Yay! I updated! Me good girl, me get treat? lol
Welcome to the next chap for Daddy Dearest ;) Let the fun begin huh?
Disclaimer: I own nothing
He sat there in silence, letting the shadows fall upon his face as the sun finally slipped under the horizon.
"You really expect us to believe that?"
"All I can tell you is the truth," he said flatly, his voice deprived of any telling emotions.
Why were they keeping him here?
When Lloyd had ran off he had gone to leave, to distance himself, he knew he no longer had any place there, he was no longer welcome. So why then had they stopped him? He had gone to leave, like they wanted, but they had cut him off. Raine headed them, her eyes narrowed dangerously. 'Explain. You owe it to him. He deserves to know why.' Yes, he did, he realized…and should he return to Cruxis now, what would happen? What would he tell Yggdrasill? What would Yuan relay of this? He did owe Lloyd the truth, but he hadn't seen Lloyd since he'd ran off. Genis and Colette had gone with him, they hadn't returned, surely they would be consoling him then…
"How did you change your form like that?" the half-elven woman demanded.
"I told you, I don't know. Everything I know about the situation I have relayed to you."
"You 'explained' what happened and your relationship to Lloyd, from that it's not that hard to understand why it is you…went along with this, but it still doesn't-"
"Doesn't make any sense?" he said quietly. "No, it doesn't. It was foolishness, from the very beginning I knew that. I was not responsible for my transformation, but it is true that I went along with the deception."
Slowly a smirk spread on his lips, a crooked, bitter little expression, a laugh that sounded more like a sigh of despair cracking through him.
"Pathetic, is it not? Yuan was right about that, I suppose." He said, getting to his feet. "There is nothing more to discuss. I have no desire to fight with you, I'll be on my way-"
"No you won't."
The voice was low, and so chilling for a second he didn't recognize it. Kratos looked up, looking to the speaker, just then realizing it was in fact his son.
Lloyd had arrived at some point, Genis and Colette fidgeting behind him. The teen's eyes were narrowed in an uncharacteristically terrifying glare, his one hand gripping the hilt of his right sword tightly.
"You aren't going, not until I talk to you," he said flatly.
It only took him a second to realize that his son's hand was shaking, violently, but it was clear to him it wasn't through rage. It was pain, the pain he had caused, that much was clear.
"…Very well," he said simply.
There was no point in arguing, he did owe it to him, he deserved it. He deserved every hurtful word, every rejection, everything that his son wanted to deal him, he deserved it.
He followed Lloyd away from his companions, speaking not a word, waiting for his son to confront him. The teen didn't turn to him, he didn't even speak for a good long while. Finally the dual swordsman let out a deep breath, turning to face him.
"Why?"
Kratos frowned a bit. He had expected that of course, but he had expected-
"If you really are my father, then why? Why did you do this, why did you betray us to Cruxis, why didn't you tell me during the journey, why did you trick me again and then tell me you were my father but- why did you go back to Cruxis to begin with? When Mom died, why did you-"
"Perhaps I should start at the beginning," Kratos said quietly, more of a comment than an actual suggestion.
Lloyd fidgeted, frowning; he glanced at his father and then nodded.
"…Very well-"
"No. All right, I changed my mind, I want you to- to just answer what I ask," Lloyd said, frowning more. "I just have too many things to ask right now."
Kratos remained silent, but nodded again, waiting for his son to speak.
"Was any of that real?"
The Seraph blinked, looking at his son, whose brown eyes lifted to his.
"Was any of it real? The stories about- about Mom, about where I was born, about what I'd do when I was little- about your childhood, was any of that real? Or were those just a bunch of lies to make me trust you?"
Kratos flinched slightly at the harsh sting to his son's voice, but made no comment on it.
"They were not lies," he said flatly, his eyes misted. "Everything I've told you since I joined you at Dirk's house was true. You were born in Izoold, Anna was how I described, and my father was a military man-..granted he was a general, not a militiaman, but other than that everything I told you was true."
"Except your name and who you were, of course?" Lloyd hissed, crossing his arms over his chest.
Kratos averted his eyes.
"Yes."
There was another moment of tense silence in which Lloyd tried to think of what next to say, and Kratos resigned himself to waiting to answer whatever he was asked.
"How did-…how did you – look like that? Yuan said you were human, like you weren't even an angel anymore, and then you just changed back like that. How? And if you could change like that why did you do it just a few weeks ago? Why did you pretend you were someone else-?"
"Why did I pretend I was someone else?" Kratos smirked bitterly. "Had I come to you, as I look, as you know me, and told you I was your father, there is no way you would have believed me to begin with."
"I-" Lloyd's face heated up, his fists clenched. "How did you do that, though? How did you-"
"As I explained to your companions and stated to Yuan, I don't know, if it was my doing at all I did not do it intentionally," Kratos said, frowning. "I did not make myself become like that, nor did I make myself…revert. I don't know what brought it about, or what made it undo itself."
Judging by the look on Lloyd's face, his obviously wasn't convinced. Thus Kratos began to recount his tale from the beginning, from when he had visited Anna's grave, and woken up as a middle-aged human. He told Lloyd how Dirk had found him, how he'd tried to dismiss himself and how Dirk had realized who he was to Lloyd. He told him about the conversation he had, and how he attempted to leave and discover how the change had happened to him only to lose his nerve when Lloyd showed up himself. He told him how he kept telling himself that he should leave, then justifying it to himself by making himself believe it was what Anna would want, that he could 'atone', that he could be a father Lloyd 'deserved'.
Lloyd remained oddly silent, listening to him, though he had yet to look at him again. Kratos fell silent as his last words trailed off, unsure what more to say, or if he should say anything more at all. The Seraph frowned after a moment and then turned, his head lowered.
"I shall leave now, then-"
"Leave?" Lloyd snapped suddenly. "Why the hell are you leaving?"
Kratos twitched just slightly in surprise, turning to look back at his son, whom was glaring death at him.
"Why- you want me to, do you not?" he frowned.
Lloyd scowled.
"When did I say that?" he snapped.
Kratos stared back at him.
"But- you hate me, don't you?"
"I'm mad at you! Of course I'm mad at you! You lied to me, you betrayed us, you- you've done so much, I can't believe you!" he snapped. "So yeah, I'm pissed! I want to punch you in the face, but- ..but I don't…hate you."
His father hesitated, unsure how to react to that statement. He was spared the process of deciding when Lloyd continued.
"I don't really understand why you went back to Cruxis after Mom died, I don't really understand why you betrayed us, but-…but with all that's happened I don't hate you." The teen looked away. "I was…happy. I was happy when you were traveling with us and you were…my dad, I was happy when you trained me, I was happy when you told me stories about mom, I was happy when you talked about yourself and even when you were teaching me math. I-…you know what? Do what you want. I don't care. If I'm not that important to you then go right ahead."
For a while neither of them moved. Kratos felt glued to the spot, unable to walk forward but unable to bring himself to walk away. Lloyd merely looked at him, looked at him with Anna's eyes, watching him. Perhaps they would have continued like that for hours, had it not finally grown too dark for either of them- well, for Lloyd to see Kratos' face.
"…It's getting dark," Kratos finally spoke. "You should get back to the village with your friends."
Lloyd didn't respond, his eyes averted to the side. Kratos frowned, hesitating a moment before walking forward. Lloyd made no indication he noticed, and the Seraph had made his way in front of him before he knew it. The teen didn't move at all, not dismissing or acknowledging him. For another moment the Seraph warred with himself on what to do, then slowly lift his hand and placed it gingerly on Lloyd's shoulder.
"Lloyd…"
Lloyd closed his eyes, his fingers curling at his sides.
"Your voice was the same the entire time," he said flatly. "I was too stupid to-…you know, in the dark like this I almost can't really tell the difference."
Before Kratos could respond Lloyd shrugged his shoulder out of the man's grip, turning his back on him.
"I'm going back to the others, if you want to come, fine, but if you don't-…then just don't bother showing up to me again. Got it? I don't want to see you ever again if all you're going to do is mess with me."
With that he simply walked off.
Kratos didn't follow him.
Lloyd sat with his head against the window pane, staring out quietly into the dark night. He hadn't said a word to any of them since they gotten back to Colette's house. It was too dark to make the trek through the woods to his house to ask Dirk about Colette's crystal, so they would have to make the trip in the morning. It was his fault. If they had just gone earlier, if he just left it alone, they could have gone right there and figured out what to do for Colette, he could've just gone off without finding out. He smirked bitterly, staring unseeing out into the dark street. Sure, could've gone on believing that sweet little lie. No one had approached him; Genis had tried earlier but Raine had stopped him. Since then he'd just sat there, lost in his own thoughts.
The bastard didn't even follow him.
His fingers curled subconsciously, a frown slipping into his face. Well, what had he expected? If he could only allow himself to be his father- hell, if he could only allow himself to be around him if he was using a ruse, why the hell would he be able to come as he was?
Still, on some level, he had…kind of hoped that maybe…
He felt oddly numb, oddly unfeeling, oddly…accepting, of it all. He wanted to feel mad, he wanted to feel upset, he wanted to feel hurt or betrayed or- something. Yet he couldn't really feel anything; that was probably the most frustrating thing of all. He wanted to yell or even cry, but he couldn't do either.
The more and more he thought about it, the more he concluded that he was stupid. Stupid for never seeing the connections, stupid for never putting the pieces together. Even before 'Richard', he had been stupid not to realize the mercenary had been…different, with him. Still- still! It was obvious the idiot cared, so why the hell was he staying away? Even on the Regeneration Journey, he had looked out for him, taught him, even saved his sorry ass several times. He had scolded him every time of course, but looking back now it was so obviously the scolding of a concerned parent-…Yes, it was, wasn't it?
He had snapped at him at the pact with Sylph the same way he'd snapped at him during the seal breaking at Thoda, harsh, but with the same underlying concern. So-
There was a knock at the door.
For a moment Lloyd just stared at it from across the living room, half unsure he heard it. Genis, Regal and Zelos, who were sprawled sleeping around the room didn't stir at all, deep asleep. How long had he been sitting here? Had it been that long already-?
Another knock.
Slowly Lloyd got to his feet, his eyes not leaving the door. He maneuvered his way quietly around his companions before reaching the door, finding himself unable to do little more than stare at it. His hand found the handle after a moment; he took a deep breath, opening the door.
Kratos looked down at him, the spikes of his hair casting shadows from the lamplight of the dark village.
Lloyd slammed the door on him.
The teen turned and nearly went back to his seat before halting, his hands clenching and unclenching.
"Dammit…" he muttered, turning back to the door and opening it. "What do you want?"
Kratos frowned a bit, but cut Lloyd off before the boy could snap at him again. The angel had slipped the chain of his locket off from around his neck and was holding it out to Lloyd, who stared at it.
"You can tear out my picture if you wish, but I want you to have the picture of your mother…" he said, shifting uncomfortably. "I-…you should have it. I know you made it quite clear you never wanted to see me again, but I felt I should at least give you this before I go."
"You're an idiot," Lloyd said before he even thought, glaring at the man.
Kratos blinked.
"…You can sleep in Phaidra's rocking chair," he said sharply, turning back inside. "Not that you need to sleep, I know that, but you're old and old people like rocking chairs, right?"
"Pardon?" Kratos said, soundly strangely bemused.
"I'm tired," Lloyd muttered. "I'm grumpy when I'm tired, so just come in so I can go to sleep."
He walked in and promptly set himself on his make-shift bedding, his back toward Kratos and the open door. For a moment he lay there, listening, when after what felt like eons he heard the Seraph step in and close the door behind him. Lloyd released a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, the rest of his body relaxing along with it. He listened to the man's steady footprints and the light groan of one of the chairs as Kratos settled into it, a sudden rush of nostalgia seizing him. He had been scarcely two, fallen asleep on the sofa when his father had come home and sat down. He would talk in quiet murmurs with his mother, while he listened, half-asleep. It would go quiet for a while and eventually his father would pick him up and set him into his bed…
"Good night, Dad," Lloyd half muttered, his voice muffled partially by his pillow.
A moment of silence.
"Good night…Lloyden," came the quiet response.
"What the hell does that even mean anyway?" he found himself asking, speaking up a little more. "That's a weird nickname."
He wasn't sure what he was expecting, a soft chuckle wasn't it.
"It's an…archaic, suffix I suppose," he said. "When I was young, adding 'en' to someone's name was basically the equivalent of calling them 'little'…my mother used to call me 'Kratosen', namely, 'little Kratos'."
"…Just how old are you anyway?" Lloyd frowned, his eyes opening just a bit. "You're an angel, so…well I know you're at least forty-something, but you're an angel, so you could be a lot older, right?"
Kratos remained silent.
"I'm going to make you tell me," Lloyd said sharply. "You've lied about enough stuff, I-"
"No, you're right," Kratos interrupted, his voice soft. "I will…hold no more secrets from you. Tomorrow, if you like, I shall tell you how old I am."
"Why can't you just tell me now?" Lloyd sat up, scanning the man.
Kratos looked oddly wise as he smiled at him, settled down in Frank's chair, his sword resting at the side. The smile was faint but warm, an odd little glint in his eyes, like an old man that was amused by something a youngster had said to him. It unnerved Lloyd a bit, it made him look tired, old a bit even.
"If I told you tonight it would probably end up with you staying up the rest of the night, you said yourself that you are tired, you should rest now, while it's still dark."
Lloyd frowned, scanning the man a moment more before turning back to lay on his 'bed'.
"Fine," he muttered. "Tomorrow then, you'll tell me. You'll tell me that, and you'll tell me what you know about what's happening to Colette."
"…Very well."
Lloyd shifted a bit, closing his eyes while he situated himself more comfortably on the bed.
"One other thing."
"Hm?"
"I'm not 'little' anymore, so don't call me 'Lloyden'," he half mumbled.
Another soft chuckle met his ears right before his exhaustion claimed him and he fell into deep slumber. So he didn't hear when the man responded with 'Good night, Lloyden'.
…Yay I updated! Lol. So yeah….fluff is up the what. Of course, things aren't going to be all happy rainbow bunnies. The group still has to adjust to this and just because Lloyd's given old Kratos another chance doesn't mean things are going to be perfectly smooth between the two of them either ;)
Just enjoy the fluff for now, more glorious tension is on the way.
Review?