SM OWNS TWILIGHT

Chapter nine.

I wanted to believe Renesmee, a small part of me almost did. After feeling like this for over a year, the thought of my feelings changing now, after all this time seemed outrageous. It was outrageous. I breathed in the brisk, winter air as I walked back into the shop silently striding over to the front counter, taking my seat. I tried to keep my thoughts away from all things Jasper.

The rest of my shift went by quickly, for which I was thankful. After saying my goodbyes to Renesmee and Embry, I headed out to my truck.

Once I arrived home I parked my truck beside my sister's red BMW. Shutting off the ignition, I gathered my things, and hopped out of the cab. I entered the house with a sigh of relief. Finally home at last. I dropped my bag by the front door, and kicked off my shoes. Without second thought I pulled my hair into a messy bun and headed straight for the kitchen.

My stomach growled, and grumbled telling me that it needed food. I ignored it, I was hungry but I didn't feel like eating. I snatched the un-opened bottle of Jack Daniel's from the fridge, and sat down at the kitchen table not bothering to get a glass. I stared at the bottle for a few moments, before opening it and taking a huge gulp. I winced as the liquid ran down my throat, setting my insides on fire. When the alcohol finally hit my stomach I smiled, wallowing in the warm sensation.

I leaned forward, resting my forehead on the table top. I sighed deeply. I was aggravated, and depressed. I fought the urge to cry. I was just so damn frustrated and pissed off at life. I hated that Rosalie was going through all of this. More than that I hated that I couldn't go a second without thinking about Jasper. What we were, how we were, what we had. I missed Alice more than anything at the moment. Alice could always make me feel better on nights like these. I always had her for support. She was my best friend, the closest thing I had to a real sister at that point in my life. It was depressing to think about.

I longed for something but I wasn't sure what, inner peace, freedom from Jasper, my best friend? I had no idea. If I wasn't sure about anything in my life, there was one thing I was sure of: I was lacking something vital in my life, and until I figure things out I'll be like this forever; sad, angry, depressed, jaded the list goes on.

I reached into my pocket pulling out a box of Newport 100's. I quickly lit myself a cigarette. Rosalie would have my head if she knew that I was smoking in the house, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

I flicked some of the ashes of the cigarette into an ash tray, taking a small sip of Jack. Standing up, I grabbed the bottle and left the kitchen and making my way to my bedroom. I grabbed my guitar from it's stand, and took a seat in the middle of my queen sized bed. I sat the bottle on my bedside table, and put the cigarette out in the ash tray that I had sitting in my windowsill.

I strung a few random chords on the guitar, loving the feeling of the wood against my skin. I couldn't help the smile that spread itself on my face as the notes bounced off the walls of my bedroom. I reached under my pillow for my song book, opening it up to the song I have been working on.

I breathe you in with smoke, in the backyard light.
We used to laugh until we choked into the wasted nights.
It was the best time of my life, but now I sleep alone.
So darling don't, don't wake me up. Cause my thrill is gone.
In the sunset turning red behind the smoke forever and alone.

I messed around with a few notes on guitar, quickly grabbing a pencil and scribbling them down in the notebook. I trapped the eraser against my face as I pondered what to write next. I strummed together some notes on the guitar, thinking about what lyrics would fit, I sang them out loud as I wrote the words down.

"And you've gone and sewn me to this bed. The taste of you and me will never leave my lips again.
Under the blinding rain I wanna hold your hand so tight, I'm gonna break my wrist.
And when the vultures sing tonight I'm gonna join right in."

I smiled to myself as the words flowed from my mind, painting themselves on the paper. I could hear the melody in my head, I knew exactly how I wanted the music to sound. I played a few chords, and wrote them down singing quietly to myself as I went along.

"I'll sing along cause I don't know any other song. And I'll sing along but I'm barely hanging on.
No I'm barely hanging on, by the time you're hearing this I'll already be gone.
Now there's nothing to do but scream at the drunken moon."

I strummed a few more chords, a lot of them repeating. I hummed the lyrics in my head, piecing them together with the notes of the guitar.

A loud knocking on my bedroom door startled me, causing me to jump. Emmett smiled, pushing his head in through the door. "I wondered what all that noise was." He laughed. "Are you writing something new?"

"Yeah, I am." I admitted sheepishly, not liking that Emmett had been listening in on my writing process.

"It sounds great, are you gonna preform it?" he asked as he entered the room, taking a seat on the edge of my bed.

"I don't know," I answered, shrugging my shoulders. "You should,"

I shrugged my shoulders again, tapping my fingers against the next of my guitar. "How's Rose?" I asked.

Emmett smiled sadly "she's alright, she misses you."

"I miss her too, a lot."

"How was school?" he asked.

"School was school, ya know?" I replied, and he laughed. "Yeah I know, I definitely don't miss it."

"I won't when I graduate."

"I'm not going to stay and watch you tonight, I think we both know you're more than capable." Emmett said. I chuckled, nodding my head in agreement. "I'm gonna get going now, don't wanna leave my cousin alone in my apartment for too long."

I laughed "alright Em, see you tomorrow."

"See ya Bells." He smiled, ruffling my hair as he got up and walked out of the room, I waited until I heard the front door open, and slam shut before I returned to working on my song.

A/N: The song Bella was working on in this chapter is called Bulletproof Love by Pierce The Veil.