Slow, dark tones play (Forbidden's theme music)...
Previously on Forbidden...
A mug of coffee sat cooling by double o'nine's arm as his brush flicked across the page. "Grand Prize Valued at 30,000 Galleons" headlined a stencil of the Daily Profit. By its side was a sketch of a scroll containing a detailed image of Hogwarts' crest, the final detail of which had just been laid with the brush.
And now on Forbidden...
Operation: Replace Idiots:
Mission: The Battle for Competency
Deception Phase
"This has just come in for you. It seems some of your fan..." Snape's lip curled back, "mail was held in reserve for you until the term ended. Since the school is temporarily closed the letters have been released for your perusal."
Lockhart beamed. He practically bounced. Snape imagined a three year old struggling not to bounce out of their chair when it came time to open birthday presents.
"Why Severus, thank you for delivering these! Whatever can I do to repay you for bringing these to my office?"
Snape sarcastically replied, "If I could have but one hair from your golden flocks."
To his apparent shock the other man reached up and tugged out a few hairs, "Here Severus. Have three!" Severus sneered, but snatched the hairs from the man's hand then turned and left the office.
009 smirked as he headed back down the stairs. It took so little to strum some guitars. Then he grimaced. Writing a few hundred 'fan' letters to the ponce while pretending to be love struck admirers didn't even rate close to strumming a guitar, more like attempting to play every instrument in an orchestra simultaneously. One of the letters scripted by 009 floated into his mind.
Hi Handsome,
You were so amazing in Year With the Yeti. I imagine you are still chilled from spending so long in the cold. If you ever need to be warmed up you are always welcome to drop by. My address is 376 Robinson Ln. Birchwood Downs.
Hoping to see you soon!
Alexi Haverston
Snape shivered in disgust. But it had gotten him what he needed, some of Lockhart's hair and time to pretend to be him as the peacock would be ensconced in his office pouring over fan mail for the next many hours. Snape made his way to the outer edge of the apparition wards, 009 placed the hairs in the vial and 'Lockhart' apparated away to the Daily Prophet.
"Good afternoon Madame," 'Lockhart' grinned at the woman behind the desk. "I must speak with Rita. I have a once in a life time story for her."
The next morning the following article was splashed across the front page of the Daily Prophet along with a giant picture of a grinning Lockhart.
Grand Prize Valued at 30,000 Galleons!
Lockhart Challenges the General Public to a Competition!
All adult witches and wizards are invited to compete in a Defense Against the Dark Arts Competition this Saturday at Flagrate Field. Contestants will need to arrive by 10:00 AM to complete the registration paper work. Only 50 applicants will be allowed to compete. If you wish to participate please sign your name on the space provided. You will be notified by owl if you have been approved as an applicant.
The following morning...
Snape entered the Great Hall to find an overflowing pile of mail at his usual seat. Snape opened one of the letters and turned crimson.
Dear Voyager,
I would gladly sail away with you. Could we perhaps...
It seemed there had been a flaw in his plan. Since none of the 'people' that sent fan mail to Lockhart really existed the clever owls had delivered Lockhart's responses to the actual author of the letters.
Snape pointed his wand at the pile just as a snowy owl swooped low and added another to the mound. S.S. snagged the envelope and then proceeded to incideo the rest.
"Wasn't that Potter's owl?" McGonagall looked questioningly at Snape. "Why would Potter be writing to you? And what is with all the letters this morning?"
"I put Potter on restriction just prior to the students leaving. As part of his punishment he is to keep me informed of his activities. The rest of the letters were mistakenly delivered."
McGonagall rolled her eyes. "Why won't you leave that poor boy alone?"
"If left to his own devises he finds ways to risk his life every five minutes. It's like he has a goal to see how many dangerous situations he can survive."
McGonagall sighed, "Are you really going to claim there was no logic behind you receiving more than one hundred letters this morning."
Snape glared at her, "It was a mistake that has been corrected. I believe I've lost my appetite." Snape turned and glided out of the room.
Back in his quarters he opened Potter's missive. The third in a week. Could the boy not count? He had clearly stated that he was to report in once a week.
Dear S.S.,
I can swim across the pool! I've learned the breast stroke, the back stroke and even how to swim underwater! They had us practice diving today! I'm not very good at it yet. I haven't swum on my own, only during class time. But the Y has full time lifeguards so that should mean I can swim anytime, right?
I scored an 87 on bowling today, which is a huge improvement from the first time I played and only scored a 43. The other kids I'm playing with though are much better. They always seem to score over 100. I may practice on my own tomorrow to try to improve, but it just isn't as much fun playing on your own, you know?
We learned how to redirect a punch and throw a person to the ground in Judo today. I can't wait to try it out on Dudley!
I have no new expenses to report. What day do I receive my allowance on? I'm not sure when to add the new money to the ledger.
Any news on Hermione?
Regards,
Mr. Fuss
S.S. read the letter then composed a response.
A few hours later Harry sat in his room reading the letter that had been delivered.
Dear Mr. Fuss,
Until you learn to dive properly you are not allowed in the deep end other than during class time. You may swim in the shallow end if a lifeguard is on duty.
You may want to focus on keeping your wrist straight before releasing the ball.
Your cousin punches you? Is he currently residing at the Dursley's?
You may add your allowance money to the ledger each Friday morning.
The mandrake roots are still several days from being ready.
Regards,
S.S.
Harry had a warm glow as he read the letter over. Snape cared that his cousin punches him! He really wanted to play in the deep end. But even more so he wanted this feeling of having someone who cared if the choices he made were safe choices to make. Harry crafted his reply as he finished the last of his chicken soup and ham sandwich from Edesia's and the banana he had obtained from the house elves. Spending time at the Y had really increased his appetite.
Dear S.S.,
Dudley is boarding at Smeltings. He won't be back until summer vacation.
Thanks for the advice on the bowling, I'll try it tomorrow. I'll let you know when I am a proficient diver.
Sincerely,
Mr. Fuss
Expense Ledger
No new expenses.
Savings 14£
Meanwhile...
009 cast spells upon himself altering his appearance. It was simpler for metamorphmagus to do such things, but still possible for the skilled witch or wizard.
With a flick of his wand his eyes turned blue. Another flick and his hair shortened and lightened in color. A few more modifications were made to his height and facial structure, then Hermes DeMetis was ready to go out and collect some vital signatures.
DeMetis knocked on the door of Deputy Headmistress McGonagall.
McGonagall got up from her desk and opened the door. "May I help you?"
"I am Hermes DeMetis with Magical Games and Sports. I am here for your signature. A professor at this school is to participate in a Dark Arts competition this Saturday. As his employer you are required to sign various forms in regards to the contest."
"Well, come in then. I saw the article this morning. Nothing more than a publicity stunt if you ask me." McGonagall began to mutter, "That man would likely run in terror if he came upon a puffskein. Maybe one of the duelers will take him out and we'll be well shot of him." Louder she spoke, "Let me see the paper work."
McGonagall began to peruse the paper work, but her eyes soon became weary of the many pages of fine print. She finally gave up reading the tiny print and just began signing on each provided line. She then imprinted the Hogwarts Seal on the final page.
"There you are, Mr. DeMetis was it?"
"Thank you. I will be on my way." With that, 009 left the office.
His next stop was Lockhart's office. Hermes knocked. He waited, then knocked again. When no response came he opened the door slightly and peered in.
Lockhart was beaming at his photograph on the front cover of the Daily Prophet. Snape wondered how long the man had been frozen in his glazed over stupor.
"Ahem." Hermes entered the room. "That is quite a competition you started."
"Competition? What competition?" Gilderoy continued to gaze fondly at his photo. This was sure to generate another bag of fan mail and increase book sales.
"For this Saturday. You are supposed to be there signing autographs."
"I am?!" the man who had entered finally had Gilderoy's attention. Lockhart grinned brightly, the glare practically bounced off his teeth. Probably, he found a charm to make his teeth do that. "I must prepare. Ah, here is my box of photos," Gilderoy stated as he pulled a large box from a drawer to his left. "I wonder if Flourish and Blotts would be willing to setup a display to sell books?"
009 continued, "I am here to collect your signature, verifying your participation."
"Hhhmm?" responded Lockhart as he shifted through his photos, looking at each lovingly.
"Your autograph. I require your autograph."
"Autograph? Yes of course dear sir. Would you like it on one of these? This is one of my best shots. It shows me in front of the Palace. Well, of course this one of me by the Forbidden Forest is quite good too."
"On here will suffice," stated Hermes DeMetis.
Lockhart signed the document, hardly giving it a glance, even when his signature flashed on the legally binding contract.
"Good day Mr. Lockhart and good luck with the competition."
009 turned and exited the office. As he left he heard Lockhart mumble, "Competition? What competition?"
Background Information
Hermes is the Greek god of boundaries, travel, communication, trade, thievery, trickery, language, writing, diplomacy, athletics, and animal husbandry.
Metis is the titan of good counsel, advice, planning, cunning, craftiness, and wisdom and is the mother of Athena, the god of war.
DeMetis implies that this is a descendant of Metis.
Disclosure: I own nothing.