I don't own The Lord of the Rings, or the song Be Our Guest. The first belongs to Joss Whedon. The second to Howard Ashman (I believe). This particular update features new material that has never been on TtH.
Join Our Quest
Gandalf the Grey:
Join our quest,
Join our quest,
Put your mettle to the test.
We came here to hire a burglar
But are not very impressed...
Invited me
Just for tea,
But our number is thirteen.
Thorin Oakenshield's the leader
Of the ones raiding your larder…
You hear tales
Of our plans,
Now it's really in your hands.
Are you going to join us for this epic quest?
Far o'er the mountains old
Into the caverns cold...
Please join our quest,
Join our quest,
Join our quest!
Thorin II Oakenshield:
You are late.
Now be swift.
Just forget your handkerchiefs.
We have got no for niceties,
Now do you catch my drift?
Yes the trolls
Were not fun,
But they turn to stone in sun
Then we raid their hidden stashes,
And find gold and weapons caches.
I get Orcrist,
You get Sting,
And old Gandalf gets Glamdring,
So stop acting like you're dangerously stressed!
We're off to get all soused,
At the Last Homely House.
We'll be their guest,
Elrond's guest,
On our quest!
Gollum:
Be our guest!
Be our guest!
Come and chat with us, Precious.
After gobbling down a goblin,
We expect you're delicious.
We tell riddles,
in the dark.
After so long, it's a lark.
Is it hands, or knife, or locket?
What's it got inside its pockets?
It's a cheat!
Game's a wreck!
We will wring Baggins' neck!
Now we just have to retrieve our Precious!
We search out high and low,
For our Precious, you know...
Where's Precious? Where's Precious?
My Precious!
Thorin II: Oakenshield:
Join our quest,
Join our quest,
To our mountainous fortress.
I'm sure that the mighty dragon
Won't be much beyond a pest.
Has a hollow
In its breast,
So aim arrows at its chest.
Smaug set fire unto Laketown
Til a bowman shot him down.
Dragon's dead!
Treasure's won!
But now everyone wants some
We'll show these vultures dwarf defiance at its best!
Bilbo Baggins:
I think we're going to die.
Look, eagles in the sky!
What a quest!
What a quest!
I need a rest!
I hope you all enjoyed.
Jasper