Breath of Life
by ChatterChick
Summary: They were happy. They were healthy. Their lives were coming beautifully together. Follow Neville and Hannah Longbottom on their journey to start their family.
***updated version as of 04/05/15***
Disclaimer: I know OWL is an acronym, but for whatever reason whenever I type it with the periods in-between, ffnet eats the word when I publish (it appears as O.) and I can't figure out how to change that?
Chapter 5 - Sunshine and Daffodils
Early June 2007
"Now, I'm just going to preform the ultra-charm to see how the twins are doing," said Michael.
Hannah was lying down on a hospital bed at an office in St Mungo's, chatting with Michael during her latest appointment. It was her eighteen-week check-up and she was almost half-way through her pregnancy. Her due date was November fourteenth, but they were all prepared that she could go into labour a little earlier than that, since there was a greater chance that twins would be premature. Still, that was a long time away and they had a lot to do to prepare before then.
Hannah's mind drifted to the nursery again. She had been doing that a lot lately, feeling unsettled that it still wasn't ready. Hannah had taken to sitting in the spare bedroom that was to be converted into a nursery, planning out what it would look like. She couldn't wait until Neville finished work for the summer holidays and they could tackle furnishing and decorating it.
She had wanted to do it ages ago, but she wasn't allowed to do complicated magic while pregnant out of concern that she would strain herself. Normally, a witch was fine until her third trimester with most magic, but Michael wanted them to be extra cautious since she was carrying twins. There had been a long medical explanation, although Hannah only got the basics of it. Her magic was being used to help nurture the twins and develop their own. Magical strain in expectant mothers was thought to lead to squibs, although there wasn't enough evidence in the matter.
"Where's Neville?" Michael casually asked. "I haven't seen him miss an appointment yet."
Hannah was abruptly pulled out of her thoughts and she blinked at Michael in confusion for a few seconds. She had been caught daydreaming more and more lately, and Neville had started teasing her about 'pregnancy brain'.
"Neville?" Michael repeated. "Usually he's here with you."
"Oh, the fifth years have their Herbology OWL this afternoon," Hannah explained. "He needed to be around for any last minute questions this morning. You know how those Ravenclaws can be."
Michael smiled, "I remember being a wreck the whole month."
"Same," Hannah agreed. "Certainly glad that part of our lives is over! I remember Ernie going on about study times-tables and grilling the rest of us in Hufflepuff."
She was fond of her Hogwarts years, although now that they were done, she certainly wouldn't want to repeat any of them. She remembered breaking down from the pressure of doing well during OWL revisions, saying she was too stupid to do Herbology, which had always been her best subject. She had been such a basket case that year!
"I nearly hexed him when he told me six hours a day wasn't enough," Michael reminisced. He ended his incantation and helped her sit up. "Now, I'd like to see you and Neville both this time next week, there's a few things we should discuss now that you're almost halfway through."
"Everything's fine?" Hannah asked.
"Everything's fine," Michael reassured her.
xXxXx
"Sorry I'm late," said Neville as he entered the flat that night. "Minerva wanted to talk to me before I headed home."
"Were you in trouble?" Hannah teased. Her feet were propped up on the couch, resting after a long day at the Leaky. She had brought up the leftovers from today's special to their flat. It had been kept warm with heating charms so they wouldn't have to worry about making something themselves later. She had just been waiting for Neville to get home so they could eat together.
"When am I not?" Neville winked. He kicked off his trainers and then sank into one of their armchairs. "Actually, Davey Grudegon, the old retired auror they have teaching Defence? Well, he's set to go back into retirement after the school year and McGonagall had an offer for me."
"Oh Neville, you can't! You love Herbology!" Hannah protested.
It was ridiculous, just because Neville happened to be good at defence didn't mean he should teach it. He had left his career with the aurors because he wasn't happy there. Hannah didn't think it was right to ask him to take over when he'd much rather be out in the greenhouses. And his lesson plans were so good at engaging the students and making them actually like the under-appreciated class. Although, sometimes Hannah wondered if that had more to do with them liking the young, handsome war-hero who taught Herbology.
"That wasn't the offer," Neville smiled, clearing enjoying himself. "Professor Grudegon was also acting as head of Gryffindor."
"Head of - " Hannah straightened in surprise. "Oh Neville, that's fantastic news!"
Neville was truly a wonderful professor and cared greatly for his students. Hannah knew he'd make a wonderful Head of House. He blushed a little, but he was clearly delighted. "I was quite honoured, Minerva had some strong feelings on the subject and wouldn't take no for an answer."
"You told her no?"
"I told her I would talk to you about it. It's more responsibility, but it comes with a promotion - " Neville trailed off with a shrug. The pressure to provide for their family must have been getting to him. They both made decent salaries, but they would be taking a cut from Hannah's wages since she wouldn't be working for a year.
"You're going to make a fantastic Head, the students all love you," Hannah told him. They would figure out a way for Neville's career to balance with their young family. He wouldn't be the first professor or Head of House to have young children. Hannah knew Sprout had been a young mother of three when she first started teaching.
As if knowing that her mind had wandered to her former professor, Neville asked, "Suppose I'll be as good a Head as Sprout?"
"Of course not," Hannah giggled, "But second-best is not so bad."
"I might even have to settle for third-best. Minerva's a tough act to follow." Neville held his former head-of-house in just as high esteem that Hannah held hers. "I'm glad things are getting better, I was terrified for a while last winter."
"I know, it was a rough time, but I thing everything's going to be sunshine and daffodils from now on," Hannah agreed. It was a phrase her mother liked to use when everything was going swimmingly. She'd say everything was 'sunshine and daisies'. Hannah thought her version suited them much better.
xXxXx
"Hannah, Neville, why don't you take a seat?"
Michael looked tense when he greeted them in his office the following week. Hannah felt the hairs on the back of her neck prick up and dread slowly settle in the pit of her stomach. This wasn't a meeting about taking care of her and the twins. This was a meeting to break bad news.
"What's wrong?" She blurted out, not wanting to beat around the flutterby bush.
Michael looked pained when he spoke. "When I was examining you, Hannah, last week there were some abnormalities."
Hannah immediately grabbed onto Neville's hand, terrified of what was about to come. He squeezed her hand back just as hard. How bad could these abnormalities be? Whatever was wrong with their babies they could fix. They would love them and take care of them the best they could. There was nothing they couldn't –
"I'm so sorry I have to tell you this, but you lost one of the twins."
"No!" Hannah heard her own voice scream. The death grip Neville had on her hand slackened as he sat still in his own shock.
"No no no no, that's not possible," she denied. Her hand dropped to her stomach, protectively holding it. "I have twins. I have two beautiful babies. I didn't lose one, they're right there."
"Hannah – "
"This isn't a joke, Michael, these are my children."
Neville was kneeling next to her chair, trying to hug her and console her, but she struggled against his arms, not wanting to be consoled. Still, Neville did not let up, stroking her hair.
"Hannah, I'm so sorry," Michael gently continued. "You know I wouldn't joke about this."
It was true, she knew. Michael was a father himself and he knew that the news he was delivering was a parent's worst nightmare.
One of her babies was dead.
Large tears welled up behind her eyes as she started openly sobbing. Her heart sunk deep into her stomach, disappearing with her missing baby. Neville cradled her protectively in his arms, letting her cry into him as he directed the conversation. Hannah could hear the sadness behind Neville's quiet voice, but he managed to hold it off to get in his concerns and questions.
"I don't understand, how can you just lose a twin?"
"It happens sometimes with multiples, one will vanish during the pregnancy and the other one survives full-term. There are explanations in some cases, but most of the time it's a mystery I'm afraid."
"And this time - "
"The baby died sometime between weeks eighteen and twenty." Michael paused for a moment, as if unsure whether he should continue. "My best guess is that something was wrong with them, maybe they weren't as healthy as the surviving twin or as developed and that the pregnancy was aborted. Hannah wouldn't have noticed the change because she's still pregnant, despite suffering from a miscarriage."
"What about the other one?" Neville asked, his voice breaking. "Can this happen to our other one?"
"Hannah and the remaining twin are perfectly healthy." Michael tried to reassure him. "I looked at both of them last week, and I'll run a few tests to see how they're doing today. Hannah, do you need a moment or are you feeling up to an examination?"
Hannah numbly nodded, letting Michael take some blood from her. He then transfigured his desk into a hospital bed and got her to lie down so he could do the ultra-charm. When he was done, he reassured them that the remaining was perfectly fine. Not that Hannah would truly believe him until her baby was born and placed into her arms.
"What should we - is there anything I can do?" Neville helplessly asked. Hannah felt him glance in her direction, but she had nothing to offer him right now.
"The best thing for you do to right now is to take Hannah home and grieve for your lost baby. Get some rest, take care of each other, and I'll see you back next week."
"Which twin was it?" Hannah suddenly asked, tears started streaming down her face again. She had been so happy to be carrying one of each, knowing each would be special in their own way. Michael had confirmed it not long after Lavender predicted she was carrying a boy and a girl. "My boy or my girl?"
"It was the girl," Michael answered.
xXxXx
The portkey took them back to their flat, a small blessing that she didn't have to walk through the Leaky in her current state. Not that she really cared at that point. Her mind wasn't processing things, her body just moving as if it were being lead by the Imperius Curse. She started opening and closing her dresser drawers, pulling out the pieces of her work uniform.
The simple black robes, the apron with the Leaky logo, and her hair needed to be tied back, and then she'd have to redo her make-up from where it ran down her face -
"Hannah - " She ignored Neville who had been silently watching from the doorway. "What are you doing? Hannah - " He tried to stop her, grabbing hold of her clothes so she couldn't change into them.
"Neville, stop, I need to - " she was shaking, the words just tumbling out of her. "I need to see my staff, I need to organize supper, I-I need to - "
"You need to take a rest." Neville insisted. "You're in shock, you shouldn't be working. I'll get Luke to take over."
"N-no, I need to work," she protested as he steered her towards the bed.
"You're upset, you're stressed, Hannah, no!"
He kept his arms around her as she struggled, holding her as she collapsed in a heap of sobs. He lowered them both until they were sitting in the middle of their bedroom floor. She hadn't noticed until he was up close, but Neville had the remnants of tear tracks down his eyes as well. His hands gently gripped her shoulders.
"You need to take care of you and our son," He firmly told her. "Let me - let me take care of you. Let Luke handle the Leaky, please."
Finally she nodded and gave him her consent to handle things, feeling too overwhelmed to make any decisions herself. Neville concentrated for a few moments before a silver lion burst out of his wand and leapt towards their open window, a trail of silver wisps left in his wake. Normally Neville's patronus made her feel happy and safe. Her husband, her proud, courageous, protective, true lion of a husband. No animal better suited him.
But today she felt nothing when she saw it.
Exhausted and with no energy to protest, Hannah let Neville help her. He manoeuvred her out of her maternity robes into something more comfortable before helping her into the bed.
"Is there anything you want?" Her asked as he tucked her in. He stroked her hair. "Anything at all?"
She knew that Neville would move earth and moon to get her anything in that moment. But he couldn't give her what she really wanted.
"Can you hold me?" Her voice quivered.
"Yeah - yeah, I can do that," he quietly replied, before climbing into the bed next to her. He pulled her into his embrace while she started to cry again.
She had spent weeks imagining what her unborn children would be like. Would they look more like their Mummy or their Daddy? Would they be in Gryffindor like Neville, Hufflepuff like her, or perhaps a different house? Would they be shy and cautious, or would they be adventurous and make her worry to death? Would they be best friends? Would they be in sync like the Weasley twins or as different as the Patil twins? She had counted down every day until the day that they were expected to be in their lives.
It wasn't fair that they should lose one before they were born, it wasn't fair that their baby girl could just disappear before they could even hold her.
"She would have been a Daddy's girl," Hannah tearfully spoke.
"She would have," Neville's voice choked. "Would have had me completely wrapped around her fingers."