Chapter 5. Doubts ~Aya~

„I just can't believe we have to get up in two hours again. I'm so tired!" Misaki threw herself on the bed.

„Well, that's maybe what it means to be an idol, right?" Kaori said and I agreed silently. No complains. Kaori and I sweared that before we sent our audition video.

„Yes, yes you're right" Yawned Misaki as she turned herself on the other side.

„Misaki you block my bed. You sleep on top, right?" Minami came out of the bathroom and threw herself on Misaki giggling and fighting. The two of them had met today and were already good friends, that was really great. Suddenly I noticed it. My phone was missing. At first I got panic. Where did I leave it? In the cantine? Probably.

„Girls? I've to run back to the cantine. I forgot my phone." I tried to didn't show my panic.

„Oh really, I hope you find it. Shall come with you?" Kaori said with a worried look.

„No, no you three should go to sleep I am back here in 5 minutes." I forced a smile, and rushed out of the door into the cantine to the table where we sat together with Yui and Umi, but there was no phone. Under the table was no phone. I felt tears in my throat. My phone was the only connection I had with a not many but important friends back home and there were so many photos with my family. I couldn't have lost it. After 2 minutes of searching I already knew it wasn't here but I just couldn't stop looking for it.

„What are you making for a face there? Shouldn't you be happy to be here?"

Sayaka came through the door towards me. She was also a member when I saw that concert and I always found her great.

„Well, yes- I- err- It's just.."
Sayaka laughed. „I'm sorry did I startle you?"

„No, it's okay" I smiled. I still couldn't believe that she was one of the staff members now too.

„So, won't you tell me what's up with you?"

„It's just…I lost my phone here and I wanted to look for it, but it isn't her." I swallowed down her tears.

„I know…" Sayaka got something out of her pocket. My phone. What?!

„You found it?"
„Yes, obviously…"She smiled."I waited for you here since I don't have any more work for today. And I wanted to see how long you look for it, but now I think you should get some sleep. I really didn't expect you to look 10 minutes for a phone when you have only 2 houres of sleep before the final auditions."
Panic streamed through my body. Maybe I shouldn't have looked for it that long, now Sayaka thinks I don't care about the auditions but only about my phone.

„But you really didn't give up. Mmm, you seem like the type who would practice almost the whole night and does't care about the sleep." She had a dreamy expression and I really didn't understand anything anymore.
„Well, that's all just speculations, here take your phone and hurry to sleep."

I could only make a sound that sounded like „Thanks" and then I rushed out of th cantine.

I didn't really understand what happened and maybe that was allright.

It was my first day at AKB and already such strange things had happened. It was like at every corner waited a new surprise. Well, it DID wait at every corner a new surprise.

One corridor left I saw Yuka coming towards me. Not just in my direction. She was REALLY coming towards me.

„Sooo, you're Aya, right?"
„Yes…" I wanted to ask why she knew that but I decided not to..."
„Listen, you broke my boyfriends heart." So this was Kotarous girlfriend which was entering AKB48 auditions. I was stupid… why din't I notice… she looked like Yuuka, her name was Yuka, Kotarou loved Yuka… It seemed he loved only girls because of their similarity to that Yuuka…. Yuka continued:
„Well, it's not as if he cares about you anymore, but I won't forgive you that."
„Yeah, how terrible" I said it more sarcastic than I wanted but how could that sound not sarcastic.

„Yes, it IS terrible…at least for you. I mean you see, I look a lot like you but I'm prettier and I'm sure I'm better at dancing and singing.
„I'm not so sure abo-"

„Don't interrupt me. What I want to say is. We both are similar but there's only one place for our type, right? And this will be me. I won't lose to you."

„I'm not so sure about this…"

„If you aren't sure about anything, you should better quit now. I know about you're father. You being in AKB48 wouldn't be right, right?"
With that words she went in her room whose door was right behind them and slammed the door.

I was used to being bullied. But Yuka was right. I couldn't deny what my father was and could I have fans that know about my father? And would I even be accepted as a member with that family? Maybe they would think I'm a spy and fire me or keep me forever as a cleaning stafff to prevent me from telling everything I saw here my father.

Maybe that wouldn't happen, honestly I couldn't really imagine this, but the fear of losing fans who find out about my family would always stay.

Should I quit?

Or should I stay?

It woldn't be wrong to quit, right?

With a heavy heart I opened the door to my room, where Minami sat on her bad with a worried look on her face. Kaori and Misaki weren't there.

„Wha-"

She couldn't finish her question because two arms were wrapped aggressively around her.

„Aya, where were you, Kaori and Misaki are looking for you, we were so worried you said you were back in 5 minutes and what if something happened to you.

„What should happen to me here?" I smiled but with tears in my eyes. I was really moved how worried they were.

„Well, I don't know…later I decided that you maybe got lost and it wasn't that terrible, but at first we couldn't really think. We just woke up and saw that you weren't still not here.

„Wait, I mail Kaori and MIsaki that they can come back. By the way, did you find your phone?"

I decided not to tell them about Sayaka and Yuka. Both were things I had to handle on my own.

„Yes, it was on the table, but you were right, I really got lost…it's big here, right?"

Soon Kaori and Misaki came back and we layed down in our beds.

I couldn't hold the question back any longer.

„Do you really think I should be an idol?"
„Why not?" Misaki lifted her head a bit and looked to me. Her hair fell into her eyes and she looked kind of creepy. I would have laughed if I weren't that worried.

„Do you think you aren't good enough?" Minami raised her head too.

„No, that's not it."
„Aya, don't worry!" Kaori said
„But what if the find out?"
Kaori and Misaki made an understanding sound.

„What is the secret thing nobody should find out that I don't know?" Minami was confused.

I sighed.

„Oh, you don't have to tell me if it's to personal."
„My father is the president of the entertainment ban at Lancaster"

„Oh… but I don't think that's a problem"
„Like I said, don't worry, you're the idol not your father. I bet there are many girls with fathers working at the government…"
„But he'sthe president…"
Misaki threw herself on in a lying position again: „That doesn't really matter. If it's your dream everyone will understand. I mean the people who make entertainment and the people who love entertainment are sharing the same heart, right? And with that meaningful words, I, Aomiya Misaki, … will sleep, good night." I had to smile about my three great friends and slid into my last one hour of sleep.