he cradled my chin in his hand and he smiled at me. "You're so special. Do you know that?" I was fighting back the tears. It was something that Ian would have said yesterday or maybe even a few hours ago.
As we left the caverns that we called home, Mel stayed close to my side. Ian stayed nearby but didn't say a word. As we started to run the few miles to the place the jeep was kept, Nate came up along side me. He seemed comfortable running at my pace. "If you feel like you're too tired to run; let me know and I will carry you."
Ian was behind us and had heard Nate's offer. He sped up to Nate's side. "If she gets tired, I'll carry her."
Nate threw his hands up in the air. "Fine! I was just trying to help," and he sped up leaving me to jog alongside Ian.
I felt the need to strike back. "I'm fine. I don't need anyone to carry me but you could always carry Lily if she gets tired."
He looked at me and he sighed. Then he fell back behind me again. I guess he was going to watch me to see when I started to slow so he could be the first one to be there. I looked over at Mel and Jared. They were keeping pace with me and they looked bored. I knew Mel loved to sprint flat out.
"Mel, you and Jared can go on ahead. I'll catch up to Nate and run with him."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Go ahead." Mel grabbed Jared's hand and together they picked up the pace and in just a minute, they were leading the pack.
I sped up trying to catch up to Nate. It was a hard pace for me. "Nate." I called. "Wait up."
Nate slowed his pace and let me catch up to him. "You okay?" He tried to keep his voice low so Ian wouldn't hear his words.
"I guess that depends on what you mean by okay." I was trying to keep my words low as well but it was harder for me because I was just trying to breathe. "Can we walk a
few minutes, please?" I was getting a cramp in my side. I raised my hand to where the pain was and slowly came to a stop. I bent over trying catch my breath.
Nate slowed with me and Ian was with me too.
Ian spoke first. "Let me carry you."
"No, Ian. I don't want you to carry me." I wanted him to go away.
"Damn it, Wanda. Why do you have to be so friggin' obstinate?" He was angry again.
Nate got between us. "Hey now! We can walk it, okay? Nobody has to carry anyone. Chill! Alright?"
Ian and I both looked at each other with equal amounts of venom. I started walking and Nate stayed in step with me. Ian started to jog ahead of us.
"You okay?" Nate asked.
"Yeah, I just needed to catch my breath."
"Let me know if you can run again or if you want me to carry you." His lips twisted up into a smile.
"I can run now." I gave him a smirk of my own and then I started to jog again.
"Nate, would you do me a favor?"
"Sure, anything for a pretty lady." Was he flirting with me? Maybe he was just trying to make me feel better. Maybe he was giving Ian a taste of his own medicine. Whatever it was, I wasn't going to stop him. At least not right now.
"When we get to the vehicles, can I ride with you?"
"I take it you don't want to ride with Ian." It was a statement, not a question.
"No. I can't be around him right now."
"Sure no problem. You want me to see how far I can push his buttons?" He looked me with a sly grin now. His roguish charm was beginning to shine through.
"No. That won't be necessary." I had a feeling it wouldn't be necessary. Ian's buttons were already pushed. No sense in sending him over the edge. I just wanted some alone time to try and sort out my own thoughts. I needed to figure out what I wanted. We didn't say anything more until we got to the Jeep. We could drive the jeep the few miles it would take to get to the underground 'garage' where there were other vehicles to choose from. There were fourteen of us altogether so we went in groups of six, five, and five with Jared being the chauffeur. I managed to be the fifth passenger in the first trip leaving Ian behind. So far I was doing a pretty good job at avoiding him.
When we got to the other vehicles, Nate told us that Burns' truck was just on the other side of the wash. We crammed all fourteen of us into the van and Burns drove us to the wash since he knew where the truck was. I sat in the back of the van on the floor with my back up against Ian. He had pulled me towards him. I was facing Mel and Jared. Ian put his hand on my waist but I pulled it away. I heard him let out a frustrated growl from just behind my head.
We pulled up to the wash and the back doors opened. Nate was the first one out and announced boldly. "Wanda, you are with me. Burns is driving this vehicle and we need you to be in the other vehicle to troubleshoot any problems we might run into." He gave Ian a serious look. "You understand, right Ian? She'll be fine. I promise."
Instinctively, Ian wrapped his hands around my waist.
I twisted to face him my hands freeing his from my body. "They need me."
In a low voice that only those sitting close could hear he said, "I need you."
I could see the despair on his face as the van doors closed behind me.
I turned my attention to the truck. It was a big truck with a diesel engine. The kind of truck one would use to pull a trailer or a boat. It had double wheels in the rear and the bed of the truck was covered with a tall shell making it very comfortable for the six passengers we carried in the back. They even had an assortment of camping gear loaded into a silver tool box that spanned the width of the bed of the truck. Nate drove and I rode shotgun. For the first half hour, he was quiet. I stared out at the road. It was completely dark now so there wasn't much to see. Finally, Nate broke the silence. "So, how long are you going to make him suffer?"
The question took me by surprise. "What do you mean?"
"He's hurting you know."
I felt the need to defend myself. "So am I."
He drove a few minutes before he spoke again. "It's hard for some guys."
I didn't know what he was talking about. "What's hard for some guys?" I was feeling very much in the dark.
"The sex thing. Some guys are more high-strung and need it more than others."
I turned in my seat to look at him surprised. "Are you defending him?"
"No. No. I'm just saying."
He was quiet again. My eyes closed and I was starting to nod off when Nate reached over and touched my arm.
"Hey! Don't fall asleep on me now. We will be stopping at the next town so you and Burns can buy some food. I'm sure some of us are hungry now and in the morning when we camp, we'll need to eat."
I straightened up in my seat to try and shake off the grogginess I was feeling. Nate made another attempt at conversation. "So, Doc tells me that he took you out of Melanie's body and then put you into this body."
"Yes." I wasn't in the mood to talk so I kept my answer brief.
He looked me over now and smiled. "I approve of the change." Again with the flattery. I was getting used to this beautiful but fragile body but I still preferred the strength of Mel's body. Nate pressed on. "Doc said that Ian actually held you in his hands. He wasn't creeped out by that?"
"No." I said curtly. I was getting irritated that the conversation kept going back to Ian. What was his game? One minute he's flirting and the next minute he's right back to Ian. It didn't make sense.
"I've never seen a soul in its true form before." He paused and than added "What did Ian say to you about it?" Now he was definitely fishing. Ian had loved me even in my true form. Why was Nate making me think of this? I was distracted until Nate brought me back to reality. "Wanda?" He was leaning forward trying to see my eyes.
"I'm sorry. What was the question?"
"Ian's reaction to seeing you in your natural form?"
"Right, no. He wasn't freaked out. He thought I was … beautiful."
"Huh," he muttered and then he was quiet again.
Well, he did his job. My head was again filled with memories of the loving Ian, the kind Ian, the protective Ian. He was all of these things when I was in Mel's body. Now, that I was in this body he was arrogant and sexual. But not with me. He treated me like a child. My head started to throb. I could feel a headache coming on. I had some 'No Pain' in my bag that Doc had given me. I pulled the bag up from the floor onto my lap and started rummaging through it.
"Looking for something?" Nate asked.
"No Pain." I answered.
"Not feeling well?"
"Headache," I responded.
"I bet you aren't the only one with a headache."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nate had once again pushed my buttons. He seemed to be good at that.
Nate just looked straight ahead and shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing. I'm just saying."
This seemed to be a favorite saying of his. When I opened my bag to put the container back, I realized that I had some of Ian's clothes that I had washed this afternoon. I needed to give them to him.
When we pulled up to the Super K, it was nine o'clock and the store would be closing in an hour. There weren't many cars in the parking lot. Nate pulled the truck into a space away from the other cars and cut the engine.
"Okay, pretty lady. Go do what women do best."
I scowled at him as I got out of the truck. I half expected him to slap me on the butt. It had suddenly occurred to me that maybe he was trying to be obnoxious to make Ian look less horrible. But Ian was more than horrible. He was a womanizer. I decided to rise above it all and do the right thing. Plus I was feeling better. Burn's met me as I came around the back of the truck.
"Ready?" He seemed anxious. I realized that Burn's wasn't comfortable being around his own kind.
"Um, I need to do something first." I walked slowly to the van and sighed deeply blowing out my breath. I tapped on the back door of the van. "It's me." I called loud enough for those inside to hear me. The door opened. Inside were Aaron, Mel, Lily, and Ian. Lily and Mel were sitting with their backs against the left side of the van and Aaron and Ian were sitting with their backs against the right side. Ian was closest to the door and had been the one to open it. "I have your clothes." I said, as I rifled through the bag pulling clothes out one at a time handing them in his direction without looking up at him. He was taking them from me each time I reached out towards him. He grabbed my hand and when I couldn't pull it back I looked up at him. He looked worn out. I handed him the container of 'No Pain'. "You might need this. You might not, I'm just saying." I purposely quoted Nate.
Ian nodded his head. "Thanks." I pulled my hand back and took a step backwards to close the door. He leaned forward. "Wanda, can we talk?"
No. I wasn't ready for talking. I tried to be nonchalant. "Can't. I gotta go shop. You know, it's what we girls do best." Once again, I was quoting Nate. I shut the door to the van.
I took Burn's by the hand like we were a couple and led him to the door. "Get a shopping cart," I ordered.
"What do you want to eat, Honey?" I asked him trying to make him feel at ease. I grinned at him having fun with my charade. I had always had to shop alone. Doing this with Burns was different. We bought stuff we needed and we bought stuff we didn't need just because. He was having fun too. By the time we got out of there we were both laughing and having a good time. We opened the back of both vehicles and handed several bags to each group of human travelers. We were both pretending that we were an old married couple with twelve kids.
"Honey you didn't feed the children? What kind of mother are you?" He scolded me in a serious voice and then laughed hysterically. We were laughing and stumbling around like we were drunk.
"Now don't eat it all. You need to save some for your brothers." I said in a motherly voice. Then I cracked up again. Mel, Aaron, Lily, and Ian all looked at me like I was nuts. I didn't care. I slammed the door shut.
Before Burns went back to the driver's side of the van he grabbed my hands and said, "Thanks. That was fun." He bent down and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes in response to his closeness. When I opened them again he had straightened up and he was smiling at me.
"I had fun too." I wasn't lying.
I went back to the truck where Nate was leaning back with his arms folded against his chest like he was napping. As I opened the door he sat up and looked at me. "I didn't wake you did I?"
"Wake me? No. It was those people in the parking lot making all that racket!" He glared at me.
"Sorry." I felt like a kid who got caught coming home late.
"Nothing like bringing attention to yourself with two vehicles loaded with humans in your midst." I was being scolded now.
"I said I was sorry!" Nate was seriously getting on my nerves. "What is up with you anyway?"
He looked at me curiously. "What do you mean?"
"Well, first you are Mr. Nice Guy and then you are championing Ian and now you are like my Dad."
"That's a good question." He looked at me like he was trying to figure out the answer. He started the truck and turned on the lights and pulled out of the parking space still looking at me, his forehead creased in thought. Then he turned his attention to the road.
"Tell me something." He hesitated as if he was unsure he should ask the question.
"What?" He had my attention.
"Do you love Ian?"
"I did. I mean I do." Crap. Freudian slip.
"Really? You don't sound convinced."
"Why are you doing this? Are you his spy?" I was distraught.
He tightened his hands on the steering wheel of the truck. I could see that he was deliberating on exactly what to say. He sighed. He tapped his finger on his lips as he spoke. "Wanda, you are one of a kind. You know that? You have the face of an angel, the heart of a lion, and the body of a goddess." He paused then continued. "Any man would probably walk through fire for you, myself included. You want to know something?"
"What?"
"I have known Burns for four years and I have never seen him laugh like I did tonight. I can understand how Ian can be a complete mess when it comes to you. It's like you grab people and you put them under your spell, especially the men. It's no wonder you were able to stay alive." He sighed deeply.
"I…I don't know what to say." I really didn't.
He reached out and squeezed my hand. "You don't have to say anything."