So, I have decided to honor a request by the lovely Ladaane….sort of. Tonight I began to write "Nate's Diary". It will begin on the day the 2 clans met and will continue past the end of this story. I'm still working it out as to whether it will be all diary entries or if I will go "first person Nate real time" in the story as well. I hope to have enough to post by the time this story ends. Bear with me as this is still in its very early stages and I am currently in the final stages of the final edit of For the Love of Brynn. Funny, it sounds so "final." In the meantime enjoy. I do this for you.-NL

LOST SOUL

THAT EVENING SUNNY AND I LEFT QUIETLY without fanfare. We took the van since we needed to hang the gowns. Sunny drove. I took the opportunity to call Ian. As usual, I called Nate and he in turn found Ian.

"Hello, Babydoll?"

"Hi. I miss you."

"I miss you more. How are things at the caverns?"

"Not so good."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Kyle and Sunny. They're not…speaking."

Sunny called out loud enough for Ian to hear that she was shouting but not really understanding the words. She shouted, "Tell him the truth. We broke up….for good."

"What did she say?"

"She said they broke up…for good."

"Why would they break up? Did Kyle cheat on her?"

"No. It seems Kyle wants children and Sunny doesn't. They have reached an impasse."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, not at all."

"Holy crap. That sucks."

"Yes, it certainly does. We are on a road trip. We are going to Tucson."

His voice changed. "She's dragging you to the club."

"Right." I was trying to make sure that Sunny didn't get the whole conversation. I didn't want to provoke her.

"Are you going tonight?"

"No, tomorrow. The plan is to shop tomorrow. I need to get a dress for Melanie." I forgot that I hadn't told him about her. "Oh my god, wait till you see her, she is so cute!" Sunny shot me a dirty look. I looked directly at Sunny. "Well, she is!" Sunny turned her attention back to the road and I turned my attention back to Ian. "We had a dress in mind but I wasn't sure. Now that I've seen her I know it will be perfect. I'm hoping to pick up my dress and the other gowns as well. Then we need to shop for the baby shower. We need to get the decorations and I was going to get a bunch of diapers and wipes and other supplies for the baby. I want to make sure everyone has something to give her."

"When's the shower?" Ian asked.

"This weekend." I paused. "How are things at the mountain?"

"Everyone is good. I think we'll have heat in the second building tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed that we don't overload the circuits and lose power altogether. Dad says he's pretty sure we'll be okay but you never know." He paused. "I miss you babe."

"I know I miss you too. I try to look at it as every day I am here is one day closer to the day I am back with you rather than one more day that I have to be away from you."

"The glass is half full. That's what I love about you. Well, Nate and Burns have been with me pretty much every waking moment. I feel like the only time I am alone is when I go to bed and then I can't sleep."

"Well, tell yourself when you go to sleep you can dream of me."

He chuckled. "I'll try that."

"Well, I'm going to let you go. Be good and don't kill Nate."

"I won't. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

After I hung up the phone, I tried to reason with Sunny.

"Ian's good. He said he misses me."

"He should. Is he still kissing your butt?"

"I don't know that I would call it that, but, yes he's gained a new perspective and he's been very sweet and very understanding." I was quiet in the van. I decided to ask Sunny about Kyle. "Can I ask you a question?"

"That depends."

"Do you love Kyle?" She was quiet. "I'm sorry. I guess that I shouldn't have asked."

She sighed. I could see the glisten in her eye where the tear was forming.

"Of course I love him. Jodie loved him and I had all of her memories and then when we finally got together, I think it was even better than her memories."

"You know if you did decide to have a baby, I would be more than happy to help you with the little one and I could get Ian to train you to get you back into shape. We could even dance together. That's great exercise."

"I can't. I don't want to talk about it."

I didn't answer her, so we drove in silence. We arrived at our usual hotel and settled in for the night. The following day, we went to the bridal shop. I tried on my gown and it fit perfectly. With the wedding only five weeks away the excitement made my stomach do flip flops. I was exuberant. I had to call Ian while I was wearing my dress.

"Hey, Beautiful!"

"Nate, can I please talk to Ian?"

"You know I'm starting to get just a little insulted that you never want to talk to me anymore."

"Nate, please let me talk to Ian. Please?"

"Okay, here he is." He sounded disappointed but my mind was only on Ian.

"Hello?"

I gushed. "Oh, Ian. I'm wearing my wedding dress and it's so beautiful. I'm so excited."

He chuckled. "I'm glad you're excited. I can't wait to see you come down the aisle but I'm checking your bouquet first."

"Oh, Ian. Don't even think that."

"I don't know. Nate's got an evil look in his eye."

"Ian, don't tease me."

"Babydoll, there is nothing that will keep me from you. You should know that by now."

"I do."

"Enjoy the rest of your day, my love. Call me tonight if you can."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you more."

We picked up the rest of the gowns. Sunny tried on her gown and she looked stunning. The dress we had picked out for Melanie was still available so we purchased that as well. All the gowns were hung carefully in the back of the van. The next stop was at the local Wal-mart where we got everything for the baby that we needed from diaper changing to party supplies. Afterward, we went to eat. We ate at the Italian restaurant that we went to last time when I was getting sick and I didn't eat. This time I enjoyed the food immensely. Sunny seemed to perk up now. The idea of being out and not cooped up in the caverns seemed to bring her enjoyment.

"I think we should hit the club around ten. We don't want to show up too early."

"Why?"

"Because you can't make an entrance if no one is there to see you."

"Oh, how stupid of me," I joked. I hadn't realized that we were going to make an entrance. Apparently, Sunny wanted to be noticed. She was on the prowl and she knew all the tricks. I was just a little scared of how this night would turn out. After dinner we went back to the hotel to get ready. I decided to wear the dress I had worn to dinner with Fords Deep Water simply because it was more sophisticated and I didn't want to draw the wrong type of attention to myself. Although I wore makeup, I didn't put on anything too heavy. I tried to keep it youthful and innocent.

At the club, Sunny was right. We made an entrance and about a dozen guys made a beeline for us. I kept it light. I danced when the songs were upbeat but the slow songs I stayed near the bar and nursed my drink. I didn't really want to drink but Sunny ordered for both of us. The few guys brave enough to attempt conversation with me were let down quickly when I flashed them my engagement ring and let them know I would be married in a month. The evening was going well until Sunny polished off her fifth drink. She started to get wilder. Although I was able to keep the majority of the guys at bay, Sunny was enjoying the attention. One good looking college guy in particular seemed to capture her interest. He had his arm around her when we weren't dancing as if to claim her in front of the other suitors. As the evening wound down and I thought we would soon be heading back to the hotel, Sunny came to me.

"We've been invited to join Jonathan and his friends for a party."

I knew this could be trouble. "Sunny, I'm really tired. I don't think we should go."

She was quick to answer. "Then you go back to the hotel and I'll meet you there in the morning."

I couldn't just leave her. We had a pact. "Fine, but just for an hour, okay?"

"We'll see."

We got into a late model sedan with three college guys. I sat in the front with the driver. His name was Freshwater Swimmer but everyone just called him 'Fresh'. I had danced with him a few times throughout the night at the club. Sunny was in the back with Jonathan and another whose name I didn't catch. She and Jonathan were getting very friendly and I was not happy about it. I kept thinking about Kyle and how he would expect me to protect his interests. I didn't know what to do at this point other than to just stay with her and hope we would be going home after the hour.

The hour passed much too slowly for me and obviously much too quickly for her because when I went to her, she again told me to go without her. I was afraid because Fresh seemed to be hovering and when I asked him for something to drink he brought me an alcoholic drink that was very strong. I had asked for soda. I went out on the porch and did the only thing I could think of. I called Nate. The phone rang and went to voice mail the first time I called. I hung up and called again. After the fourth ring he answered.

"Wanda? Is that you?" It was obvious that I had waked him from a deep sleep.

"Yes, Nate."

"What time is it?"

"I don't know, three o'clock?"

"Three o'clock? Are you all right?"

"Not really. Sunny dragged me to this frat house or something after the club. I can't get her to leave. I don't know what to do."

"Let me get dressed and I'll get Ian."

"No. Don't tell him. He'll freak out. I need your help. Tell me what I should do to get her out of here."

At that moment Fresh came out onto the porch. "Why are you sitting out here all alone? The party is inside."

"I'm talking to my friend on the phone."

Nate was concerned. "Who is that?"

"He lives here with Jonathan. That's who Sunny is spending time with."

"I better wake Ian."

"No!"

"If I don't and anything at all happens to you, do you have any idea what he would do to me?"

"I shouldn't have called."

"Well, it's too late now. Let me call you back when I'm on my way."

"No!" I whispered into the phone because Fresh was still on the porch waiting for me to get off the phone. "Don't hang up on me. I'm scared."

"Okay, I have to put the phone down for just a minute while I get my clothes on."

"Okay." I tried to relax and act as though I was listening to him so Fresh wouldn't take the opportunity to make an advance. I threw in some 'I know's and uh-huh's' like I was answering him. After a minute Nate got back on the phone.

"Hey, Beautiful. How much have you had to drink?"

"Me, only two at the bar and one here which was very strong and I didn't finish it."

"What about Sunny?"

"I don't know. She's got a higher tolerance than me. I want to go home Nate."

He detected the fear in my voice. "Has this guy on the porch done anything?"

I turned my back on Fresh and spoke low again. "No, but he is the one who made me the drink."

Nate was having a hard time speaking because he was running to the house. I heard him hit the steps.

"Nate, when you give Ian the phone please try to keep him calm."

"Yeah, you too. Don't let him know you are scared. Don't use that word."

I could hear Nate trying to rouse Ian. I could hear him speaking to him. After a minute Ian took the phone.

"Wanderer, it's three o'clock in the morning. Where the hell are you?"

I spoke loudly now. I had completely forgotten to keep my voice low so Fresh heard everything. "Ian, promise me you won't destroy Nate's phone."

"Wanderer, where are you?"

"Promise!"

"I won't destroy Nate's phone," he said calmly.

"Good, because I need to know you are there on the other end."

"Where. Are. You?" He spoke very deliberately.

"Arizona State."

"The college?"

"Yes."

"Where…exactly?" I could hear the tension in his voice.

"Um, I think it's a frat house."

"Are you out of your mind? Get the hell out, NOW!" The calm that Ian had earlier projected was gone. He was upset.

"Ian, I would like nothing more than to leave. It's Sunny, she won't go."

"Are you with someone?" It was an accusation.

"NO! I love you! I wanted to leave when the club closed but she said she was coming here and for me to go back to the hotel. I couldn't leave her. She promised to stay just an hour and that hour has gone by. I don't know what to do."

Fresh heard me defending myself to Ian and I could only hope that he decided I wasn't worth the trouble. He went inside.

"Let me talk to her." He hissed.

"Ian, remember she is angry and drunk right now. Be careful how you handle her, please?" My voice was quivering. Thankfully, he picked up on my distress and changed his own tone with me.

"Okay, calm down. I'll try to get her to go with you but if she doesn't please go without her. Will you do that for me?" His voice was kind now.

"Yes, I really don't want to be here."

I found Sunny lying with her back up against Jonathan on the couch. He was caressing her as they listened to music.

"Sunny, Ian's on the phone. He wants to speak with you."

"I don't want to talk to your fiancé."

"Please, just hear him out. For me?"

She held out her hand for the phone and I promptly handed it to her.

"Hello, Ian," she said defiantly…"I told her she could go."…"This is your brother's battle, not yours."…"I don't particularly care what you think."…"I'm not that drunk."…"She's fine. No one has touched her."… "No! I don't want to leave."…"Fine I'll call the taxi for her myself."…"Maybe, maybe not."…"Honestly the only reason I had to stay was for Kyle and now that's all blown to hell."…"I would never tell. Give me a little credit."…"Fine, I'll be there either way."

She handed the phone back to me. "Ian wants me to call a taxi for you so you don't have to hang up."

"Are you coming with me?"

"No. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sunny, please?"

"Wanda, look you have your life. Let me live mine. Go wait for your taxi."

I backed away from her and put the phone back to my ear. "Ian?"

"Still here, babe."

"What did you say to her?"

"I just tried to reason with her. I told her that if the shoe was on the other foot, you wouldn't make her stay out like this."

"She told me at the club to go back to the hotel if I didn't want to come."

"I tried to reason with her that she wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize what she has with Kyle."

"Yes I kinda got that part. She insists she's not drunk but she's had at least six drinks. She carries herself well."

"I think she's going to bolt back into soul society. I told her she had humans to protect even if she hated Kyle."

"She would never tell. If I was making the same decision and I almost did at one point, I would have never told about the clans."

Ian's voice went very soft. "I'm so glad you didn't make that choice."

I was on the porch again and Fresh once again had joined me. I ignored him.

"Ian, do you have any idea how in love with you I am?" I said this for two reasons. One was in reply to his last statement and the other was to let Fresh know once and for all that he had no chance.

Fresh walked up to where I was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt. Your friend, Sunny, asked that I make sure you got into the taxi."

"Thank you. That's very nice of you."

He smiled a kind smile.

"I wasn't going to attack you or anything. I thought you were nice and I had fun dancing with you. Sometimes, girls say they are engaged to keep guys away. I thought if I got to know you, it might turn out that you weren't engaged but I see that you are. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"Thank you Fresh. I appreciate your honesty."

He sat at the other end of the porch and waited for the taxi to arrive. I remained on the phone with Ian. When the taxi drove up, Fresh walked me down to the street and opened the taxi door for me. Once in, he gave the instructions to the driver and sent me on my way. I never hung up with Ian. He stayed on the phone with me until I was safely inside the hotel room.

"Ian, please thank Nate for his decision to wake you."

"What do you mean 'his' decision?" Ian said cautiously.

"I was….afraid you might blow up."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I could see how you would think that. Actually Nate is still sitting here with me and Burns got up when he heard the talking. You can thank Nate yourself." Ian handed the phone to Nate.

"Wanda?"

"Hey. I wanted to thank you for going to Ian tonight. As usual, you made the right decision."

"Anything for you. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I wanted to make sure you were both all right. We can't have any fighting this close to the wedding."

"I love you Nate, you know that right?" I did love him and I wanted him to know that, even if it wasn't the same way that I loved Ian. It took Ian to show me that I could love them both in different ways.

"Friends forever."

"Forever."

"I can go back to bed, now that I know you are safe. We have a lot of work to do in the morning."

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"If I had to be woken up, I'm glad it was by you. Good night, Beautiful. Ian wants to say good night."

"Thank you again. Good night, Nate."

"Hello, I wanted to say good night too."

"Burns? I'm sorry we woke you. I really needed Ian."

"I know and I'm sure he is glad that you called. I know if it was Lily, I would be worried to death. I too, went to college. I've been to those parties."

"Well, it wasn't a crazy party, more like a bunch of people getting together after the club closed. I just didn't want to be put in that situation."

"I understand. Sleep well, little sister. I'll see you soon."

"Good night, Burns."

I heard Ian's voice once again on the phone. "Hey, Babydoll. All of your admirers have gone back to bed. It's just you and me now."

"I wish you were here with me. I wish I could snuggle into your arms."

"That's a nice thought. Listen, I hate to break you out of your happiness but we need to talk about Sunny."

"She's coming back tomorrow, right?"

"Maybe. She assured me that she was but who knows how she will feel in the morning. I want you to call her at noon if she doesn't show up. Call me after that, either way."

"What if she doesn't show up?"

"Then unfortunately you are going to be giving Kyle some bad news."

"No! I don't want to do that!" I was in a panic.

"Believe me; I don't want you to do it either. If she doesn't come back then he is going to be a mess. You are going to be the only one who can console him and I hate the thought of you and him together even under those circumstances."

"I don't want to think about it. She has to come back."

"Let's hope so. I love you, Wanderer."

"I love you too. You are always in my thoughts."

"I have to hang up now. I don't want to but this phone is starting to beep. The battery needs to be charged. I miss you."

"Bye." I didn't want to hang up. I lay in the bed exhausted. It was after four now. I didn't want to sleep but my body protested my mind and soon I was in a deep sleep.

I didn't wake until nearly noon. I sat up immediately to see if there were any signs of Sunny but there wasn't. I got up, showered, and dressed before I dialed Sunny's phone. There was no answer. I tried again but there was still no answer. This time I left a message for her to call me. I told her I wasn't going anywhere until I saw her. I didn't call Ian because I knew if I did he would tell me to just go home. Instead I went to the front desk and took the room for another night. After that I went out to get some breakfast. I left the phone in the room simply because if Ian called I wouldn't be lying if I told him I didn't answer it because I didn't have the phone with me. The downside was if Sunny called I wouldn't be able to answer it either. At least I would know that she cared enough to call and I could call her back.

When I returned to the hotel there was a car parked in front of the room. I quickly entered and found Sunny sleeping in my bed and Jonathan was asleep in Sunny's bed. I didn't know what to do. I went into the bathroom and called Ian.

"Hello?"

"Ian, she's back but she's not alone. They're sleeping."

"That's not good if they've already slept together," Ian replied.

"Well, she's sleeping in my bed and he's sleeping in hers."

"That's encouraging."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, you could wake her up."

"I don't want to wake her."

"Babydoll, you can't wait all day for her to wake up."

"Yes, I can."

"Fine. I'm not going to argue with you. Call me when you have some kind of news."

"Are you okay? You sound kind of mad."

"I am, but I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just tired."

"That's my fault."

"No. You were right to call me. Look, we are all tired. We are going to see if we can just get through the day and try to get to bed early. I'd like to know you are home safe."

"Okay, I'll wake her at six. I'll make sure I leave here by seven whether I am traveling with or without Sunny. I'll call you in that time frame. Is that okay?"

"That's perfect Babydoll. What are you going to do till then?"

"I'll watch TV I guess."

"All right, I love you."

"I love you too."

I spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies because soap operas were too boring. They had nothing on my life. At six, they were both still asleep but Sunny did stir a few times in the last hour. I decided it was time to face the inevitable.

I shook her gently. "Sunny, wake up."

"Kyle, leave me alone." She still had Kyle on her mind. That was a good sign.

"Sunny, wake up. It's me, Wanderer."

She sighed. "How long have I been asleep?"

"I don't know. I've been watching TV for the last four and a half hours. We need to get home."

"Where's Jonathan?"

"He's sleeping in my bed."

"Oh, good, he didn't leave me."

"Why is that good?"

"Because that means he wants me to go back with him."

"No, you can't! You need to come back with me and be with Kyle like you are supposed to be," I cried out.

"It won't work. He wants to be a dad. I don't like children. If I stay with him, he will eventually hate me for not giving him a son," she reasoned.

"Sunny, you can't. You love Kyle. Admit it!"

"Wanderer, sometimes, love just isn't enough."

"I don't believe that. Not for a moment."

We were both crying now. "Please go. Tell the others I will keep their secret. Tell Kyle…I'm sorry. I wish it could be different."

"It can be," I said loud enough that Jonathan woke up.

"Sunny?"

"I'm here Jonathan. If you want me to, I'll come back to your place and see where it goes…but I want my own place to sleep."

"Right. Take it slow. We can do that."

She wiped her tears from her face and forced a smile at me. "I love you Wanda. Take care of yourself and have a wonderful life with Ian."

Jonathan got off the bed and Sunny grabbed her bag of clothes. "You have my cell number if you really need to call. Please tell Kyle it would be better for him if he didn't try to contact me." She grabbed Jonathan by the hand and they left quickly and quietly.

I sat on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands and cried. I cried because I had just lost my best friend and I cried for Kyle because he would be devastated.

I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to curl up in the bed and sob for a while. This hurt almost as much as losing Ian. I must have fallen asleep because the phone woke me. It was Ian.

"Babydoll, it's eight o'clock. I've been waiting for your call."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"Where's Sunny?"

"Gone," I said quietly.

"What happened?"

"She said that love wasn't enough. I told her she was wrong. She left with Jonathan. Kyle will be so sad. I can't go back!"

"You have to Babydoll. I know it's hard but it's part of growing up. Sometimes we have to give people bad news. I wish I could be there with you but I can't."

"He'll hate me."

"No, he won't. Take Jeb or Aaron or Jared with you when you tell him just to be on the safe side."

"Okay. Can't I just stay here tonight and go tomorrow? She might change her mind."

"Even if she did, she won't think that you stuck around. Babe, I'm dead on my feet right now. I need to sleep. Please call me and wake me when you get to the caverns so I know you made it home. Nate let me keep the phone so he can sleep. I'll keep it on the nightstand. If I don't hear it the first time, keep calling."

"Okay, I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. Be strong for Kyle. He needs you right now. I love you."

"I love you too, Bye."

I felt numb as I drove back to the caverns. I got there very late. Ian answered the phone on the second ring so he must have been sleeping lightly. He gave me words of encouragement and asked me to call him tomorrow to let him know how Kyle was taking it. It was midnight by the time I drove up under the overhang. Luck was with me that Jared and Geoffrey were on duty.

"Where's Sunny?" Jared asked.

"She didn't come back."

"What do you mean she didn't come back?"

"I mean she felt that things between her and Kyle couldn't work so she decided to go back to living in the outside world."

"Are you crazy? She could turn us all in," Jared growled.

"She won't do that. She's hurt and she's sad. She doesn't hate us. She doesn't even hate Kyle. She just knows it wouldn't be right if she stayed. Believe me, I tried to talk her into coming back and so did Ian."

"I hope you're right. Jeb will not be pleased. He'll have double guard duty like we used to have, someone here and someone at the garage."

"I'm sorry. This is not my fault. It's no one's fault. It just is."

I went to the game room. Kyle was asleep. I didn't wake him. Instead I went to Sunny's room and went to sleep.