Hey y'all, yes I am back! I know it's been a terribly long time since I updated, for that I'm sorry. I hope this chappie isn't too much of a disappointment, it's been a long time since I worked on this story so be gentle with me while I'm struggling to get this story back on track. As always your reviews are welcome! Hope y'all enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the POTO characters, however all characterizations in this story are mine.

Christina sat at the table stroking the velvety pedals of the blood-red roses; her tears had stopped long ago. She could only hope Erik would hear her out.

Early the next morning, mercifully it was a Saturday Chris hurried to shower and dress before speeding over to Erik's house. Stephan admitted her but told her that Erik had gone out the previous night and hadn't returned. Those words chilled her to the core!

"If it's okay, I'll wait for him here"

Stephan nodded before withdrawing from the music room. She felt better being in Erik's house, she sunk into one of the overstuffed chairs in front of the fireplace. Even though there was no fire it was still comforting. She leaned back and inhaled, leather and Erik's cologne…

There was a book sitting on the table next to the chair, the title was in French and with her meager comprehension of the language she couldn't make it out. She didn't know how long she sat there until Stephan woke her for lunch. She was shocked to see it was past noon! She must have fallen asleep. As she was nibbling at the sandwich she heard the door open and someone storm in…. Erik.

She threw down the forgotten morsel and hurried out and saw the last glimpse of him before he disappeared up the stairs. Throwing caution to the wind she was quick to follow him. She stopped outside the door he'd gone into, hesitant to barge in but knowing he wouldn't willingly admit her. Her decision made she turned the knob and walked in.

His suite…

The room was magnificently appointed with dark mahogany furniture, a bed that looked sinfully comfortable, a huge desk sat before the long windows, two nightstands on either side of the bed. An armoire stood along the wall next to her. Dark blue carpeting and bedding made the room seem even more somber. She saw his clothes on the floor and heard the shower running.

This was the moment of choice for her, she could retreat and never speak to Erik again or…she could face his anger and hurt head on and beg his forgiveness.

It was hardly a choice, steeling herself she sat down on the bed and waited…

Erik came out of the bathroom, a robe wrapped around his body and a towel hanging around his neck. At first he dismissed the other person in the room as one of the maids, until he caught the lingering scent of Vanilla and roses…a scent that was so uniquely Christina. He paused mid-stride and leveled an icy glare at her.

She stood up, wringing her hands nervously. "Erik"

"" he replied coolly.

Another step.

"Erik I-" but she didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry"

"For what? You did nothing wrong my dear" the term of endearment normally would have made her heart beat a little faster any other day, but now it sounded empty…cold.

"But I did Erik" she closed her eyes and took a breath; she wouldn't get anywhere unless she told him the truth and spoke from her heart. She opened her eyes to look into his, he may be trying to keep up his cold façade but she could see the infinite pain and fear in his eyes.

"I didn't follow my heart or my instincts. Nick works with me, for the past few weeks we've hung out"

"Gone on dates" Erik supplied harshly.

"Sometimes yes, other times it was just hanging out with a friend"

"You always kiss your friends as such?"

He wasn't going to make this easy.

"He kissed me Erik, I didn't kiss him!" she retorted. Wonderful, very adult and mature. "Erik I went out on a few dates with Nick, yes. But that's all it was, a few dates"

"Perhaps that's how you saw it, however that is not how he took it."

"I don't give a damn how he took it!" she spat back before reining in her temper. It wouldn't do any good to get him pissed off…more than he already was. "He may be in it for different reasons, I was just looking for someone to hang out with"

He laughed harshly, a laugh that was devoid of any humor "Because you are such a social reject" he spit out.

Now he was becoming unreasonable and Christina could feel her temper flaring. Her lack of sleep the night before wouldn't help matters either.

"Because I was upset!" she shouted suddenly "Because the person I wanted to be with is a damned coward and wouldn't ask me out to dinner! Because I was hurt that you wouldn't make a move of any kind!"

She wished she could take the words back as soon as she said them, she saw the anger flash in his eyes and his fists clench. He stalked over to her, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her "Coward! How dare you!" he yelled.

"I am what I am because of people like you who pretend to know what it's like to be alone, to be different but you don't have a clue what it's like to live as I have" he bellowed, shaking her. She knew she'd have bruises on her arms from his grip but she wasn't about to back down. If she did she would lose him forever.

She opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off "I secluded myself away from the world because people couldn't accept me for who I was, they wanted me to change because of my face! They ridiculed and feared me because of it! I thought you were different! You almost had me fooled!" he seethed, not relinquishing his grip on her arms. "You really should go to Hollywood, an actress of your caliber would certainly win an Oscar" he spat.

With that he threw her to the floor, ignoring her whimper of pain as she landed painfully on her injured leg.

Ignoring the burn in her leg she jumped to her feet and grabbed Erik's hands and pulled him back to her.

"I am different Erik, I've been trying to tell you for months now that I'm attracted to you but you cut me off at every turn. You throw your face and history back in my face even though you won't tell me much about it. I've tried to make you see that I want to be with you but you won't let me in," she said.

Holding his hands she could feel him fighting to remain in control of himself, his hands…entire body was shaking with anger.

"So you fall into bed with the first pretty boy that comes your way, I'm touched"

Chris lost control of her own temper.

"How dare you! I haven't been involved with anyone since Rodney! How dare you insinuate that I'm a loose woman! The closest Nick came to anything was a kiss!" she shouted at him angrily.

Erik refused to speak to her; she dropped his hands irritably "Fine! If that's how you wanted it to be than live with your damned misery. I hope it feels good!" she yelled, tears falling onto her cheeks. "All I wanted was the chance to love you Erik. I do love you! But if you won't let me in, if you won't trust me then it's your loss." She thought she saw something flicker in his eyes but it disappeared quickly.

"Let your pride and misery keep you company at night Erik, cause I'm done. A person can only take so much" she'd long since run out of righteous anger, instead she sounded tired. Tired of pining after a man who obviously didn't want her, tired of loving a specter. It was time to move on. But damnit did it hurt.

Erik watched her anger leave, replaced instead by sadness. She turned and took a step but paused mid-stride "I haven't loved anyone since Rod. When he died I didn't think I'd ever be able to love like that again. Until I met you" her eyes met his "You made me feel again, after I'd been numb for so long. I thought you were different. I thought you were worthy of my love" she ended softly.

She turned back around and started her slow journey out of his room and life.

Erik felt as though he'd been hit I thought you were worthy of my love she'd said. Nothing had ever hurt as much as that one sentence did. He'd been so hurt when he saw that boy kiss her, he drove around all night. By the time he returned home his heart was numb, he couldn't feel anything. Now he felt everything. He couldn't lose her! He'd almost lost her too many times; he couldn't bear losing her now that he knew she loved him. He ran into his closet and hurriedly pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and flew down the stairs. He caught up with her at the bottom of the stairs; it nearly killed him to see her limping so obviously…from when she landed on it oddly…when he'd thrown her to the floor.

He leapt down the last 2 stairs and grabbed her hand "Christina, wait" he pleaded. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

He tipped her face up to his "I love you too Christina, please-" he stopped, his own tears threatening to fall "Please don't leave me" he begged.

He saw her lip tremble as she fought for control "Erik I-" she couldn't continue because Erik had captured her lips in a kiss.

At first she was so surprised she didn't respond, but her shock only lasted few seconds. Her arms wound themselves around his neck, his hands found her waist and pulled her to him as he deepened the kiss.

After a few minutes…or hours, she couldn't be sure they came up for air. Chris looking up at him in shock, and Erik watching her for any sign of displeasure. "Forgive me please, don't leave," he whispered.

Chris let her hands fall from his neck to his hands "I won't leave, but" she put up a warning finger "We still have a lot to work out"

He nodded "Of course"

She melted against him, resting her head on his chest listening to his heart beating wildly. His arms came up around her and she felt the lightest kiss on the top of her head. This was where she belonged…in his arms.

After a few long moments, almost an eternity to her, Chris pulled herself away from him and looked up into his eyes, the eyes that had haunted her for so long., their green depths pleaded with her though for what she didn't know. After a long breath Chris gave him a hesitant smile "We need to talk"

Nodding his head in agreement Erik took her hand and led her upstairs to the room he had just ran from, settling them in front of the fireplace on the leather love seat he angled his body towards her, waiting for her to begin, almost afraid to believe that the last 15 minutes had actually happened. As happy as he was that she still loved him, despite his many flaws he could see the wall she'd erected around herself, steeling her heart from further abuse and harm. He hated to be the reason behind it; he knew she wasn't a simpering ninny that would throw herself into his arms once she declared her love for him. His angel was strong and even headed…she would look at every little detail, analyze everything then make her decision. All he could do was wait…

Christina ran a hand through her hair, mussing the curls slightly. With a sigh she looked up at him, things would never be easy with Erik…that much she was certain of, she just hoped he would be strong enough to fight 'with' her and not 'against' her.

"Erik, I never meant to hurt you by going out with Nicholas. I had assumed you hadn't wanted me" she gave him a helpless shrug as she struggled to find the words to explain her actions. "I cared for you for so long…I think I might have fallen a little in love with you that evening in the hospital" she admitted softly, with a blush creeping onto her cheeks when she realized she was repeating herself…this time it didn't sound quite so desperate though. "But you were so closed off from me, you refused to speak with me once I found out about your past and after you returned from Afghanistan I thought..." her thoughts trailed off for a moment "When Nadir told me how you reacted to me being shot and how you demanded he ensure my comfort once I returned state-side I thought that when you got back we could perhaps move beyond friendship".

Chris paused and licked her lips nervously "Then when you finally did come home, you kept yourself distant from me and I thought I could be satisfied with your friendship, but it was a lie" she took his hand and gave him an unsure smile "I wanted more than that, you've been far more than a friend to me for some time. I was hurt when you didn't make a move, then I felt like an idiot for even thinking you could want more with me"

At Erik's snort Chris tore her gave from their entwined hands to his face and saw the disbelief in his eyes.

"Christina there hasn't been a day in nearly 3 years that I haven't thought of you, wanted you. I wanted you to be able to live a normal life, not hiding away in a house with a monster"

Her grip on his hand tightened and her eyes flared in anger "Stop that! Stop calling yourself a monster! Not ONCE have I ever thought you were a –" she stopped, her face crumpling in disgust at the term, almost unable to speak it "monster" she radiated irritation as she fumbled for the right words.

After a long few moments her expression softened "You are not a monster, you are a 'man' who has been devastated by some cruel blows handed out by a unforgiving mistress." She inched closer to him on the love seat "I understand how afraid you are to let someone in, Erik I know. Losing people that you adore is one of the hardest things to experience. But I know how that feels, when I found out Rod had died I didn't think I'd ever be able to love someone again, but then I met you and" she gave him a helpless shrug "And I found the walls around my heart crumbling. 'You' gave me my life back and 'you' taught me how to love again Erik."

Erik sat in stunned silence, not daring to look in her eyes because he knew his own were filling with tears. He nearly jumped when he felt her soft hand caressed his cheek. "Chris" he said roughly, clearing his throat "I…I'm sorry for being such a dolt. No one has shown any interest in me since..." his eyes looked off over her shoulder and she knew he was lost in he past. Chris allowed him his time of reflection, patiently waiting for him to return to her.

"Alexis was…she was incredible and I didn't think I could ever love anyone as I loved her." He saw her eyes drop to her lap; with a gentle finger he lifted her chin so she was looking at his face again "Until I met you Christina. When I'm with you I forget about the fire that tore my life and face away from me, with you…I feel whole again. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to realize all this and I'm sorry I've been such an ass about everything"

Christina laughed; a sound Erik knew he would never get tired of hearing. He pulled her into his arms, situating her on his lap; her head fell to his shoulder and a hand rested on his chest.

"What about ?" he asked hesitantly.

"He's a friend and colleague, nothing more Erik. I haven't wanted anyone but you"

His lips dusted her forehead but she felt his arms tighten around her body just a little bit. He felt her form melt against his and he knew he would never feel anything as sweet as her trusting weight leaning against him. "So what now?" he queried.

"I don't know, I didn't get past the mind numbing fear of thinking you didn't want me"

"I will always want you. But for now…dinner?"

Chris looked out the windows and saw the light had faded away and darkness was almost upon them, she hadn't realized they had been talking for so long. "Dinner sounds great"

Erik settled her on the loveseat again and stood up and stretched his long limbs making Christina's mouth go dry. Her eyes firmly on his butt as he walked to the wall mounted intercom and told the chef to prepare dinner for two she waited patiently for him to return to her. Feeling much better now that their feelings were out in the open she was able to stand up and hobble over to him.

When he saw her limp, guilt stabbed through him as he recalled pushing her away, causing her to fall. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't mean to hurt you"

At her questioning look he explained about the pushing and her now noticeable limp. She waved the concern away with a smile. Stephan appeared in the doorway to announce that dinner was on the table, waiting.