Sorry guys. It's kinda been a crazy week. Baseball, bowling, baseball…oh! And I got my first draft of the cover for my book. It is beautiful. I'm so excited! Anyway, I just finished reading Twilight Wubber's review. She quoted what she liked in the chapter. It was a lot of quote which I guess is good because that means she liked a lot of the chapter. Yay! So, for you TL, who wanted know when I would post again but didn't want to be pushy about it…here it is…
MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS
WE TOOK SUNNY'S CAR and drove to the nearest town with a mall. The old Sunny was back and we went on a shopping frenzy. We purchased a ton of clothes for Jesse. Even Sunny enjoyed picking out little designer duds for the little guy. In true style, Sunny and I hit 'Frederick's of Hollywood' and picked out a few items we thought might please the O'Shea boys. Then we decided to go shoe shopping. I picked up a warm pair of boots. They were the color of the desert with cream colored fleece inside and two adorable pom pom's hanging off the end of the laces. Afterwards we went to K-Mart to purchase a car seat and a little bassinet for Jesse to sleep in. In addition, we picked up a pair of slippers and a robe for Mel and a coat and a pair of warm gloves for Ian. By the time we finished our shopping, it was dinner time so we treated ourselves to a Japanese steakhouse.
We arrived back home after ten o'clock. We had been gone eight hours. Kyle was in the living room waiting for us with Mel and Jared. Ian wasn't in the house. I was told that he was getting more and more upset with each hour that went by so Victoria and Holly dragged him to the game room. He was most likely playing poker. I went to the game room and Ian was there. He had been drinking. There was a near empty case of beer in the corner by the door and the table was littered with empties. He was sitting between Holly and Victoria with his back to the door so he didn't see me come in. He had his arm around Holly's shoulder and he was talking in her ear. He wasn't whispering. I don't think he could have whispered if he wanted to. Victoria saw me first.
She grabbed Ian's hand and shook it. He responded to her by saying, "What, you want to shake my hand?" He didn't slur his words but I couldn't help but wonder if one or two more beers would do the trick. Victoria had his attention now and pointed in my direction. She leaned in and said something to him but it wasn't loud enough to hear.
He turned and saw me standing there. "Well, look what the cat dragged in!" he bellowed.
"You've been drinking," I said solemnly.
"Yep. For the last…what the hell time is it?"
"It's ten thirty," Holly announced.
Ian turned to her. "Thank you darlin'." I rolled my eyes. My first instinct was to turn and walk away but I was his wife now.
"You ready to go home?" I asked calmly.
"You want me to go home with you?" He was surprised at my offer. Apparently he had been geared up for a fight.
"Yes, I want you to come home with me."
"Can I sleep with you?"
I'm not sure what he meant by that but considering the company he was keeping, I thought it best if I kept calm. "There's only one bed," I reminded him.
He smiled. "Okay, excuse me, ladies. That chick over there wants my body." I couldn't help but smile. He was drunk but he was cute. He came over to me and leaned to my ear. "I have beer breath," he said.
I wanted to burst out laughing but I held it in.
"It's okay," I answered as I helped him with his coat and his gloves. I knew the house would be cold and he probably wouldn't be able to deal with the fire if there even was one to deal with. I hooked my arm into his and kept him on the right path to the house.
"Wanderer?" he asked.
"What?"
"Are you mad at me?"
"No."
"Well, I'm pissed at you! You were gone a long time!"
"I'm sorry, Sunny and I were having fun."
"Doing what?" The cold air must have done some good because he was definitely more coherent now. The problem was he was also more sarcastic.
"We were shopping."
"Oh, that's right. Rich girls like to shop."
"Ian, all girls like to shop."
"Okay, rich girls live to shop."
He had me there. I did live to shop. "Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm a soul because I get to shop for everyone." We walked in silence for a minute before I continued. "But you know what? If I had to choose shopping or you, I'd choose you."
"Good." He squeezed my hand.
As we entered the house I expected the worst but there was a fire roaring in the fireplace.
I was confused. "Ian, did you come back here?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Wanderer, I'm not that drunk. I think I would have remembered coming all the way back here and chances are I would have stayed."
I found the answer on the bed. There was note on the pillow. It read:
Ian was a little inebriated. I didn't want you to freeze.
Nate
"It was Nate."
"Figures," he said with venom in his voice.
At this point I was annoyed. I thought what Nate had done was really considerate and Ian was dismissing it.
"Go to bed," I barked.
"Aren't you coming to bed?"
"Not with you and that nasty attitude."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm going to take a shower. I do not wish to argue with you while you are drunk."
"I'm not drunk," he was adamant.
"Then tell me what reason you have to cop an attitude with Nate. He was nice enough to tend the fire."
"He didn't do it for me. He did it for you." That was it. I snapped. It was like someone pulled the rug out from under me.
"Screw you Ian. He did it for us. I am sick to death with your obsession with Nate. If you can't get it through your thick head that I love you then I won't sign that document Jeb wrote up and the marriage won't be binding. You go your way and I'll go mine."
"You can't mean that. You know I love you."
"Do you? If you really did then you would know that Nate can be crowned 'king of the mountain' but it wouldn't make a difference. He and I will never be more than friends because as long as you are in my world, you are my world."
"I'm sorry."
"I've heard that before. We've had this same argument umpteen times and every time I think you've gotten past this jealousy thing. Do you want me to have an affair with him? Do you want me to leave you? Would it make you feel better to have a reason to be insanely jealous?" I started to cry out of frustration.
"No, Wanderer. I don't want those things. I'm just scared to death."
"Don't you trust me?"
"Nate, can be very…"
"That's it. You don't trust me." I grabbed my coat and put it on.
"Where are you going?" he demanded.
"I'm leaving."
"No." He got up and blocked my path to the door.
"Ian, get out of my way."
"No, I won't let you leave."
I was furious. I lunged at him. "I HATE YOU!" I screamed as I pounded my fists on his chest. Of course I didn't hate him. What I hated was the fact that he didn't trust me. He stood there and let me hit him. "I hate you." I said it again and again and I continued to hit him until I was so hysterical that I collapsed to the ground. Ian picked me up and carried me to the bed. I curled up in the fetal position.
He crawled over me and brushed the hair from my face. "If you hate me, I'll leave." He choked out the words.
I turned over and grabbed his wrist before he could walk away. "Why won't you trust me? You are the only man I've ever slept with and I've had plenty of chances. Why can't you just trust me?"
He sat back down on the bed and pulled me to him. "I trust you. I do." He rocked me in his arms. "I promise you I won't say anything about Nate again. Do you believe me?"
"I want to, Ian."
"Tell you what, you believe me and I'll trust you." He pulled my face to his. "Don't cry, my love." He pressed his lips to mine. I didn't even care that he smelled like a brewery. He kissed me slow and carefully. He may have been drunk but he was in full control. "Let's take off your coat." He helped me off with my coat and hung it on the door. "You get ready for bed. I'm going to the bathroom."
Ian left the room. I was so emotional; I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how much of this conversation he would remember in the morning. He might just blame the whole thing on his drunkenness. The truth be told, he didn't trust me whether he was drunk or sober and Nate was always an issue. I couldn't help but wonder if the roles were reversed how Nate would have handled the situation. I felt like the easiest way to settle this would be to take myself out of the equation. For the first time, I understood Sunny's decision to leave. Ian came back from the bathroom and I was still sitting on the bed fully clothed.
"Aren't you going to get changed?"
"I don't know."
"Wanderer, please, things will look better in the morning. I promise."
I was exhausted. I didn't take my clothes off. I just kicked off my shoes and climbed under the covers. Ian slid in next to me and carefully placed his arm over my waist and buried his face in the back of my neck. "I couldn't take it if you hated me," he whispered. I didn't answer and he didn't say anything else. Eventually I fell asleep.
In the morning I woke before Ian. The fire was nearly out. I got up and tended to the fire. I sat in front of the hearth with my arms folded across my knees. I felt empty inside. I couldn't understand how someone could love me so much and not trust me to be faithful. I never had cold feet before the wedding because I loved Ian so much but now I wondered if I had made a mistake. I sat quietly and the tears ran silently down my cheeks. I heard Ian moving around in the bed but I didn't turn to look at him. I couldn't. He was kneeling behind me now with his hands on my arms. "Are you okay?"
"No." I croaked. I wiped the tears from my face as he turned my body to face him.
"Babydoll, I love you. Don't you know that?" He looked sad.
"Sunny said love is not enough. I think she was right."
"No, no, no. She's wrong. What we have is special."
"You'll never trust me and I'll end up hating you."
"Do you hate me?" He shivered. It wasn't from the cold.
"I hate that you don't trust me. I hate that you believe that Nate is better suited to me than you are. I made my choice and he lives with that every day. You should be thrilled to have me and yet you live as though you've lost. Am I a loss to you?"
He sat next to me and held his head in his hands. "I'm an idiot."
"Ian, I'm sorry. I can't spend my life defending myself to you. It's exhausting."
"You don't have to defend yourself to me anymore. I told you last night. I trust you."
"I don't even know how much of last night you remember."
"I'm not a black out drunk. I only had a few."
"Enough that you were hanging on Holly," I pointed out.
"I wasn't."
"I saw you."
"Are you jealous?"
"Yes, but that's beside the point. We're not talking about Holly, we are talking about Nate."
Ian pointed out. "You see this ring? I don't care if I was obliterated. I am not going to screw up my marriage with the likes of her."
"Well I guess my rings don't mean a thing." I took off my rings and laid them on the dresser.
"Wanderer, you're acting childish."
"And your jealousy of Nate. That's real mature," I shot back.
"Wanderer, I…"
I grabbed a new set of clothes and stormed off to the bathroom. A minute later, Ian entered the bathroom. I was already in the shower.
"Do you mind if I join you?" I knew he wanted to use sex to get back in my good graces. At this point, I didn't want any part of it.
"Ian, please just go away." He didn't argue. He just quietly left the bathroom. After my shower, I put on all my clothes before returning to the bedroom. Ian was outside getting wood. He came in just as I finished pulling my shoes on. "I'm going to the house to help with Jesse," I said solemnly.
"I was going to take a shower," he replied.
"Okay, I'll see you later then." I was eager to get away from Ian and I hated that I felt that way. The only male I wanted in my life right now was little Jesse.
"Won't you wait for me?" he asked.
"Ian, I want to be alone. I'm thinking about sleeping at the house for a while."
He looked stunned. "Where would you sleep? Both rooms are taken."
"On the couch."
"Great, then everyone will know that something is wrong."
"Everyone will figure it out soon enough, but if you want to save your pride, you can tell them I'm staying to help with the baby in the middle of the night so Jared and Mel can get more sleep."
"It's not about my pride. This is your home. You should be here with me." I didn't answer him. I just grabbed my coat and moved towards the door. Ian blocked my progress. "At least kiss me good bye."
"Ian, if I kiss you then you will try to turn it into sex. Sex isn't the answer to this issue. If it was, then we would have been past this a long time ago."
He was frustrated and his voice became louder. "What do you want me to do? I told you I wouldn't bring it up anymore."
"I don't know Ian. I'm….I'm… Please. Just let me go." I leaned up to his face and kissed him on the cheek. Then I rushed out the door before he could see my tears return. I wanted the perfect life with Ian. Was that so much to ask for considering the whole world around us would destroy our love if they knew?
When I reached the house, it was already full of people. Although I wanted to snatch Jesse out of Lily's arms, I went into the kitchen to eat instead. Ice and Heidi were in there eating with a few others. "Hey, Mrs. O'Shea! Where's your old man?"
"Taking a shower." I pulled out some frozen waffles and made myself breakfast. I sat with the group at the table. I didn't have much to say and I only answered questions that were asked of me.
Jeb came in during the course of breakfast and said, "So, how is married life treating you?"
If he only knew. I covered by keeping it simple. "It's fine."
Jeb was shrewd and he picked up on my lack of enthusiasm. "Four days and tired of marriage already?" I didn't want to have this conversation so I looked for a way out.
"I hear Jesse crying," I answered and swiftly bolted to the living room. Everyone was huddled around the baby so I sat dejected in the chair and blindly stared at the TV. I didn't even hear Ian come in until he was standing in front of me.
He kneeled on the floor and spoke audibly. "You forgot to put your rings back on after your shower, my love." He took my hand and slid them back onto my finger. I looked at my hand as he did it and when I looked up he was staring into my eyes. I looked away. He leaned in and kissed me knowing I wouldn't fight him on it in front of all these people. As soon as the kiss was over I looked away from him again. He let go of my hand that he had been holding the whole time and stood up. I stared at his feet. He walked away. He went towards the baby where the majority of the people were gawking at him.
I knocked on Sunny's door. "Can I come in?"
Sunny opened the door and I rushed in and put my hands over my face and began to sob.
"What's wrong?" Kyle wasn't dressed so he couldn't get out of the bed. Sunny got up and put her arms around me.
"Did he hurt you?"
I just shook my head. "I don't know what to do."
"About what?" Sunny implored.
"About my marriage," I muttered through my tears.
Kyle ripped the blankets off the bed and wrapped one around him and came to me. "Talk to me."
"You know he's always been jealous of Nate. I thought once we were married that it would stop but it hasn't. Just the mere mention of his name and Ian is mean and accusing me. He still believes that one day I am going to cheat on him with Nate. I can't take it anymore. His jealousy is destroying our relationship!"
"It will be okay. You're just going through a rough patch," Kyle reassured me.
"You don't get it. I can't keep going through rough patches!" Kyle looked at Sunny.
"Why don't we go see Jesse?" Sunny said as she wiped my tears from my face. "Come on now, the little outlaw is waiting for his godmother." She led me out of the bedroom and directly to Melanie. "Mel, Wanda wants to hold her godson." Melanie looked at me and immediately understood.
"Of course. Here, he's been waiting for you."
"Thank you." I choked out the words. She slid Jesse into my arms. I buried my face in his little body. "Hi, Jesse. I need you right now." I didn't know where Ian went. I was relieved I didn't have to deal with him. I sat with Jesse in my lap for about a half hour before Ian emerged from the bedroom. He obviously had been having a conversation with Kyle. He walked over to the stereo and put on a CD. Then he walked over to me.
"Would you dance with me, my love?" he said softly.
"I can't. I have the baby."
Sunny came out of nowhere. "I'll take him." Sunny volunteered to take Jesse? This was definitely a plot.
She leaned down and scooped him from my lap. Ian took my hand and gently pulled me from my seat. He led me to the open floor and took me in his arms. It would be so easy to forgive him but what would that solve?
He tried to be smooth. "You know I love you more every day."
"Ian, stop."
"Stop what?"
"It's not going to work."
Something inside him snapped. He grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom. He shut the door behind us and pulled me towards the tub so he could turn on the water.
"Ian, let go of me."
"No, I won't let go of you. I've been putting up with your state of depression all day and we are going to settle this once and for all."
"I don't want to talk about this."
"Well, you're going to. Take off your clothes."
"What? Are you crazy?"
"Like a fox. Now… take….off…your…damn clothes." He was pissed and he was in my face.
"Why?"
"Because you can't leave without them and we are going to talk about this. You can take them off or I will take them off for you." He was serious.
"Okay, just let go of me."
He let go of my hand and stood in front of the door with his arms folded across his chest. I slowly took off my clothes but I left on my bra and panties.
"Get in the tub."
"Why?"
"If you are under the water then I can't see your body and it will be….easier."
"Easier to what? Drown me?"
He sighed. "I haven't made love to you in two days. Okay?"
I slipped off my bra and looked up at him. He lowered his head and had his hand over his eyebrows to keep from watching me. I slipped off my panties and got in the tub.
"Okay, talk."
"Wanderer, do you think our marriage is a mistake?"
I wanted to make myself clear. "I think that if you can't see that we are perfect together then we've made a mistake. You run hot and cold when it comes to Nate. One minute you are literally pushing us together and the next minute you are freaking out because we are dancing together. I feel like a yoyo. You say he's not my errand boy but you had him help you build the house AND you had him deliver our food during our honeymoon."
"He volunteered."
"Exactly. If he gets some kind of personal satisfaction in doing things for me, who am I to stop him?"
"He doesn't have to do everything for you."
"He doesn't. You just act like he does."
"Wanderer I told you I wouldn't bring it up anymore."
"And how long will that last? One day? Two days? A week? And what happens when you do go back on your promise. More fighting? More misery? Why are we putting ourselves through this?"
His chest heaved. "So, you want out?" He pulled off his ring and let it drop to the floor. It rolled out of sight. "I'll stay in the bunkhouse. You won't see me again."
He turned to open the door. Suddenly the anxiety of losing him hit home. "No! Ian, please, I love you."
He stopped dead with his hand on the doorknob. I took the opportunity of his pause to slosh my way out of the tub and I ran to him. I was naked and dripping all over the floor. "Please trust me as much as you say you love me. That's all I want."
He let go of the doorknob and I flung myself into his arms.
"I can't breath." He spoke barely above a whisper.
I looked up at him and he put his hand on the wall to hold himself up. He grabbed at his chest and started to slide down the wall to the floor.
"Ian, are you all right?"
He didn't speak. He just shook his head. He was having trouble catching his breath. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body. I opened the door.
"GET DOC! Something is wrong with Ian!"
Kyle was in the bathroom in a matter of seconds kneeling next to Ian. "What's wrong, Ian?"
"He can't breath," I cried out in a panic.
"Get a paper bag out of the kitchen," he instructed.
Burns heard him and rushed to the kitchen. He came back moments later with a bag. Kyle held it up to his mouth. "Come on. Breath for me," he said calmly to his brother. Kyle looked at me. "He's having an anxiety attack. Help him relax."
I couldn't believe it. "Has this happened to him before?"
"Only twice that I know of. Once when we lost a championship game and he blamed himself and the other time was when he realized that Mom and Dad had been implanted. You need to help him. Calm him down. Burns, shut the door."
Kyle continued to hold the bag over Ian's face. I took Ian's hand and put it to my face. I kissed his palm. "I love you. I need you." The color had gone out of his face. I was scared to death. "Ian, please breath. I want to go home."
There was a knock on the door. It was Doc. Burns let him in.
"What's wrong?"
Kyle answered. "He's having an anxiety attack."
"I don't have a cure for that. It's emotional. You're doing the right thing. Let me check his blood pressure to be sure." Doc opened his bag and pulled out a cuff. He wrapped it tightly around Ian's ram and began to pump it. He placed the stethoscope to the inside of his elbow. No one spoke while Doc counted and the cuff slowly deflated. Then he grabbed Ian's wrist and stared at his watch while the rest of us were silent.
"He seems to be okay. His color is coming back. Deep breaths Ian."
He pushed the paper bag away from face. "My head hurts," he murmured.
"I can give you 'No Pain' for that."
"No, I'll be alright." He slowly got up from the floor with the help of Kyle and Doc. "I'm okay. Thanks. You can go. Wanderer needs to get dressed."
"Okay, we'll be right outside if you need us," Kyle reassured him.
Kyle, Doc, and Burns all left together. Once we were alone I went to Ian. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. "I'm sorry about that. I just couldn't imagine my life without you."
"Why didn't you take the 'No Pain'?"
"I want to remember this pain, so the next time I feel my jealousy rising I will have real pain to remind me to keep my mouth shut."
"Does your head hurt?"
"Not as much as my heart."
"Do you want to get in the tub with me?"
"No, I want to go home and I want to spend the rest of the day making out with you. I want to make love to you without the sex."
Ian picked up my panties and helped me to put them on. Next he helped with my bra and then my pants and my shirt. I put on my socks and my shoes.
"Ian, your ring! Did you see where it went?"
"No, but it must be here somewhere."
I knelt on the floor and looked in all directions. "There!" I pointed. It had rolled past the Jacuzzi and was lying near the wall with the drawers. I got up and ran to pick it up. I brought it back to Ian who was still clearly not one hundred percent. I slipped it on his finger. "You are my property." I smiled at him.
He took my hand in his and we slowly left the bathroom. Once in the living room, everyone came over to see if he was okay.
"I'm fine. Just a little tired," Ian assured them.
"I'm going to take him home to rest."
On the way back, he held my hand tighter than usual. I was concerned.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm just tired. It's a scary feeling when your chest tightens up and you can't breath."
"Well, you scared me. Why did it happen to you? I mean, why now? We've had lots of fights and breakups before."
"I don't know. I think before….I was still trying to convince you to be mine. I guess…if I had lost you then I would have concluded that you were ever really mine to begin with." He slowed to a stop. "Can we stop a minute?"
"Sure." It was always hard for me to see Ian when he was vulnerable. It brought back the memories of when he had been shot.
"Wanderer, you are mine now. If I lost you now, I know it would be entirely my fault and I would be devastated. I was devastated when I thought you were going to just let me walk out that door. It was like you were pushing my out of your life. Does that make sense?"
"Yes." I thought about the saying, 'tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.' If you'd never loved you couldn't possibly know the highs and lows of a relationship. It would be living life on a flat line. The way Ice lived before he came be with us. But to live as deeply and passionately as Ian and I had and then face the possibility of losing that; I could completely understand his desolation.
We continued at his pace to the house. Once inside, Ian tended to the fire. I took off my coat and sat on the edge of the bed.
"I can put on something special if you like."
"Honestly, Babe, I just want to hold you, kiss you, and talk about us."
"That's different."
"I want to make things right with you."
He came over and sat next to me on the bed. He brushed the hair away from my face and stared at me. "I love you so much." He put his hand under my chin and tilted his head to kiss me. This kiss was slow and steamy. I could tell he was staying in control.
"Mmmm," I hummed.
"You like that?' he whispered.
"I like all your kisses. You take my breath away."
"Good to know." He smiled. "Lay down with me." We lay on the bed facing each other. He held my hand and kissed each of my fingers.
"Ian?"
"Yes?"
"I want to have a baby."
"You will."
"No, I mean, after seeing little Jesse, I want to get pregnant right away."
He let out a big sigh.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. I just think that you and I need time to love each other and for me to prove to you that I can get past the jealousy thing before we have a baby. Your eighteenth birthday is only three and a half months away. I think we should stick with the original plan. Stay on birth control till your eighteenth birthday."
"Are you sure?"
"You will make a fantastic mother but we need to have a secure relationship first."
That night we never had sex. We just loved each other.
We decided we would leave with the others for the caverns. Our plans to stay for Christmas were scrapped. Ian didn't argue. It was a difficult decision but Ian and I felt it was the best decision. We were leaving the next day because Mel and Jared felt comfortable to travel with the baby now. It had warmed up enough for the snow to melt. Ice would drive the van and Burns would drive the truck and return to the mountain after a few days. Sunny decided to leave the car here since there wasn't any room at the garage by the caverns because we already had a sedan parked there.
That evening as we all sat in the dining hall eating our dinner; Nate came over to our table.
"Hi."
"Hi."
He looked at Ian warily and then spoke. "Wanda, I wanted to give you this a long time ago…..but, things didn't go my way. So, I decided I would give it to you for Christmas. Since you are not going to be here, I thought I'd give it to you now."
He hand me a long small gift wrapped box.
"Nate, you shouldn't have."
"Go ahead, open it."
"Now?"
"Please," he implored.
I looked at Ian. He was silent and he looked uncomfortable. He nodded to me to open it.
I tore the wrapping off the box and opened it. I gasped when I saw it. It was a watch but not just any watch. It was a Bvlgari Alveare. "Oh, Nate! This is too much!" My voice cracked as I spoke.
"When I saw it, I knew it was meant for you."
"I can't take this."
"I can't take it back. Please, it was purchased especially for you."
"Oh. Nate. Thank you!" I hugged him with a true heart felt hug. He held me tightly. "I'll treasure it always."
Nate could see that Ian was taken aback by the sudden burst of emotion. "Well, it's not like it's a house or anything."
I took the watch out of the box and slipped it onto my wrist. I had butterflies. "It's beautiful."
"Like you." I hugged him again. "I'll miss the both of you while you are gone. It's going to be a long cold winter."
"You have Victoria," Ian remarked.
"For now. She and Blake get closer every day. It's only a matter of time before…" he trailed off.
"I thought you didn't love her," I said barely above a whisper.
"I don't. It's just nice having someone when you really need it."
Ian decided to speak up now. "Well, when we get back I'll be putting you right back to work."
"I know you will. You, sir, are a workaholic." Nate smiled at Ian. "Maybe in the spring, we should start up a construction company. You, me, and Burns. We could call it 'Three Guys Construction'."
Ian laughed. "Sounds like a plan."
That night I cried when I hugged Nate good bye. I promised to call him whenever I was 'out and about' but I would miss him terribly. In the back of the truck Ian questioned me about the watch.
"I don't get it."
"You don't get what?"
"You are a soul. You can go out and pick up a watch any old time you want. Why is this watch such a big deal?"
"Let me explain it to you. Back in your day you would say this watch was very expensive because you would have paid a lot of money for it."
"I've never even heard of 'Bvlgari'," Ian said sarcastically.
"Have you heard of Cartier?"
"Yeah."
"How much would a Cartier cost in your day?"
"I don't know, ten…twenty thousand dollars. Only the rich and famous owned them"
"Okay, this watch is comparable to that."
"Still, you're a soul."
"Okay, we don't pay for things but remember how you said we were like a cast system?"
"Yeah."
"Well, the general public can go out and purchase most things, but there are certain items that are available only to the hierarchy. Like the engagement ring you gave me and this watch."
"So, then how did Nate get it?"
"Burns is a seeker. Seekers are higher in the cast system than say a teacher like what I was when I first came here. He can get some of the better things but only so much. Nate obviously knows the system. He picked out top of the line merchandise."
"So, the ring I gave you is expensive?"
"Ian, are you kidding me? This is a one carat diamond and the sapphires are a half carat each. The wedding ring insert has close to a carat worth of diamonds in total weight. You have very good taste for a low maintenance kind of guy."
"So, Burns can get good stuff?"
"We call it privileged. You have to identify yourself and be found in the system to get these 'privileged' items."
"Wait a minute. How did you get the Jimmy Choos?"
"I told them who I was."
"Wait, what?" He was confused.
"I told him I was Pet, daughter of Ember Hollister. My father has the power to get many privileged items."
"How did they know you were telling the truth?"
"Well, besides the fact that souls are known to be truthful, they scanned my face."
"Whoa, you are seventeen! They must be looking all over for you. How did you know you wouldn't be caught?"
Mel looked up. "You're seventeen?"
"Shhhh!" Ian hissed. "Answer me, Wanderer."
"I'm sorry. It was a moment of weakness. They didn't find me. I only did it the one time. I always use an alias."
"Oh my god! I could have lost you over Jimmy Choos?"
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I promise."
He pulled me into his arms. "You're killing me. You know that?"
"It's a really nice watch."
"Yes, it is."
Mel interjected once more. "You're seventeen?"
Everyone on the back of the truck was staring at us.
"I'm almost eighteen," I said meekly.
"And she's still my wife," Ian said boldly. "And I'll love her when she's a hundred and seventeen."
No one dared make a comment. The rest of the trip Ian and I were inseparable.