Sorry for the delay, Brynn's emotions really come full circle in this chapter. It's one of my favorites. Enjoy…and respond!

The Beginning of the End

It was the light knock at the door that woke me up. Ian was still wrapped tightly around me, so much so, that I couldn't move. There was another light knock on the door.

"Ian." He didn't move. I spoke a little louder. "Ian! Wake up! There's someone at the door."

"Huh? What?" He lifted his head off the pillow.

"Someone's knocking on the door."

"Who is it?" He called out.

A muffled voice came from behind the door. "It's me, Burns."

"Come on in."

The door opened slowly and Burns poked his head into the bedroom. Ian had not moved an inch. His arms were still gripped tightly around mine.

"I'm sorry to wake you but Wanda and I have to make another road trip."

"Why? Why do I have to go?" I protested.

"Jared wants you to get a cell phone so when you leave you will be able to stay in touch with us. I already have two in my name. You are so young it would be best if we pretend you are my niece who came for a visit. Happy Birthday!"

I groaned. "Do we have to go all the way to Irving?"

"No. We can get one here locally. It will give the townspeople a chance to see who you are as well." He stepped back to close the door but then stepped back in. "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. Since today is a 'no work' day, Nate is trying to get everyone together for a baseball game. He wants to see if we can get enough baseball hats and gloves for two teams. I'm not sure what story to come up with to accomplish that. Maybe you can think about it."

"Okay. I'll be out in a bit."

He closed the door.

Ian dropped his head back to the pillow. I realized that even though we had fallen asleep in this same position last night that I was now facing the door. Last night I was facing the window.

"Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"How did I end up on this side of the bed?"

"I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No, but how…"

He put his head on my shoulder as he spoke. "My arm was killing me and you were laying on it. I flipped us over in the middle of the night so you were on the good arm."

I was alarmed. "What's wrong with your arm?" He released his grip on me as I rolled to face him.

"Nothing. I think I threw a few too many pitches yesterday."

"How many did you throw?"

"I don't know. Five hundred maybe."

"I'm surprised your arm didn't fall off!"

I scooted out of the bed and rushed to my bag. I rifled through it and snatched the little bottle of 'No Pain'. "Here, put this on your tongue."

"No, that's okay. I don't need it."

"Ian if you are in pain!" I couldn't understand why he was being obstinate.

"Tell you what. If I am still in pain when you get back, I promise I'll take some before the game."

"Okay. I still think you should take some now." I put the container on the dresser and grabbed a set of clean clothes and my bag and headed for the bathroom.

When I got back to the bedroom Ian was asleep again. I tried to be as quiet as I could. He was lying on his back. I leaned over to kiss him lightly on the lips and it stirred him enough that he grabbed my arms. "Be careful" He directed.

"Always." Then I leaned in and kissed him gently.

Burns was ready and waiting for me. As we drove to town he reminded me of the plan. "You are my niece. You are visiting for a couple of days. It's your birthday and I promised to get you a cell phone."

"Got it." I turned in my seat to face him. "Now tell me about you and Lily."

"She's a very nice girl."

"Burns! Come on!" I hit him lightly on the shoulder. He leaned away and laughed.

"Okay, okay. Yesterday afternoon after baseball, I walked with her from the field. She told me that your discussion in class was about the Fire World. She asked me how I liked being a fire eater."

"And?"

"And I told her I wasn't particularly happy about having to kill living flowers in order to eat, just as I am not particularly fond of destroying a human mind in order to inhabit their body." So, I was right. Burns didn't like the Fire World.

"Were you holding hands on the couch last night?"

"Oh, you saw that huh?"

"I wasn't sure."

"She initiated that."

"So, you like her." I paused. "Cause if you don't you should cut it off now. She's been hurt before. I think Ian hurt her and then Wes died."

"I know about Wes. She told me last night. I didn't know about Ian though."

"Yes, it seems she and Ian had a thing for about a year before I came along."

"Hmmmm. Interesting."

"So, you walked her back to the cave last night. Did you kiss her good night?"

"A gentleman never kisses and tells." He was grinning.

"You know she'll tell me if I ask her."

"Then ask her. I'd like to know what she thinks."

"Then you did kiss her."

"Yes. I kissed her."

"So, you like her then."

"Yes, I like her."

"You're welcome."

"Thank you." He reached out and messed up my hair. "It's nice having a little sister again."

"Which reminds me, why don't we just tell them the truth about the baseball hats?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm your niece, right. Let's say I have a little brother at home and we are starting a baseball program. I promised him I would get the gloves and caps for two teams."

"That might work."

The rest of the morning went exactly as planned. I got my cell phone and my 'little brother' got eighteen baseball hats and gloves. When we got back to the house it was around noon. Ian was gone. There was a note on the bed that said 'At the field.' I went and hung out with Mel and Lily and I got Lily's version of last night. Surprisingly, they were very consistent in their stories. She seemed pleased to have him in her life, but she did say it was going to suck to leave. I tried to reassure her that they would see a lot of each other.

At lunch, Ian, Jared, Nate, and Aaron caught up to us. I noticed during lunch that Ian was rotating his shoulder a lot. "Are you still hurting?" I asked.

"Just a little." He was lying. I just knew he was lying.

I pulled his arm up and away from his body with the premise that I wanted him to put his arm around me. He winced.

"You are in pain. I am going to run back to the house and get the 'No Pain'." As it turned out Burns needed to get the ball caps, so he and I ran back and met everyone at the field.

It seemed that just about everyone who lived on the mountain was there. It had already been established that Nate and Ian were the captains. It also had been established that Ian was not allowed to pitch. Boys had to pitch for boys and girls had to pitch for girls. They did 'rock, paper, scissors' to see who would choose first. Nate won. His first choice was Burns. No surprise there. Ian chose Jared. Nate chose Aaron. Ian chose Evan, probably because he had seen him play soccer. Nate chose Rob. Ian chose Tom. It made sense that all the men would be chosen first but then Nate pulled a fast one. He chose me. He chose me ahead of four guys. What was his motive? To psych out Ian? Ian did look perturbed when Nate made the choice. Ian chose Blake, Hector, Melanie, Rachel, and last was Sarah. Nate chose Carlos, Carl, Lily, and Megan. So Jared and Melanie were on a team together. Burns and Lily were on a team together. Ian and I were split and Rachel and Rob were split. Each team had fifteen minutes to warm up and strategize. Nate decided that Aaron would pitch for the guys and Lily would pitch for the girls. Burns played short. Nate played first and he had me play next to him on second. Lily played third. Carlos who was young and wiry was catcher. Carl, Rob, and Megan played outfield. Nadine and Kim were the referees. Nadine called balls and strikes. Kim refereed the bases.

Jared came up to bat first. He hit a grounder to Lily. She was able to field it but her arm wasn't good enough to reach first. Jared was safe. Blake was up second. He hit a pop fly right to first base. Nate caught it. Blake was out. Melanie was up next. Lily and Aaron switched places. Lily was allowed to stand about three feet closer to pitch. She was actually pretty good. She struck out Melanie although Mel did hit two foul balls. Jared managed to steal second while Mel was up. Then Ian was up.

Now, before the game, Nate the schemer came to me and said, "When Ian is up, you need to do whatever you can to distract him." I was wearing my pink sweats and a white tank top with spaghetti straps. The sun was shining brightly so I rolled my sweats down to my hips and folded my top up and shoved it under the bottom part of my bra exposing my entire mid drift. As I did this Aaron threw his first pitch and Ian was fixated on me and the pitch went right by.

"Strike one!" Nadine called.

When the second pitch left Aaron's hand I wiggled my hips back and forth slowly as if I was stretching out my mid section. Ian swung but he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Strike Two!" Nadine called.

Now Ian stepped out of the batters box and leaned on his bat. "What are you doing?" he asked me.

I looked at him as if surprised. I pointed to myself. "Me?"

"Ref? Is this a clothing optional game?"

Nadine clarified, "She looks dressed to me. Play ball!"

Ian growled loud enough for me to hear at second.

The next ball came in fast and Ian connected with all his might. Carl was in right field but it went way over his head. It was a home run. As Ian crossed home plate he pointed his finger out to Nate. "Nice try." I kept my clothes rolled up because the sun really did feel nice on my skin. Sarah was up next and she hit a ground ball to the pitcher which was Lily and she threw her out at first. So, they scored two runs in the first inning.

Now, we were up. Aaron was up first. He hit a ground ball past Melanie at second and was safe at first. Carlos slammed a line drive that should have been a base hit but Ian dove towards third base and caught it before it could get by. Aaron was almost to second base before he realized that he needed to get back. Ian popped to his knees and drilled it to Jared. It was a double play. This was like playing soccer with Ian. Thank god Kyle wasn't here. I could just see the mayhem. Megan was up next. Rachel pitched. Megan's hit was quite the surprise. She hit it just short of her buddy Sarah. Sarah waited for the ball to drop before she picked it up and threw it to Ian. Megan was safe at first. Next up on our team was Burns. We knew that Burns could hit because he hit two of Ian's pitches yesterday. Everyone backed up. Sure enough, the very first pitch, Burns slammed it to centerfield. It was just over Evan's head but he was on it. Megan made it all the way home and Burns ended up on second. Carl was up next. He hit the ball to Melanie, but Carl was not a fast runner. She took her time with the throw to make sure she was on target and Carl was out at first.

So, at the end of the first inning it was two to one. In the second inning the other team scored another run before Burns caught Blake's hit for the third out.

At the bottom of the second inning, we were down by two runs and we knew in the next inning Ian would be coming up to bat again. So we had to score some runs to stay in the game. Lily was up first. Rachel walked her. Next was Rob, he hit a ground ball to Hector on third base, he threw it to second and Lily was out on a force play. Nate was up next. He had a full count and then he hit a nice one down the first base line but it was too high for Jared to snag it. Nate was safe at first and Rob was on third. Now I was up. I knew that if I could just hit the ball Rob could make it home even if I was out. I actually had played softball when I was younger and I knew I wasn't half bad, but then my girly side took over and I lost interest. This was all when Pet was inside this body. I had one strike and two balls when I swung and had the smallest of hits. Rachel who was pitching let me have first so that the run wouldn't score. Now the bases were loaded. We were back to the top of the line up. Aaron was up. Rachel went back to right field and Blake came in to pitch. Aaron hit the ball in the same place as before. It went right over Melanie's head and Rachel was having a hard time getting to it. We all took off running. Rob came home, Nate came home, and he was waving me to come home too. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Tom was standing at the plate and I knew the ball was coming my way. I slid. "Safe!" Nadine called. I was so excited I jumped up and ran to Nate who had just scored moments before and jumped into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we were hooting and howling in victory. When I looked out at Ian, he looked wounded. It wasn't until after I sat back down that I realized that I wasn't sure if it was because we were winning or if it was because of the display of affection that Nate and I had just engaged in.

Carlos was up next and his fly ball went over Ian's head; but Ian jumped like a kangaroo and snagged the catch. He wailed the ball to Hector at third to try and get the double play but Aaron made it back in time. Megan didn't get lucky this time. She was struck out and that retired the side. We were winning four to three.

Top of the third, Melanie was walked. Ian came up to bat. He glared at Nate on first base. Everyone backed up. It was no surprise when Ian slammed it for a two base hit. Melanie came home and tied it up.

The rest of the game went on without incident until the bottom of the sixth inning. Nate was on second base. I had struck out so I was sitting on the bench. Carlos was up. He hit a short grounder to Ian who decided at that moment to exact his revenge on Nate. Instead of going for the out at first, he threw it towards the third baseman. Only he didn't. He threw it right at Nate's thigh. When the ball hit, Nate went down like a ton of bricks. It was like he had gotten shot in the back of his leg. Nate was writhing on the ground grabbing his thigh. My first instinct was to run out to him.

"Nate!" I cried. I sprinted to him and dropped to the ground. I held his head in my knees as he moaned in pain. I glowered at Ian. "What the hell is your problem?"

"It was a bad throw." He shrugged.

I knew he was lying. "Do you still have the 'No Pain'?"

He reached in his pocket and tossed it on the ground near me. He actually tossed it. His leg could be broken and he is not even remorseful. I opened the container and gave some to Nate. He felt better immediately.

"Do you think it's broken?" I asked Nate.

"No, I think he just bruised the muscle."

"I don't have any heal with me. It's back at the house."

"It's okay. We'll do it later." Nate got up and walked to the bench. He wasn't limping because he wasn't feeling the pain but I knew he should sit for a bit. Rob took his place as base runner.

The rest of the game went without incident. Ian's team won the game ten to eight, but the damage was done. I was very angry with Ian. After the game, Ian sat on the bench. He made no attempt to get up and come to me. I had two choices. I could let him brood and walk away with the rest of my friends or I could go and try to repair the rift. Considering his mood swings yesterday I decided on option number two. I went over and sat on the bench next to him. He didn't look up at me.

I spoke first. "Good game."

"You should have been on my team." He muttered.

"You're right. Maybe next time you should pick me first."

He chuckled. "Now there's a dilemma. Had I picked you first I would have lost both Burns and Jared to Nate."

"Yeah. He's a schemer."

Now, he turned and looked at me. "It was a nice slide into home. Your butt is all dirty."

I chuckled. I reached out and grabbed his hand in mine. "Let's go. I'm hungry."

He balked. "Wanderer, if you don't mind, I want to stay here and throw for a while before it gets dark. You go and tend to Nate's injuries."

"What about dinner?"

"Make me a plate. I'll heat it up later."

I was scared again. Ian was being cordial but the light had gone out. What do I do? "I could stay here and watch you pitch." I was in desperation mode.

"Na, you go and get cleaned up." He stood up pulling me off the bench. He put one arm around my neck and kissed my forehead. Then he walked away. He turned around and waved and then turned back again. I didn't begin to walk away until he reached the pitcher's target and started dragging it to home plate. I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach.

After dinner our usual group of friends all seemed to slip away to do their own thing. Jared and Mel had monopolized the bathroom to use the Jacuzzi. Burns and Lily strode off into the moonlight. Nate was here, of course. He was asking for the 'Heal'. I think he was starting to worry about the pain coming back if the 'No Pain' wore off. I gave it to him and plopped on the couch. I told him he could apply it in my room since the bathroom was in use. It was already dark and Ian had not returned. The television was on but I wasn't really watching it. My stomach was still in knots. When Nate came out he sat in the chair furthest from where I was sitting.

"Thank you." He said.

I didn't respond. I just stared at the television.

After a few minutes, Ian came in the back door. He looked at the two of us and just shook his head.

I jumped off the couch. "Do you want me to heat up your food?"

"I really just want to take a shower," he said flatly.

"You can't. Jared and Mel are in the Jacuzzi."

"Fine. I'll eat." He grumbled. I stepped towards the kitchen and Nate got up.

"Ian, I want you to know that what happened today, well, that was purely a reaction."

"Is that so?" He sat on the couch where I had been sitting. He waited for me to go in the kitchen. I stood just inside the doorway listening. "You know it's funny that every time I look for Wanderer, she's with you. Can you explain that?"

"Coincidence?"

"Huh."

"You know what else is funny?"

"No. What else is funny?"

"Every time I find you together, she looks guilty. Can you explain that?"

"No. She hasn't done anything to feel guilty about."

"Huh." Ian got up. "Tell Wanderer, I'm not hungry." He went into the bedroom and shut the door. The microwave beeped indicating the food was done. I just stood there. I turned around and passed Nate and continued out the front door. I walked off the front porch into the middle of the road and I wailed the most horrifying sound. I did feel guilty, But guilty of what? I hadn't done anything that I should feel guilty about. Nate came out on the porch. "Go!" I yelled without looking at him. He went back inside. I sat on the porch for several hours. I didn't know what else to do. No one came to look for me. Everyone probably assumed that I had gone to bed with Ian. The only person who knew I was out here was Nate and I had sent him away. When Burns turned out the light, I got up and came inside. I had decided that I would go to the bedroom and if Ian wanted me to leave I would sleep on the couch. I opened the door to the bedroom. It was quiet and dark. I changed out of my clothes in the dark and slipped into the bed. I laid down behind him and I put one hand on his shoulder. He shuddered. He was awake.

He spoke quietly. "Were you with him…. Just now?"

"No." There was no response. "I was alone." Still no response. I put my hands on his back and kissed it. Then I rolled over and cried myself to sleep.

In the morning Ian was already up and gone when I woke up. I knew I was expected to lecture today. It was our last day here. Tomorrow we would be leaving. I could only hope that once we got back home and away from Nate that our life would go back on track. After I got dressed I went into the kitchen. I opened the microwave and Ian's dinner was still inside. I dumped it in the trash and washed his plate. Lily came bounding into the kitchen.

"Hey! It's a beautiful day out there!" She was happy. I guess things with her and Burns were going well.

She took one look at me and my red swollen eyes.

"Oh, no! What's wrong?" I choked back the tears. I didn't want to cry anymore. I just held up my hand to say no.

"Is it Ian?" I started to cry again at the mention of his name.

She held me. "Oh, you poor thing."

"He thinks there is something between me and Nate." I choked out.

"That's silly!...Isn't it?" She looked at me in horror.

"Of course it is!" I blinked back the tears. "But why do I feel so guilty?"

She stepped back and leaned against the counter. "Wanda, do you have feelings for Nate?"

"I don't know!" There. I said it. I love Ian but I don't know if I have feelings for Nate. Ian's pulling away was not helping the situation at all.

"I…I don't know what to say." She was in shock.

"Look I just have to get through one more day and then Ian and I will go home and hopefully everything will go back to normal." This is what I hoped for.

"Okay, well, you know what? I will stay with you today. I'll be your wingman."

"I have to go lecture today."

"Okay I will go with you. Where is Ian?"

"I don't know. Last night we didn't talk. We didn't hold each other. We didn't kiss. I cried myself to sleep and I know he heard me. Yesterday, He left a note saying he was at the field. There was no note today." I was still feeling sick.

"Okay, he's probably at the field then. We can go there and see."

"I can't. I'm supposed to be at the cave in twenty minutes. What if Nate is there?"

"I'll take care of him."

We went to the cave. Most of the people on the mountain were there today including Nate. I decided that I would give my last lecture on a non controversial planet so I told them about the Singing Bats. Humans couldn't relate bats as an intelligent life form. I ended my lecture with my time here on planet earth. It was easy to get emotional and cry about the injustice that I felt my kind had bestowed upon the humans because I was such an emotional mess already. In the end, many of the people there came and hugged me and gave me support. Some told me they were glad I was on their side. Nate started to come in my direction and Lily cut him off. She dragged him out of the cave. I didn't know what she could possibly be saying to him. All I wanted to do was find Ian. Lily caught up to me as I was headed for the field.

"Wanda, wait up." She called.

I waited for her. When she caught up to me, I hooked my elbow through hers. "What did you tell Nate?"

"I told him the truth. I told him you didn't want to see him."

We arrived at the field and it was deserted. My heart sank.

"Where could he be?" I was panicking.

"I don't know. Let's go find Burns and see if he can help us."

I took a deep breath and we practically ran back to the house. I found my answer as we approached the house. Burns and Ian were both on the roof making repairs.

Burns saw us coming and yelled to us. "Good afternoon ladies."

Ian didn't stop what he was doing to look up.

Burns looked over to Ian. "I'm going down to take a break."

Ian still didn't look up.

When Burns reached the bottom of the ladder, I ran to him for information.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know. He's real quiet. He asked me to put him to work."

"I need to talk to him. I'm going up." I ran to the ladder and started to climb.

Burns protested. "I don't think you should go up there. Please, be careful!"

When I got to the top of the ladder I carefully climbed onto the roof. It was steeper than it looked and I was too scared to stand up. I crawled over to where Ian was working.

Without looking up, he said "Wanderer, What are you doing up here?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"This could have waited till later."

"I don't want to wait."

"I don't want to have this conversation right now. Besides, I don't need you falling off the roof and killing yourself. Get down."

"No."

He looked directly at me now. "Wanderer, get OFF the roof."

"No."

He put down his hammer. He stood up and walked to the ladder and climbed down.

I climbed down too. He grabbed me by the wrist and led me into the house and into the bedroom.

"Look I can't do this right now."

"Do what?" I choked.

He was silent.

"Ian, do what?"

He closed his eyes. "Nothing."

"Ian. Please! Please talk to me."

He turned his back to me. I put my hands on his back. His chest heaved. He was crying.

"Ian, please!"

He kept his back to me. "Wanderer I love you so much but I don't know if you love me."

"Ian of course I love you. Please don't say that." The tears were streaming down my face.

"What about Nate?" It was the question I had been dreading.

"What about Nate?" I replied.

"Come on Wanderer! I'm not blind. I see how you are with him!"

"See what? There's nothing to see!"

"You're in love with him!" He looked defeated.

"No! No! That's not true!" I was pleading.

I went to him and I grabbed his face in my hands. I stared into his beautiful eyes. "I love you Ian." I leaned in and kissed him. He tried to pull away but I wouldn't let go. He finally gave in and kissed me hard. It was frantic. The kind of kiss one would give if it was the end of the world. We were both crying because it was the end of the world. When we stopped kissing, he was holding my face in my hands. His forehead was against mine and he was panting.

"I'm not going back."

I didn't understand. I pulled back to see his face. "What?"

"I'm not going back to the caverns. I'm staying here." I was floored. My legs gave out and I literally fell to the floor. Here I was hoping for the day we went home so life could get back to normal. It never dawned on me that he would be staying.

"I'm staying with you." I blurted out.

"No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because they need you. Without you they would have to resort back to raiding. Do you want to put them in danger. Jeb? Jamie? Doc? Mel? Jared? You made a promise to them."

I got back to my feet slowly. "You made a promise to me."

"I love you. I told you that I will always love you. But this thing with you and Nate. I can't live my life with you if you are wondering "what if"."

"But I'm not wondering. I love you."

"Look I'm not denying that you believe that you love me. What if you love Nate more?"

"Are you trying to talk me into this?"

"No. But." He was drowning in his own tears. "I'm dying inside over this."

"So,….are…..we….done?" Please, don't say it.

"I don't know. You need to go and figure out what you want. You need time to grow up. I hope to God that you choose me but…" He couldn't answer. He started to leave the room.

"No! Don't go!"

"I have to finish the roof." He put his head down.

"You'll come back?"

"I don't know."

"Promise me you will come back. Promise that you will sleep here with me tonight. Promise me!" I had grabbed onto his arm and I wouldn't let go. He was shaking like a leaf. "PROMISE ME!"

He pulled me into his arms and held me tight. "I promise," he whispered. He pulled away and bolted out the door.

I collapsed on the bed. I cried and cried until I had no tears left to shed. Lily had come in at one point and tried to console me. Apparently Ian had already talked to Burns about staying here in this room. He broke the news to Lily. When she saw me, she knew that Ian had told me he wasn't coming back. She finally left. She came back and tried to get me to eat to no avail. Eventually I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

It was hours later when Ian shook me awake. He was freshly showered. I panicked. "Is it morning?"

"No."

He climbed onto the bed. He was smiling but he looked sad. He was petting my hair and looking into my eyes. "I would rather die tonight with you in arms than live without you tomorrow."

"Then don't."

"It's not my decision."

"My decision is made. You come back with me."

"Look. You go back to the caverns. Spend some time alone. Think about what you want. I'm here and so is Nate."

He was quiet for a moment. "If you choose Nate, I…..will…understand."

"I won't choose Nate."

He put his fingers over my lips. "You've been in this room all day. I want you to get up and go to the bathroom and then I want you to eat this sandwich I made for you and drink this."

"And you will stay with me tonight?"

"Yes."

I quickly went to the bathroom to clean up and then came in and pushed down the sandwich because I didn't want to miss even one second of time in his arms.

When I was done, we climbed under the covers. He leaned over to turn out the light.

"Please don't turn off the light. I want to see your face." He leaned over and began to kiss me. It started as the slow burn. First my lips, my cheeks, then his tongue came out to play. He was freshly shaven so his face was so smooth. He buried his face in my neck and began suckle on it. Shivers ran up and down my spine. It was almost as if he was marking his territory. His hands traveled from my thigh to my buttocks. He was pulling me close and squeezing my flesh. He pulled off my camisole. His hand traveled to my waist, to my breasts. His face went to my breasts. At this point I was gasping for my own breath. My hands were in his hair. Then his tongue traveled from my breasts, to my neck, and back to my lips again. I knew he was about to explode but he didn't stop. He didn't stop for a very long time. He marked my inner thighs just as he did my neck. I wanted him so badly to finish the deed. I was so ready. He just kept kissing me. That night we kissed for hours until exhaustion took over and he was spent. I was wide awake having slept all day. I had no intention of falling asleep tonight. In my heart, I was hoping to change his mind. I kept saying "I love you." We finally settled into a position that was comfortable and I knew he was drifting off to sleep.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

"Can I call you?"

"Only if you want to."